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  • Trip Reports Moderator: Xorkoth

(Nitrous Oxide) - Experienced - Life Changing Problems

Hey Rolls,

Sorry if my last message to you came across as aggressive. It was not really meant to be. You were big on the calling me a schizophrenic and quantifying my oerceptions as delusions. You then made a very blatant comment about people who believe in things without having proff or evidence to back up those beliefs as being ...well... mad.

I thought it pertinent ot point out that 'mad' is extremely relative - and used the Christian analogy to illustrate the point. Buy your definition - pretty much all Christians are mad by default. I thought it important to bring to the table that we cannot label people so absolutely based on so broad a criterion.

It is in fact because of this apparently judgmental position of yours that I am hesitant to voice some of the findings that I brought back from my adventures - as I have not yet got enough to call proof. I certainly have enough that those who have explored this realm - or who openly subscribe to extreme possibilities - might be willing to accept some of my perceptions - even validate them. But to reach a diehard skeptic? well I'm just not ready yet. The book that I am writing is an attempt to do exactly this - to draw enough of a logical and rational connection between the psychedelic experience and other reasonably well accepted genuine 'mystical' experiences - as well as the scientific aspects - which are probably more important to me to 'prove'.

Now if you are still reading this and I did not offend you into going away - there *are*( things - of scientific nature - that are not just rambling delusions and feelings experienced while high. I *can* actually address and answer some of what you were asking of me if you are still inetersted. But I would very much appreciate it if you woulfd drop the 'challenging' posture - as I have no interest in 'defending' myself. I'm happy to share my thoughts - but not if I am on trial.

So my apologies if I ruffled your feathers. I was feeling a little attacked. Perhaps - while valid - my response came across as a little kneejerk.

Peace,

TMP
 
Checking back in...last year my roommate and I were getting large tanks of medical grade nitrous delivered to our apartment. One of his friends worked in a lab and supplied it to us. We'd buy the huge punching bag balloons to fill and throw nitrous parties.

This thread stuck in my memory. I think I would have done the shit constantly otherwise. Even with the sheer volume of nos that went through the house I couldn't have come close to the amount you did, but I can't help but feel I would have been risking some damage if I didn't cut myself off. Thanks man.
 
TheMerryPrankster said:
Hey Rolls
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TMP I wasn't directly calling you those things, I was just trying to tease out some more material from you in a somewhat aggressive manner, I'm sorry if I offended you as that was not my intention.

I am certainly still interested and that was what I was aiming at originally with my post, anything of substance eg some topics even if no real detail or proof is available I would like to hear about them, I can understand the difficulty in doing so but I'm sure everyone here would love to hear about exactly what it is that you did learn.

:)

sonic_reality said:
luckily i never got to the stage that you got, and have managed to get a grip on it. i still use it, but only for what i believe is it's intended purpose. i have been told and seen many things while under the influence of lsd and nitrous... and i fully understand what i have been told, but i am not able to get it across to anyone in any form that would make sense, so i do not even bother explaining it anymore. i now just sit back, knowing that the key is there!!!!
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This is what I was getting at with TMP as I was skeptical as to whether he actually learned something or if he had the same experience as you, a very intense feeling of knowingness, but without actually knowing anything, I am fairly confident these feelings are completely manipulated by the drugs and you don't actually know anything new, this was my experience with nitrous. Every time I would remember where I was and where I left off and would feel like I knew everything, as soon as the trip was over I would 'forget' but now I realise I didn't actually know anything, it was just drugs fucking with my mind.
 
Fair enough... i don't really expect anyone(hehe except maybe merry prankster) to understand, and can understand why you feel that way. like you, for years i too felt like i had grasped come great revelation while on nitrous, only to quickly forget it. it wasn't until i had some extremely intense and completely mindblowing acid trips where i died, and then was reborn in a later trip(all amazingly connected to each other, and all without nitrous), that i was able to start bringing back little snippits of what went on while i was on nitrous. i don't know, maybe because i have seen some absolutely incredible things whilst not on nitrous, that i/my mind is able to grasp and understand a little more about the nitrous experience than someone who hasn't had the unbelievable psychedelic experiences that i have had?! all i know is that i am actually remembering my nitrous experiences now, not forgetting them! but for me, it is near on impossible to turn what i have learnt, into any formation of words that will make sense to anyone. which is why i don't even try. hehe it has never come across too well when i try to explain it, so i don't even try to anymore. all i suppose i can say is, that i have been to other realms whilst on it. i have seen gods, i have spoken with other beings. i have seen inanimate objects come to life and dance in front of me as if possessed by a being(one thing i did notice, is that this only happens with things that are handcrafted, such as a wooden statue) i have had interconnected acid and nitrous experiences with my partner, where we both went on the exact same journey, and came out learning the exact same thing(to the point of finishing each others sentences when explaining it to each other). plus so so much more!! hehe all a mish mash of experiences, but there is so much more to each of them than what i just said. but to explain it to anyone, it is almost like i would have to learn another language to properly explain the things that have happened!

