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Permeant deterioration after using too much charge/bath salts

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Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 9, 2010
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Hey guys, I'm at my wit's end. The title says it all. I feel like there are no words to describe how I feel, like nothing will ever be the same again. I'm now going to attempt to try and take responsibly for this and keep trying to feel normal, but I don't know how that will be possible again. I just can't believe this happened to me. I always thought I'd make it through, but now after that one meaningless binge it's all over.

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Let me start out by saying I've never gone through any sort of withdrawl before, so here it goes: I went through half a gram on Thursday night haven't felt like anything but TOTAL SHIT, even while I was really charged out. I'm so tired, but I can't sleep at all, my mind is WIDE awake. I don't know what to do, I'm so paranoid. I thought this would be over by now. The charge is literally coming out of my skin now, which is making my face break out, and I keep picking at it trying to get it all out. I look terrible, I feel miserable, I can't SLEEP.
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That was a few hours ago. I'm feeling significantly better now, but that's not to imply that I don't feel just awful and not normal right now. and to think, it's permanent. I think that's what kills me the most. I just don't know how this happened to me. There was always this "you'll make it through, everything will revert back to normal someday soon/in a day/eventually" mentality... but here I am.
 
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OverDone said:
If you're ok with giving more details, how have you fucked up? 'Permanent' is a pretty definitive word and what damage you have done may seem permanent, but it may not necessarily be so. That being said, meth does have the ability to cause permanent damage but sometimes anxiety exacerbates the reality.

The best bet to keep any damage from getting worse is to stop using everything. That's a huge task to take on though if you are a polydrug user and you may require help to achieve that goal. Are you looking to quit meth completely or do you entertain the fantasy of being able to use on occasion?
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I did half a gram of charge/bath salts Thursday night. I haven't been able to sleep, I'm so paranoid, and my mind won't stop working. I know I'm not functioning correctly. My head hurts and I want to vomit (again). I've never experienced this before and I still can't calm my mind.

I've hit rock bottom on this stuff:
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=461215
 
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Hey I managed to fall asleep for a few hours. I'm still feeling "awake" and so not myself, though I realize in a sense I should be.
I just keep constantly thinking and getting anxious over how terribly I've fucked myself up. I'm here reading everyones's posts and all I think about is the people who say "it's been X number of years now and I'm starting to recover..." and I think: Oh God. Is this what I have to look forward to now? For the rest of my life?

I'm sorry if this is out of place/doesn't make any sense ... I just wanna firmly know and feel like it'll be okay.
 
I don't understand, how long ago was it since you entered this negative state? What makes you think its permanent? Don't you know that beliefs alone have the power to induce any state that drugs can induce? With the aid of hypnosis you can easily return to any state you have ever experienced in your life. In other words you're going to be fine ;) In fact, you're going to be better than fine. Its from these experiences that we learn how to take the control of our brains/minds. If you're sitting in a moving car but don't even know that theres a steering wheel then theres no telling where the car will take you and sooner or later you're bound to crash. If you discover the steering wheel and decide to start using it then the car will take you wherever you direct it ;)

I recommend going to a hypnotherapist and telling him what you want to accomplish. Then when you have attained a new mindset, ask them to teach you some self hypnosis. This will get you started in learning hypnosis and NLP. Its funny how hell can suddenly be transformed into heaven when you realise that its your beliefs that determine where you are. One night I was having a bad dream where I was being mauled by a bear and I suddenly realised it was a dream. Since I knew it was a dream, I knew that it was all created by my own mind and that I was the one controlling it. The bear disappeared and I was left in a dream in which I knew I was dreaming so I could do whatever the hell I wanted. Its only possible to have a bad dream when you don't know you're dreaming because if you know you're dreaming then you know you have direct control over the dream %)

Apply this principle to neurochemistry. The placebo effect is incontrovertible evidence that our beliefs have direct control over our neurochemistry =D
 
cnidocyte said:
I don't understand, how long ago was it since you entered this negative state? What makes you think its permanent? Don't you know that beliefs alone have the power to induce any state that drugs can induce? With the aid of hypnosis you can easily return to any state you have ever experienced in your life. In other words you're going to be fine ;) In fact, you're going to be better than fine. Its from these experiences that we learn how to take the control of our brains/minds. If you're sitting in a moving car but don't even know that theres a steering wheel then theres no telling where the car will take you and sooner or later you're bound to crash. If you discover the steering wheel and decide to start using it then the car will take you wherever you direct it ;)

I recommend going to a hypnotherapist and telling him what you want to accomplish. Then when you have attained a new mindset, ask them to teach you some self hypnosis. This will get you started in learning hypnosis and NLP. Its funny how hell can suddenly be transformed into heaven when you realise that its your beliefs that determine where you are. One night I was having a bad dream where I was being mauled by a bear and I suddenly realised it was a dream. Since I knew it was a dream, I knew that it was all created by my own mind and that I was the one controlling it. The bear disappeared and I was left in a dream in which I knew I was dreaming so I could do whatever the hell I wanted. Its only possible to have a bad dream when you don't know you're dreaming because if you know you're dreaming then you know you have direct control over the dream %)

Apply this principle to neurochemistry. The placebo effect is incontrovertible evidence that our beliefs have direct control over our neurochemistry =D
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Yeah I used to think like that. But this is different... I was feeling almost myself earlier, but now I feel like I'm simply going through the motions of what I do. I'm not myself, I can't feel like I used to. Will this go away? Whenever I try to sleep I start twitching or something.

