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Tripping for change.

If you have people monitoring your behavior - at all - then they're going to find out at some point that something that they're not doing is having an effect.

If you don't want them finding about your use, you're in for great difficulty.
 
Mushrooms are the most powerful agent of change ime. I've only done them a handful of times but each time they have been absolutely insightful.

Mescaline has been far more gentle to me but it has also led to some life changing experiences.
 
please keep in mind memorytremory reports having "OCD, borderline personality, trichotillomania, depression, anxiety"

all psychedelics are contraindicated - just read wikipedia on OCD and BPD
 
thanks for all the advice, guys. i agree, if i felt dark and dead on DXM, i really do have some reservation about other psychedelics.

hmm. your comments are already making me wonder about my true motive behind taking them.

it even sounds to me like a justification to get fucked up. but i don't have so much as an herbal refreshment to keep me sane at the moment, and i feel so self-destructive as it is.

i don't know. i'm def self-aware that i'm in a really vulnerable place, but i'm also don't feel ready or willing to deal with a drug issue....

probably again rooting back to my justification that i am not a HEAVY drug user whatsoever. however, i'm very impulsive and reckless in my drug use at times, and the pressure is feeling worse. i push a lot of boundaries.

it's all about a lack of power or control or identity for me. and a lot of anger. psychedelics may not be a great idea, but i can't keep robotripping. i explore these forums for both confirmation that there is usefulness to drug use, and to face the harsh realities of using them.

since i started using drugs i have felt so many issues pop up out of dormancy, and i wonder if they should stay buried until i have a ""professional"" to help me through them, or if i should hold onto whatever emerges for dear life before i go back to being... i don't know. actually, thinking about it, i feel like i am losing a little bit of my soul and getting harder everytime i do have insights while rolling or tripping. i experience what haunts me and face some demons, and sometimes, for a bit, it feels more refreshing than thrashing around like i have been most of my life, never feeling like i have a grip on myself. it doesn't really make sense. it's like i want control, but i enjoy the loss of inhibitions and my grip on reality- because reality for me is a numb, apathetic place where i can't see my demons face to face.

it's all a vicious cycle- i am self-aware, i just have a lot of self-loathing. i'm concerned for myself too, but i take your guidance to heart. thank you.

and yes surf- the risks seem to outweigh the benefits at this point most likely.
el super- by the time i'm clear minded enough to try lsd, maybe you'll be certified to use it for intensive, structured treatment ha.
 
naginnudej said:
Would you elaborate on that conclusion for me please?
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well according to wiki ((shifty eyes))

"These four groups of dissociatives have slightly different effects but also share similarities separating them from other classes of hallucinogens. They are markedly different from psychedelics such as LSD [9] and magic mushrooms [10], where alert and fully conscious users experience cognitive alterations while simultaneously interacting with the "real world". In contrast dissociatives are marked by more internal effects such as closed eye visuals and detachment from the surrounding environment"


so i think what he's getting at is that psychedelics is more exploratory, full of conscious revelations... while maybe disassociatives help you to examine your life through an almost outsider's point of view and you spend more time internally examining.

i have no idea, that's my guess at what he meant. i don't even think i'm making sense lawlz :p
 
an outsider's view on yourself.. internally....

i think i'm talking about out of body experiences... don't mind me **facepalm at self**
 
2ce. it kinda forces me to confront all my demons it wont allow me to have fun until i do. i still havent fully confronted them either. its weird 2ce for me is not an enjoyable or fun high apart from the stellar visuals. but i always still seem compelled to try it again. not often but every once in a while i feel like doing it. something about this chemical seems like a real gem. i know its all you and you shouldnt count on a drug to solve your problems by any means. but i cant help but feel like if i keep exploring it every now and then at appropriate times it can really benefit me. its been 2 years since i last dosed 2ce but latley ive really felt like dosing some
 
if i and our legal system ever get to that point i would love to have you as a patient.

as far as dissociative go, im not to sure they have much use for personal growth. IMHO dxm certainly doesn't, but i suppose a case could be made for ketamine. either way, they're not something i would recommend if you have those objectives in mind
 
dxm did give me some insight, definitely nothing positive. but like i said- it was nice to be able to see the beast.
 
SmokeNDose said:
2c-e and lsd as everyones already said
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damn i'm going to have to hunt forever to find some online source for 2c-e......

8)

but i did find a pretty good article on how to spot those 'selling-for-research-purpose' website scams.
 
memorytremory said:
damn i'm going to have to hunt forever to find some online source for 2c-e......

8)

but i did find a pretty good article on how to spot those 'selling-for-research-purpose' website scams.
Click to expand...

please be very careful with 2c-e. you need to be very careful with the dose.

the dose-response curve is not linear - it is exponential.

in a person like you - a dose of 10mg may be very strong. 8o

please - if you are going to proceed with this behavior - get an accurate milligram scale!!! (and start very low.)
 
memorytremory said:
damn i'm going to have to hunt forever to find some online source for 2c-e......

8)

but i did find a pretty good article on how to spot those 'selling-for-research-purpose' website scams.
Click to expand...

There are a few publicly accessible vendors, so you might have luck.

no vendor review sites - thanks

I think it is probably within BL terms to post location (or just title, that we can find ourselves?) of that article on how to spot scam? That is ***NOT*** promoting a specific vendor. If BL prohibits an article on "How to spot scams" then I am going to conclude that BL has gone over-the-edge and is INSANE in then severity of its moderation practices, and is in fact a tool of the enemy in some way. Telling how to spot scams in a generic way is in NO WAY promoting anyone, and prohibiting it only serves to DO FURTHER HARM to the using community. I hope BL allows it.
 
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N,N,DMT is amazing. beautiful. just dont make the mistake i did and do it drunk in the wrong environment.
 
70mg. should make you ego death and break through. such a fucking amazing experience. last time i smoked it i had one hell of a break through, when i came back it was like being born again. i was like "wtf is this body? what are these arms?" then i realized oh yeah... im a human being
 
Thanks for the advice... is breaking thru first time the best approach? Or is as others have suggested, sub-breaktru experiences first a good idea just to become familiar with the drug, giving comfort and confidence and less anxiety when first going for "breakthrough"?
 
for me it didnt matter, no matter how comfortable you are with sub break through doses breaking through and not breaking through are a lot different. my first break through was a lot more comfortable than my second. load up the pipe and enjoy the ride. let me know how it goes
 
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