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Update on opiate journey..........

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But who really knows what is PAWS and what is just being depressed because you miss getting high ?
 
People trained with a medical discipline tend to gear anything with longer term w/d as PAWS. They would also say being depressed because you miss getting high a PAWS symptom and most likely tell you to get on an anti-depressant. Which I think is bullshit but that is just me.

Sometimes I wonder if things would have be different I didnt know what to expect. A little part of me would even say that programs/meetings/[here I guess] implant that idea in your thoughts to make you try to stop, now. That is grasping at straws and typical of what I feel when someone tells me what to do. Truthfully just the first few months were bad for me and I really associate that more with benzos w/d's than I do with opiate w/d.

I am pretty sure sitting on bupe forever allowed me to get those using thoughts desires out of my head and eventually out of my life. Than when I got off bupe it wasnt so easy for me to fall back into that old life of iv heroin. I did use heroin though maybe 3 days off bupe and I didnt touch it for 5 yrs prior to that. I wouldn't worry about PAWS to much its not as bad as people make it out to be.

peace.
seedless
 
have you tried taking more methadone? Ive been trying to stick to subs, and before this i had a couple days where i had no money so id take a little sub to make it to the next fix, and it took such a small amount of sub i figured itd be no problem when i actually made the jump.

but it turns out that yes, i can take just a little bit to not be sick, but ill fiend so hard that i end up just getting high anyway. I found that the key is to take enough to not feel sick, and then take more until its enough to stop craving. Once you get to that dosage for a couple weeks you break the habits and rituals down a little and you wont feel so compelled to score dope constantly.

Good luck man. And maybe try working the job and saving up some money for a while, then taking a vacation and going to a detox without telling anybody?
 
its so scary having a opiate addiction. especially when you are hiding it from a lot of people . its almost like living a double life , like DExter , the serial killer
 
jake99 said:
But who really knows what is PAWS and what is just being depressed because you miss getting high ?
Click to expand...

From what I read its a lot more than just being depressed. For me it felt like I had literally contracted a mental disorder and it also affected my physical wellbeing as well.
There was days in paws where I'd get up in the morning feeling like I was wearing a full lead body cast, and the ENTIRE day I'd feel that weight dragging me down. The depression was this hollow, black, empty void of nothingingness.. I was surprised cause first time around I never had paws.
And last time I felt every single bit of it.

The thing I do want to mention though is the way people are saying "you can't escape paws" isn't true. Its just a generalization. There are about a million and 1 different nonopiate medications you can take that imo will greatly alleviate a good deal of paws. It can be hard to get the right meds though imo.
I found something that works great for the anxiety (neurontin) but I'm still working on something strong enough for the depression. I was simultaneously on lexapro the first time I ever withdrew and SHOULD have had paws, and think the lex really did A LOT in terms of relieving it. But I'm basically taking my time right now experimenting with shit and my cocktail for paws looks like this:

STRONG antidepressant (maybe lex, maybe something else)
Neurontin for anxiety (it crushed the anxiety last time but I was still depressed/suicidal as fuck)
And possibly Modafinil to kill the lethargy.

I'm not sure yet cause I just wanna finish up school on opiates and then I'm gonna try stopping again, but I'm fairly confident the right meds can alleviate at least 75-90% of paws.
Thats why when I see people saying "you can't escape it" it sometimes makes me mad, they are only really just promoting an attitude of self defeat and making others less motivated to want to stop using. You might not be able to stop 100% of the paws but I have hi hopes for the plan I'm working on now.
 
WEll basically i am trying to stablize with methadone without being on a clinic and how can i even do that when i still do dope twice a week ? im an idiot
 
jake99 said:
WEll basically i am trying to stablize with methadone without being on a clinic and how can i even do that when i still do dope twice a week ? im an idiot
Click to expand...

What mg of methadone do you need to take for maintenance at this point ?

It's hard to kick that rush - the pin itself is the biggest battle, just like taste of oxys were for me back in the day... your brain is telling you that you want to do the actual action (the call, the wait, the chase, the purchase <insert relief>, preppin, using). These are the sort of problems w/PAWs I have - and when I was on subs , same. On methadone , same. It's the lifestyle brother - it's not the drug in and of itself. Head up man - believe me life after opiates is not only doable but it's amazing when even the smell of the air brings you back to being an 8 year old .... life is fresh brother, keep pushing !
 
Well i usually have about 100 mg meth to last the week , so thats only about 15 mg a day . i cant get on clinic so i just found 100 mg bottle somewhere and split it up into 7 doses............but the other week i had 150 mg so that about 20 mg a day which is better............someone told me dose bigger one day then skip a day instead of tiny doses each day. ? clinic wont take me because im on klonopins..............subs never worked for me except before i had a real Dope habit. I agree with you that
these are the sort of problems w/PAWs I have
It's the lifestyle brother - it's not the drug in and of itself
even somedays that im not sick i just get so bored and lonely and if i have cash and a way to cop , then just the rush of going to get it , and giving me something to do for the day is part of my addiction................
 
