7 hours til my appointment, should i be honest?

[wooger]

Hi everyone..

I hate to keep posting these threads in here but the pathetic thing is I have nobody else to talk about this stuff to

anyways... I have around 7 hours before I have to leave my house (for an appointment with my 'case worker' ... I don't know whether I should even go... but its quite clear I won't be going to sleep tonight anyways..so I might go to try and keep me busy so I can try and stay awake all night to get to sleep tommorow night (weird thing is regardless of how tired I am... I hate going to sleep...)

anyways... should I tell him that I keep getting... I dunno... progressively helpless and stuff for various reasons... I had 6 weeks of counselling there but I dunno... I just started acting like everything is totally fine after a while.. I just cant open up or admit I'm not making any progress cus.. I dunno.. I'm fucked.

anyways, I have this meeting with the case worker guy in a few hours and not the counsellor guy... and part of me doesn't want to go in and say I'm pretty much just the same as before... cus sometimes I got on with my counsellor guy almost as a friend and I dont want him to think he did a bad job/failed... but part of the reason I posted this is becuase I know I'm becoming increasingly.. and I hate to use the word... but suicidal would probably be the best word to describe it...but I dont know.. I think I may be beyond help because my head is a prison and I cant really open up to people and I isolate myself from EVERYBODY now ...not that there is anyone wanting to spend time with me anyway

so I don't know what to do..

 

[Lolie]

Yeah, you should be honest. No-one can help you if they aren't aware of what's really going on.

 

[n3ophy7e]

anyways... should I tell him that I keep getting... I dunno... progressively helpless and stuff for various reasons... I had 6 weeks of counselling there but I dunno... I just started acting like everything is totally fine after a while.. I just cant open up or admit I'm not making any progress cus.. I dunno.. I'm fucked.

anyways, I have this meeting with the case worker guy in a few hours and not the counsellor guy... and part of me doesn't want to go in and say I'm pretty much just the same as before... cus sometimes I got on with my counsellor guy almost as a friend and I dont want him to think he did a bad job/failed...

Man I understand your concern, but I have to agree with Lolie in that you should definitely be honest with both your case worker and your counsellor, because otherwise they won't be able to help you properly due to them not really knowing the whole story!

Try not to worry that you're going to hurt the counsellor's feelings if you tell them that you've made no progress. They are trained professionals and they understand how many factors come in to someone's progress. I think it's also pretty common for people to sometimes pretend that they're doing better even though they're really not, so don't feel bad for doing that either. I think sometimes it's just natural to act like everything's fine. I do it all the time!

I think you need to try and stick with your current case worker and counsellor, because they know you and they know your situation. It will be easier to admit to them that you're not doing so great and for them to help you, rather than having to start afresh with new counsellors etc.

Good luck, and let us know how you go

 

[wooger]

the thing is.. its really hard. I have managed to make one hell of a pathetic existance for myself... Im constantly paranoid and anxious..and depressed... and feel like a failure (probably with pretty good reason on feeling like a fuck-up failure part)

It's pretty hard to look someone in the eye and say 'I am a total fuck up' as well as more than too many other issues which I don't think i could ever tell anyone in a million years out of..shame? embarassment? I'm not really sure.. and as all this stuff has so far been dealt with by constand drug/alcohol abuse and kinda kept it hidden as well as pushing anyone away who gets to close has made all this kinda come to the surface and made me realise how much of a total fuck up I really am

 

[n3ophy7e]

Well, you don't have to tell anyone how much of a fuck-up you are because you AREN'T a fuck-up. You're having a rough time and you may have made some poor decisions in your life, but you certainly haven't fucked everything up. It's the depression making you think worse of yourself than you really ought to.

You acknowledge that the reason you abuse drugs is to try and cover up the bad things in your life, but there has to come a point where you say enough's enough, and reach out for help to change how you're currently dealing with your situation. And that will entail reaching out to your case worker and counsellor, and telling them the truth. I know it's hard man, it's hard to actually physically open your mouth and say the words! I've had to do it with doctors before. But you CAN do it, and once it's out there you will feel better and it will be so worth it in the end beause you'll really be able to get the help you need

 

[8L4YN3]

^Excellent post mate wooger please heed this advice mate best of luck!

