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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Paramedics, now I need to GTFO

^^^ This i totally agree with. Get clear of the guy before he gets out of jail because in my honest opinion he sounds like a royal twat. Getting pissed off at you, making you put up bail, pick up his van and threating you. Guys like him never fucking change or atleast i havent seen the likes of them ever change. It's never their fault it's always someone elses usually who they are closest with in this case that means you.

I wouldnt even give him a fucking quarter for a pay phone let alone bail him out. The way he's treating you abit of time in a jail cell will probably do him some good. Or atleast not hurt you.
 
Alright folks, I've gathered all my things, getting ready to call a cab.

Refusing to acknowledge he exists is definitely great advice. I'll keep you updated.
 
Good for you! Just don't give in if he starts being either abusive or ultra-nice. Keep in mind what he's put you through and what's best for your child.

Good luck!
 
Good job on leaving the useless jerk. Just don't make the mistake of going back to him if he starts acting all nice and shit because that stuff is typical.
 
I'm home. Out of the tiny apartment. Thanks everyone for your collective encouragement!

I'm familiar with abusive personality patterns. I've left him 4235 times, but this time has got to be my charm. I've bailed him outta jail 2 times before, but I'm good. 3rd time is a charm! %)
 
Hey mami,
I havent seen you in a long time.So evreything worked out with the pregnancy and the whole methadone thing?
Im sad to see you have a abusive bf but im really glad you left him.
I hope you do not go back to him its not good for you or your baby.
Best of luck :)
 
Hmm, I haven't been pregnant in over 3 years, so there may be some memory issue-

Early summer of this year I was concerned over having methadone in my & my daughter's urine in case of DCFS. I was weaning the kid back this summer when I was in a DV shelter. Now that I'm apart from that whole scene, there won't be any spotty drug use to worry about anymore. <3 How have things been for you ?
 
Im sorry bout that.I coulda sworn iit was you're thread was it maybe breast feeding and methadone?
Anyways doesnt matter.I just remmebered ur name and that you were a very nice woman :).
Ive bin doin great thanks for asking!!!
 
Yes that's right I was breastfeeding. I was taking methadone from time to time (a gift from my Ex) - and was debating about weaning. I did. Milk is expensive! But it's been a good choice.

thanks for dropping in - I'm sure I'll see you around now. I'll need to talk to people throughout the day now that I'm doing the single mom thing. I've been "around", just lurking more than posting.
 
Hi mami,

Glad to see your back and sorry to hear about your circumstances. You have done the right thing by you and your daughter by getting out. This time, all you need to do is not look back. Your daughter's well-being must be your first priority. She is young and needs her Mami to take care of her.

I am a little worried that you are scoring Adderall on the streets - strike that, I am more than a little worried. I assume you are AD(H)D and that is why you take it. Please take it only as prescribed and under your doctor's supervision. Scoring on the street is not the thing to do if you, yourself, want to stay out of trouble with DCF and for that matter, the law. Yeah, you might have flown under the radar so far, but with addiction... nothing lasts forever.

Like PA, I would not give him a quarter for a payphone. I realize he is your daughter's father, but what kind of father has he been aside from opiate addiction?! He has hurt you and your family in countless ways if I recall your story correctly. I am so glad you have the love and support of your parents. They will help you get back on your feet and into a state of health and clarity. They sound like awesome people who adore you and your daughter. We are never too old to need our parents!

Let his ass sit in jail and think about what he did. I would not worry about SSDI or DCF at this point. He is the one in jail for shooting heroin (yikes) and you are the one who saw that he got medical attention and then took your child to safety. If he tries to hold anything you may have said on the forms against you... well, he's the one that helped you fill them out and you are, in fact, disabled, correct? I'd certainly bet on you as the more fit parent if I were the caseworker.

Love that daughter and those awesome parents of yours and have a holiday season that is free from pain and stress. And for the love of whatever, don't put yourself in any sketchy legal situations. <3 My continued best. Please keep us informed.
 
You might want to get in touch with a domestic violence service now and make a plan for how you're going to handle things when he contacts you again. There's some research which shows that women who have an exit plan are better able to stay away from DV situations than those who don't.

