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Opioids thinking about shooting an opiate

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sweetmistress

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Oct 22, 2010
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Hi all,
I'm a 25 year old female looking for some help. I've recently become somewhat consumed with the desire to try shooting an opiate. (probably oxy) I don't want it to become a habit, but I don't want to die without experiencing whatever this amazing, indescribable "rush" is.
If I were to attempt doing it I would set very strict guidelines for myself. I would commit before hand to not even touching a needle again for a very long time at least- if not forever. I feel that I could easily commit to 6 months at least, regardless of how much I did or did not like it.
I respect the shit out of this drug, and I can't imagine that any blissful experience, regardless of how perfect, could make me lose myself enough to start doing such a dangerous drug frequently. However, everybody always seems to say that once you shoot up you're fucked- don't touch the needle, there's no going back, it's all downhill from there, etc. This shit scares me a lot, but it also kind of seems like it might be kinda bullshit. I feel that I am in control of myself, and no drug could possibly feel good enough to make me forego the risks and start injecting regularly.
I am a happy person that loves their life. I'm not unstable, depressed, or looking for an escape. I just fucking need to know what all the fuss is about so I can stop thinking about it obsessively. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering about what this rush feels like.
Does everyone who shoots up once get fucked for life? Just how risky is trying it?
Please help me. I really don't want to fuck my life up.
 
sweetmistress said:
Hi all,
I'm a 25 year old female looking for some help. I've recently become somewhat consumed with the desire to try shooting an opiate. (probably oxy) I don't want it to become a habit, but I don't want to die without experiencing whatever this amazing, indescribable "rush" is.
If I were to attempt doing it I would set very strict guidelines for myself. I would commit before hand to not even touching a needle again for a very long time at least- if not forever. I feel that I could easily commit to 6 months at least, regardless of how much I did or did not like it.
I respect the shit out of this drug, and I can't imagine that any blissful experience, regardless of how perfect, could make me lose myself enough to start doing such a dangerous drug frequently. However, everybody always seems to say that once you shoot up you're fucked- don't touch the needle, there's no going back, it's all downhill from there, etc. This shit scares me a lot, but it also kind of seems like it might be kinda bullshit. I feel that I am in control of myself, and no drug could possibly feel good enough to make me forego the risks and start injecting regularly.
I am a happy person that loves their life. I'm not unstable, depressed, or looking for an escape. I just fucking need to know what all the fuss is about so I can stop thinking about it obsessively. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering about what this rush feels like.
Does everyone who shoots up once get fucked for life? Just how risky is trying it?
Please help me. I really don't want to fuck my life up.
Click to expand...

Well if you want a rush, Do not do oxycodone. Go with hydromorhpone or morphine (or oxymorphone if attainable). I can't really explain how it feels, other than its wonderful (maybe some other members could word it better than me).
 
ma'm I understand what you're asking but the way you're describing it is text book addictive behavior. Instead of looking for feedback from the peanut gallery what you need to do is arm yourself with the knowledge of harm reduction and also addictive substance recovery materials as much as you can before you decide to push. i may over analyze the things i read but if the voice in my head read your paragraph the way it sounded in your head i can tell your diving head first into this without understanding the potential consequences of your behavior.


edit: if you're so concerned about having this drug rush experience, maybe you should consult a dental surgeon to remove those pesky wisdom teeth, they put you under in a controlled enviroment, with perfect technique, and a solid dose to give you a decent rush then put you to sleep. trying to shoot pills or heroin is a dance with death.
 
I wish i could make people understand who don't IV things. *sigh*


It isn't worth it. 1 in 4 people who try it, become addicted. That factor came from a show on the Discovery Channel called "Drugs Inc.: Heroin". They have made other versions respectively for the following drugs, Methamphetamine, Cannabis, and Cocaine.

Here is my take on I.V. opiates. It feels better than the traditional and first method people try, which is, of course, oral. Then, sublingual, plugged, and then snorting. Please make up your mind quickly and just don't do it.

I personally I.V. opiates and I wish I never had wanted to and done it. he rush isn't worth the social stigma alone.
 
Honestly it all depends on you...will iv'ing it 1 time hook u immediately no...but will u continue...thats up to u....i will tell u this..i am 24 and i was curious as to what the fuss was about..tried it and it was good...there is no high that can compare..once u do it this way u realize it is the only way 2 do it...i have been doing it for a year now and am addicted...u dont want this for you do you??? Think about it..once u get a taste of the high you wont want it any other way!!!....think long and think hard!!!
 
