• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

These thoughts change me

Y

youngnwithexp

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 5, 2011
Messages
35
i think drugs have 100% flipped my views on so many things, also a death of a friend has probably added to this.

loosing faith, in the beginning i was a skeptic, a pretty harsh one, one that would admit it at times. now i dont think for both sides, i dont think of it as the one i guess ive believed in in the past. thats the first main one thought change.
(next two paragraphs may be interesting but dont stop if they are not)
the second one is i feel like i can only think of governments as assholes that are there to take money. this kind of goes along with the idea that i hate advertisements and i hate big corporations because they are just there to make money. just the whole idea that the "big people" run shit and we dont do anything about it. there is so much more about that but not right now.

also, i live in the u.s., i believe that so many things are censored and that it is just mind blowing to watch news these days. this makes me hate the government because i think that we instigate shit all the time and it embarrasses me to be american. (Whether these things are true ill never truly believe). Those have made me want to leave and move somewhere far far away. and with that i have the belief that socialism is just perfect, and that it just makes sense, so much more sense than anything else.

a friend has came to me and said that he (and other friends also) think that ive changed and that im not the same. this may relate to small depression that ive gotten in the past year and a half. ---another thing, im not sure to think that everything in my life is alright, with the fact that i think all of these things is with the fact that someone has actually came to me to tell me that ive changed is a sign that i am lost as a person or rather i am in subconscious denial that things are ok,

or shit, maybe everything is ok and i just over think things incredibly to much.

its weird to think that you have changed and been oblivious to it the whole time, while during that time criticizing everything around you...

i feel like i need to write this down over the years, put it together and write a damn book.

and if you cant tell, i spend lots of time thinking. actually, you may not be able to tell. whatever

do you think this stuff is related to drugs, death of a friend, both. i really dont know. sorry if i bored you
 
I found this very interesting mostly because I am the exact same way. I am always over thinking and I get my self depressed when I think about not just the US but the world as a whole. I believe the human race is destroying this planet and I don't want to be around when the shit hits the fan. My theory was has been becoming more realistic with what is happening in japan with the power plants and I can't think of anyway we can end this downward spiral. I think I have always thought like this but drugs just increase these thoughts and make me really depressed sometimes. But it's not the drugs that make me depressed it's the thought that life as a whole is meaningless for everybody because in the end it doesnt matter what you have done in your life
 
I felt like this very strongly about a year ago. It lasted for a few years and during that time I was in a pretty dark depression - it’s debatable whether that was because of my increasing drug use, these types of thoughts about the world and the hopeless I felt in regards to changing it, or whether it was something else.

I eventually got sober and found my depression a lot more manageable once I did. I kind of came to the sort of thinking that all of that shit is irrelevant to my life... I guess that’s not the right words because it’s not irrelevant, it’s just that I can’t possibly do anything about it. It’s not my responsibility to cure world hunger or stop greed or anything like that, and furthermore I just can’t, and if I continue to think about all this horrible stuff with no solution it only gets me down. I just try to be a good person in my day to day life now (not that I was ever trying not to be... it’s just that my drug addiction got in the way a lot of the time). I worry about myself now and because of that I find it’s easier to actually grow in ways I never thought possible (and in ways I probably would have never even wanted in the first place but that have paid off).

I don’t watch the news now and I rarely read up on world events (I used to on a daily basis). I still am anti corporate greed, large parts of the government and inhumane acts everywhere, but I don’t think about it often anymore and I don’t feel a strong urge to try to change these types of things or to flee anymore.

I’ve just found that worrying about my life, myself and those that are directly involved in my life is a lot more beneficial to me. I don’t know if that helped at all... I could just really relate to that kind of thinking. Sounds exactly like me about a year ago and I gotta say it feels pretty good to just be happy now. Maybe ignorance is bliss.
 
My belief is that the majority of people who feel that everything is okay do so by denying the reality around them. It's nearly impossible to feel okay with the way that the world is. There's a lot of inner work involved with coming to accept the disgusting state of things and learning to accept ourselves as we are, that are required in order to have lasting peace of mind. Instead of going through this process the majority seem to sidestep it by seeking superficial comforts and buying into the cultural bullshit that we are fed.

So yeah you're right, the governments suck. Corporations suck. We live in a consumer society that values profit over well-being. That's not being cynical, that's the reality. But society itself isn't the problem, the problem is that we are a sick species and the world we have created is just a reflection of the inner turmoil that we are experiencing.

You really just have to focus on yourself. By working through your own demons you'll be contributing more to the world than protesting and marching in the streets :)
 
i appreciate the three of you and what you said.
aac- i havent came to the fact yet and i think that i will eventually.
legerity- i agree. jw, but are you a follower of a religion?

warmnfuzzy- "But it's not the drugs that make me depressed it's the thought that life as a whole is meaningless for everybody because in the end it doesnt matter what you have done in your life"--- i think that its the thought of myself being meaningless is what does it, i can think and think but i know that it doesnt matter but still i continue on thoughts and that is what creates the depression.

one thing also ive come to notice is that some people just dont process these things ever and its almost sad that they dont, and i think its those people that are the ones that generally sidestep life's bullshit not knowing it by getting sucked into society.
 
I'm not bashing anybodies religion but I am an atheist. I just don't like the thought of one (or more) all powerful beings deciding my fate for the rest of eternity
 
I love laying awake while I am high and just thinking of anything that pops in my head. That is one of my favorite things to do if I am high and by myself
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top