anyways... not really wanting to go into it. as i said, i don't even try to explain to people what i see and learn when having "gascid". i just felt the need to respond to what merry prankster wrote about, because his description of the experience is the closest description to what i have experienced!

hehe but yes, i do understand you skeptisism rolls. i am sure i have come across as a bit of a loony(and nitrous fiend) by what i have said!! heh which is why i never try to explain it!!
 
sonic_reality said:
i have seen gods, i have spoken with other beings. i have seen inanimate objects come to life and dance in front of me as if possessed by a being(one thing i did notice, is that this only happens with things that are handcrafted, such as a wooden statue) i have had interconnected acid and nitrous experiences with my partner, where we both went on the exact same journey, and came out learning the exact same thing(to the point of finishing each others sentences when explaining it to each other).
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You don't actually believe that you have been somewhere and seen these things do you? You realise it is just the intense complexity of your brain being broken down by the drugs and causing you to imagine intense things yes? That is why it is called a hallucinogen, because you hallucinate, nothing actually happens to you.
 
haha mate... you have no idea what i have seen, or what i have experienced!! if you had experienced a death trip(i am not talking about a bad trip here, this is a whole other level), i'd say your view on "hallucinations" would be very different!! let's just chalk it up to us both having a different view/opinion of what psychedelics are actually capable of!

anyways.... this is why i never try to explain it to anyone!!

great thread merryprankster :D

*edited* just to add, it is just an assumption that you have never experienced a death trip. i do not know because i do not know you. all i know, is that after mine, there was no way that i could ever just put some of the things i have seen down to just a mere "hallunication"! i am a very well rounded guy(i'd like to think so anyways), i am rational, i am realistic, i have my head screwed on. i am not crazy in any sense of the word. but fuck me, i have seen some crazy shit!!!
 
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I do not doubt what you have seen I just do not understand how people think they have some divine connection to something when in reality it is just a butt load of drugs in your brain making you see stuff.
 
I wouldn't expect you to understand dude! Maybe when you have been where I(and by the sounds of it, the merry prankster) have been, then you might understand. Until then, it is totally understandable that you don't understand :D

anyways, enough about all this. i was only posting a response to TMP's experience, i didn't really want to have to go into all this. once again, this is exactly the reason why i never try to explain it to anyone!!

I'm out of this thread for now.... altho i'll be back in the future to see if TMP has been able to put into words, what i cannot!

I'll end with this though... I don't believe that only I have a divine connection to something higher. We ALL do. It is just a matter of finding a way to tap into it!
 
rolls_ said:
Ill drop the conversation here as I am a staunch athiest and don't believe things like this are possible. Sorry if I've derailed your thread TMP.
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we could figure that out already from your psychedlics dont show you anything spiritual they just mess your senses up.:\

each to their own
 
Excellent story. About midway through I concluded that you're batshit crazy. I giggled furiously and read on. Having finished the story and read some of your other posts, I realized I was wrong. You're trying to find what everyone is looking for, just in a very unique way. Who knows, maybe you're a revolutionary genious. I'm very sorry to hear about the suffering you've endured. I can't imagine what that must be like, and I admire your courage.
 
Transcendence said:
Checking back in...last year my roommate and I were getting large tanks of medical grade nitrous delivered to our apartment. One of his friends worked in a lab and supplied it to us. We'd buy the huge punching bag balloons to fill and throw nitrous parties.