I think that shooting would only INCREASE your obsession with the drug. Would you rather be curious like you are now, or be stuck in an endless cycle of insatiable cravings and obsessive thoughts about opiates? Once you try it, there is no forgetting the way it feels...just keep that in mind. To me, spending the rest of your life longing for that feeling--whether you act on it or not--is a kind of torture I'd rather not subject myself to.

To say that "everyone thinks they're strong enough to not get addicted" does not do the subject justice. Look around this board and others like it--I bet you'll be hard pressed to find a single person who feels that shooting up has bettered their lives (except those in a delusional state trying to defend their addictions).

Not judging by any means, just offering an opinion. You know yourself better than anyone else, so do what you think is right.
 
i got addicted to dope....

i went straight from oc 10s to heroin

i never ever ever thought it be me......
 
Our african-american deity, lady codone and punched HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD.

If you NEED NEED NEED to try this now, imagine how much you're going to NEED NEED NEED it after experiencing how amazing it feels.

The fact of the matter is that people who don't have a predisposition toward addiction, DO NOT EVER experience this need you already feel before trying it.

If you have so much self-control, then exercise it NOW before you start rewiring circuitry in your brain to where you can't stop fixating on that single thing.

If every person on this board who believed, "I have self-control and I'm not going to get addicted if I try this. I will set limits and be firm in them" posted in here, you'd have 1,000 posts by the end of the week... scratch that, you'd have 250 posts because 750 of the people don't give enough of a fuck to respond because they're busy trying to get money to get their drug of choice, then they're trying to find a source, then they're preparing it, then they're using it, then they're nodding off from it, then their vomiting and shitting on themselves because they can't get it and with all that, who the fuck has time to go around warning others about what a mistake they're about to make?

Does everyone who shot up once have a fucked up life as a result? I don't know but if you find that 1 person out of 10,000 people who have tried IV drugs and only used it once, let me know what he says.

Six out of Seven people playing russian roulette with a Smith and Wesson model 686 aren't going to blow their head off but I'm still not going to put that gun to my head willingly.
 
Do it. Really.

It truly is the most fabulous route of administration, if done correctly. Two important things.

Number One: You must take time for harm reduction. This is crucial.
Number Two: Do not make promises to yourself.
 
I'm the elusive one-time shooter. I shot 60mg of oxycodone, knowing I was going for a world of trouble, but I just didn't really like it. Thankfully. My nasal or oral dose was normally 90mg at this time. Of course a veteran helped me through it. I guess I was expecting a rush like dilaudid (had in the hospital a few times), but it was nothing like that. It was like I snorted them or whatever, but I guess since I didn't do my "ritual", it felt kinda hollow. I am lucky, cause most people *love* it. But I thought the myth outweighed the reality...

However, although I only do oxy about 5-6 times a month now, I obsess over it by doing things like reading threads like this, and planning when I'll do it next, etc. Sure, I don't have a physical addiction, and that's a GREAT thing, but it still runs my life, pretty much.

I would advise against taking such an addictive substance in such an addictive way, but like others have said, be smart and don't delude yourself... you are taking a huge, HUGE risk if you shoot oxy. Be safe. :)

BTW I am also a 25 year old female, and this took place sometime last year or early this year.

As an aside, is there anything else that drives you to do *whatever* like the urges you're having to shoot up? You say you're not depressed or anything like that, and I'm not doubting you. I think in the end I have accomplished a lot in the "drug world" so to speak, but here I am at 25, not having accomplished anything tangible or lasting. Drugs are a quick way to achieve some kind of mythical plateau that many people don't go for (cause they're not interested, or never got exposed, or whatever), that to me feels a lot like "real" achievement (at the time). But at some point you've done it all, or all you're willing to do (and believe me for most people that's way more than they ever thought they were willing to do for drugs), and it doesn't feel all that great anymore. Where does one go from here? ... just a thought, you can be in this place without throwing a huge distraction in to the mix to possibly halt your growth/life, or you can try banging dope, probably get some kind of habit or at least a mental fixation (which you seem to already have btw), and end up back here older, more cynical, with a screwed up reward system in your brain, and who knows what else.

