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the bluelight preconception, pregnancy and parenting l337ness thread

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Samadhi said:
Touch wood i've not needed surgery for around 5 years (the last lot was in early November 06 - i've had 4 surgeries all up).

I'm so happy to hear that it didn't take you long to conceive! It's one of the reasons why i'm being so careful now to give my body the best chance of health for potentially carrying a baby - we also know that we're actively trying to conceive so i don't want to drink or anything just in case i do fall pregnant.
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I just had the one surgery, in 2009, for a tumour I had, and when they got in there they found everything all stuck together with adhesions. I had always just thought I had bad period pain lol. Quite a shock when I woke up and they said, "Um, we took the tumour out but you have really severe endometriosis and if you want kids you'd better start trying soon because it won't be easy"!

I did some reading about nutrition and endo, especially a book by Dian Shepperson Mills called "Endometriosis: a key to healing through nutrition". I still think the title sounds a bit wacky but the things she talked about really helped me get my symptoms under control. Two big things were cutting wheat and caffeine out of my diet. Allegedly that can increase your chances of falling pregnant too, but since it happened so quickly for us I'll never know if it was because of the diet or just because it was always going to happen that way. It sounds like your endo is under control anyway, but if it does flare up again I would recommend having a read of the book.

By the way there is a side effect of cutting out caffeine - if I now have a small iced coffee or something, I feel like I'm on speed all day lol - zero tolerance left! :!
 
lacey k said:
the pain is like nothing you ever felt. the contraction pain aint like cramps (i know endometriosis aint cramps but im referrin to the area of the pain and the type.) its hard to explain but it aint like period pains, it aint centered in that area. even tho it is the uterus contracting, its much more general not hjust confined to one spot. and thats at the beginning. it dont feel nothing like a cramp as far as type of pain. no experience of any type of pain can really prepare you for labor.

by the time you get 8-10cm before you start pushing, it aint like no pain you ever knew in this world. it seems to be in your whole body, its really impossible to describe. i aint had endo. but i have had ovarian cysts burst which was excruciating, and i aint tryin to claim to know how somethin i dont have feels but i can still say verrry certainly that childbirth pain aint gonna be like endometriosis or any other pain that exists.

also, "pain tolerance" really aint got nothing to do with it. no pain tolerance no matter how high is enough to just not be bothered by the pain. i am a pussy when it comes to pain--years of heroin abuse gave me a super high sensitivity for pain from bein so used to bein opiated all the time. but i did it.

it ain nothing to do with your pain threshold and everything to do with your determination and internal strength. you gotta be mad strong to to keep turning down the epidural when they keep shovin it in your face over and over 45 times an hour, while you are in the worst pain you ever felt. it takes determination to get thru it and not just say fuck it and get numbed up. you gotta be stubborn and have incredible willpower. a high pain threshold will get you to about 5 cm. dialated--or to the first iv of pitocin, and youre toast after that unless you got it decided solidly in your mind to do it naturally.


like i said before.....i STRONGLY encourage every woman havin a baby to at least TRY and see how far they can make it first before automatically just deciding on the epidural before you even give it a shot. dont give up before you even begin. the pain cant ecen begin to compare to nothin in this world but its worth it. its amazing. and once your baby is here youll be awake, aware, with it, truly present in the moment and really be able to appreciate it in a way that you just cant if you get medicated. the rushm the incredible ''high'' fom all that pain suddenly just bein OVER like *that* is the best thing i ever felt. absolutely fuckin sublime. straight up heavenly. dont miss out...
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This gave me goosebumps lacey - thanks so much for the information <3
 
Conscious21 said:
I just had the one surgery, in 2009, for a tumour I had, and when they got in there they found everything all stuck together with adhesions. I had always just thought I had bad period pain lol. Quite a shock when I woke up and they said, "Um, we took the tumour out but you have really severe endometriosis and if you want kids you'd better start trying soon because it won't be easy"!

I did some reading about nutrition and endo, especially a book by Dian Shepperson Mills called "Endometriosis: a key to healing through nutrition". I still think the title sounds a bit wacky but the things she talked about really helped me get my symptoms under control. Two big things were cutting wheat and caffeine out of my diet. Allegedly that can increase your chances of falling pregnant too, but since it happened so quickly for us I'll never know if it was because of the diet or just because it was always going to happen that way. It sounds like your endo is under control anyway, but if it does flare up again I would recommend having a read of the book.

By the way there is a side effect of cutting out caffeine - if I now have a small iced coffee or something, I feel like I'm on speed all day lol - zero tolerance left! :!
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Thank you for the recommendation! I'll definitely look up that book, as i'm always looking for ways to help keep the condition at bay that doesn't require drugs. I've been so over-medicated over the years with various hormonal treatments until my mum and I kicked up a stink when i was about 18. The condition is now under control, but i'm very aware each month of how painful my period pains are, and whether they stay within my realms of primary dysmenhorrea.
 
lacey k said:
I aint sure if you joking or not, but this kinda attitude is part of the reason that western, but American in particular, women are so overmedicated during childbirth. \
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Whoa there - you have completely missed the meaning of my post (and I apologise if I seemed almost dismissive of the pain included with childbirth).

