chitown rollin
Bluelighter
what's up guys.... i've been posting on here for a few months now but stopped because of what I will post below. this is a story of what happened to me in the last few months, I thought i'd share just to let everyone know how serious and scary benzo withdrawal is, because i know that I always took it lightly when people would warn about it... ok here it goes..
so i was up at school and had been taking benzos for about a year consistently, mostly everyday. recently (the past 3 months) , however, i had gotten to the point of taking around 15 mgs a day and ending up taking up to 20 mgs of alprazolam daily, sometimes at once. i decided one day (jan 26) to stop taking them after taking them the night before. felt great on the 26th and figured that the withdrawal was either bullshit or didn't apply to me (how stupid...). the day after that, however, which was a Saturday I began hallucinating. It started when I woke up on sunday and had realized that I hallucinated something on saturday that didn't happen. I called my parents and they assured me that it was impossible what i was telling them. they were worried and told me to check myself into the ER and they proceeded to drive up to school to get me, little did I know they would be taking me home. I went to the hospital knowing that if I told them that i was taking all of these benzos that they would be forced to give me benzos so i wouldn't have a seizure and all that good stuff, so i made up a story that i took benzos before sleep and i thought i had a bad reaction. they pretty much just told me to go home and not take anymore xanax, which i did. i went home with my parents the next day but kept hallucinating on the drive home and they decided to check me into another ER back in my hometown. the doctors performed a drug screen on me but didn't find anything, since i had not taken anything since thursday night and it was now monday, even though i told them that i was taking it before bed. I was so delusional I didn't know what was really going on and they ended up admitting me to a psych ward. i was so out of it that i didn't even know i was in a psych ward and continued to hallucinate in there. I was seeing things that weren't there, hearing voices that weren't there, talking into my pillow telling the doctors i could make phone calls with it (i know , crazy), even thinking i was smoking ciggarettes in there. this whole time i was hallucinating and thinking it was real, until after the hallucinations when i was able to realize that they were NOT real at all and knowing that it was from the xanax withdrawals. the problem was I really did not want them to give me anymore xanax because i know how much i enjoy it and just wanted to be clean from it forever. i was not thinking though that i could die from this. well i woke up on thursday morning with my head being completely sore and my legs and arms were tied down to the bed i was laying on. all of the walls were rubber and this is when i realzied i was in a looney bin. i asked why my head was so sore and they told me that i had been banging my head on the wall for the past hour. i finally gave up and told them that i attempted to stop a benzo habit where i was taking almost 20 mgs every day. they forced me to take a .5 xanax and told me if i didn't i would die. the next part i blacked out for and according to my parents and doctors i woke up 50 hours later after having my liver fail, my heart racing 140 beats a minute while resting and nearly having a heart attack, and having mini strokes. i woke up normal again and have been working to change my life around. i have now been sober for 41 days and feel great. the only thing is how horrible i feel for putting my parents through this. although my mom says she worried much more when i was taking all this xanax because she thought i was eventually going to mix it with the wrong drug and kill myself, i can still only think about how sad they must be and how much i have let them down. i've been debating on whether to write this for a while, but for the sake of harm reduction i thought it was necessary to share this story.
for everyone that uses drugs on this site, please use them responsibly. if you're going to take xanax, PLEASE do not take it every single day. a couple bars a week will NOT get you to this point... but keep in mind that that is where it all started for me. stay safe everybody.
so i was up at school and had been taking benzos for about a year consistently, mostly everyday. recently (the past 3 months) , however, i had gotten to the point of taking around 15 mgs a day and ending up taking up to 20 mgs of alprazolam daily, sometimes at once. i decided one day (jan 26) to stop taking them after taking them the night before. felt great on the 26th and figured that the withdrawal was either bullshit or didn't apply to me (how stupid...). the day after that, however, which was a Saturday I began hallucinating. It started when I woke up on sunday and had realized that I hallucinated something on saturday that didn't happen. I called my parents and they assured me that it was impossible what i was telling them. they were worried and told me to check myself into the ER and they proceeded to drive up to school to get me, little did I know they would be taking me home. I went to the hospital knowing that if I told them that i was taking all of these benzos that they would be forced to give me benzos so i wouldn't have a seizure and all that good stuff, so i made up a story that i took benzos before sleep and i thought i had a bad reaction. they pretty much just told me to go home and not take anymore xanax, which i did. i went home with my parents the next day but kept hallucinating on the drive home and they decided to check me into another ER back in my hometown. the doctors performed a drug screen on me but didn't find anything, since i had not taken anything since thursday night and it was now monday, even though i told them that i was taking it before bed. I was so delusional I didn't know what was really going on and they ended up admitting me to a psych ward. i was so out of it that i didn't even know i was in a psych ward and continued to hallucinate in there. I was seeing things that weren't there, hearing voices that weren't there, talking into my pillow telling the doctors i could make phone calls with it (i know , crazy), even thinking i was smoking ciggarettes in there. this whole time i was hallucinating and thinking it was real, until after the hallucinations when i was able to realize that they were NOT real at all and knowing that it was from the xanax withdrawals. the problem was I really did not want them to give me anymore xanax because i know how much i enjoy it and just wanted to be clean from it forever. i was not thinking though that i could die from this. well i woke up on thursday morning with my head being completely sore and my legs and arms were tied down to the bed i was laying on. all of the walls were rubber and this is when i realzied i was in a looney bin. i asked why my head was so sore and they told me that i had been banging my head on the wall for the past hour. i finally gave up and told them that i attempted to stop a benzo habit where i was taking almost 20 mgs every day. they forced me to take a .5 xanax and told me if i didn't i would die. the next part i blacked out for and according to my parents and doctors i woke up 50 hours later after having my liver fail, my heart racing 140 beats a minute while resting and nearly having a heart attack, and having mini strokes. i woke up normal again and have been working to change my life around. i have now been sober for 41 days and feel great. the only thing is how horrible i feel for putting my parents through this. although my mom says she worried much more when i was taking all this xanax because she thought i was eventually going to mix it with the wrong drug and kill myself, i can still only think about how sad they must be and how much i have let them down. i've been debating on whether to write this for a while, but for the sake of harm reduction i thought it was necessary to share this story.
for everyone that uses drugs on this site, please use them responsibly. if you're going to take xanax, PLEASE do not take it every single day. a couple bars a week will NOT get you to this point... but keep in mind that that is where it all started for me. stay safe everybody.
)
