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Stimulants Still bingeing: A full script w/o sleep?

Cohesion

Cohesion

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 21, 2010
Messages
1,069
Location
Portland, OR
Well, what the hell. :| That opener should set an appropriate tone:

I got my scripts about 33 hours ago & don't WANT to stop to sleep. This will be night 2 if I stay up all night (I'm sure I'll get a few hrs, light dozing is easy & dreamlike from 4-7 A.M.

I'm FAR less than thrilled to have blown through this month's supply in no.time.

Right now, if anyone is awake in this place, I would likely benefit from your perspective Re: my well being, opinions on bingeing -> In fact I don't know what I'm looking to hear other than some positive presence, commiseration, perhaps a strict lecture...

Disclaimer: This is an attempt to justify my actions- while admitting that my weak self has failed as a result of character flaws (unknown).

I have a paper to write, still. So I'm going to Do that. Sorry, so sorry, if I seem to be a bother to your precious time for this un-enlightening, mediocre thread. ...Further, I hope that your nonchalant entertainment goes on, that I may be included in this satire, and in the Official BL Conversation. If this thread has struck dissatisfaction, boredom, and/or annoyance, I definitely do not apologize and wish to say that my Internet contribution--now a Conversation thanks to my brink on your bandwidth. Whether you wanted it or not. You got this.

In more seriousness, reading BL threads is far more interesting than contributing to them (generally), but the human in me wears disappointment on my sleeve. I'm having a hard time getting any kind of conversation - let alone game - (JK) - from this site. I'm out.
 
C.H. --> I wasted an hour going over this post; it still contains irrelevant segments unrelated to key issues. I don't know how much here is even important. I'm going to sleep now, obviously! Klonopin kicked me right down, meh, it is what it is. Additionally, I did not even respond to your suggestion about someone holding them for me. Excuses subsided, and I think I'll be able to suck it up and ask one of my neighbors- not sure. Again sorry about this structure.

Thanks friend. Oh darn look at how much writing I've imposed; you should have extra meds for getting through this potential, laborious and/or non-linear and/or documents showing when you follow . Assumptions aren't reliable, but I've my dull/memory I'm keen as all get out in a halfway-sattirical manner

I counted and 11 20mg XRs remain. I've been crushing/dissolving in water. For no good reason, my body was craving one large dose. I didn't hand them over to the EX kept taking Till my weakness in mind has COMMITTED via WILL to "l-amp maintenance." I wish I could "find' the proper person to give me my meds. Think professionals- is this too sticky of a territory? Otherwise,

I'll fly the flag of [EX'S] years of no heroin, plus the event to be dubbed for Methadone success story (though street pharms are his new thing), but no dope. That's success, though he continues idiotic drug activity (street pharms)? Because I'm not here to waste time, an additional burden includes the codependent, emotionally bankrupt

Quickly, an outline here chronicles the facts during the current December, self-evaluative, please add more javas kthx climate. Accompanying of undisciplined time it was nothing but pure greed and some "claim" to stupidity. As if owning my Fail makes the situation different. Cognitive dissonance is low, as I decided well in advance to take a high dose (it was 40 mg, followed by 40 more.... skip to 5 hours ago I took 100mg. I was able to utilize the effects until pure exhaustion (mental & physical) trump motivation to utilize the focus.

I appreciate BL because I'm free to spread my dirt (it's clean dirt-- has been kept away in a safe. Bela's drive seems unnecessarily far, document the most juvenile behaviors I allow. I may execute my self so that reinforcing responses, which (interestingly, and very frequently) affects RL choices. There is something cool about how BL interactions as I have seen then, will often result in cooperative improvement and intentional language. As a member of the internet for over 10 years, logical answers come as a result of decisions- Decisions that affect my brain's activity.

A list of awful facts (not listed) in this public forum contribute to current goals (momentum must be directed and monitored to ensure enforce healthy foods.
hat my life is not being directed by the self ('Self' guided actions & goals , nor have I earned the credits to approach casual dating (at worst); forget - for now - about finding a mate. I have a list of 5 non-negotiable, and preexisting traits/values/etc. My standards are specific in that Future Husband must not be here yet. I tell her that he is the natural leader for us both and my daughter. No tools required to attempt at modifying others' behavior, culture, and habits. I fully realize the OT status I'm flaunting, but is it a huge deal if it's my thread?
Brimming with a mother's outlook, I again declare optimism in the mother always with moves and sly humor, and While I would love to revisit later is to uncover exactly what you mentioned , even in spirituality that a potential encounter excuses & abandoning my intellectual capacity to plan and make informed decisions.
 
Cut to the chase

Tonight's result: 100mg Adderall crushed & dissolved in water around 10:30 pm.

I was only in the zone for about 2-3 hours. Terrible waste.

Klonopin 1mg about an hour ago... night now.
 
I actually haven't. I wonder if we can move this convo to an instant message space, i.e. gmail, yahoo, something like that? I wanted to ask you some Q's that probably aren't board-worthy. Pm me any instant message contact; I'll try and figure it out.
 
mami said:
I actually haven't. I wonder if we can move this convo to an instant message space, i.e. gmail, yahoo, something like that? I wanted to ask you some Q's that probably aren't board-worthy. Pm me any instant message contact; I'll try and figure it out.
Click to expand...

You can PM me. :)

I don't have AIM sorry.

Some people are like that though, after the first time I took Adderall, I only took it a few more times. Now, any dose I take seems like I get zero effects, and I've never abused amphetamines. Unless you count the one time I IV'd 100mg of MDA. 8(
 
^*swooon* for dexedrine. The only stimulant that holds its own, other than the illicit varieties

I understand your reluctance to ask someone to keep your pills for you, it can be a strain on a relationship. What about asking your doctor or the pharmacist to dispense it to you in smaller quantites more frequently. That way you will only have a weeks worth (or whatever you work out with them) at once. A friend of mine had her clonazepam/klonopin prescribed every 3 days. Really helped her not to screw herself for a month in a rash moment.
 
Obviously my short term memory is mostly non existent. Regardless, it's not reliable because I'm recalling untrue things, thinking they happened already. Talking about a 5 minute memory deal.

OK Looks like C.H. is offline.. Jane u around?
 
Solution:
1) Buy a small safe (they even make pill safes now, pffha)
2) Neighbor keeps safe and I keep key.

Actually I think I really might use one of my neighbors. They're all retired,mostly, so access shouldn't be a problem.

How-ever. I had a friend hold my stuff; it was divided into 4 weeks. I messed that up because after 2 weeks I asked her for it all back.

I must have scored about 90 or 95 points for representing sheer *awesome* today.

some things are not intended for internet; discretion is such a lifesaver when responding to threads 'round this time of day, for example.
 
what kinda neighbor is gonna let you install a safe in their house but let you have the key to it lol......
 
just signed up here i was looking up this new brand i got and saw this post so i had to make an account to see whats up haha
 
If you have gmail, you can find me at hs8675309

Additionally, a tiny safe is exempt from installation. Ha.

I'd probably give him the key, I keep safe. No difference really, other than it'd be more comfortable to just trade the key with him =D
 
the way i do it is take my sleeping pill at a certain time so i have no choice but to crash ......that is when i want to not be a tweaker
 
mami said:
If you have gmail, you can find me at hs8675309

Additionally, a tiny safe is exempt from installation. Ha.

I'd probably give him the key, I keep safe. No difference really, other than it'd be more comfortable to just trade the key with him =D
Click to expand...



your gonna find a way in that safe no matter if its bolted to the neighbors floor and you DONT have the key
 
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