Should I get help? Tell my parents? I feel so ashamed.
 
I'm a firm believer that we "know" deeply what it is we need to do: go do it!

Secondly, feeling like this could be alleviated with some help.

Also, once you're stable, exercising and laughing, good diet will reset your brain. It just will.

HUGS -- it sounds like anxiety, which is meant to activate us to action - so take it. Get help. keep reaching out. take showers, get to the doc if you need to.

<3
 
You'll be ok. Recovering from a bad drug experience feels like an eternity but you'll come out of this a much stronger person than you were before. If you think you're parents will help you then tell them. Make sure to eat healthy and get some vitamins; it really does help. Chamomile tea is also pretty awesome.
 
Yeh I'll be one to say hypnosis and NLP are worthless for taking people out of a drug induced psychosis state (not saying thats what he has, think its prob just some adrenal fatigue) or even a biologically induced pyschosis. Lets not forget this is 2011 and clinics employ a vast variety of techniques proven much more effective than hypnosis (hypnosis has not even been proven successful to boot) so he'd be in way better hands going to a clinic (mental health clinic/detox) than attempting something like that.

Thoughts DO change brain chemicals but it takes years, consistency, and sure as hell doesn't happen from one session. I've studied NLP for years myself as well as employeed it on people and it has MANY uses for social engineering, seduction, brainwashing, but as far as hypnosis goes thats just bs. Only a very small percent "respond" and I tend to think their "problems" aren't actual problems in the first place.
I got hypnosis done twice once to quit smoking and once for a social phobia and both times proved useless. Afterwards I studied it, even visited a few seminars (that were more for entertaintment sake than educational) and never ever found one single reason to convince me otherwise. Although I still stick by NLP (which is where hypnosis is derived) just that NLP is a lot more tested, repeatable and overall reliable. Hypnosis is just not reliable at all or even appropriate for the type of crisis the OP is facing.
Would be smarter to go with something proven more effective. Like an inpatient clinic or what have you. If you have the chance definitely go, or see how long you can grin and bear.

I for one suffered 3 years of intense side effects from meth related brain damaged, then an additional 5 years afterwards before they went away in totality. The last thing I would have done in that position is go to a hypnotist so he could dangle a watch in front of my face, no offense but eff that.

To the original poster one thing I'll tell you from speed is the "crash" (I know you're not on speed but it should be similar) is one of the most important parts of recovery. Thats why when I was having hallucinations from not sleeping for 6 days straight, I'd enter whats known as meth psychosis and when it initially started, the only way to make it go away was the crash, which was nonstop sleep for 24-36 hours. Your brain needs deep sleep to reset. A few hours are unlikely to do that. You need more than that. But the more you sleep and eat healthy (full 8 hours everynight and lots of proteins) the more your brain takes those proteins at nighttime and tries to reconstruct/heal what damage was done.
Its another reason I turned into a gym rat for 5 years and was in the best shape of my life, yeh, all over a psychosis lol. Would have not got like that otherwise I don't think. So it actually had some positive effects. But I don't use the term "psychosis" lightly. When you use a drug enough to induce it, it will go away in the begining at first, but at some point it also sticks and doesn't go away at all even when you stop. Which is what happened to me. Don't fear it, the brain as remarkable ability to heal from any type of trauma. I have a friend who was hit by a train, yes a train, suffered extensive brain damage, they guy talks, walks, acts and functions completely normal today. He spoke about the experience at my school and is really an intelligent man, can't believe he got hit by a train at full speed and actually survived.

Anyway, vitamins are important like people say but I'd say proteins are even more essential for neurotransmitter development, brain tissue itself, skin, hair, etc - protiens are the most used supplement that your body would benefit from, along with sleep, exercise and vitamins. And of course water. Stay the hell away from caffiene initially you are likely to get hyperstimulated from it or feel anxious.

G/luck and keep is updated. I assure you this very very likely isn't going to last forever, and is likely to go away much sooner than you'd expect. For one you're typing coherent sentences while sober, I for one could not do that for a good 8 months. Yeh I was that fucked up. Let us know how it all goes. Take care - Bo
 
bath salts - what is the chemical? I'm presuming either mephedrone or MDPV.

