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Please help me plan this out

Depressicaa

Depressicaa

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 6, 2010
Messages
1,184
Location
Strip mall. :p
tl;dr
AIM me or PM me if you want, I would really like to do this... now.
I want to have a good enough trip to fix my problems, I thought I had an ego death but it was not helpful and I just went back to my usual self destructive habits.
Planned on:
Looking through photo albums.
Snorting 2CE, have a ton of it left.
Taking amps at the same time, I love the CNS feelings and my heartrate is reasonably timed I don't think my heartrate will kill me, but I have benzos and vicodin handy if I need to stop it, gum for my mouth. I would rather not take benzos since I think they will dull it.

I have a lot of stuff I think is repressed and I need to kill so I started thinking, I have to stop half assing myself so I started changing a few things, but of course the half ass fixes were half assed themselves, and while proving helpful they could be much better.

I know I'm going to sound crazy since I am, after all thats what I'm trying to fix, it sounds so stupid, like fixing a plane by crashing another into it or whatever.

Okay here we go:
I've slept almost nothing since Thursday.
Its the fourth day and I have slept but not much.

I tripped, decided to take amps, fell asleep for four hours, and then stayed up and did... nothing except in the morning i tried a small 2CE dose and it sucked. It got me back into plugging the stuff, I actually think I would rather have a small amount up my ass than eating a larger amount. But yes I imagine that I can keep staying up since I have more than a month's worth of amps to stay up. And I started reading maps and this article: http://www.maps.org/books/scr/noframes.html

I gathered a lot of photo albums since I guess I should look through them, after all I always thought look towards the future, but if I can accept the past or at least kill it I would like to. Would really like to have some helpful suggestions on pictures of childhood, I imagine that most people don't look at them. If there is a thread I can use I didn't know what to look for, don't be afraid to just link something useful because I wasn't smart enough to find it haha.

From my point of view this stuff I think is effeminate or unfitting for me, but I assume I'm fucked up enough to try to fix it.

I'm going to submit before I find something else wrong I should retype.
 
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I'm going to stick some Dexedrine and 2CE in my butt now.
I'm going to flip through photo albums too.
I'll refresh this thread as something comes up haha.
 
When I get really sleep deprived I feel unhealthy all over which seems to agitate my tendencies toward mental instability. A healthy body promotes a healthy mind and sleep is one of your most important basic physical needs right behind air and water. I don’t mean to trivialize your problems, and of course sleep won’t fix them all, but I think it can work wonders on making your mind feel repaired.

I find 2ce to be an almost absurdly intense psychedelic experience. It can really bring a lot of things to the surface and force me to confront them. It can really rub some of those things in my face in a harsh way if it happens to be one of “those” trips. Those can be some of the most difficult but ultimately rewarding times on 2ce. Then again what do I know? I’ve only taken it a few times but I was VERY impressed with how powerful the experiences were. What does anybody know about any psychedelic really?

I know that people say you should go into a trip with some idea of what you hope to explore/achieve, but sometimes when I do that, the psychedelic will just slap me down hard… as if I could be so foolish and self-centered to think I can simply tell the drug what I want it to show me. Of course that doesn’t keep my stubborn ass from trying; I can never seem to check my intentions at the door, even if I think I already have.

Sorry if I haven’t said anything helpful… I don’t think I have too much great advice to offer. The main thing I came in to post is that I can relate to some of the things you said, and I hope it all pans out for you.
 
Depressicaa - I think you need to source some mescaline... If anything is going to guide you through your problems with a heavy-handed but not ridiculously insane hand, it is going to be mescaline. If DMT is the spirit molecule, mescaline is the god/goddess/universe/whateveryoubelieve molecule. It is cross-tolerant with phens and amps though so you may need to cut down on those for a few days but let me tell you, I'm still integrating from my trip. It literally took me through my entire life from childhood to adulthood and told me the things I did wrong, how many people I hurt, how the actions I have made have come back to me, and how to go about fixing my life. Now it is just a matter of integration.

Mind you that I have a sort of weird drug reaction like you do. I get lots of visuals but I never get a "head trip" - mescaline shattered my barriers like no other and it lasts a good 10 hours so you get a lot of time for it to guide you through things instead of shoving them down your throat all at once like other psychedelics do.
 
These fake chemicals are good, i don't mind being violently thrown about. But how would I know without trying mescaline right? Haha

I have such a ridiculously boring childhood, hmm might have been molested, I do see a pattern haha. Its disturbing how no one else can to be honest! Wow it is so fucking obvious its hilarious! No wonder people always called me the sneaky kid :(

Well it would be too much to list to tell you where I'm at right now in this point of my life but it couldn't have been done without you bluelight, thank you drugs too lol
n
me

Uhmm so anyways to the people who will be reading this later its 2CE (fucking sticky shit doesn't scale right, I wish I knew how much I took) on a ridiculous amount of amphetamines, I don't know how many but its less than 40mg which is a lot to me though, 4 days I have taken probably less than 200, but its not good to lose track of number or not care lol.
 
jeezits said:
When I get really sleep deprived I feel unhealthy all over which seems to agitate my tendencies toward mental instability. A healthy body promotes a healthy mind and sleep is one of your most important basic physical needs right behind air and water. I don’t mean to trivialize your problems, and of course sleep won’t fix them all, but I think it can work wonders on making your mind feel repaired.