However it is your life and your brain, and I understand that insatiable want that can manifest with drugs. I'm not judging. I still think of shooting again, even though I didn't like it. That's how strong it is.

Be well, sorry for the long post.
 
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one thing to think.about is to begin with you probably won't use to much ifyour happy but when things turn bad..... that is usually when things go bad. you do a small dose your first time and think meh its not that good. a couple weeks later you try a bigger dose and like.it this is only the start. don't do it ! when i broke up with my gf i was shooting half a gram every second day. i ended up with severe septic shock. i ended up falling over while running to vomit i fell on my left side collapsed left lung ten hours on my left side causing kidney failure secondary to that renal and heart infection. I'm lucky to be alive and even luckier to not have brain damage. lucky for the experimental drugs
 
A Beginners (uhhh ... I mean 'ONE TIME SHOT') guide to shooting Oxy Contin

sweetmistress said:
Hi all,
I'm a 25 year old female looking for some help. I've recently become somewhat consumed with the desire to try shooting an opiate. (probably oxy) I don't want it to become a habit, but I don't want to die without experiencing whatever this amazing, indescribable "rush" is.
<snip>
Click to expand...

Ummm ... riiiight ...

If you've ever been in the hospital and had I.V. dilaudid - it's WAY MORE amazing that shooting oxy ... if you've had IV morphine then depending on the dose, it's closer to an oxy IV hit than anything else I've experienced. Basically ... any I.V. pain medicine you've had in the hospital ... that's about what you can expect ... only ... the Oxycontin won't be NECESSARILY as strong (depending on how you dose it of course) and just "man up" to the fact that you're a fucking drug addict and you like to get high. We're all grown ups here, you aren't talking to board of physicians seeking "knowledge for your research paper" so that you don't wind up dead on your toilet ... honesty is the best policy and it makes the whole pussy-footin around thing (in terms of how many words we have to type into these damn posts) diminish so we can cut to the chase and get to the point.

DO NOT ... I will repeat ... DO NOT DO THIS REGULARLY UNTIL YOU GET A MICRON FILTER - I will send you one if you need it (to a PO Box of your choice ... whatever ... ) ... I will PM you a web site where you can order your supplies from. They are dirt cheap compared to a haneous infection or <insert deity of choice> forbid ... an amputation.

ALSO, I'm going to assume you have the IR oxy's or the OC stamped pills because the new OR's will not shoot (unless someone figured out a way to break the slime barrier). If your oxy's have a two digit number on one side and the letters OR on the other, then they will merely gel up when you crush them and add water, making them useless for slamming. If that's you, then you're better off looking for a heroin dealer cause your done at this point.

OK, so you have the OC stamped pills ... you're young, healthy ... your veins are in good shape, you're not over weight and your heart is strong ... you want to try this ONCE without getting into the habit *snicker* ... seriously ... no need for the micron filter if this is a ONE TIME ONLY deal ... heres how its done (I shot oxy like this for months until I discovered this web site, wised up and started making damn near medical grade oxy solution ... seriously, I took pictures it was astounding how clean my shit was):