This thread stuck in my memory. I think I would have done the shit constantly otherwise. Even with the sheer volume of nos that went through the house I couldn't have come close to the amount you did, but I can't help but feel I would have been risking some damage if I didn't cut myself off. Thanks man.
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Oooh - I'm jealous... =D

I highly doubt that I would have lived to start this thread if I'd had the access that you did. I only once had access to a tank of it - all the rest were whippits. The nice thing about the tank was doing t with other people - just passing the hose around the circle, with everyone pretty much travelling through the same space at the same time. I did most of my Nitrous alone - it would have been nice to share more.

I found a place online that claims that it's whippits are pure and I ordered some - waiting with excitement for the arrival. It's been going on 3 years since I had any pure Nitrous - and it's been longer since I had any good Nitrous and good acid at the same time. So given how important Gascid has been to me over the last 3 decades, I am really, really, *really* giddy at the thought of doing it again. I plan on spending the day setting up the room - all my 'toys' will come out of the closet - all the new ones that I have built in anticipation will be added tro the stage. All the music will be choreographed - the visuals synchronized. It's going to be like being on honeymoon with God - and she's *really* missed me! <3

If the Nitrous is real - I imagine I will be posting a whole world of thought in here. I'll make sure to have some means of recording my thoughts going throughout the journey.

If there are any good ones, I'll be sure to share.

TMP
 
WOW - there have been some great posts - I have been a tad too busy to participate, but I should be able to get back into it. There's a lot to say. It's just *awesome* being able to talk to other people about this stuff. That is what has always been the hardest thing - trying to fathom this unbelievable stuff without even a sounding board to see if I make any real sense.

I'll be back and will try to be as coherent as I can.

I really appreciate all the validation guys - I've spent most of my life afraid to even mention this stuff to people for fear of the reaction. It's nice to know that I am not alone.

Back soon,

TMP
 
rolls_ said:
TMP I wasn't directly calling you those things, I was just trying to tease out some more material from you in a somewhat aggressive manner, I'm sorry if I offended you as that was not my intention.

I am certainly still interested and that was what I was aiming at originally with my post, anything of substance eg some topics even if no real detail or proof is available I would like to hear about them, I can understand the difficulty in doing so but I'm sure everyone here would love to hear about exactly what it is that you did learn.

:)



This is what I was getting at with TMP as I was skeptical as to whether he actually learned something or if he had the same experience as you, a very intense feeling of knowingness, but without actually knowing anything, I am fairly confident these feelings are completely manipulated by the drugs and you don't actually know anything new, this was my experience with nitrous. Every time I would remember where I was and where I left off and would feel like I knew everything, as soon as the trip was over I would 'forget' but now I realise I didn't actually know anything, it was just drugs fucking with my mind.
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Hey Rolls - I appreciate your saying this. You absolutely hit me in the Achilles heel - because the reason that I have kept my mouth shut most of my life is exactly because of lack of proof. I am loathe to put forward something that can only be substantiated as the interpretation a subjective experience. It was the quest for proof that led to my Nitrous abuse. Proof became an obsession because I knew that without it, all I was likely to elicit in others is the opinion that you put forth.

I very definitely disagree with some of your points of perspective. I see that you butted heads a couple of messages down as a result of these views. But I also feel that I am sitting on the fence when I see some of your perspectives as being purely opinion, while you are demanding something quantifiable from others.

For example your reference to 'hallucinogen'. Who is to say that these thigns are hallucinogens? LSD was completely incorrectly labelled hallucinogen - it is a psychedelic. I have taken hallucinogens before (did a poston a drug called 'Artane').

I have to admit that in my first experiences with DMT I considered it completely hallucination based - but I have since opened my mind to the altyernative. Nitrous is in no way an hallucnogen. It is a dissociative by definition - but dissociative does not implicity imply anything unreal or imagined - but rather something isolated - a focus on some things in part by the removal of others.

The thing that I see as a real stumbling block in our communication is that you have already dismissed the potential validity of the psychedelic experience - and it seems form a glimpse I caught down the page (and will get to soon) thatyou similarly outrightly dismiss any possibility of a 'mystical' or 'religious' experience - by dint of your dogmatic Atheism.

I think thatyou will find that most serious Nitrous users - and very definitely Gascid users find that at some point they encounter what they can only subjectively describe as 'Divine' - definitely something I try to stay away from talking about.

