Tips for building a new clean life?

[jwestlock]

Hi there,

I've been addicted to opiates for 4 years and am finally at the point where I need to choose to start living a real life again or just collapse into some faded meaningless existence for good. I want to pick the first one, and I'm going to.

You see, for me I realize now that I have come to a point where I fully equate fun, happiness, contentment, with being on drugs. It's really depressing, I literally can't go back and put myself into the shoes of myself five years ago, enjoying a regular life. I mean I know for sure I was reasonably happy and had fun like anyone else, but I just simply can't relate to that now.

I live a meaningless life right now. It's just a bland routine which has become pretty much intolerable with drugs, so I know very well I need to shake everything up completely.

If anyone had any specific ideas or suggestions on activities or ways to pass the time, things that got your mind away from old desires and which helped you get back into the game after an addiction I'd be very appreciative to hear about it. I want to find some things I can hopefully derive some real long-term satisfaction from, but I've just decayed into this boring guy with no substance to my existence and I need something.

I'm depressed now and I hope so badly that if I do things right I can kick this garbage and come out the other end with a new drive in me, but I'm really scared that I might go from a depressed addict to a crushed regular guy who without his longtime crutch can't even find a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Thanks very much, I really do appreciate anyone taking the time to reply,

 

[Jabberwocky]

It would help to know what sorts of things, situations, activities, people, and activities have interested you or brought you pleasure in the past, other than opiates of course.

Volunteering or getting started on a hobby could be good. Planning and preparing for a more fulfilling job or career could be a productive use of time. Romantic interests tend to make the whole world a little brighter for some people.A goal could be good. Is there a dream vacation you've always wanted? What steps would it take to get there? None of these things are going to be as rapidly gratifying as opiates were. So you kind of have to enjoy the process of getting there as much as the payoff.

 

[User Name Here]

I know it's not feasible for many people but if you can, I highly recommend you move away from where you did (do?) most of your drugs. There's no way in hell I would be able to remain sober if I was still in my hometown in Georgia. Every place I pass I think of a time I shot up in that particular bathroom or passed out in that parking lot in a car. Every person I run into is still doing drugs and offering them to me despite knowing about my sobriety. I literally can't escaped rugs in that town, so I avoid it like the plague until the holidays and when I do go back, I make sure to spend time with my family and no one else. But yeah, if I were still there, I would NEVER be able to remain sober with all of the negative influences and memories around =/ I up and moved about six hours away and I never looked back! When I moved, I made sure to avoid people who use drugs so that even on my bad days I wouldn't be able to cop anything. Yeah, I know people can get desperate and simply walk up to a random stranger or whatever, but I'm not willing to do that anymore and even when I crave something really badly, I have no idea where to get it as I don't associate with any junkies these days. I still get cravings but they happen less and less with time and now they are pretty much passing thoughts at the most =) "Man, I would really love a fucking shot right now and that vein looks so good..." and that's "that," haha. That's pretty much all it amounts to these days and it's fucking liberating like you can't believe.

You can get to that point and it definitely sounds like you want it badly enough. Wanting it is the most important part. Once you get yourself cleaned up, keep yourself busy!!! Don't let yourself have any down time because there are days where you will be depressed and experiencing cravings, so you don't want to allow your idle hands to get you back into trouble, you know? Also,t he busier you are, the less time you have to think about drugs. Surround yourself with people who are clean and sober, and experience life to the fullest! Go out and fucking sky-dive or travel to a new place. Maintain a hobby like some sort of craft or hell, even reading books or solving puzzles (I'm such a nerd as I waste time doing crossword puzzles and Sudoku puzzles haha... They're a great way to pass time though!).

Basically, move if you can and keep yourself busy. Start exercising and get your body healthy again. Maintain a schedule so you don't become listless. Do NOT allow yourself around people who use drugs, even if they're folks you are really close to. It sucks but it just can't happen or else you will endanger your sobriety like you won't believe. Adopt a hobby if you don't have one already. Try new things you've never even thought of doing before (once again, I highly recommend sky-diving or other adrenaline-inducing activities haha). Travel. Do things you never could've done when you were tied down and a slave to drugs. A lot of people make the mistake of thinking that there's no life to live after drugs but that simply isn't true. It's just a matter of re-wiring your brain to realize that drugs are NOT the only source of [false] happiness out there. There are plenty of natural highs you can experience, and happiness is abundant further down the road after lots of hard work, I promise. It might take time, I know it did for me. It doesn't work out right away and it's really fucking hard, but it's worth it in the end, I promise! Good luck.