  • Lay out a clean paper towel or two ...
  • Get some extra paper towels that you will use to clean the coating from the outside of the pill.
  • A couple of STERILE syringes (never shoot with the syringe you prep with) - set aside your shooting syringe. OH and your syringe should be AT LEAST A 28 guage 1/2" 1cc diabetic syringe. If your guage is lower than 28, DON'T PROCEED. I like 32 guage myself because it leaves no marks on my skin ... but they are hard to find which is why I dont use diabetic needles anymore (I use lure lock syringes with separate needles - 32g .5" with a 3cc syringe).
  • UNOPENED bottled water (cleanliness is next to keeping your armliness).
  • Tourniquet.
  • DO NOT USE A LIGHTER - PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD DO NOT HEAT YOUR PILLS IF YOU SHOOT THEM ... OXY CONTIN BINDS TO COLD WATER VERY NICELY! (and no, it doesn't need to be refrigerator cold, room temp is perfect).
  • Q-Tips - cut cotton off just below the end of the stick so that some of the stick is still attached to the cotton ball keeping it nice and tight (I like to get STERILE scissors - or regular scissors - just scrub the hell out of them in hot soap water until you see nothing on the scissors at all ... then continue scrubbing with hot soapy water for another 5 minutes, then soak them for 15 minutes in a 10 / 1 bleach water solution and rinse with the clean bottled water). Remember, what those blades touch is going to be in contact with the liquid that will be going into your veins - a couple bad ass bacteria strains get in there and your on your way to abscess city and maybe amputee's-ville ... it can happen.
  • CLEAN, STERILE, METAL Spoon - table size or larger - or anything you can manage crushing a pill in without the pill jumping all over the place and you having to pick up pieces of it off the floor. I wound up using a small Pyrex pudding dish and a Pestle that I ordered online. Before the pestle, I used a metal espresso tamper (the gizmo you pack the coffee grounds into the porta-filter with) ... again ... you need to crush pills and you don't want the crushing of the pills to cause them to jump apart into pieces all over the floor ... find something that will work for you AND STERILIZE THE SHIT OUT OF IT!!!!
First - clean the pills! Get your extra paper towel a little wet and throw a pill or two into it and give em a little rub until the outer color comes off (the color will be inside the OC and the two digit number, that's fine) ... if the pills feel slimy at this point, you're done ... go find a heroin dealer. However, if they seem fairly gruff on the outside after wiping off the coating that you don't feel like if you pinched your fingers down on the paper towel they would go flying out of your hand, then you've still got the good pills.
I use to prepare 60 pills at a time. Cleaning them was a bitch until I realized that I could take a half of a bottle of water and dump all the pills into the bottle, seal, shake vigorously until the coating was gone, then pour that into a funnel with a stem too small for the pill to fit ... use more clean bottled water and rinse them inside the funnel then dump em out onto paper towels and dry.​
Next, we will figure out how much water to use for a proper dose.
I add water in two steps ... a small amount so that I can make a paste from the powder, knowing that there would not be enough water to draw up into the syringe, I would then add the amount of water I needed for my dose. I assumed more water was better so that I leave as little of the goodness in the powder as possible.​
This part is important as you go on to make this a career maneuver for yourself. If you're still just a one pill wonder, then skip this subtext to the following paragraph.
I use to dose 1cc of water for my normal oxy dose which was 30mg. That turned out to be a bit much and I settled on .75cc of water per dose. KEEP IN MIND that you are going to have HYDRATED powder left over when you're done ... that hydration came from somewhere ... if you load up 1cc of water and dump it onto your oxycontin ... do your magic then draw up for a shot, you're not going to have 1cc of water left over because you're going to leave some of it behind in the crap that you didn't want in your veins. In fact, depending on the strength of your oxy, more than half of that pill may be crap and the rest the good stuff. But I learned that for my 30mg pills it took .2cc of water and .25 for an 80mg. Why does that matter? Well ...

Depending on how many pills you are going to crush up I would PREP the powder before adding my dose measured water to it (this is when you do large batches so you can skip to the next paragraph for your *ahem* - 1 time only shot)... so if I had 30 pills to prep, I would clean and crush all 30, then draw up 6cc of water (30 times .2) and I would soak the powder in that water then beat the shit out of it until it was a nice pasty texture without any lumps in it at all. THEN, I would figure I had 30 shots at .75cc per shot and I would draw up 22.5cc of water and douse that paste with it .... then continue etc ... that always yielded perfect measured doses for me that I stored in media bottles because the most painful part of this process is preparing your dose. I only prepped once or twice a month and when I needed a shot, I pulled out the media bottle, a clean syringe, drew up and dosed up ... done in 2 minutes or less!​
OK, you have your one pill, it's cleaned up and its sufficiently crushed so that there are no chunks in it at all (no large chunks anyways) put the powder into the clean metal spoon as it will be easier to work with from here on out (I bend the spoon handle and the head downward forming a sharper angle at the bend so that the spoon presents itself nice and parallel with whatever surface your working off of - an unbent spoon might leak water out the back of the spoon basin if not bent as stated) ... now you add .2cc of water using your prep syringe (drawn from a freshly opened bottle of water).

Next, flip that syringe upside down and use the plunger (the hard plastic side, not the rubber plunger that's in the syringe tube itself) to mash the shit out of that powder and water. You should wind up with a fairly watery paste that has absolutely no chunks in it at all. If you can work your way through the solution with that plunger (tapping it up and down onto the solution) and not feel as though you just popped another little rock, then your not done yet ... keep mashing until you feel no more 'pops'. OK, you have your paste ...

