• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

addicted for life

sveets

sveets

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 15, 2009
Messages
106
About a month ago i was put on suboxone, 16mg a day then 20mg, it seemed to help a lot for the first week, then i just couldn't resist using after 9 days, i didnt feel the oxy at all and i felt like an idiot and went back on subs. A week later i did the same thing. This is the 3rd time now that i've relapsed, and by far the worst. Ive been using for the past 5 days straight, havnt taken my subs for a week. I told my mom i needed money until then end of the semester and she deposited 200 into my bank account and i spent it in 2 days, now im selling my subs and i even stole 5 bucks from my dads wallet today just so i could have enough money for one Roxy. I know im gonna go back on the subs soon, probably on sunday. But i feel that it is inevitable that i will relapse again. Sometimes i wish i never started using opiates, sometimes i wish i had enough money to buy as many as i wanted, but no matter what i wish i have to face the reality that i am an addict for life.
 
Hi Sveets.
Join the club mate i've been on methadone for almost 15 years n benzo's.
I can't see myself ever being clean (i do have medical problems but thats another story)
I've done rehabs , tried 12 stepping but no luck so far .
I'm in the Uk n things are alot different with prescribing etc and availibilty of opiates. But u ain't alone bud, Sorry i can't offer anything more positive but i'm sure some of the more eloquent of us will be able 2 offer some hope .
Take it EZ Brimz. PM me if u want
 
you're not alone man, I'm on subs too and dependent on benzos. Now that I get my drugs legally I find that I'm still fiending for the rush I'd get when I'd be on my way to buy some drugs illegally, it's fucked up, getting addicted to the act of just purchasing drugs, something about the thrill of the chase I guess. It's strange.

Subs have been great for me, you just gotta give them a chance and find your ideal dose. I know they don't work for everyone but try to not take any opiates for a few months and just take the subs and see how you feel.
 
Ah, yes... opiates. Not the most physically damaging drugs, but boy will you wish you had never started them.

You are not necessarily addicted for life. Even if you went back on the needle (try with all your might not to), you could still get out of it, just remember the longer you wait, the harder it will be and the problems you'll have after quitting will be worse.
 
Last edited:
Thinking with the mindset of "I'm a addict for like" is not the best way to go. Now I'm not saying if you think you arent going to be a addict them boom! Your not a addict but it sure does help if you have a positive mindset towards a goal your trying to accomplish.
 
It ain't over til it's over my friend. Just remember you call the shots (lol?). Every new choice is the chance for you to make a better choice than before. I just got back on the wagon myself. Keep your head up.
 
If you tell yourself you're addicted for life, it may come true, but as of now it isn't. You must tell yourself that you are an addict and that even the most hardcore addicts can quit as long as they haven't completely lost their minds (it can get very deep).

Just remember you call the shots (lol?).
Click to expand...
Heheh... not for long ;)
 
You ever hear the quote "You are what you eat"

We need to train our minds not to think thoughts like this. i PERSONALLY dont agree with the "Once an addict always one".

I beleive one day we will all walk around with no monkey on our back!! Keep pressing on!!

Sean
 
It seems like every college student I've ever met who was addicted to drugs was having their habit funded by thier parents.
It just astonishes me how dumb some parents are. If I ever went up to my parents and said "I'm broke and need money" they'd think I was high just for asking for money, but other people somehow do it repeatedly over and over and over like where the fuck do their parents think this money is going? Books and clothes?

Certain threads I have sympathy for people but this one is far too hard. Quit stealing money from your dad, stop only giving a shit about yourself, and if you get sick DEAL WITH IT. Being dope/oxy sick is never an excuse to go stealing anything, and I love how people so easily blame the drugs for it. You're not an "addict for life", thats just something you need to tell yourself to justify not having any responsibility in life. Same thing with kids in school diagnosed with ADD, they act like idiots and class then blame ADD for it. ADD doesn't make you a clown, drugs don't make you steal, YOU DO THAT.
Practice having respect for the people who brought you into this world because one day they will be gone and then we'll see how easy life is then.
 
Last edited:
What do you mean you are an addict for life? If your beliefs include an inability to quit, then it's going to make it near impossible to quit.

People in the same situation as you have been able to stop. What makes you any different? You seem to be making some efforts which shows that there is at least some amount of desire stop using opiates.

I'm not familiar with opiate withdrawal but from what I've read there doesn't seem to be any way to completely avoid it. I've heard of ibogaine or kratom being effective, but I'm not sure that these work consistently for most people. If your goal is to get clean, then you can research the different approaches and pick one that you feel might work best for you.

Accept yourself as you are, you are a person that currently uses drugs. Don't hate yourself or think you are worthless because of it. Use that self-acceptance as a foundation for making the changes that you want. Heavy drug use often has at its roots a lack of acceptance - of ourselves, our feelings, the world around us, etc. It's a bit of a paradox, but by not "needing" to change in order to like ourselves, it makes change that much easier.
 
sveets said:
About a month ago i was put on suboxone, 16mg a day then 20mg, it seemed to help a lot for the first week, then i just couldn't resist using after 9 days, i didnt feel the oxy at all and i felt like an idiot and went back on subs. A week later i did the same thing. This is the 3rd time now that i've relapsed, and by far the worst. Ive been using for the past 5 days straight, havnt taken my subs for a week. I told my mom i needed money until then end of the semester and she deposited 200 into my bank account and i spent it in 2 days, now im selling my subs and i even stole 5 bucks from my dads wallet today just so i could have enough money for one Roxy. I know im gonna go back on the subs soon, probably on sunday. But i feel that it is inevitable that i will relapse again. Sometimes i wish i never started using opiates, sometimes i wish i had enough money to buy as many as i wanted, but no matter what i wish i have to face the reality that i am an addict for life.
Click to expand...

I think you should get your self in an outpatient program. Sometimes outside help is a must. And you have the structure of being drug tested once or twice a week. That is if you really want to quit.

People/places/things - stay away. That is a key aspect.

Addiction is proven to be a neurological disorder. This isn't just a theory... It gets to the point where it isn't a matter of sheer willpower. Sometimes you need outside help. Getting help is a step in the right direction. You can start by telling your parents what's going on. It will sure as fuck not help you to keep getting hundreds deposited into your account every time you need to get bailed out.
 
Addiction is a life long, treatable and terminal illness at the same time.

It takes many attempts for many people to 'quit'. In my eyes, it's not about how often I use, it's about how long in between relapses I can go, without getting the train derailed too far off the track.

Kind of like a toy train. The longer it runs off the track, the more effort to put it back on.

Keep trying. I'm here for you, and I do know it sucks to let yourself and others down around you.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top