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My only advice to young aged users...

W

Warped Reality

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 30, 2010
Messages
569
Stop. Don't start. Don't be stupid. Grow up with a normal life.
I started at a young age, and I fucked myself over. My mind is numb because of it. What are emotions? I couldn't tell you. I don't remember the last time I had one. I don't want anyone to go through the pain I'm going through. What are memories? I couldn't tell you. I don't remember any of them. What is fun? I don't know. I haven't had any in the past 5 years without the use of Ecstasy.

If you know kids using Ecstasy, please do the right thing. If you have any young family members using Ecstasy, please inform someone. Life is such a beautiful thing, and although Ecstasy may enhance it, in the long run it will also ruin it.

To the people that have normal lives while using Ecstasy, congratulations. I'm honestly proud of every single person in this world that can keep it under control and live normal lives while using it at a 'healthy' rate (Healthy as in not destroying yourself with it.)

I would love to tell you my life story but it's just too long. I've been through too many things. Too many drugs. My life is numb. Who am I? I don't know. What am I even here for? What is the meaning of life now? I can't go on living with this thought. The thought that I intentionally destroyed myself. The thought that I threw my wonderful life away. I'm ashamed of myself. I'm ashamed to call myself a human being. I'm ashamed to walk on this planet knowing that I am one of those low lives that everybody tells their kids to stay away from.

All I wanted was to fit in. I did fit in, for a while. Until everybody moved on and I stayed here by myself. Alone. Alone in this terrible, terrible drug-filled world. I can't get out now. I've locked myself up in this life and threw away the key.

And this my friends, is the end of me. Please, stay safe. Do the right thing and keep kids away from this. Ecstasy can be the most beautiful thing at one point, but it is now my worst nightmare. I love you all, stay safe bluelighters, my time has come. I have no reason to be on this planet any longer, and I'm going to put an end to myself in a few minutes... there's no turning back now. What's done is done, I don't have a way out.

If only there was just one person in this world, one person to tell me that I'm doing the wrong thing...

Move this to TDS if you may... but I think it should stay here. As a warning to teenagers to stay away from this shit. It throws your life away, honestly. This is my story guys, please don't forget it, let young users know what a powerful thing this drug can be.
 
I completely agree man. I had a brillant mind, a beautiful girlfriend, and I was 2 years deep into my university, nearly towards the beginning of my new life as an adult, and I threw it ALL away. No gf, shes moved on, no uni thats passed me by, and all my friends are enjoying life and have left me in the dust when I was once the leader in the jouney that they endured. I hate myself for doing it, everday i'm reminded about the decisions I made, everyday I see little improvement. I'm willing to give it more time, but I hate myselkf for ruining life at its peak (20 years old).

As for suicide, I don't think you should do it. Theres many options out there, If you've truely exhausted every route, then try ECT, its proven to be sucessful in MDMA induced depression, and resprouting of serotonin axons. If you contemplating, then its worth a shot IMO..

Peace and love bro, hope to see your wraped reality around these forums once again.
 
instead of death,
why not try one last technique for life.
Make a complete life reversal. Go somewhere new. DO new drugs. (mushrooms perhaps?)
Go to a completely new life somewhere and just try it.
just try it.

what do you have to lose?
 
I know that you may feel hopeless but just remember that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Things should get better with time even though your progress may feel slow. Stick with it and keep seeing dr's until you find one that understands you.
 
Relax... everything will be fine. Don't beat yourself up over shit you did in the past. Move on and make something of your life.
 
OP do you know what emotional intelligence is? Look into it.

Young users aren't going to come to bluelight and be like "oh gee some dumb fuck posting in a forum, better not use drugs". Get a life.
 
^ Good intentions, wrong delivery. MDMA saved me from my own mind. Three years of constant depression because I wasn't getting laid as much as I wanted to, was too socially awkward to really try. One night of MDMA use evaporated my anxieties and my fears. Went close to going overboard, once a month use for a year. Pretty decent compared to what my friends did; rolling every weekend. Mushrooms taught me how to think, MDMA taught me how to live.

Drugs are miracles, they offer what nothing else can. Fall victim to their allure and they'll turn you into a husk. Remain strong around their scent and they'll give you wisdom you would have never dreamt of.

EDIT: Should've read the entire post...

All I can say is time heals all woulds my friend. Please stay safe.
 
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To the OP:

There is always another solution, in the worst case scenario you can always volunteer to work for some charity in Africa. While you might earn next to nothing (charities typically provide food + shelter, but the pay is really bad, something like $300 a month if you don't have much experience with this kind of work), I am sure it will show you a new side of life and help you see that life is overall a very beautiful and valuable thing.

Without downs, there are no ups. Happiness and sadness are really just different sides of the same coin.

Please try and reconsider you suicidal thoughts, the like destroying depression and emptiness will eventually pass.

dudemantom said:
^ Good intentions, wrong delivery. MDMA saved me from my own mind. Three years of constant depression because I wasn't getting laid as much as I wanted to, was too socially awkward to really try. One night of MDMA use evaporated my anxieties and my fears. Went close to going overboard, once a month use for a year. Pretty decent compared to what my friends did; rolling every weekend. Mushrooms taught me how to think, MDMA taught me how to live.

