nothing feels real.

tommy34

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 13, 2010
Messages
313
Nothing feels like its real, this house my life... everything. How do I know it is real. I feel like Im living in a dream. I'm sick of feeling weird. Why can't I just feel normal for one fucking day in ky life. Every day its soothing else, deep depression, anxiety, dream-like state, not feeling anything. If this is what the rest of my life is going to be like, trying to fight my mind. Then fuck it.
 
Nothing feels like its real, this house my life... everything. How do I know it is real. I feel like Im living in a dream. I'm sick of feeling weird. Why can't I just feel normal for one fucking day in ky life. Every day its soothing else, deep depression, anxiety, dream-like state, not feeling anything. If this is what the rest of my life is going to be like, trying to fight my mind. Then fuck it.

Tommy: I've been dealing with this for most of my life. The only thing I can suggest is to try and find other intense experiences which remind you that you are real and embodied. I know that some people find BDSM to help - it provides them with intense sensation in a relatively safe and controlled fashion. You may also want to speak to a psychiatrist: depersonalization and dissociation are recognized conditions and there are pharmacological and other therapeutic ways of dealing with them.

Whatever you decide to do, good luck.
 
Tommy thats a horrible feeling, I went throug something similar years ago...Sometimes get twinges of it still but back then it was like a nightmare, I never thought I'd ever be able to feel normal again!

It does sound very like, what Kenaz above said: Dissociation
Depersonalization.

I myself only thisweek had that awful feeling of being disconnected from everything again, I started to feel Alien, sounds around me started to become really acute and I could feel myself starting to lose it...this always terrifies me; that I will go back to the way I was before...however most of the time things are manageable for me nowadays, I struggle sometimes, as we all do, but it isnt insufferable.


Really hope you get help for yourself Tommy, have you already, or whats the story with regard you <3
 
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I can completely relate op, I had this before going on anxiety meds and now going off, it is even worse... i will do something like shower or walk to the refrigerator and then i find myself suddenly aware of the present and it's like how did i get here, why am i in front of my computer again? What was I just thinking about? Am I alive? Sometimes I will walk in and out of a room several times constantly forgetting what I was meaning to do in there...it's bizarre

My memory is so awful, hopefully time will heal I suppose :/
 
I have the same problem. I feel like I died on one of my overly extensive drug binges and now I'm just living it out until I realize that I've really been dead this whole time. Others tell me that this is not likely lol but I have my doubts. Other than that, I find it hard to distinguish between dreams and reality and sometimes when I'm in public my mind likes to disassociate and I feel like I'm walking with my head in the clouds. I chose to embrace the insanity as I'm pretty sure I'm stuck like this, at least I'm not a normal thinking boring person.

How do you know it's real? What's real anyway? My thoughts and dreams are as real as anything. I know it's real because I keep waking up in this same world and it is cold, concrete and always the same, the insanity is an escape from this realization.
 
Thank you for all your replys. My story goes a little like this... I saw a doc about 6 months ago for depression, told me to see a psychologist an I could never bring myself to call, Im whining i did this to myself sort of bullshit. I saw a doc last week because I wanted a break an was hoping he would give me some benzos. Didn't happen but I think Its a good thing, he actually wants to work with me to get better. Since the. I keep feeling like Im going insane, I feel like Im heading for a breakdown at 20 years old. I need help an quick.
 
great article Asclepius...it's weird that i stumbled upon this thread because i've felt like this for as long as i can remember. the article was really spot on. i'm about your same age tommy34, and i really started noticing it after high school.

i feel really detached from reality. as if i could open my eyes and be in an entirely different life and it would not seem any more strange. i feel that all of my relationships are very one-sided, with the other person caring about me and me not caring if i never see them again. i enjoy other people but the only people i have truly been able to care about are my family.

like you said, nothing seems real, it makes it hard to see things/people/life as important. it doesn't make me anxious, but having such a loose tie with my self makes me prone to severe highs and lows in mood at random. i'm happy but i can honestly say that i wouldn't care if i died. it's not a fear for me since my life seems so pointless and artificial.

i stay pretty positive but it's weird and life seems really long and silly and i don't like the thought there's nothing worth caring about.
 