 

[izzy66]

i had to move because staying would have been a certain fail. i knew i couldn't trust myself and would find ways to justify using. of course, if determined, it doesn't long to find w/e your DOC no matter where you move.
during times when i've been clean i did things i hadn't in forever... the simplest things made me laugh and feel so good like flying a kite down at the beach and running, laughing like crazy, just playing. nothing felt bad during those moments of simply playing.
too much time on my hands turns into a problem that i have to watch and i intentionally stay busy especially during certain times of year rife w/ painful memories.
eventually frustration gave way to indifference and i finally realized that i could never catch what the fiend inside really craved.
stay busy. best of luck to you.
-izzy

 

[Bojangles69]

I know it's not feasible for many people but if you can, I highly recommend you move away from where you did (do?) most of your drugs. There's no way in hell I would be able to remain sober if I was still in my hometown in Georgia. Every place I pass I think of a time I shot up in that particular bathroom or passed out in that parking lot in a car. Every person I run into is still doing drugs and offering them to me despite knowing about my sobriety. I literally can't escaped rugs in that town, so I avoid it like the plague until the holidays and when I do go back, I make sure to spend time with my family and no one else. But yeah, if I were still there, I would NEVER be able to remain sober with all of the negative influences and memories around =/ I up and moved about six hours away and I never looked back!

I personally don't think thats good advice, you basically moved 6 hours away just because you won't walk up to a stranger and ask them for drugs.
And what about your roots? Have you been moving around like that your whole life?
Lots of people have sober family, and sober friends (a long with drug friends). And theres simply no way in hell I would even consider moving 10mins from where I live. I find it interesting that you can control your cravings in a new place by not finding strangers for drugs, but yet you can't stop memories in your former town from making you use.
It just seems unneccessary. Its stressful enough for a person to switch jobs, but getting up and leaving where you live at one of the most sensitive times of your life (getting clean) MORE THAN OFTEN becomes a recipe for disaster. Professionals, studies, therapists, NA can all attest to this.

You're only recommending it because somehow by some slim chance of faith it worked for you (well it doesn't really "work" untill you go another 10-20 years not using), but I still think its bad advice. A person can reassociate new clean memories in a much shorter amount of time then you think. It doesn't take moving.
And if a person is a TRUE drug addict, they can move to mars and still find drugs. All you have done in reality is not look for them, which is the SAME EXACT thing you could have done where you lived before.

I don't know buddy but I think even if I DID move, and was in your situation, I'd still be greatly in fear of recommending it to someone else.
If 20 men jump off a ledge and 17 of them hit the rocks below and die, but the other 3 hit the water and survive, are you gonna tell man number 21 to jump off the ledge and that he'll be safe?

Cause I equate that exactly to what you advised. Do you need statistics or something cause I'll get them for you? I must have heard at least 1000 different stories from NA alone of addicts moving to find themselves in even worse situations. And clinically speaking (in therapy training) we are told NEVER to advise drug addicted clients to move. We are actually told to not advise ANYTHING that has ANYTHING TO DO with our own experiences in life. Thats why therapy is a thousand times harder then it looks.
I know this isnt' a professional setting but that is very very risky and naive advice.

 

[Georgie25]

Stay away from people who a re still using, major trigger!

 

[jwestlock]

For me, having to move luckily isn't an issue, my habit has been from the start a completely personal thing I got into. I had an injury at age 20 or so, Tylenol 3's prescribed, got my first taste for opiates, really like it, and then it just went and grew from there. So I've never had any contact with the drug culture and scene of the streets, and have never known anyone who has had an opiate habit.

I'm sure something like meeting a girlfriend brightens your mood and gives you support, but that seems to me like more of a project for after getting clean, I'm really in no condition for having a relationship at this point. I've gotten really skinny, I don't eat well, my place is a mess, I never go out and socialize or really have much contact with anyone outside of my job and seeing family once in a while. I haven't taken care of myself.

I'm just scared because I've gone through the physical withdawals, I know that's managable, but I haven't stayed off longer than a week. I don't know what happens. Some people say they beat physical withdrawal and then get back to a normal life and just feel so glad they did it, but then you read other stories about people saying they ended up with practically suicidal depression for months.

I know I have to do it though, because it's not fun anymore. It's stupid, pop some pills, get a mild buzz for 20 minutes, and then know you have to do it over again within 12 hours or you'll feel like crap.

I'll start exercising again, I used to be 185 pounds and really strong and now I'm barely fucking 150. I guess I just need to learn to stay busy, I don't have much experience in it because prior to my habit I was just barely out of my teens and so that's a time when you do have all the time in the world.

I feel decent today, but my moods really swing, it's insane. Today I feel optimstic, but then for no reason, other days I just feel like I'm finished, it's hopeless and my life will never be enjoyable.

sorry to go on like some whiny baby, but i think it's kind of helpful to be able to express things a bit because I don't have anyone I could talk to about it. it is kind of embarassing complaining when you know there are a lot of more people in much worse positions who seem to handle it better.