When you think that the majority of the threads on this site are about drugs/ the effects I was simply playing with the terms 'Nod' (painkillers) and childbirth. Anyone can go and buy a tens machine at any time - not everyone can have morphine injected into them in a controlled and legal manor. In the UK women can have several shots (usually pethadine/demerol) before they are offered an epidural - which is viewed as the last resort (before a C section).

I never mentioned epidurals as I know the problems that can happen due to them - not only physical but also emotional as the mother often misses the feelings of giving birth so the natural maturnal instincts dont kick in.

I will also say that for all the women who have thought about natural childbirth they should also think about when something goes wrong. Painkillers will not only reduce your pain but can slow down the heart rate etc of your baby.

IF your strong enough to endure hours and hours of pain before you dilate enough to start having your baby then good for you - if however your not then I say go for the drugs, enjoy the calming effects that they can bring (nod-[which you 'will' enjoy or they wouldnt give you it]), wait until your body is ready for you to give birth and enjoy the experience.
 
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in the us, its extremely rare to give anything but an epidural. you dont get iv's of morphine and shit like that unless you are one of the small % that gets iv narcotix, but these days you get demerol (meperidine , pethidine in the ukl/aus) if you get anything. which you most likely wont.

the drs are mad against iv opiates here cuz it goes right to the baby and slows the breathing, etc. epi's are seen as the "safe" pain relief. (lol at safe.) anyways, so, thats where i was comin from. it might be that way in the uk, but here, there aint no nodding goin on, just spinal anasthesia which is way different than a narcotic iv, obviously. you dont get "good" drugs during labor in the us if you are in the overwhelming majority of women here.
 
lacey k said:
in the us, its extremely rare to give anything but an epidural. you dont get iv's of morphine and shit like that unless you are one of the small % that gets iv narcotix, but these days you get demerol (meperidine , pethidine in the ukl/aus) if you get anything. which you most likely wont.

the drs are mad against iv opiates here cuz it goes right to the baby and slows the breathing, etc. epi's are seen as the "safe" pain relief. (lol at safe.) anyways, so, thats where i was comin from. it might be that way in the uk, but here, there aint no nodding goin on, just spinal anasthesia which is way different than a narcotic iv, obviously. you dont get "good" drugs during labor in the us if you are in the overwhelming majority of women here.
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Wow - all I can suggest is fly to the UK to give birth then! You can have a few shots of (normally) pethadrine (demarol) and then 'maybe' morphine if your in labour too long or the pain is too bad. As per my previous post though - the problems with these IV painkillers is that they slow the heart rate of your unborn baby down so they are not risk free.

You can start these IV drugs pretty early on in your labour (if your feeling uncomfortable) so it is possible to 'enjoy' the effects of the drugs.

Epidurals are (in the UK) seen as the last resort and are frowned upon by a lot of people as they almost remove the mother from the birth (and are deemed to cause bonding problems).

I wasnt trying to be a dick in my earlier post :)

Bear
 
Childbirth without meds is SO worth it! Being THERE when your baby is born, and an active and present participant, rather than a docile patient, letting the doctors do everything...the sense of accomplishment is just tremendous!
Being put under for a ceasarian took all that away. Like I ran this whole marathon, but some doc took over right at the end and crossed the finish line. And the rush you get afterwards is like all the best stims you've ever done, but clean, not toxic. Like a runner's high X 1000!! Yeah, it hurts. So what? Life sometimes hurts. But as someone who has been on both extremes, I guarantee that the benefits of birthing naturally so far outweigh the pain, it's not even comparable. I like drugs as much as the next BLer, in their place, but in childbirth, drugs are a big fat cheat. I'd encourage every woman to not be cheated out of her birthing experience if there is any way under Heaven to preserve it. If you do choose drugs or surgery, I don't think it makes you a bad mother, but I know for sure that you'll be missing out.

I found a midwife who will attend my VBAC, and I'm stoked! Baby will be born at a very homey little birthing suite, and she knows my definition of "natural birth", and assures me that she will not interfere with the process unless it becomes medically neccessary. Pretty much everything I was hoping for!