I used to feel like this when I was younger. Felt like I was going through life just going through the "motions", doing what was expected of me. Before the age of 25 I had no feelings for people other than my family. Its almost as if I don't want to become one of them, or fit that "mold" so I just say screw it. I don't know. I have given up on trying to analyze it.

BTW...........Welcome to TDS cutecute :)
 
I experienced the same thing, and here are a few things that helped me feel more alive.

Swimming. I guess since it is basically done to keep you alive, it just makes sense. Also, the water surrounding your body gives you a different sensation then air, so the different feeling makes you feel more alive. Also the concept of holding your breath, then needing to come up for air, and taking deep breaths may make you feel more alive.

Bicycling. Anything from just cruising, to doing some tricks or jumps if you can. If you have any trails by you, it can be nice too. Since you are traveling, and not in a car, you can smell all the different trees or whatever scent is being given off. If you need a little adrenaline to feel more alive, then do some little jumps. You can use parts of the sidewalk for that if you need, or little dirt hills depending on your geographic area.

Rollerblading. The simple vibrations that your legs feel as you skate over the pavement make you feel like you are there. If you are experienced, skate down a hill, but be careful and wear safety gear. It might sound lame, but I got pretty nasty as skating, and do some downhill skating, and the combo of the adrenaline with the wind in my face really made me feel alive.

All of these options are beneficial to both you physical (considering you are wearing pads or whatever) and mental health. Whatever you choose, just be safe.
 
Nothing feels like its real, this house my life... everything. How do I know it is real. I feel like Im living in a dream. I'm sick of feeling weird. Why can't I just feel normal for one fucking day in ky life. Every day its soothing else, deep depression, anxiety, dream-like state, not feeling anything. If this is what the rest of my life is going to be like, trying to fight my mind. Then fuck it.
What would happen if you stopped fighting? What is it exactly you're fighting against? Could it be you want something to be true that isn't true, or can't be true? Why not let "what is the case" be what is the case?

Peace...
 
i feel really detached from reality. as if i could open my eyes and be in an entirely different life and it would not seem any more strange. i feel that all of my relationships are very one-sided, with the other person caring about me and me not caring if i never see them again. i enjoy other people but the only people i have truly been able to care about are my family.

like you said, nothing seems real, it makes it hard to see things/people/life as important. it doesn't make me anxious, but having such a loose tie with my self makes me prone to severe highs and lows in mood at random. i'm happy but i can honestly say that i wouldn't care if i died. it's not a fear for me since my life seems so pointless and artificial.

i stay pretty positive but it's weird and life seems really long and silly and i don't like the thought there's nothing worth caring about.

wow that was a refreshing explanation. I've been noticing the same types of things in my life, especially the one-sided-ness (oooh, new made up word!) of most--almost all--of my relationships as far as peers are concerned, but i feel the same as you about my family.

it's not an easy thing to go thru tommy, but i'll speak from experience here: be careful because sometimes in the pursuit to find who you were, you'll be chasing a shadow.
 
Tommy, did you indulge in heavy drug use when you were young? Meaning when your mind was in the development stages.
 
Thank you for all your replys. My story goes a little like this... I saw a doc about 6 months ago for depression, told me to see a psychologist an I could never bring myself to call, Im whining i did this to myself sort of bullshit. I saw a doc last week because I wanted a break an was hoping he would give me some benzos. Didn't happen but I think Its a good thing, he actually wants to work with me to get better. Since the. I keep feeling like Im going insane, I feel like Im heading for a breakdown at 20 years old. I need help an quick.

Call the psychologist or go and get some help. Good luck.
 
I use to deal with the exact same thing that lasted years, it has now cleared up a lot but still very much present. I am a daily pot smoker and have been for a while but i believe something else is the true cause. I am pretty sure some of my MDMA experiences have brought this out, it may have been just the MDMA or a few of the nights that i took some nasty pills. Did you have a time span where you were using MDMA or similar chemicals? I know how hard it is to deal with this man, i am the same age 20. It is seriously one of the most painful conditions to go through, i feel for you.
 
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