MDPV has horrific comedowns, but in a few days you feel back to normal. its a terrible drug and after the comedown I got off it I am never going to touch it again.

i seriously doubt a once off experience will have done any lasting damage. it sounds more like you are still dealing with the comedown and its anxiety made worse by the insomnia.

give it a week. if you still feel bad then it may be cause for concern.

just rest and try to relax. have some benzos if you have them handy
 
A lot of people seem to end up with MDPV as their first 'real' stimulant experience, for better or for worse... what they experience is more or less normal for a dopaminergic stimulant, yet it puts them into shock... "My god, this happened, and that happened".

That is stimulants, and what you experienced is probably par for the course. Not that I'd recommend anyone use (or continue) using them, but just so you know. If you use cocaine or methamphetamine heavily, you will experience the same thing -- only more so. If MDPV was terrible for you, you now know what *not to dabble with* in the future. They are simply not for a lot of people.

Peace...
 
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You're paranoid and by the sounds of it on the verge of psychosis. It's nothing to worry about, really. It will go away with sleep, which will come. Try to eat some nice healthy food and get some sleep. Untill then leave your skin alone, etc..
 
you don't know how this happened? I know how it happened... you got high on bath salts lol. why anyone does this is beyond me, but the damage has been done. If you're asking if you will eventually return to normal the obvious answer is that nobody knows. I mean how long have people been using bath salts? Not very. so how would anybody know....? I'd avoid getting high on chemicals that people don't even know about yet... use your brain kid.
 
wow chitown way to be an asshole. people make mistakes. this person is already paying dearly enough for it so you don't need to pour salt in the wound.
 
^ init..

chitown gtfo..

i suppose you test all the drugs you get to make sure they are 100% pure before ingestion..

Theres a bloody good chance that these new legal substances are safer than alot of illegal drugs..

I don't agree with the whole bath salts thing.. if they don't list the ingredients and dosages then don't buy it..
 
he's asking if it is permanent and nobody could possibly know that and he is asking why it happened and I can't think of any other reasoning besides that he took bath salts? if someone doesn't tell people to stop doing this shit than nobody is going to stop. I don't use drugs anymore and when I used to, no, I didn't test my drugs for purity but at the same time I was getting drugs that I at least knew the effects of. it's just plain dangerous to take drugs from 'under the sink' which we don't even know the effects of yet. if he needs to get high that bad shouldn't people be talking him out of this way and going down to the corner to get a bag of coke?

claiming that they may be safer than illegal drugs is just crazy man. I mean come on ecstasy has been around for a long enough time for us to know that it is RELATIVELY safe to use, cocaine and heroin have been around forever. why not pick a drug that we know about? other things that I can think of such as aerosol cans and computer duster are also made by humans NOT for consumption and would you argue that those are safer than some illegal drugs? I hope not.

I mean really I try to help people on here every single day in a polite way, and i apologize for the way I phrased that reply, but when does it become the point where you have to just straight up talk sense into people. More- the damage you've done is almost surely not permanent, especially with only one use/binge, but don't do this shit again.
 
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I think that's what kills me the most. I just don't know how this happened to me. There was always this "you'll make it through, everything will revert back to normal someday soon/in a day/eventually" mentality... but here I am.
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A lot of us have been there, I remember very clearly the feeling of realizing that I had gone past the point of no return, that I would never be the person I was before, that I had invariably altered the course of my life and would never get back to where I was. It brought on a very distinct feeling of loss, almost like I was grieving for a lost loved one, only my grief was for the loss of myself, my ambitions, my relationships, my previous perspective.

There are also a lot of people who have come back from it, and while you'll never be able to undo the things you've done, or forget the things you've been through, you might be able to integrate those experiences into a beneficial whole, and down the road viewing them from the right vantage point realize that you wouldn't be the person you are without them - in a good way.

While it can seem completely hopeless at times, don't give up, there can be light at the end of even the darkest tunnel, all you've got to do is find your way there.
 
well...

thats what happens when you take stimulants.

why is all this so surprising? you are gonna feel like shit for awhile, but you need to give it TIME. you have to 'get back to normal.' you did drugs, it affected your body and mind [cause thats what drugs do...] and now you just have to go through the process every addict goes through. you feel hopeless and in total despair, like its never ever gonna get better, but that's just the drugs talkin. i understand this trust me... this is how it goes, the comedown from stimulants/amphetamines/whatever is horrible and it sucks. ive been through it with coke and lately, methamphetamine.

just keep telling yourself that it WILL BE OKAY. you are just coming down from the drugs you did, but IT WILL PASS. it sucks in the moment, i know...but it gets better. people are telling me if i stop meth right now, it will probably take ONE YEAR for my brain, body, everything to get back to normal...i mean, it takes time, it varies from person to person. it depends on alot of things too. we cant tell you how long it will take for you to feel better. just stop the drugs now. and begin the recovery process.
 
you will be fine, the brain can recover from itself, just don't take anything for a while. And start exercising. u probably just got a very bad come down.
 
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