Be willing to contact the police about any and all harassment from this point on. Your daughter needs you to be her voice in this situation and to act for her as well as yourself.
 
mami so glad to see u have left the idiot...like i had said bfore i was in an abusive situation years ago and u cann and will get thru it and one day u will meet a man that is good to u and good to your daughter i did!! my husband is amazing caring hard working and would nnever ever lay a finger on me. we r all rooting for u:) best wishes hunny
 
Lolie said:
You might want to get in touch with a domestic violence service now and make a plan for how you're going to handle things when he contacts you again. There's some research which shows that women who have an exit plan are better able to stay away from DV situations than those who don't.

Be willing to contact the police about any and all harassment from this point on. Your daughter needs you to be her voice in this situation and to act for her as well as yourself.
Click to expand...

This is excellent advice, thank you Lolie :)


mami, you should be very proud of yourself for making the decision to leave. Please be strong and do what's best for you and your daughter <3
 
Cruising

Mariposa, thanks to you again for your sound POV. Getting Adderall illegally isn't something I think about as being a risk. But for many reasons (including abusive tendencies) I'm committed to stop buying it off-the-record.

If my recall is correct, I think that (about 8 months ago) you all were encouraging me to move to my Dad's, re: methadone & my ex. Gradually the idea (which was always in the back of my mind) became acceptable. I've lived with him since June- though at least 66% of the time I've been at the ex's apartment. I was addicted to him for some reason - my empathy runs far and deep. But enough is enough!

He's still in jail. I'm so happy that I've removed all our things from that dreary, stifling apartment.

I have yet to meet with any DV services to construct a plan on how to handle his future attempts to contact me. Currently I'm in "survival mode" and am sticking by PP advice to ignore his existence. Realistically there will be a time when this will not be possible.

Time to file for child support on Monday.
 
Help

He is out of jail. I just received emails and he has texted me:
"is B in chicago can u stop by please i miss u"

and

"are you coming back tonight" (i'm out of town studying)

How do I approach ignoring? Would it be best to tell him I don't want to communicate, or just NOT communicate. The latter seems best as there is no room for debate!

Thoughts???
 
Hun there are pros and cons for both options I suppose. If you haven't already explicitly told him that you don't want to communicate at all with him, then perhaps now is your opportunity to tell him that. But if so, just one text to say you don't want to talk should do, and THEN ignore him after that.

If you've already specifically told him you don't want to talk, then by all means just ignore him completely now.

Of course hun, it is ultimately up to you. But please stay strong and listen to your HEAD, not necessarily your heart.
 
mami said:
He is out of jail. I just received emails and he has texted me:
"is B in chicago can u stop by please i miss u"

and

"are you coming back tonight" (i'm out of town studying)

How do I approach ignoring? Would it be best to tell him I don't want to communicate, or just NOT communicate. The latter seems best as there is no room for debate!

Thoughts???
Click to expand...

I know Im new here, but Ive delt with this stuff before. Ive been where youve been, the heart screams out and tries to make the rational part of ur brain not pay attention all you are hearing is that all is in the past, we all deserve another chance, things can be different if we try.

This is where you need to use the rational part of ur brain, and forget ur heart and you need to remember what an addict is. We will come to you loving, and caring and so so sorry that it ever happened, and we will change the subject to keep it away from us, and on you and how much we love you and will never hurt you or put you through something like that again, then once that part of the craving is satisfied, the ravenous creature inside us comes out. We are in our comfort zone, and it may not happen immediately, but the old ways will begin to circulate back into the normal pace of life you have set for yourself.

Addicts, are generally good people, but when our disease is raging we hurt everyone we love, intentional or not, and seeming as though YOU are in a good place, remain there and be selfish, and think of you and you alone, and when your heart cries out, remember the disease that waits around the corner once you let someone back in ur life without them experiencing true consequences, and true loss. Dont let them make you feel as though you are hurting them, you are empowering yourself. Ignore, ignore ignore, close the blinds, take phone off the hook, go to a hotel if you have to. Stay grounded, and dont get carried away in someone elses storm.
 
mami said:
He is out of jail. I just received emails and he has texted me:
"is B in chicago can u stop by please i miss u"

and

"are you coming back tonight" (i'm out of town studying)

How do I approach ignoring? Would it be best to tell him I don't want to communicate, or just NOT communicate. The latter seems best as there is no room for debate!

Thoughts???
Click to expand...

Your only communication with him at this point should be through a lawyer and a restraining order which prohibits him from contacting you directly by any means and indirectly through others.

And change your phone number, block him from you email, your FB etc. If you're contactable at all he will play the mind game which starts with apologies and ends with threats and you'll most likely end up getting sucked back in.
 
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