Draw up .75cc of clean bottled water and dump it into the paste. Continue mixing with the plunger until the solution is thoroughly cloudy. Then keep mixing for another minute or so.

Let it settle for as long as you can stand it (5 to 10 minutes is fine - if you dont have the patience - no worries, but just know that letting the powder settle at the bottom is much better for your veins). I would sometimes take a couple of ice cubes, set them onto the surface and rest the basin of the spoon on the ice cubes while the powder settled. This would settle the powder faster and might even extract more Oxy (don't know for sure).

NOW, take the syringe your going to slam with, pop the cap, push the plunger down (a fresh and sterile syringe usually has the plunger backed up by .05 to .1 cc). Take your beheaded q-tip cotton ball and hold it up in your left hand in front of your eyes about half an arms length away from your face. Next, take the syringe and look at the needle tip. Roll the syringe around your fingers twirling the needle tip until you see the cross sectioned needle tip revealing the oblong hole. Hold the syringe with the needle opening facing the ground parallel to the ground out in front of your eyes. NEXT, holding that q-tip parallel to the ground also (so that what was the very tip of the cotton now faces the needle and the little stick piece faces away from the needle) bring the needle to the q-tip and poke the tip of the needle through the cotton so that it grabs the top of the q-tip only. When you're done, you should be able to hold the syringe with one hand, and the q-tip will be loosely affixed to the needle so that 90% of the cotton is underneath the needle.

Here is a crude drawing of what I'm talking about when I say the syringe should penetrate the top 10% of the Q-tip:

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Here comes the part where you save your veins ...

CAREFULLY dip the q-tip into the solution so that the bottom of the q-tip is resting in the top of the solution (you're keeping it as far away from the powder that has settled at the bottom as possible). The q-tip will naturally soak up the solution and in less than 2 seconds, the solution will have worked its way up to the needle. When this happens, slowly draw back on the plunger watching the water level in the spoon. You will inevitably draw in so much water without lowering the q-tip as you draw that you will suck up air into the syringe. No worries, simply hold the syringe point up to the sky and give it a slight tap (don't knock the q-tip off) so that the air moves to the top, then push the air out. Go get you some more goodness until you have roughly .7cc of solution. It will be cloudy, but it will be the safest solution you can get without a micron filter. If you want to be double safe, do all of this with your prep syringe and remove the q-tip, pour the solution into another spoon. then get a fresh q-tip and repeat the filtering process with the live needle. This way you've twice removed the powder in the final solution, but I've never seen solution get less cloudy this way. However, when I cotton filter first, then micron filter after that, the solution looks crystal clear like spring water or the good shit at the hospital and it's guaranteed bacteria free since bacteria cannot pass through a .2 micron filter (there are no bacteria on planet Earth smaller than .2 microns).

That's it!!! Tourniquet up that arm and find yourself a vein - don't be shy - when you go in and hit the vein, you should feel as though the needle pushed its way through a little rubber barrier ... it'll even feel like a little pop when you hit a vein (MOST OF THE TIME ANYWAYS). When you feel that, pull back a little on the plunger and if you see nice fresh blood swiftly jump into the syringe, you've got gold! Plunge down and pull out (if dark blood trickles into the syringe, don't risk that shot ... pull the syringe and try another vein ... its your blood and the syringe is sterile ... you aren't hurting yourself putting your own blood back into your veins - unless you let that blood sit for hours before hand) ... put a piece of paper towel or clean toilet paper on the spot if it bleeds, pop off the tourniquet and wait about 5 to 10 seconds. When you plunge down, you should be able to expel the entire contents of the syringe into your vein within 1 second ... 2 max. Don't waste your time going slow with the plunger when you hit a vein and you know you hit a vein ... it wont burn at all and if it does or if the tissue around the site begins to swell, pull that shit out immediately, stop the bleeding and put some ice on it. The swelling wont go away for several days more than likely, but the important thing to remember, if you feel any pain while plunging down, stop plunging immediately and pull that needle out!

