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The great, big list of THINGS YOU SHOULD NEVER DO...

Never inherit $30,000 while you are an insane opiate addict. It will be gone within 2 months...

Never do enough opiates to make you not shit for three weeks...

Never do coke all day and decide it's a good idea to throw a microwave off the roof of your 4-story apartment building onto a police car...

Never tell your probation officer, who is reading you the riot act about failing several consecutive drug tests, that you hope she gets impregnated by being violently gang raped and then has a chainsaw rammed up her cunt 8 months later...

Never try to drive fighting through the nods while towing a 27' boat and end up falling asleep as your foot slides off the brake pedal and you wake up with the front bumper of your truck on top of a Hyundai...

Never be stuck in a major traffic jam on the hottest day of the year while withdrawing from opiates and end up having to run into a tiny patch of woods off the Cross-Bronx Expressway because diarrhea is about to shoot out of your ass. Don't be indecisive about where the least amount of people will see you and don't end up shitting gobs of chocolate goo onto your own shoes, half-pulled-down pants and underwear as horrified onlookers turn their heads away in disgust... then after that - just pull up your shit stained drawers and deal with that momentary disgustingness instead of tossing them off an overpass WITH THE CAR KEYS STILL IN THE POCKET and have to run a half-mile down a crowded highway exit ramp completely naked from the waist down with shit smeared all over your legs and your cock and balls flapping around in front of hundreds of awestruck motorists and black people in a horrible neighborhood to retrieve them...
 
Never split up with your trippartner while tripping because you are just not feeling it, but suddenly it hits you and you just fall on the floor with people around asking youw hats wrong
 
John_Burrows said:
Never take your last pill (opiate) and then go to the pharmacy for a refill expecting everything to go smoothly (which is what I am about to do).
Click to expand...

Lmao that's what I did today too. Typing this on my phone at the pharmacy. WILL REPORT BACK!
 
Never get so drunk at a bus stop that you pass out right there an wake up hours later only to find out that your wallet, keys, money, and shoes are missing.
 
Winner!

f'n a-hole said:
Never be stuck in a major traffic jam on the hottest day of the year while withdrawing from opiates and end up having to run into a tiny patch of woods off the Cross-Bronx Expressway because diarrhea is about to shoot out of your ass. Don't be indecisive about where the least amount of people will see you and don't end up shitting gobs of chocolate goo onto your own shoes, half-pulled-down pants and underwear as horrified onlookers turn their heads away in disgust... then after that - just pull up your shit stained drawers and deal with that momentary disgustingness instead of tossing them off an overpass WITH THE CAR KEYS STILL IN THE POCKET and have to run a half-mile down a crowded highway exit ramp completely naked from the waist down with shit smeared all over your legs and your cock and balls flapping around in front of hundreds of awestruck motorists and black people in a horrible neighborhood to retrieve them...
Click to expand...

That is the most awesome story of all time because you know it HAS to be true - no one could make up a story like that. Not even Charlie Sheen.

How did it turn out?
 
John_Burrows said:
Winner!

That is the most awesome story of all time because you know it HAS to be true - no one could make up a story like that. Not even Charlie Sheen.

How did it turn out?
Click to expand...

LOL...

Well, the worst part of it was what I wrote. Some people who saw me were hysterically amused, most were shocked/disgusted. No one even came near me or said anything to me, though!! I'm not sure why I took the shitted drawers and tossed them, it was kind of a natural reaction to being so frustrated and humiliated. I think my brain was overloaded... by the time I waddled over to my shit location I completely forgot that I had locked the truck because my cell phone and iPod were in it, and that the keys were in my pocket. Normally I never lock the doors if I'm just running out quick.

I had to go through a toll booth after that, and by the time I had gotten back from retrieving the keys (this is really disgusting haha, I'm sorry) I used the few clean parts of the pants I had to wipe whatever other shit there was off myself as best I could, tossed them out the window once traffic started moving, and wrapped a raincoat around my lower body for the rest of the drive. I was really worried that the cops at the tolls were gonna notice this and pull me off to the side, and then arrest me for driving around with no clothes on... this was in NYC and they're crazy strict about the bridge/tunnel crossings because of terrorists and shit, I've gotten pulled off to the side and had my car searched just for having a lot of stuff in the back before - but luckily, everything was fine and I made it home a couple hours later. Still withdrawing like a motherfucker.

