I think I really screwed up this time

[carrion Doll]

I worked so hard to get out from under a roxi addiction to do this. I am not here to ask the hated "will I pass my drug test question". I am just here because I am scared and so mad at myself.

So the story? Well I was doing 1 30mg a day for a few days last week. I told myself no more after the 1 on friday to be sure I could pass a drug test for my PO on tuesday at 2pm. Well yesterday (saturday), I ended up getting 1 1/2 30's, of course telling myself I would still be ok. And maybe I would have but...a friend offered me another one last night at 9pm. Instead of being thinking what I could lose by going to jail, I just pit everything aside and did it. I think I really fucked up. Now is not the time for me to go to jail. I mean, it's never the time, but now it REALLY not good. I am fucking 34 years old, when am I going to stop doing stupid shit? And even if I do slide by the skin of my teeth is it worth the worry for the next two days? And doing all those pills over all those days and taking the chance of getting back into my addiction? Is that worth it? No it's not and now I will probably go to jail for no telling how long. Where I am from there is no bond on vop and you sit for awhile til you see the judge. Leaving my husband to deal with everything on his own. Which will cause another set of problems between us. Man I am stupid.

 

[Oystereatingcrabs]

Well atleast you feel bad about taking the roxis, that shows yourself that you do know its wrong so you're in the right direction. Hopefully you'll pass your drug test and maybe you'll just stop using all together. Oh and does your husband know you use?

 

[carrion Doll]

Well atleast you feel bad about taking the roxis, that shows yourself that you do know its wrong so you're in the right direction. Hopefully you'll pass your drug test and maybe you'll just stop using all together. Oh and does your husband know you use?

Yes and it has caused some serious problems. I was doing so well, I had worked so hard. I hope this relapse doesn't completely screw up everything.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

I'm sure a lot of your favorite people have faith in you. That said, dont throw out the people connecting you to opiates, but if you want to help yourself take the agonizing step and delete them from your contacts and dont talk to them, at least in these pivotal moments.


Its really harsh for most to do this, just look toward the future, imagine the kind of original, exciting person you could naturally be without it. You're not stupid, its completely understandable. Now, exercise your willpower!

 

[carrion Doll]

I'm sure a lot of your favorite people have faith in you. That said, dont throw out the people connecting you to opiates, but if you want to help yourself take the agonizing step and delete them from your contacts and dont talk to them, at least in these pivotal moments.


Its really harsh for most to do this, just look toward the future, imagine the kind of original, exciting person you could naturally be without it. You're not stupid, its completely understandable. Now, exercise your willpower!

Thank you. I am just having a damned hard time having no motivation without them. Even physically it is just to hard to get up and do things. But on the other hand, I am so tired of feeling like shit all the time unless I have a pill in me. I know that lethargic period is just temporary. But that is the hump I fight now. I went through a week and half of horrible sickness (I was doing methadone too). Just to go back and get myself sick again. And I have people who need me to be strong, they are really counting on me. I just don't know how to do it. It's more then just the pills. I have alot of hard work ahead. But if I go to jail on Tuesday I will have fucked alot of things up for me and for the people who count on me. And now I guess the emotional part of withdrawals are getting to me cause all I can do is cry. I don't need any help with depression either. I have to get away from these damned pills. I can't live like this anymore.