Whenever I was on Methadone,I still did dope.I was on Methadone,total about five years on and off.I'm on Suboxone now and once in a while try an oxycontin to get a buzz.I've kind of given up on that because the Sub blocks either all or most of the high.Jake,you stated that you are not on Methadone legally.Could you get on Suboxone?As I just wrote it is much less likely that I will get F'd up on Subs thenMeth.
 
was seeing a Sub doctor for a few months couldnt afford it , only way i could is to get rid of the extras i had , and then id be to tempted to get H with that.....................
subs worked great when i started and had a baby habit but when i was sniffing a bun a day subs wouldnt cut it anymore
 
damn jake, that's a rough situation bro - I really hope you can find a way to pull up out of it man. Its brutal to deal with , opiates are straight poison for me !
 
yeah i wonder how ive managed to take an opiate every day ffor this long
i think in last year and a half or so i only missed a few days. every day it is either subs dope or methadone
 
well look , everyone is different bro. For me I started @16, ended at 24 - during that period I only missed maybe 3-4 days a year after age 17 +

It took me a chunk of my life to learn what I did - and everyday I want to fucking use bro, everyday. It's died down for sure, but having what was your entire reason to exist "die down some" - frankly you and I know exactly how hard it is mentally to truly be at peace with past addiction and present choices to remain clean.

It literally snapped in my head one day and that was that - I haven't turned back , I do not know why. I was very close to suicide - I suppose it's certainly possible that I just got fed up enough I didnt want to have opiates WIN. I'm a very competitive person, and honestly that shot would've made me lose and my addiction win... That's only logic I can think of - we all stop for ourselves at our own times, if ever. Best of luck man for real.
 
thanks ,i get so depressed, even though i have the methadone , knowing im gonna need it every day sucks............i hate knowing ill be sick without it . same with the klonopin
 
jake99 said:
thanks ,i get so depressed, even though i have the methadone , knowing im gonna need it every day sucks............i hate knowing ill be sick without it . same with the klonopin
Click to expand...

yea bro, 3 christmas mornings getting my doses at the window - worst 7 week kick of my life - and as I've said , still went right back to using.

It's just a challenge that you accept, and chip at every damn day, if you are doing your best no one can ask for more. If you don't do your best, welcome to being a perfectly normal human !!! LoL , just hang tight man - things can change if you work with it over time. I promise you that.
 
im confused because i got the meth and it holds me ok but i still miss getting high ............and i cant count on meth for sure because im not acutally on clinic .i just happen to be able to find it . somehow , im not sure how but i end up with it every week for the last month or so . better than subs. but many days i still did H even with the dose.........plus i have my legit K pin script which i need for anxiety but i tend to get Xanax as well any time they stumble into my hands..........weird how that happens lol.................
why cant i just be a pothead or a drinker like the "normal" people lol ?
ive been to 9999999999999999 n.a. meetings andi feel like i wasted time , although i did have over a year clean at one point. problem is i know i need a detox but im VERY close to a college degree which will be a huge acomplishment for me and i know if im sick im not gonna be able to do it ...........i tried explaining to my mom that when i had opiates i could do fine at work but if im sick i cant and she didnt get it. ppl always think you lose jobs because you are on drugs , but i lost them when i wasnt on drugs lol
 
"i tried explaining to my mom that when i had opiates i could do fine at work but if im sick i cant and she didnt get it. ppl always think you lose jobs because you are on drugs , but i lost them when i wasnt on drugs lol "

So true ,sounds like me in many ways, i need an opiate to remain stable and functional without them im miserable and depressed even months after detoxing. I think methadone might work well for you , if you get on a reasonable dose , taking 20mg is far to low ime for cutting cravings plus when you get to 80mg+ heroin does virtually nothing ime if used on top. dont know if this is feasible for you jake. I think many opiate addicts have underlying mental problems which only another sort of opiate can truly solve ,for them to remain productive.
 
i tried explaining this to my friend
he has been on 100 mg methadone for almost a year but still used on top of it , knowing it was waste of money
he tries tellin me i shuold just wean off the little meth ive had from take home but if ive been on a opiate for over a year (whether its subs , dope , or methadone) im gonna go thru the withdrawal and i know i cant handle it ........id rather be on MMT and have a stable life than risk using dope and ruining my life
 
@jake99"........id rather be on MMT and have a stable life than risk using dope and ruining my life "


Are you not able to get on methadone maintenance,? yes your friends right you could wean off easily enough but thats the easy part, i.e. the dtox. its staying off long term thats the biggest problem thats why maintenance on the methadone would be a good idea imo. i believe 95% of people who detox off MMT or indeed Sub MT go back to regular opiate use within one year.
anyway good luck jake i wish you well + keep trying ,youve allways got to start somewhere bro.
 
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