alo friends
it's been to long; i miss all the hoodrats in here and all the seriously serious and seriously comedic banter. **where's lma when you need him?!**
ok lets talk about ME ME ME. heh for the most part my time has been consumed by the an unexpected (de)evolution of my self-concept; if i ever write my memiors, the most recent chapter would be titled drUgs. during my little escapade, i have certainly had my moments of undesirable physical/emotional/spiritual imbalance; however, i somehow always found time for the
necessary r&r before seeing my family, old friends, etc... during vacations, while balancing my responsibilties and adjusting to real city living (no dorm bullshit). i'm on the upswing now but i have a feeling i'm not completely in the clear just yet--waiting for winter break for a serious vacation from my bad habits. hopefully next semester i will exhibit more self control.
there's no doubt that i've far exceeded the limits of acceptable drug use (well, relatively speaking i might not agree

). sobering moments coupled with a few concerned friends and family are all the signs i need--it's time to make change. the most unsettling and eye-opening moment occurred during my second encounter with the white chamelon; i can safely say that i was blessed by the uncomfortable beginnings of a seizure following iv administration. it frightened me to the bone, but the experience presented me with a clarity of judgment when approaching these unfamiliar substances. respect is necessary when using a needle--there is little room for error and you can't afford to be sloppy.
ironically, as my hedonistic desires took priority, i [helplessly] watched my gf and drug-buddy struggle with a debilitating 8-year opiate addiction. in cahoots with the rapid evolution of my relationship with certain hard drugs and addictive personality, I became the epitome of a poly-drug abuser motivated by paradoxical modes of existence; at any given drug-using moment one could describe the conscious and unconscious motives/excuses which fueled (and continue to) my decision making as one or more the following: psychonautical, hedonistic, curious, subconscious self-harm, ignorance/stupidity, to impress/attract a certain subset of peoples with whom i identify with on many levels, and an inability to deal with my newly acquired adulthood/freedom. All the while I also hoped to become familiar with the unique qualities of each substance which attract emotionally unstable people whose attempts at self-medicating often spiral out of control and lead to full-fledged addiction. one day i hope to open my own full-life rejuvenation center for anyone and everyone willing to help me show them how to help themselves
whoa. deep breath. i needed to type that up somewhere. thnks for listening if u attempted to read that.
still no real snow here in ny. kinda glad, kinda sad. i'm not a huge fan of the cold but you can't deny a solid snow fest.
cloudy did you ever make contact with that girl you speak so highly of?