been through a lot with this lass i met. emotionally and psychologically. i have been through the finest heaven, and absolute hell, so to speak.
a whole load of complicated-beyond-belief pish basically.
boy meets girl. girl likes boy. boy likes girl back. boy puts his heart on the line and treats her like a princess and spends an unreal amount of time and money and falls in love only to be lied to, treated like a doormat, cheated on and ultimately have his heart ripped out as if it were worthless.
thats the gist of things.
for the past month or two things have been fading. in hindsight i should've seen it coming.
when i say complicated beyond belief i really mean it. i could type a million pages and you still would not understand...
but from 2-3 weeks ago its been properly over and done with.
on friday there it was finalised when we met up to talk about EVERYTHING.
i cant get her out my head. all the smiles, laughs, times snuggled up falling asleep in each others arms, everything.
followed by the crushing reality that i am not in her head and these things i will never experience again and i will never hold her in my arms again...
ive thought about suicide. dying, just to make her see how much she has hurt me.
all of this ive pushed on through, because i love her and i just want her to be happy, even if that means she's not with me.
i would be a cold faced liar if i said im not hoping for her to come back down the line, however long it may take.
it just hurts so much. and what hurts most is the one person i can talk to about anything, the one person who could (or should be able to) make it all better, is the one person who caused it all...