I find 2ce to be an almost absurdly intense psychedelic experience. It can really bring a lot of things to the surface and force me to confront them. It can really rub some of those things in my face in a harsh way if it happens to be one of “those” trips. Those can be some of the most difficult but ultimately rewarding times on 2ce. Then again what do I know? I’ve only taken it a few times but I was VERY impressed with how powerful the experiences were. What does anybody know about any psychedelic really?

I know that people say you should go into a trip with some idea of what you hope to explore/achieve, but sometimes when I do that, the psychedelic will just slap me down hard… as if I could be so foolish and self-centered to think I can simply tell the drug what I want it to show me. Of course that doesn’t keep my stubborn ass from trying; I can never seem to check my intentions at the door, even if I think I already have.

Sorry if I haven’t said anything helpful… I don’t think I have too much great advice to offer. The main thing I came in to post is that I can relate to some of the things you said, and I hope it all pans out for you.
Click to expand...

Of course you have! Thank you! Exactly the same thing happened right now. I was like hey interesting, but then I went back to "no me" haha
 
Oh don't get me wrong - mescaline is intense as fuck - its just that its a phenethylamine so it isn't as in your face, strap yourself in and prepare for the ride that tryptamines tend to have. Its very much like a less dark, extended-duration 2C-E with some serious visuals at high doses but that's not the main context of the trip, the mind component is.
 
I have no idea what drugs anyone would have to be on to invite someone after they've been in the Mexican prison for 10 years and live with their kid, wow! I bet thats happened more often than not, and the drug cycle continue, to its end hopefully? Doubtful, but I'll see :p

Uhh the real question? Forgive, if it was just me then yes, but I've done some really mean stuff and so much could have been prevented so I can't say yes on that. Affirmative no. Understanding, yup wish I could have traveled back in time to hand him some money for hoes or whisk me away :p

Whats done is done, sorry I'm being weird in my thread? Hahaaa

I haven't had a real 'organic' one before I am definitely going to keep a look out for it though.
 
Hey quick question, I didn't find a good one in the forums:

I'm already sleep deprived, does this weaken or enhance the effects? I will have to take more anyways, I dont know if I should sleep first and redose or just get it over with now.

#800 whooo
 
Not hard to find get some bridgesii powder and extract it or just cook it down to a drinkable amount... its worth the hard work. I did it the lazy way though and got pure mescaline HCl synthetic style lol - still felt very natural... in fact it felt wrong many times to be tripping in the house and I NEVER want to trip outside... hate the sun.
 
Wow thanks for the info, I would have never thought that!
I don't care if it is natural or not, I'm more interested in the effects. If it is a unique one I will definitely try it.

I know I screwed up my Adderall tolerance, but hopefully I can abstain from stims, I doubt it will last long, but at least I'll stop haha.
This stuff makes my body tremble and twitch but I actually like the side effects I was gonna take an vicodin+benedryl but I'm going to enjoy what most people hate instead
 
Depressicaa said:
I'm already sleep deprived, does this weaken or enhance the effects? I will have to take more anyways, I dont know if I should sleep first and redose or just get it over with now.
Click to expand...

What kinda question is that, honestly?

You have to know that the only decent answer to that question is: stop eating drugs and go to sleep, please.

Hope everything's going alright for you. <3 This thread is a bit alarming, TBH, perhaps take a closer look at your use of psychedelics and evaluate whether or not its productive?

MagickalKat777 said:
you never know, mesc helps alcoholics quit all the time I'm sure it can do the same for narcotics and stims.
Click to expand...

I'm sure it can also make some people's problems much worse..
 
stop eating drugs and go to sleep, please.
Click to expand...

^

Send me a message on IRC or something when I'm next on if you want to talk, but seriously, stop dosing, eat something, then get some sleep.
 
Jesusgreen said:
^

Send me a message on IRC or something when I'm next on if you want to talk, but seriously, stop dosing, eat something, then get some sleep.
Click to expand...
I am banned from IRC, if you go to other channels, please tell me which one.

I went to sleep, slept around 10 hours or so, and now I have such a huge mess to clean up.

I don't know if dosing without sleeping for so long was a good idea in the first place, it severely weakened the effects during the redose. Stuff looks 'weird' to me, if I stare at something long enough it moves or flows a little bit.

Thanks everyone!
 
You're apparently going through your stimulant phase at this point, I can see that. I used to do tons of stims but for the last few years I have completely given them up in favor of herbs/cannabinoids and tryps/phens.

Honestly, if you want to have a life changing trip (which doesn't always happen on command even with the best preparations and intent, it can be independent of dose, substance, and even setting). I suggest you quit taking all uppers and downers for a week, prepare a pill and prepare your mind and psyche for the experience. If you can't stay sober then smoke ganj to stay 'high' for the week.

Once all the uppers and downers have left your system and you feel ready for it, get in a meditative or religious posture before an altar of things that matter to you in your life (like the photos or some important books and papers, etc. you can have just a few things, none, or make a little pile). Then take your chosen substance orally and in a moderate to high pre-weighed dose.

Then get into some hard thinking about your life and your current situations in your life. You might just figure some things out and come out happy.

But yeah, to summarize, clean yourself up from the uppers and downers, then bomb a good dose after a week of relative sobriety w/ no psy tolerance in a setting where you won't be bothered and try for the best.
 
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