I've been lowering the amount I've been taking each day, it's morphine that I have now, and I have I think a good amount left, enough to cushion the fall a bit by tapering down, but not so much that I'll just drag it out and then eventually have a day where I feel really awful and just say fuck it and jump way up again. i think one week from today I'll be finished everything and then take friday and the weekend to just chill out and withdraw.

thanks a lot for replying

 

[User Name Here]

I personally don't think thats good advice, you basically moved 6 hours away just because you won't walk up to a stranger and ask them for drugs.
And what about your roots? Have you been moving around like that your whole life?
Lots of people have sober family, and sober friends (a long with drug friends). And theres simply no way in hell I would even consider moving 10mins from where I live. I find it interesting that you can control your cravings in a new place by not finding strangers for drugs, but yet you can't stop memories in your former town from making you use.
It just seems unneccessary. Its stressful enough for a person to switch jobs, but getting up and leaving where you live at one of the most sensitive times of your life (getting clean) MORE THAN OFTEN becomes a recipe for disaster. Professionals, studies, therapists, NA can all attest to this.

You're only recommending it because somehow by some slim chance of faith it worked for you (well it doesn't really "work" untill you go another 10-20 years not using), but I still think its bad advice. A person can reassociate new clean memories in a much shorter amount of time then you think. It doesn't take moving.
And if a person is a TRUE drug addict, they can move to mars and still find drugs. All you have done in reality is not look for them, which is the SAME EXACT thing you could have done where you lived before.

I don't know buddy but I think even if I DID move, and was in your situation, I'd still be greatly in fear of recommending it to someone else.
If 20 men jump off a ledge and 17 of them hit the rocks below and die, but the other 3 hit the water and survive, are you gonna tell man number 21 to jump off the ledge and that he'll be safe?

Cause I equate that exactly to what you advised. Do you need statistics or something cause I'll get them for you? I must have heard at least 1000 different stories from NA alone of addicts moving to find themselves in even worse situations. And clinically speaking (in therapy training) we are told NEVER to advise drug addicted clients to move. We are actually told to not advise ANYTHING that has ANYTHING TO DO with our own experiences in life. Thats why therapy is a thousand times harder then it looks.
I know this isnt' a professional setting but that is very very risky and naive advice.

Okay, sorry? It worked for me, so I thought it was worth sharing. My bad.

And no, I haven't been moving around like that my whole life. I lived in the same town until 17, got shipped to rehab in VT for a year, returned to the south by moving to SC, went to school in MS for a year, relapsed when I moved back to GA (the start of my problems) and then figured out that the only time I wasn't sober was when I was in GA because it's too fucking easy for me to get drugs there. I don't think it's a far-off thought to think that a change of scenery might just help. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work... Move on and try something else. I was at the end of my rope and I had nothing else.

I've never recommended any advice in a way that it comes off as the "only" way. Moving worked for me, so it might work for others. Of course I still struggle and I know I could find drugs if I really tried hard (I'm not immune to those days where you're willing to do just about anything short of killing yourself). With that being said, however, I struggle A LOT--AN INFINITE AMOUNT--LESS than I would had I remained surrounded by those who continue to use and the memories that resulted in my association with them in that particular area. I don't see anything horrible with this.

One more point: A lot of rehab facilities do NOT recommend you immediately return home to your prior life after you have sobered up for what I consider obvious reasons (triggers and exes to name a few). To *me* it sounds like advice not worth admonishing but it's different for everyone and I have always, always recognized this.

 

[villian]

Moving away from where I used to live was by far the major factor in me getting clean.

Going on 6 months no benzos almost a year from opiates..

If I hadn't moved I would most assuredly be dead or in jail..

It just seems unneccessary. Its stressful enough for a person to switch jobs, but getting up and leaving where you live at one of the most sensitive times of your life (getting clean) MORE THAN OFTEN becomes a recipe for disaster. Professionals, studies, therapists, NA can all attest to this.

Not quite sure exactly who you are referring to. Moving away from old haunts is recommended by most all the therapists I've ever spoken to. That's why when on shows like intervention send people to rehab they send them across the country. Sometimes even after the 90 days are over people decide to NEVER go back to where they came from..when I moved away it was actually my doctors (addiction specialists) idea. 3 people on this thread have all moved away and we are all still sober.. I'm just not quite sure where you are getting your information..

I'd be interested in seeing a single study or paper saying it wasn't a good idea..

 

[Jabberwocky]

I don't think the "geographic cure" or moving to another city or community is inherently bad advice. It has failed for some and is credited as a big help by others. I have known more than a handful of abstinent people who say they could not have quit without a move.

I know there is a school of thought that wants no major changes for a person's first year of sobriety.

We are actually told to not advise ANYTHING that has ANYTHING TO DO with our own experiences in life. Thats why therapy is a thousand times harder then it looks.
I know this isnt' a professional setting but that is very very risky and naive advice.

Following this thinking in a logical way would cause one to say drug and alcohol counselors should only come from people who have not experienced drug or alcohol problems. I don't know what school of therapy is telling people not to base advice in anyway on their own experience but I can find lots of psyco-therapy literature that contradicts that.

 

[nervousone]

If I hadn't moved I would most assuredly be dead or in jail..

This is true for me as well!

 

[Subdivisions]

Hmm...on the moving part...I have heard that moving is one of the best things for alot of people struggling with addiction.

I have also heard that taking on new projects (that you enjoy) is also a great way to get ahead.