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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

The Dark Side Check-In Thread ver. 2010 > 2009

Hey guys,
I'm alive and kicking.
Just landed a job as a "wine ambassador" for a local winery doing wine tastings.
Which is cool, wine has never been my vice.
I may not be posting on here anymore, I just find it too difficult to continue to and not crave hardcore and keep my shit together.
But I do check in and check my messages so never be afraid to shoot me one. I'll get back to you asap.

Much love,
PT
 
I have to be out of my apartment in a week. Various things need to be repaired and thoroughly attended to in order to get my deposit back. Basically, I am getting rid of almost everything I own. A few things will squeeze into my tiny car for the trip from Minnesota to Texas.

Then after giving away more stuff and either selling the car or giving it to my uncle, I fly to Los Angeles for a few days' visit with my Mom, flying in from Germany to see me off.

Then, my oldest and closest friend and I disappear into Joshua Tree National Park for some primitive camping and mind-expanding bonding before I fly out of LAX to Phuket on October 7. My laptop, some select books, and some of my nicer clothes are the only items coming along.

Reading like crazy to finish a few books so I don't have to bring them along.

<snip>
 
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Good to hear you are doing well PT! Hope to see more healthy, happy check in's from you in the future!! :)

oil- Way to go!! That is awesome!!! :)

jf- Sounds like your adventure is about to really begin!! Will you have internet access much or will we be anxiously awaiting updates from you? ;)
 
Well, for most of October, I'll be in school, so I'm sure there's access there...

After that, intermittently. My course ends when the monsoon does, so I'll probably wander around until Christmas or so. I really want to visit Angkor in Cambodia!

Once I'm settled with a job, most likely in Bangkok, by the New Year, I'll be back on daily (hourly!). :)
 
Well today puts me at seven and a half months of no needle/ speed balls. I finally quit the massive amounts of benzo's the Psych gave me for all my "mental" problems. I can honestly say I have never felt better. I have true energy again and happiness(something I thought had gone by the way side). Even though the thought of a needles, dope, and the lifestyle is constantly on my mind, I'm still not using. I moved out to the Cali Forest from Downtown Denver so availablity is prob a huge reason Im clean. Anyways life is good at the moment, or no complaints at least...

Anyways hope everyone is doing well. If you ever wanna just talk to someone PM me. Peace.
 
^ that's an awesome accomplishment. You should be way proud of yourself.
 
totach said:
hey guys, wel today makes it 6 weeks that i am heroin free : ). I still feel pretty shitty but im toughing it out. For those of you who remember when i opened that thread when me n my girl wer breaking up wel ive bin clean since that day.This getting sober shit i feal really needs to be done on your own.It has really helped me stay clean this time around even tho i do hang out wit friends that use.Those r my brothers tho n i would never stop hanging out wit them.
ps: whoever thinks they cant do it (stay clean) trust me it can b done i really didnt know how i would sober up this time around but i did it n like they say if i can then anybody can : ) good luck family : )
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hey guys well as evreyone allready knows how it goes i relapsed. Not only did i relapse but afyer 5 years of doin heroin i never started shooting well i cant say that anymore so i went away last wedsnsday n only kicked with a half a 8mg sub i felt like shit but i went thru it today is again day 1 with no sub or anything but i really hope i stay clean this time ill keep u guys updated good luck to all you other sober ones : )
 
well im back all i can say is i think im a lost cause honestly. I really just cant stay sober no matter how much i try n how much i want it i always wind up relapsing.I feel like im getting to the point where i just cant c my self being clean for the rest of my life n i am only 24. Today is my 8th day clean n i tried 2 call my dealer i cant control my cravings. Whats even weirder is that when i did call i was really hoping he would tel me hes not around that way my mind can rest knowing i hav no choice but to stay clean. Anyways thank god he wasnt around. Im just venting guys im bored at work : (
 
ps: whoever thinks they cant do it (stay clean) trust me it can b done i really didnt know how i would sober up this time around but i did it n like they say if i can then anybody can : ) good luck family : )
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Remember saying that totach? It is possible to stay clean! You are having a tough time right now, getting sober isn't always a linear process.

Sometimes getting clean isn't as easy as just wanting to stop using. I personally had to make major life changes, I moved half way across the country. I find the combination of wanting to quit, and lack of ability to get drugs do wonders. I wasn't able to quit when I knew dope was just a phone call away, or when I was around people who were high.

Now that I have a few months of sobriety under my belt I'm still not sure I'd be able to stay sober if I was around people who were using. I'm positive I couldn't in the beginning though. The first couple weeks are by far the hardest - it gets a bit easier after that. It is still hard, but not as hard.

My advice is too not give up on being clean. It is not a lost cause.