28 and a half weeks, and everything is smoothing out. Still have heartburn some, but not every day. My skin is even finally clearing up. Yay! But most remarkable is that I just seem to be in a great mood about everything. Even on yucky tummy days. Just constant happyhappyjoyjoy, like some perky cheerleader named "Mitsy". Hope I can ride this for the next 3 months or so :):)
 
I'm going to shamelessly plug the Wordpress weblog again and ask if anyone else has any awesome pregnancy sites they frequent =)

So far I've been going to Baby Ga-Ga the most. It took a few seconds to register and every time you log in, it shows exactly how far along you are and what's happening with the pregnancy at that very moment in time. It also shows photos of what the baby looks like at that point as well as what other women look like. There are great forums for all kinds of things and they link you to a forum where women with the same/similar due dates post (which is pretty neat because you get a lot of support as well as being able to share what you're experiencing). It also has a sort of Facebook kind of aspect as you can edit a profile, add photos, update a little weblog, "friend" other moms, etc. which is a wonderful tool for someone like me who's trying to build a sort of "mommy network" as this is my first baby and I have A LOT to learn! Lastly, this site has a ton of wonderful articles, many of which are quite humorous to read (which is refreshing because sometimes it feels like pregnancy is SUCH SRS BZNESS).
 
I see nothing wrong with choosing an epidural for pain relief.

Women who choose to deliver their child without medical intervention are no more a mother than those who choose an epidural, C-section, etc.

Speak with your doctor, educate yourself about your options and choose what's best for you.
 
My friend and her newborn are staying with us at the moment. It really makes me happy to have a glowing new Mom and happy, healthy baby around. They co-sleep so she can breastfeed in the middle of the night, and it is very clear when the baby is hungry. I hope they stay with us awhile so I can learn a bit more about motherhood and babyhood. The baby is a boy and yes, very peaced out. He rarely cries. So far my instincts while watching him/holding him have been on point. I guess there IS something to a woman's intuition. He's a great little dude. He even wears a friendship bracelet. :D My friend has changed all of my ideas about single motherhood. It can be done with a strong support network. Being part of hers is a privilege. :)

Glad you found that midwife and that your pregnancy is going well, Voxmystic! Sonogram pics, please. :)

UNH, I bookmarked your blog :) You may or may not stop puking. Ask your OB-GYN if Phenergan/promethazine is safe during pregnancy. It stops my nausea from panic disorder immediately.

Agreed with all who have said doing it without drugs or caeseareans (sp?) when possible is ideal. I'd like to be present in the moment and not drugged out of my gourd. If the pain is really as bad I'll scream for morphine. They would likely give it to me to shut me up (and uncle is an anasthesiologist). ;)

Question unrelated to my present "cluckiness" (a term I don't consider pejorative) for the experienced parents out there. Another friend has a 9 year old son who swallowed a nickel yesterday or the day before (wtf, he's 9!). He's going to the doctor in a couple hours, but what besides X-rays to make sure it isn't stuck and can poop it out are they going to do? Little nipper needs to learn a lesson! My friend isn't a deadbeat and the mom is a psychologist (they share custody) but WTF is a 9 year old doing swallowing nickels?

Lacey, quality post as always <3
 
Lacey, that's an awesome quote!!

Re websites, I've been having a bit of a look at an Australian site, www.bubhub.com.au. It also has "due date" groups so you can follow other people at the same stage, but mainly at the moment I'm enjoying reading the birth stories of people who've recently had their babies. I'm in awe of what our bodies can do!
 
poopie said:
I see nothing wrong with choosing an epidural for pain relief.

Women who choose to deliver their child without medical intervention are no more a mother than those who choose an epidural, C-section, etc.

Speak with your doctor, educate yourself about your options and choose what's best for you.
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I don't think women who chose meds are lesser mothers or lesser women. But I come from the somewhat unique perspective of having given birth surgically under general anethesia, vaginally with meds and interventions and someone else taking my baby away and giving her first bath, putting on her first diaper, and stealing my Important Moments, and at home in a rustic Alaskan cabin with just me, the father, and the baby, and no medical attendance whatsoever. The unassisted birth was the best by such a long range, it's like comparing whether I'd rather eat ice cream or dog shit. It was the single most beautiful, amazing, profound, magical experience of my life. A Defining Event.

I think a lot of American women are cruelly duped out of their Event by the greed and arrogance of the medical community, and their cronies, the insurance underwriters. Not bad mothers or bad women, but they're being lied to by people they should be able to trust, and it
should damn well be criminal.

Sure, talk to your doctor, but remember that s/he has an angle, and don't just blindly trust whatever they say. Do your own research.
 
You should never "choose" to have your baby via c-section
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You also shouldn't go around telling people what they should and should not do, think, or feel. You also shouldn't make women going through such severe hormonal changes feel bad or guilty for what they do, think, or feel.
 
LoveAlways said:
You also shouldn't go around telling people what they should and should not do, think, or feel. You also shouldn't make women going through such severe hormonal changes feel bad or guilty for what they do, think, or feel.
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^QFT

Surely we can agree that most women, no matter how their babies are born, are making what they believe is the best decision for their baby at the time on the information they have in front of them.

