artic
Bluelighter
I've been recalling some of my "difficult experiences" lately and thinking about how they shaped my life and my perception of what is real, how I connect and interact with people, etc. I've come to the conclusion that a bad trip is usually the result of repressed emotion, or denial of a truth that is difficult to face. I've had several difficult trips on mushrooms. The first one I described for some time as "bad", but looking back on it some years later, I feel like if I had been open to the message that I was being sent I would have saved myself a lot of heart break in the long run. Mostly I understood that the relationship I was in was doomed to failure and that I should let it end, but that I knew I wouldn't, and in a space of a few hours I knew all the pain I would experience over the next year. I completely fell apart. Vomiting, crying, the whole nine yards. After that I was scared away from fungi for a while. It wasn't until everything was said and done and I understood what had happened to me that I accepted my bad trip as something necessary.
It was a couple years later, over a year ago now, that I had my second difficult trip. This one was filled with apocalyptic visions, some of which we all experienced. I was on a pebble beach on the pacific ocean, and it was beautiful at first. Things got strange when the sky started flashing red (only I saw this) and a strange red light shot across the horizon at unnatural speeds (we all saw this). My friends and I sat on the rocks and watched the tide come in. On the way back the hallucinations became more chaotic. Walking along the beach I looked down at my feet, and instead of pebbles and rocks I saw thousands of mangled corpses. I looked at my friend E, and he was like "holy crap, you see that shit?!" pointing at the ground. Later he confirmed that he was seeing the same thing as me. We cut back through a golf course and as we walked I kept on feeling spider webs and bugs crawling on me. I freaked out and took off running, straight through a hedge. Luckily I didn't lose my friends and got home safe. Later, looking back on it, I handled everything a lot better than I handled my first difficult trip, in spite of it being considerably more disturbing.
I think that sometimes we need the bad trips as much, or more, than the good trips. They can be a shock, and difficult to get through. I wouldn't trade my bad trips for good trips, though. I think that they probably have more to teach us. I kinda feel the same way about all experiences in life. The good ones are pleasant, but the bad ones are worth more. I hope this makes sense, wasn't too long, and was somewhat thought provoking.
It was a couple years later, over a year ago now, that I had my second difficult trip. This one was filled with apocalyptic visions, some of which we all experienced. I was on a pebble beach on the pacific ocean, and it was beautiful at first. Things got strange when the sky started flashing red (only I saw this) and a strange red light shot across the horizon at unnatural speeds (we all saw this). My friends and I sat on the rocks and watched the tide come in. On the way back the hallucinations became more chaotic. Walking along the beach I looked down at my feet, and instead of pebbles and rocks I saw thousands of mangled corpses. I looked at my friend E, and he was like "holy crap, you see that shit?!" pointing at the ground. Later he confirmed that he was seeing the same thing as me. We cut back through a golf course and as we walked I kept on feeling spider webs and bugs crawling on me. I freaked out and took off running, straight through a hedge. Luckily I didn't lose my friends and got home safe. Later, looking back on it, I handled everything a lot better than I handled my first difficult trip, in spite of it being considerably more disturbing.
I think that sometimes we need the bad trips as much, or more, than the good trips. They can be a shock, and difficult to get through. I wouldn't trade my bad trips for good trips, though. I think that they probably have more to teach us. I kinda feel the same way about all experiences in life. The good ones are pleasant, but the bad ones are worth more. I hope this makes sense, wasn't too long, and was somewhat thought provoking.