 

[wooger]

thanks.. you're really sweet its just.. I dunno.. I guess I should just go in and tell the guy in a few hours time and telling the guy just how messed up I am

but the weird thing is apprently the case worker guy (I've only met him once before, second time will be today) asked the counsellor if he could see any reason why I needed more counselling and the counsellor guy told him no... so apprently he is talking about sending me to some kind of 'day programme' thing at some rehab which is mainly focussed on 'relapse prevention' which seems a bit weird as I still haven't actually managed to quit yet grrr... this is such a mess

 

[n3ophy7e]

so apprently he is talking about sending me to some kind of 'day programme' thing at some rehab which is mainly focussed on 'relapse prevention' which seems a bit weird as I still haven't actually managed to quit yet grrr... this is such a mess

This is why you need to be honest with them mate. If they think that you're currently sober, and then they send you off to the day programme, and you're still using, you're pretty guaranteed to just continue using, and it's possible that you'd get caught somewhere along the line by one of the case workers or counsellors are the day programme. Know what I mean? It's just going to be easier in the long run if you tell your current case worker exactly what's going on.

I know you can do it man, it's hard, but you will be just fine. Be brave

 

[wooger]

thats the weird part...the counsellor guy knows I haven't stopped entirely and when I was like 'relapse prevention?! ermmm havent quit' his response was basically 'its to do with the way this place is funded'

I get the impression they have very few resources so they just want to get as many people in and out as quickly as possible..which is understandable I guess... but I dunno I just get that feeling its just soo.. wham bam thank you man

 

[Legerity]

Don't feel ashamed of what is going on. It's hard to face our demons and try to get our shit together. But we all have things that we don't want to look at, so we try to put on a happy face and say everything is okay all the time.

So yeah, even if it's hard, opening up and being honest can be the best thing for yourself. Something can't change if it isn't acknowledged first.

And don't think that you are a failure until you change something about yourself, you are a good person just the way you are. Having a foundation of self-acceptance can make change less of a struggle, because you are less attached to the results of your actions.

 

[wooger]

hey.. thanks for ur replies! draigan ur kinda funny so I guess my appointment didn't go to well as I was late (please don't hit me ) and I 'couldn't be seen' I guess it's going to be a while before I'm allowed back in...

either way, I'm hoping I can just look back on all this one day and laugh..but theres a really nagging part of me that thinks it'll prolly go on like this for a couple more years and then I'll drop down dead


hmm

 

[Nibblez]

It's astonishing how much of it is in your head.

It is said that the Australian Aborigines, a people very resilient to environmental extremes and physical harm will die after a witch doctor places a "curse" upon them.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kurdaitcha

Sometimes your mindset and attitude can significantly affect your life. With this in mind, keeping a positive outlook and attitude can also make your life a lot better. If you don't think of yourself as pathetic, chances are you won't be. Don't let yourself become a self-fulfilling prophecy. We believe in you, and you should too.

 

[wooger]

thats an interesting idea! and it most certainly is SOO similar to the one I've had planted on me at this addiction place..they tell you over and over again that you are 'diseased' and stuff... definately a self fufilling prophecy... as I've met a couple of people there and I can see it working on them..

thanks for your post maybe I will speak to my dr one day next week about some proper counselling rather than the kinda stuff ive been telling myself/been told by those people at the addicition place thingy...

but its still kinda scary...

 

[Nibblez]

thats an interesting idea! and it most certainly is SOO similar to the one I've had planted on me at this addiction place..they tell you over and over again that you are 'diseased' and stuff... definately a self fufilling prophecy... as I've met a couple of people there and I can see it working on them..

thanks for your post maybe I will speak to my dr one day next week about some proper counselling rather than the kinda stuff ive been telling myself/been told by those people at the addicition place thingy...

but its still kinda scary...

Diseased sounds so negative, and carries a lot of unnecessary connotations. AFAIK, addiction is not contagious . I've never gotten addicted to anything simply by being with anyone, I got addicted because I made the decision to consume things I should not have.

We all have problems. Some more serious than others. I believe that deep down, we all want to solve these problems. It's the ones that admit that they have a problem and make an effort to solve them that overcome them.

It's good that you've identified yours. You're on the right track. Just stick to it and keep a positive outlook, and I think you will make it. Any time you feel scared or unsure, know that you have all of us here to fall back on. We're behind you every step of the way.

 

[Ksa]

It's very good that you realize that something is wrong and you're willing to improve. Many people here won't notice there's a fire even when their hair is burning.

Go on with it, I'm sure you'll succeed.

 

[silvercrimson]

yes, for sure, things will go your way if your honest. another thing youre not fucked, because if you were, you'd blow off the appointment completlety, and not even give it a second thought. things wil be fine, and i bet you will be really glad you went and that you were honest. you know "the man upstairs" he puts us through some heavy fucking trips, however he does not give us more than we can handle, life is pretty fucked sometimes, but it can also be really good to. i hope you feel better soon. dont ever give up. life is a good thing.