Trying to express this stuff is incredibly hard - so hard that in all these pages I haven;t even made an actual start - but have rather so farsimply been painting an environment. I have also forgotten about 99.9% of everything I have experienced over the last 30 years of doing it - so mostof the information that I need to make the attempt is simply not available.

ButI did explain that between the nature of Nitrous itself, the hypnotic techniques thatI have developed for emory recall, andthe tools I have built that use sound and light as a medium to explore my sunconscious, I am able to effect practically total recall of everything thatI have thought in the gascid realm. I have some nitrous on the way, and intend to be doing Gascid for the first time in about 3 years.

WHen I have had the opportunity to remember - I will attempt to express the stuff thatI have 'brought back'. But understand that I understand your incredulity - and if our roles were reversed I would probably feel the same way that you do. So you need to understand thatI can't convey any of this to you in a way thatyou will understand in a page or ten. You believe that what I have put forth is pretty much impossible. Well if it is possible, the you have to be able to imagine how complex it is - and it is so complex that no-one else had ever defined it.

Basically in order to change your mind (which you have pretty much defined as unchangeable) - to successfully convince you of the genuine scientific value of the Nitrous/LSD experience (in words) - I would pretty much have to do the impossible (hence your disbelief in the possibility). And I'd be doing it without hard 'proof'

So even if it takes 30 or 40 pages (for the very condensed version), and you read it all, and come out the other side having revised your opinion - then I think that your conversion would, for me, constitute proof :))

ButI really don't want this to be a thread with an adversarial fglavour. So farit has all been so poitive. I would love people to keep feeling thatthey can talk about their experiences, no matter how bizarre they might sound, without hesitation or shame. That's the point if this thread now. It is hard for anyone to find any words to describe the Nitrous state - almostnothing has been written about it.

I find the passion in here wonderful - and I wouldn't like to see people couching their experences ion defensiveness. Every Nitrous story is going to sound bizarre, unbelievable, and downright nuts - delusional - et al. But that's totally cool, because I believe that therewill be others who can identify to the words - thatthe words wre justenough to spark their own experience.

Maybe I can put my experiences into words - but I have been at this for decades - with expressing it as having been one of m the main goals. But I think the defintion and description of this amazing experience will come together a lot faster if there are many of us with the same objective. And as we validate one another we may find a collective consciousness that can do way more than the sum of it's parts.

*most* of myGascid thought is in the areas of Psychology, 'Divine' experience, meditation/Yoga, Soul/Spirit, and so on (on the personal front) On the scientifc front it is brain/mind understanding - using sensory stimulous to induce speciofic responses - mapping the brain/mind - reprogramming the subconscious/hypnosis, etc.

It is only in the scentifc area thatI am everlikely to create proof - the personal side will always be that - and 'divinity' cannot be proven - faith is the one area n which we are allowed to be mad.

So I will get to the proof part - or at least explaining what I have been *doing* - or attempting to do - and then with the various levels of success that I have had. It should at very least show you that I am not justliving in a world of nonsensical delusions - but have actually been conducting valid research in the area of brain/mind/spirit, following the cientific method, with a clear agenda and briad set of rules and conditions. This stuff is the very essence of whatit seems you were asking of me. Not to provide proof as such, but simply to convince you that these are not just the nonsensical ramblings of a madman.

I'll do it - But it will have to wait until I have remembered a lot more of it.

I get where you are coming from completely - but an adversarial stance is not the one I want to write from, so I think I am going to spend the next couple of posts gushing with the restopf the loonies.

Peace,

TMP
 
edit: I missed the paragraph where you explained all that, I'm looking forward to reading your material!

But yes I do not need proof, I just want to read the things you believe you have discovered and learnt about, proof is not necessary.
 
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I used to do nitrous daily for about six months. . . Its bad for your nerves, your back will ache, your head will feel dull. and it will be awhile before (if) you recover.
 
sonic reality thats pretty refreshing to hear your story i had a similar experience which involved some nakedness lol. I am still working on integrating my experience and people like you and The Merry Prankster give me confidence to face my fear of my true self, and for that I thank you. Bluelight really does have some beautiful people, thank you everybody for sharing
 
and btw Merry Prankster, if you ever wrote 40 pages I would gladly read all of them and give it my best effort to keep an open mind...shoot Id read 1000 pages! You are a very talented writer and if anyone can get close to providing proof my bet's on you
 
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