Drugs are miracles, they offer what nothing else can. Fall victim to their allure and they'll turn you into a husk. Remain strong around their scent and they'll give you wisdom you would have never dreamt of.
Click to expand...

I think what the OP was implying was that while MDMA is beautiful drug, it has its risks. Drugs alone are never the solution. Drugs + the right mindset can be a solution, but the right mindset can only come from within you.
 
i highly disagree with using ecstasy as a cure for suicide.
It can come to the point where a person needs it to feel happy and mad abuse happens from there. I've seen bad things happen in situations where ecstasy was a way to "feel happy" again. it's not pretty.
 
Your current situation need not be the end of the line, it's these types of hardships that can help us learn and develop a strength that we otherwise would not have had. That's not always comforting in the moment when everything looks bleak, but it's the truth.

Don't beat yourself up or blame yourself for how you feel. We do have free will but most of our decisions are made mostly unconsciously without us being aware of it. So now is an opportunity to choose actions that will provide you with the satisfying life that you want.

So please be patient and give yourself the opportunity to work through this and see what kind of life you are able to have. Things will not always be the way they are right now.
 
QuasiModo said:
OP do you know what emotional intelligence is? Look into it.

Young users aren't going to come to bluelight and be like "oh gee some dumb fuck posting in a forum, better not use drugs". Get a life.
Click to expand...

Congratualtions, fuckoff, you may have just killed somebody.
 
A Waggoner was once driving a heavy load along a very muddy way. At last he came to a part of the road where the wheels sank half-way into the mire, and the more the horses pulled, the deeper sank the wheels. So the Waggoner threw down his whip, and knelt down and prayed to Hercules the Strong. "O Hercules, help me in this my hour of distress," quoth he. But Hercules appeared to him, and said:

"Tut, man, don't sprawl there. Get up and put your shoulder to the wheel."
 
bro please dont kill your self i had a homey growing up that abused many drugs i dont know how he is doing now but i wish that he could of come to for help but he didnt. you have many ppl supporting you in your recovery i dont know you and you dont know me but there are many ppl that are willing to help you and that want you in their lives.
 
Perhaps a better title and theme for this thread should be "everything is moderation". Ecstasy does not ruin the lives of all users. I started when I was 16, and it was a very positive addition to my teenage years. Nothing bad came of it... in fact just the opposite. Like everything else, depends on the individual. You are taking your personal experience and making that the standard. Also, I don't know when ratting someone out became "the right thing" to do. This never stops drug use... usually only makes it worse for young people.
 
More than once or twice a year is...too much. I too, went through a stage where I was using 2x a month, sometimes 3x, for about 9 months....I saw what it was doing to me, making my short term memory weak, dulling my outlook on life. My emotions were flat, dull, and I was always listless and bleh. So I took charge. I got back into running, since physical activity improves brain chemistry, got in to shape, and I QUIT using mdma for a couple years. I have now ran 2 marathons and 3 half marathons, and I don't plan on stopping anytime soon.

Now, I use mdma once a year...I have had it twice in the past two years, and it is a wonderful, fun, amazing experience again.

Use responsibly. YOU control drug use, drug use doesn't control you. Ask yourself, is my drug use interfering with ANY part of my family, social, or work life...? If it is, it's time to stop and re-evaluate your usage patterns.
 
There's no need to get nasty with the OP or anyone.

While I think warning against abuse is great, it's also important to recognize that people of any age have the potential to abuse a substance. Certainly, if you over do MDMA (which is easy to do considering the frequently recommended wait time is a minimum 30 days) you will experience the "dark side" of MDMA, and possibly regret it for some time to come.

I personally have had both my best, and worst moments in life due to my relationship with MDMA, and can say now that I respect it and only use it a few times a year, I absolutely love it and carry on the lessons and mind-set it provides me into my every day life. Most people I meet socially in clubs and at raves use MDMA 4-8 times a year, and don't feel compelled to make it a weekend habit.
 
honestly wen i first started using x i didnt care if i oded and died i just didnt care. but as time went on i suffered a fate that seemed far worst than death, just like wut u described,. loss of emotion, memory, insomnia, deep deep depression for about a year after i quit, i got panic attacts, i was relly quite unstable for that year...but time away from hard drugs helps. im stable now, im still a lazy drug addict , but im ok, iv been clean off meth,coke for years now, that was tuff at the time now i relly dont even like bing around it, i dont do x alot anymore, did it 12 times in 2010 witch is down from the 55 in 07( dont do that) . i like lsd alot but i wont do it more than a few times a year, i smoke daily for years, dont drink it makes me want uppers, so yea im okish now.. but that recovery from x is the worst shit iv ever gone threw, wost than comming off dope, bc it seems like theres no end to it. but time will help. i need direction in my life too. so,thing iv never had alot of...
 
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