I do not recommend dosing more than you can take orally. You will get a very nice rush from such a hit and you will more than likely nod off within a minute or so depending on your tolerance. Just realize that the sensation you're feeling is damn near exactly like heroin ... I mean its so close I doubt Lucifer himself would know the difference if each were dosed properly. I dosed up 80mg once and I passed out for about 20 minutes. My buddy (never dose higher than your use to alone - that's just stupid) was PISSED!!! OH was he mad ... he was fixin to throw a blanket on me and start running - dumb ass ... ODs are not instant death usually - there's time to get help if you call 911.

Have fun with your ... uhhhh ... one time shot!

Buck
 
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^You wrote this: 'When you plunge down, you should be able to expel the entire contents of the syringe into your vein within 1 second ... 2 max. '

1 second for an entire cc or 3ccs for the rigs you use?
The fast I push the more I tend to slip out of the vein.
I'm not taking 3 minutes to push 1cc but there is no need to rush.. ESPECIALLY if you are doing an amount that you think might be a little bit much. You can always pull the rig out if you feel the rush coming on too hard.
 
PLEASE PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT UP ANY FUCKING THING!!! u do not understand once u go there i personally bleive there is no going back. i have not shot up in 3 years BUT i still think about it EVERY SINGLE DAY still dream about. I dont know its like a love affair with the needle u just dont get it i have known lots and lots and lots of people who "was only gonna try it once" and let me tell u hunny that once has now turned into thousands. plz dont do it u sound exactly like i did god u remind me so much of myself i just had to see what all the fuss was about. its not worth it i promise u its not. if u dont know it then u wont miss it. u r already dabbling my advice STOP NOW.
 
BaybeX said:
^You wrote this: 'When you plunge down, you should be able to expel the entire contents of the syringe into your vein within 1 second ... 2 max. '

1 second for an entire cc or 3ccs for the rigs you use?
The fast I push the more I tend to slip out of the vein.
I'm not taking 3 minutes to push 1cc but there is no need to rush.. ESPECIALLY if you are doing an amount that you think might be a little bit much. You can always pull the rig out if you feel the rush coming on too hard.
Click to expand...

WELL ... 1 to 2 seconds for .75cc of cold water oxycontin should be plenty of time ... I guess its personal preference ... I like it to hit as hard as I can get it to hit ... but I've never tried less water to see how that works .... maybe I'll try that sometime...

Buck
 
Lady Codone, have you ever tried this?
I really appreciate the input and I'm taking heed of everything that is being said, to the point where I'm leaning towards not trying it. Also, with how risky this is, I understand that no one could, in right conscience, recommend that I try it.
But that part- that part about once I feel how amazing it is, I'll think about it and want it all the time- that shit just makes me feel real crazy. I can't quite wrap my head around any experience being that or doing that to me. I can't help but feel like it must be played up to some degree. Everything in my whole life- that people have warned me about or told me would be a certain way, etc. - it was always played up and I think it's possible that this might be the same.
Even if I love love love it, have to do it again one day, etc., I imagine it must be possible, considering the dangers, to resign oneself to something like a yearly or biyearly experience of this. Life is too good.
But curiosity is my downfall. I think the torture of not knowing or understanding and wondering about it may arguably be worse than trying it and just dealing with the fact that it is not a substance for frequent use as it will fuck up my life if used irresponsibly. Is it not better to allow oneself to experience maybe the most pleasurable thing ever, say, once a year or so than to wonder about it always?
I probably won't do it.
But what I find to be the most likely scenario, if I did try it, was that I'd be like wow, that felt really good but not quite as good as this crazy fucking thing I made it out to be in my mind and imagination and I'd be relieved in a way. Or yes, perhaps I'd be like holy shit, yes, this is actually the best fucking feeling ever, in which case I'd probably allow myself to reexperience it one day- in a long ass time- say a year- and then maybe again a year after that. Or maybe, just maybe- I'd be like: holy shit, this is so incredible I just don't give a shit about all the facts and the dangers and I'm just gonna throw my life away and keep doing frequently- I don't know- that just seems real crazy to me- I can't quite believe it.
I think that because of how stigmatized this shit it, most of the people who dain to try it are already not in a great place necessarily, which increases the likelihood of them going downhill with it.
At least, if I'm not gonna be trying it, how do I get myself to not want to anymore and to stop thinking about it. Can anyone explain to me what it so crazy amazingly beautiful about a couple seconds worth of a headrush that people allow themselves to throw their lives away for it? It's so goddamned mysterious and scary and I just can't wrap my head around it.
 
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