LuckyStriker
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2010
- Messages
- 59
I dunno really where this belongs to so sorry if this was posted in the wrong place.
First of all, although I may sound like a pussy or narcissist for self promotion, I was always looked at as a bright guy doing exceptionally well in maths, music and programming (logics basically), although Ive always been really bad when it comes to social interaction and linguistic ability, diversity. I admit I was highly gifted hidden in retardedness. Like being that at the same time, although it may sound paradoxical. Being too good at some things come at a cost... and being good at something does not mean you will be interested in them, I hate all of these things now. Such a shame, really.
On to my mental health. I am diagnosed with ADHD and AS but I see my condition more as atypical autism, PDD-NOS or whatever it was called. Ive become overly compulsive as to wheter I am being clever enough with language or not which is causing a lot of pain tbh, didnt use to be like this. To fill up with my diagnoses, I am also bipolar... suffer mild narcolepsy... could be more but I have not received other official diagnoses. They also give birth to a lot of other widely general condition such as OCD, could go on forever but im not mentioning more. Yeah, Im literally a cocktail of psychiatric disorders which was probably caused by oxygen deficiency at birth and suffering trauma from kicks and punches (my dad, he was probably also bipolar) while still in my mothers womb.
I got into drug at a pretty late stage, when I was 18 and it started out with weed. I gradually discovered other drugs, the more unknown ones in target such as RC cannabinoids, stims and GBL. THings got worse when I was diagnosed all these annoyances I mentioned before and was granted d-amphetamine IR treatment. Why worse, it should have been good news, right? Well, at first I was taking them as prescribed but soon got bored of it. This lead to me having 10 bottles with 100 5mg pills in the end, and half a year later I finally discovered this substance was actually quite a lot of fun and motivational at higher doses. I ended up not following my doctors scheme (ofc) and I am aware Im an asshole for doing this, and I can hardly forgive myself for breaking what I thought was a hard promise to my good willed doctor. He is truly a genious within the field and suffers quite bad ADHD himself, worser than mine.
At first, I didnt do it in long binges. I did them for max 2 days and left a week inbetween my sessions of 100mgs. I was more interested in the synth cannabinoids back then when jwh 018 was new, not to mention my reckless MDPV usage (I f'n luved that stuff, and man, the price!) I think I went through 5 grams PV in a period of 6 months and at that time I did not experience any comedowns or withdrawals. Im quite clouded about what drugs and amount I used at that time and when, but I also did close to a litre of gibbles. I think that is pretty much what I have to say about that front.
In the recent year Ive been plugging d-amp. 3 days sessions of 500mgs (with sleep), 3-5 days breaks.
Now I am aware that I may have screwed with my dopaminergic system permanently, it does not matter greatly to me as Ill be on stimulant medication until the day I die. However, in this 3 years period, is anybody aware of if I couldve dropped some IQ on my way and if it will ever recover. I dont care physical health wise, well all die one day and I am sure it will actually be a savior although it is perceived as something negative while we are alive for obvious reasons. Life is really such a fucking pain in the end,,,,
Oh and also, let me tell you as a last note I have never touched MDMA or meph. (and sorry if I lack detail, I always miss them. Structure may also be a bit screwed up but I will never improve on that, please bear with me. These are problems Ive always had and is not something that has popped up recently)
First of all, although I may sound like a pussy or narcissist for self promotion, I was always looked at as a bright guy doing exceptionally well in maths, music and programming (logics basically), although Ive always been really bad when it comes to social interaction and linguistic ability, diversity. I admit I was highly gifted hidden in retardedness. Like being that at the same time, although it may sound paradoxical. Being too good at some things come at a cost... and being good at something does not mean you will be interested in them, I hate all of these things now. Such a shame, really.
On to my mental health. I am diagnosed with ADHD and AS but I see my condition more as atypical autism, PDD-NOS or whatever it was called. Ive become overly compulsive as to wheter I am being clever enough with language or not which is causing a lot of pain tbh, didnt use to be like this. To fill up with my diagnoses, I am also bipolar... suffer mild narcolepsy... could be more but I have not received other official diagnoses. They also give birth to a lot of other widely general condition such as OCD, could go on forever but im not mentioning more. Yeah, Im literally a cocktail of psychiatric disorders which was probably caused by oxygen deficiency at birth and suffering trauma from kicks and punches (my dad, he was probably also bipolar) while still in my mothers womb.
I got into drug at a pretty late stage, when I was 18 and it started out with weed. I gradually discovered other drugs, the more unknown ones in target such as RC cannabinoids, stims and GBL. THings got worse when I was diagnosed all these annoyances I mentioned before and was granted d-amphetamine IR treatment. Why worse, it should have been good news, right? Well, at first I was taking them as prescribed but soon got bored of it. This lead to me having 10 bottles with 100 5mg pills in the end, and half a year later I finally discovered this substance was actually quite a lot of fun and motivational at higher doses. I ended up not following my doctors scheme (ofc) and I am aware Im an asshole for doing this, and I can hardly forgive myself for breaking what I thought was a hard promise to my good willed doctor. He is truly a genious within the field and suffers quite bad ADHD himself, worser than mine.
At first, I didnt do it in long binges. I did them for max 2 days and left a week inbetween my sessions of 100mgs. I was more interested in the synth cannabinoids back then when jwh 018 was new, not to mention my reckless MDPV usage (I f'n luved that stuff, and man, the price!) I think I went through 5 grams PV in a period of 6 months and at that time I did not experience any comedowns or withdrawals. Im quite clouded about what drugs and amount I used at that time and when, but I also did close to a litre of gibbles. I think that is pretty much what I have to say about that front.
In the recent year Ive been plugging d-amp. 3 days sessions of 500mgs (with sleep), 3-5 days breaks.
Now I am aware that I may have screwed with my dopaminergic system permanently, it does not matter greatly to me as Ill be on stimulant medication until the day I die. However, in this 3 years period, is anybody aware of if I couldve dropped some IQ on my way and if it will ever recover. I dont care physical health wise, well all die one day and I am sure it will actually be a savior although it is perceived as something negative while we are alive for obvious reasons. Life is really such a fucking pain in the end,,,,
Oh and also, let me tell you as a last note I have never touched MDMA or meph. (and sorry if I lack detail, I always miss them. Structure may also be a bit screwed up but I will never improve on that, please bear with me. These are problems Ive always had and is not something that has popped up recently)
