is it still possible to feel good?

[†∆†]

update:

haven't done any since i last posted. just looking at the mirror thing on my bedside table made me feel disgusting, like i'm doing something filthy. the OPPOSITE of glamorous.

but having a romanticized idea about drug use wasn't what started it.

in the simplest terms: i wanted to feel good, and this drug was the easiest way (in the short term) to do that.

 

[Moredopamine]

You'll likely never feel as good as you did with a good line of cocaine.

But that's true for anyone, addicted or not. Natural rewards aren't as rewarding. Maybe you can go about pursuing more "noble" pleasures, like learning, exercising, socializing, donating, volunteering, etc --they have a sense of purity to them that cocaine doesn't.

 

[†∆†]

You'll likely never feel as good as you did with a good line of cocaine.
.

this was/is my fear, and the reason i made this post

i guess it's just something i'm going to have to accept

 

[Moredopamine]

this was/is my fear, and the reason i made this post

i guess it's just something i'm going to have to accept

Did you read the entire post? I go on say that even those who have never used a drug cannot feel natural rewards as intense as certain psychoactive drugs. In that sense, everyone alive has to accept the fact that there's a limit to natural rewards.

If it makes you feel better, if you take a long enough break from cocaine and take it again, you can probably feel almost as good as you did the first time you did a line. I don't see why this would be something to look forward to however.


If you're serious about living life without cocaine (and whatever else you might be using), take up vigorous exercise, get your omega-3 fats vitamins etc, and start a good antidepressant (i.e. probably not SSRIs).

 

[Moredopamine]

double post

 

[Missykins]

Did you read the entire post? I go on say that even those who have never used a drug cannot feel natural rewards as intense as certain psychoactive drugs. In that sense, everyone alive has to accept the fact that there's a limit to natural rewards.

With all due respect, you're hardly the predominant sentiment here.

I used drugs quite heavily before I quit, and I'm much happier now. My using life was simply a pit of despair.

I think one of the issues here is that you"ve (OP) yet to experience the despair that accompanies drug addiction: being arrested, imprisoned, overdose, homelessness, loss of friends and family, and the loss of any aspirations that you might have had. These things are part and parcel with drug use.

 

[Lolie]

Personally, I find the highs associated with hypomania to be far more intense and enduring than those produced by coke or speed. Unfortunately, the lows are also prolonged and intense and avoiding those means keeping the hypomania under control.

While I get the idea of finding meaning and fulfillment in "noble" activities, I don't think it's in any way essential that the methods we use to comfort and feel good about ourselves are altruistic or selfless.

 

[†∆†]

Personally, I find the highs associated with hypomania to be far more intense and enduring than those produced by coke or speed. Unfortunately, the lows are also prolonged and intense and avoiding those means keeping the hypomania under control.

this is a very good point.

it seems as though the serious coke usage began just as i was becoming able to control my manic states. obviously it's has been counterproductive in that regard (i mean, it's fucking coke) and the more and more i use it, the more i'm reminding myself of the person i was when my manic depression was completely untreated, which is kind of a scary thought.

i had another thread about this called "addicted to manic phases," and i think that issue is very relevant here. even though, consciously, i know that creating manic episodes for myself will inevitably lead to a whole host of problems when its over (dysphoria, lack of motivation, etc. you know the deal,) i still seem to have some fascination with recreating some of my bipolar episodes, as unpleasant as they sometimes were...

 

[Lolie]

It's hard to find the sweet spot with bipolar disorder - that point where you're engaged, motivated, enthusiastic etc without being on the brink of mania or depression - but it is worth working with your mental health professionals to find it. And when you do find it, it lasts a hell of a lot longer than anything drug induced.

I think the difficult bit is learning not to chase the extreme intensity of full-on mania, but after a while you do get to learn the signs that you're pushing the envelope and you can choose to pull back a bit at that point. You do actually get a really good idea after a while of your personal "safe" range of emotions and their intensity. According to my shrink, people with bipolar disorder tend to have a great deal of insight into their own mental processes which helps in terms of getting it under control if they choose to use that insight.

 

[GirlInterrupted]

I started out my addiction by doing drugs to make myself feel bad that I did drugs to do more drugs. Do you get what I'm saying?
Don't get too caught up in it cause before you know it, the sad story you created for yourself becomes real. That's what happened to me.

Cokes tolerance builds up fast as fuck. You realize it's no fun but mentally you still crave it. It's weird like that.

I really don't know what point I'm trying to make anymore. Hah.

But just take a look at how many replies you have gotten to this your thread. 3 pages about. And none of us have even met you before. It's because we've all been down that road and it hurts to see someone else go down it too. You may not feel deserving of our care but we do care.

I'm not going to lie but I know when I was in your shoes I wouldn't listen to anyone and wanted to find things out myself. So all I can really do is wish that whatever choices you make you stay safe.

 

[Depressicaa]

if i've given off the impression that i think what i am doing is "cool," then i apologize, because this is not the case. sitting in my bed shaking because i'm so coked up gets old really fast. i don't think of coke as something that is snorted off of strippers' backs with hundred dollars bills, or some other glamorized thing.

why are you making that assumption about me?

Sorry was that aimed at me?
You have to stop running away from life with drugs. Drugs are great, but drugs aren't what you really want. You want companionship, something that drugs don't offer you.

 

[†∆†]

Sorry was that aimed at me?
You have to stop running away from life with drugs. Drugs are great, but drugs aren't what you really want. You want companionship, something that drugs don't offer you.

yes it was.

i think that everyone wants companionship, it's a universal thing and i'm included.

however, i do have people that care about me in my life, and that doesn't seem to make much of a difference in the way i feel. i mean, people want to spend time with me, but i still don't feel that i am loved or appreciated. i think it's more about my mental state/outlook rather than my surroundings, though they do play a part.

 

[wtblife]

If you make it more than a couple days, sobriety really starts to feel pretty good imo. Then when that happens you start feeling the need to be more productive, and life starts to get better, but you have to stay active.

I guess that mainly applies to downers actually, going clean off amp made me feel like I couldn't do anything without it, but for how much it fucks up my appearance, it's worth avoiding as much as possible. And here come the cravings, fuck.

 

[Rageius]

I'm 16 just like you and dealing with all the same shit. Started adderall freshmen year, my pill count is about 100 without care of waiting between rolls, i've never been sober of meth for longer then 4 weeks since I started using - all while getting a gram or 2 of coke up my nose every now and then.

Last week I finally put my foot down and flushed an 8ball of good coke down the toilet. I'm sick of having so many ups and downs with drugs. They're simply just not worth it anymore, plus the sooner you quit the easier it is.

want to know what feels good after quitting drugs? saying no to them

 

[†∆†]

overall, my moods have definitely been much less volatile since i've curbed my drug use, which is a welcome change indeed. i was out of control before, and it was frightening at times.

what's been driving me to buy drugs (on the rare occasions that i do,) is the delusion that i don't REALLY feel any better post-cocaine. obviously this couldn't be further from the truth.

it's just incredibly depressing to me because i'd consider myself a very intelligent and precocious person who should be able to think things out better. i guess that's how addiction works though; no one seems to be immune.

 

[godlovesugly]

Once you're dead, you can't get high again. If you're sober, you can get high again whenever you can/are ready to.

^ haha this is true.

You'll likely never feel as good as you did with a good line of cocaine.

But that's true for anyone, addicted or not. Natural rewards aren't as rewarding. Maybe you can go about pursuing more "noble" pleasures, like learning, exercising, socializing, donating, volunteering, etc --they have a sense of purity to them that cocaine doesn't.

i highly disagree with this.