Yes, maybe in some cases or many cases their medical professionals are overly cautious and recommend interventions that would not have turned out to be necessary if they'd waited a little longer. But women decide to follow that advice because they believe it's best for their baby at the time - not just because they're "too posh to push" or something.

Lacey and Vox, I'm so glad you both got to experience the natural birth you always wanted. I hope to do the same, and I am trying to choose the birth setting where that is most likely to happen for me while still letting me be close enough to the hospital in case there is an emergency and my baby needs help. That little life is the most precious thing in the world to me, and its safety is an even higher priority than my desire to birth it in a certain way.
 
I don't think women who chose meds are lesser mothers or lesser women. But I come from the somewhat unique perspective of having given birth surgically under general anethesia, vaginally with meds and interventions and someone else taking my baby away and giving her first bath, putting on her first diaper, and stealing my Important Moments, and at home in a rustic Alaskan cabin with just me, the father, and the baby, and no medical attendance whatsoever. The unassisted birth was the best by such a long range, it's like comparing whether I'd rather eat ice cream or dog shit. It was the single most beautiful, amazing, profound, magical experience of my life. A Defining Event.
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I think that's wonderful that you were able to have experienced various ways of giving birth, but I wouldn't say that is unique. In fact most women with multiples have given birth a different way each time. Not everyone is fond of going all natural. During my 1st pregnancy most of the mothers I spoke with encouraged taking an epidural over going natural. Even my mom told me that the intrathecal she had during my birth was "the best thing in the world!" and after she went natural with my brother (9lbs 8 oz) she wished she hadn't listened to everyone that told her natural was better.

But the main thing is that every woman is different. Every body is different. Every pregnancy is different My suggestion to pregnant women is to listen to your own body when the time comes and don't ever feel guilty for the decisions you make <3


So....It might not make you "less of a mother", but to choose a c-section before you even go into labor, not as a result of a situation that makes it medically necessary, but just because thats "how you want to do it", is incredibly ignorant.
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I'm sorry, I dont agree with you here. I think a woman can make an educate decision to have a csect w/o trying to go natural first. My daughter's Home Health Nurse did. I actually really admire her decision, after hearing her story i think she did what was best for her and for her baby despite what other people would think. Her story is just that she was abnormally large for her size (less than 5' tall) and since she is a nurse for children with special needs I'm sure she's heard her fair share of emergency csect stories. She knew from her experience that the likelyhood of her having to have an emergency csect was very high, so she opted to eliminate the emergency part and have a stress free labor for her and her baby. Many of you know the story of my emergency sect which was extremely stressfull (which I felt tiredlessly guilty about, but now realize that i very well could have lost my baby or my own life had I not had that surgical intervention) When I heard her decision I thought how brave she was to not care what other people thought, but rather listen to what her own body was telling her.
 
Amen LoveAlways.

I'm sure if you asked most mothers to be they would say you should choose not to be on methadone Lacy K. I'm not saying what you did was wrong, just pointing out presence of glasshouses and the like.

There is one thing more annoying than know it all medico's and that is a Pregnacy Snob, thinking a natural way to deliver a baby is best. You don't actually deserve a medal just because you pushed through the pain barrier. I'll hand out a medal when your kids are 18 and you have delivered into this world a healthy, well adjusted, educated human who is a welcome member to society. That is of far more concern to me than who suffered the most during child birth. If we were to all do it the "natural way" we shouldn't allow any medical intervention at all. Under weight, premature or addicted babies would be just shunted out the door and the mother allowed to fend for themselves. Let mother nature decide what's best. Just as you should leave your own opinions on abortion to ones self, you should also keep birthing advice to a minimum. The only good birth is when the a baby and mother are both happy.
 
Yeah, LA, I said "somewhat unique", because I'm sure there are other women who have run the birthing gauntlet; I just don't know any of them. The women I know schedule repeat c-sections because the doctors tell them that's their only choice, and they believe it. I was told the same thing, but I didn't believe it, and I was right, and that makes me pretty damn resentful of the doctors that outright lied to me. I know they lie to other women, too, and I think it's mysogynistic and patronizing and highly unethical. Of course I don't blame women for making the choices they make with the information they have. I very much blame western medical practices. The sad fact is that you can't trust your doctor to have your best interests in mind. You can trust them to cover their asses, and get paid, in that order. Your interests come later. You have to do your own homework now, because the information coming from the medical community is at least biased, and at most, flat-out false. Tragically, though, people don't usually realize that until after they've been had.

I realize that every body and every pregnancy is unique. I can only pass on my own experience, cuz that's all I've got.

C21, I hear ya! That's precisely why I went through months of bs and stress to find a midwife and a birthing place close to a hospital just in case, because, in the case of a real emergency, my baby is everything. I'd rather have them gut me like a fish than to lose a child, and that's the vox of experience, too.
 
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