Once I got home, I took another shit, showered (best and longest shower I ever took) and another hour, and several phone calls, later got some Oxy from my asshole dealer who had left me hanging that morning and who I still blame for the whole mess!!
 
never combine uppers and psychs unless youre some sort of speed-god.

never do a giant shot and just hope your body can handle it cuz youre craving a heavy rush

never decide to do more/different drugs after you are already high/drunk out of your mind.

never do psychs while in any kind of WDs

never do 3 grams of fucking amazing shrooms, go to a college party, flip out, and try to drink the fear away. you will end up snapping the pong table in half and have 10 angry frat boys looking like fucking monsters screaming at you. and when you try to explain you cant even speak english
 
Never lie in the bath with the plug in and the shower on full blast while peaking on MDMA crystals because you have the chills. Unless ur girlfriend is there to save you
 
The_Jesus said:
Smoke weed inside a Burger King bathroom.
Smoke salvia in a public park bathroom.
Snort blow on a public bus.
Snort blow inside a walmart bathroom.
Do mephedrone at Epcot.
Do shrooms around your parents.
Do shrooms at work.
Do shrooms at school.

I've done all of these. Learn from my mistakes.
Click to expand...

lol yea u might wanna find better places to do drugs

id add dont throw 13 pocket knifes at your friends when trippin balls on acid
 
f'n a-hole said:
LOL...

Well, the worst part of it was what I wrote. Some people who saw me were hysterically amused, most were shocked/disgusted. No one even came near me or said anything to me, though!! I'm not sure why I took the shitted drawers and tossed them, it was kind of a natural reaction to being so frustrated and humiliated. I think my brain was overloaded... by the time I waddled over to my shit location I completely forgot that I had locked the truck because my cell phone and iPod were in it, and that the keys were in my pocket. Normally I never lock the doors if I'm just running out quick.

I had to go through a toll booth after that, and by the time I had gotten back from retrieving the keys (this is really disgusting haha, I'm sorry) I used the few clean parts of the pants I had to wipe whatever other shit there was off myself as best I could, tossed them out the window once traffic started moving, and wrapped a raincoat around my lower body for the rest of the drive. I was really worried that the cops at the tolls were gonna notice this and pull me off to the side, and then arrest me for driving around with no clothes on... this was in NYC and they're crazy strict about the bridge/tunnel crossings because of terrorists and shit, I've gotten pulled off to the side and had my car searched just for having a lot of stuff in the back before - but luckily, everything was fine and I made it home a couple hours later. Still withdrawing like a motherfucker.

Once I got home, I took another shit, showered (best and longest shower I ever took) and another hour, and several phone calls, later got some Oxy from my asshole dealer who had left me hanging that morning and who I still blame for the whole mess!!
Click to expand...

wow wild ass story...

o also never sell H to somebody and watch them almost OD in your house...
i shoulda watched how much he did he said he knew what he was doing...
but after that i started cuttin that shit it wasnt stepped on much just one person not like street junk that usually gets stepped on from a few diff people
 
f'n a-hole said:
Never inherit $30,000 while you are an insane opiate addict. It will be gone within 2 months...

Never do enough opiates to make you not shit for three weeks...

Never do coke all day and decide it's a good idea to throw a microwave off the roof of your 4-story apartment building onto a police car...

Never tell your probation officer, who is reading you the riot act about failing several consecutive drug tests, that you hope she gets impregnated by being violently gang raped and then has a chainsaw rammed up her cunt 8 months later...

Never try to drive fighting through the nods while towing a 27' boat and end up falling asleep as your foot slides off the brake pedal and you wake up with the front bumper of your truck on top of a Hyundai...

Never be stuck in a major traffic jam on the hottest day of the year while withdrawing from opiates and end up having to run into a tiny patch of woods off the Cross-Bronx Expressway because diarrhea is about to shoot out of your ass. Don't be indecisive about where the least amount of people will see you and don't end up shitting gobs of chocolate goo onto your own shoes, half-pulled-down pants and underwear as horrified onlookers turn their heads away in disgust... then after that - just pull up your shit stained drawers and deal with that momentary disgustingness instead of tossing them off an overpass WITH THE CAR KEYS STILL IN THE POCKET and have to run a half-mile down a crowded highway exit ramp completely naked from the waist down with shit smeared all over your legs and your cock and balls flapping around in front of hundreds of awestruck motorists and black people in a horrible neighborhood to retrieve them...
Click to expand...

This made my day reading these. Thank you.
 
never try mephedrone for the first time if you have over $100 in your pocket, two things will happen.

a: i will willing take your money, after telling you not to spend it all.

b:i will spend $700 that night.
 
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