If you just want to get clean without changing any other aspect of your life, your chances aren't quite as good in my opinion. Think about why you use, and what you can do to change that..

best of luck to you
 
^
its very nice to hear that you are doing good. I really believe that if i moved away from ny that it would really help me stay clean. Im not the type of person to go looking n asking for drugs in a unfamiliar place no matter how sick or how much i was craving. I hav never once used any drugs when ive gone on my lovly little 1 or 2 week detox trips(usually i go 2 vegas). To bad moving is not a option for me but im still really glad u mentioned that tho it really made me think alittle. Then again tho ive had plenty of these feelings where i feel like i just tore down a wall and im on my way to sobriety lol. Hey you never know tho : ). Thanx for the positive response villian it kinda made my day it defently took my cravings away. Maybe i really should hav someone to always talk 2 bout this problem i hav cuz its always comferting to me when someone tells me im not a lost cause. Anyways thanx again villian n i wish u the best of luck in continuing stayin clean : )
 
I know I haven't been on lately, but I am doing OKAY I suppose. I've been bit depressed lately, but am taking Wellbutrin as prescribed by my doc and (mostly) not controlling or b/p w/food anymore... I'm happily single now, as I think most of you may know, and that makes me feel AWESOME! I've been able to get off most drugs I was using to self-medicate away the shittiness my abusive boyfriend made me feel. I usually have a couple of beers a night though, because it helps me sleep. Sleep is still VERY hard for me. :-/
 
BeckyLee said:
I know I haven't been on lately, but I am doing OKAY I suppose. I've been bit depressed lately, but am taking Wellbutrin as prescribed by my doc and (mostly) not controlling or b/p w/food anymore... I'm happily single now, as I think most of you may know, and that makes me feel AWESOME! I've been able to get off most drugs I was using to self-medicate away the shittiness my abusive boyfriend made me feel. I usually have a couple of beers a night though, because it helps me sleep. Sleep is still VERY hard for me. :-/
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Glad your back babe <3 . Sucks about the sleep thing though. As you know i find it almost impossible to fall asleep without anything either.
 
Body isn't very happy with me - liver ALT / AST values are high. I'm drinking 2 gallons of water a day w/cranberry extract , plus milk thistle , liv52 - ugh.

Regardless - I'm glad to be back on BL, missed some of you guys for real. Some good people on here. Today = just finishing my 12 page research paper and then off to gym for little boxing and of course, the iron.

It's amazing how some time away from everything (I mean everyone , I cut out 90% of my "friends") and dedication can change things round. When I posted on TDS beore, i was a fuckin mess on the real - I had no hope what so ever. I hate to think that anyone feels that way, I hope you all are hanging in there , believe me I know life can be beyond words, but tomorrow WILL come. Each day is a chance to make the choices to change your life - head up guys n gals - glad to be back.
 
Just checking in, for those who actually give a shit. I haven't been online much lately due to my personal situation (and a bad internet connection!) But I'm still alive and kicking. :)
 
Its great to hear all this positive stuff from BL'ers.

I'm still fucking coming off suboxone. Damn its been like 2-3 weeks no suboxone, and about 1 week no benzos or kratom. Being sober is pretty harsh but I needed to escape my stagnant opiated life. I wanna live.
 
Congrats to all who have hit any kind of milestone. To everyone else; keep trying!

I'm 3.5 weeks clean of Suboxone and all opiates, 3 months free of smoking cigs, 2 weeks clean from weed and aside from a few beers last Friday night, 6 weeks off the booze.

Just got 20mg of Valium a day to taper off then I'm 100% drug free.

Since starting my bupe detox, I've been exercising and lost 10kgs. I definitely would have relapsed were it not for the exercise. Add the self esteem boost of dropping 10kgs to the boost of finally getting opiate free, and I'm not feeling too bad. :) Never thought I'd do it. If I can, anyone can.
 
^
Thats amzaing how the hell did you quit the cigs b4 the opiates?I would never b able to do that.Tel you the truth even when i stop taking my .25mg of sub a day i cant see myself quitting smoking.My ashtma is getting really bad and i still cant even start to think or even try to quit smoking.Good job man keep it up : ).
 
totach said:
^
Thats amzaing how the hell did you quit the cigs b4 the opiates?I would never b able to do that.Tel you the truth even when i stop taking my .25mg of sub a day i cant see myself quitting smoking.My ashtma is getting really bad and i still cant even start to think or even try to quit smoking.Good job man keep it up : ).
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I quit cigarettes at the same time I came off methadone cold turkey, not by intention.

I was literally so physically sick all day the first couple weeks a cigarette didn't even sound good, nor did I want to get out of bed to go outside and smoke (the person I was living with didn't smoke)

After about 10 days of smoking maybe 2 or 3 cigarettes total I figured I might as well as just quit that too. I haven't smoked since..
 
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