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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards

Tell me What YOU think. Heroin questions

P

Puffpuffcup

Greenlighter
Joined
Feb 24, 2010
Messages
47
Location
Chi-town, illinois
Okay, So i've been clean for like hmmm... a month and a week or more? I am clean due to the fact that I moved from my town and I was determined to not depend on something to run my life and i moved to CHITOWN! I love it here... but I'm trying to make a decision based on the cost / benefit here..... I have to go back to my home town on Monday for a DR. apt that is very important, like i have to go....and I could easily grab a small bag for me and my man for just one or two days and we wouldn't have to experience any w/d bc we are TOTALLY clean, no suboxone no anything like we are running on life, I have no connections in Chicago and I don't want them, Ive been offered them and turned them down.. wow that was hard as HELL! I just was wondering if you guys could help me weigh the benefits and costs of using for a day or two only bc I will only be in my hometown for one day, so its not like i could cop again or for a long period of time. Here is the deal.. it's hard to not legitimize using, because ALL the reasons i quit were because I was loosing control, I couldn't afford it and I became someone i was not. Now, If we go by my "logic" then if i grab a small bag then I should be able to not loose myself, loose control or spend too much money, bc I dont have a connect here.. and i WILL NOT get one. My only cop spot is 5 hours away and that is fine with me! Also I wont go through crazy withdrawl, i mean i have a supply of Xanax and immodium and such so i can deal with the unpleasant sleeplessness for a night or two if i can get high every now and then, but my question is, is "getting high" for just a minute from my old connect not worth it? Or should i do it because i can and im not confined to my old town....

you see my dilemma, you guys understand so be honest dont judge. i just wanna have fun every now and then, is that wrong?:)
 
If you think you can handle just getting high once or twice, go for it. But it sounds like you're enjoying life sober right now, so why risk it? Getting high occasionally can be fun, but dope can sneak up on you as I'm sure you know. Go with your gut.
 
It's possible to use drugs in a responsible way. Whether it is possible for you no one here can know. That's something you'll have to decide for yourself. And no, it isn't wrong to want to have some fun with drugs once and awhile. But not everyone can, they have a way of becoming all the time and not much fun.
 
OP,

First, congrats. on your great success in getting clean. A month is great! Second, my doc is OC, not H, but for this purpose I don't think it matters.

IMO you won't be able to "chip" one time, if you want to stay clean. I couldn't do it, and I don't think you will either. Money, far distance, etc., are just excuses that your using to justify that you couldn't get back in, even if you wanted to. BULLSHIT

If it's one think we junkies can do, it's figure out how to score. Don't you know that. Come hell or high water, you'll figure a way. I would !

If you want to stay clean, you better keep doing what you are. Otherwise....well you get the picture.

Best
 
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I aint smoke dust for two days now after a 3 week binge, and it started from 1 L here and there(few months apart even) and that was after abusing it for over over 4 weeks straight before and constant use throughout.. Yeah, you can do it and be fine, so why not, however what if you do get hooked again and can't resist tempetations as did I and eventually gave into the pcp again, don't do it you're clean.
 
OP

I re-read your post and want to add one more thing. When you started using, were you expecting it to develop into a problem? So why would now be any different? And really, do you think 5 hours is that far. HaHa I can't tell you how many 2600 mile trips I made to TJ, at one time or the other. I mean, we can get creative, when we want it bad. Please think long and hard before you jump.
Best
 
It really doesnt matter if u cant score in your hometown! what matters is if u score, and its good, ull be FOR SURE, wanting to score some more when u get back to chicago! and u should think about if u wanna allow that gorilla back on your back!
 
You probably don’t want to read this but I’ll write it anyway…..

First let me say that I shot heroin for over 20 years, been clean from dope for 8 years (or shoting anything for now)

If you can justify getting high for the reason you just gave there are a million reasons you can come up with to get high (when I say ‘get high’ I’m referring to using heroin)

When you were getting clean didn’t you tell yourself ‘once I get clean I’m staying clean’? Wasn’t it hard work to get to where you are? Being clean that is

Plus, you know how easy it is to cop in Chicago? You don’t have to put any effort into it, being a dope fiend it’ll find you. You walk through the right area of town and see people copping or whatever

The bottom line IMHO, if you want to stay clean you can do it but if you want to get high you can find a million reasons why just one more time will be ok

I really do wish you good luck!
 
Thanks guys i really do value each and every one of your opinions... its just hard when I seem to justify everything i do, with another seemingly logical "fact" I honestly believe that I can control my usage... no, don't get me wrong.. i just want to explain...
I don't ever go to that "right part of town" EVER i stay in Streeterville and Gold Coast & Loop area unless I'm with someone who makes me accountable... i was in the west one time and i just grabbed a cap to leave, I was dropped off there by a cab driver who wanted to take me to the damn blue line and took me way to far, guess he needed the money ha...
nbd.
Ive been offered a hook up here in Chicago... I declined it. I CAN do these things.
When I was on dope, my problem is myself not the drug by itself, i take full responsibility for everything i did and let happen, I let things get out of control. BUT what i want to say is, when i was all F****** up I did want to stop doing the things i was doing... The selfishness, the carelessness, being broke.... etc..... and that was because I let my use get out of control...... what i wanted to do was be able to gain control again.... "clean" isn't necessarily like this person i have to be, I'm only abstinent from heroin, I've taken other opiates and not even gained a tolerance or anything...... like i was testing myself. I have tons of liquor in the house and its not like I'm drinking all the time, and i have a sh** ton of Xanax and its not like i am abusing it.... I feel like i can control this... Oh and the 5 hours away thing... its a big deal for me... i have to ride a $60.00 bus to my town, and when your financially recovering from abuse that isn't necessarily something you can do just to score, b/c scoring enough for that trip would require like a G and thats expensive enough... so if you want to, tell me what you think now.
Am i a junkie legitimizing my motives or am I a user who just wants to chill.
thanks ahead of time for your imput:)
 
Your telling yourself that you can use just once and not use again but the reality of it is that you will most likely go right back if you've already had a problem with it. Your making justifications and struggling with yourself over using again. Bad sign. Its tough to just have a "taste" of something you really like without having another bite.
 
Honestly, though i just want to know some stats or some facts, there has to be someone who can do this... and if there is i want to know how... its just so hard to know that i know that feeling and i can never achieve that again... makes me feel annoyed...
IF there is no one who can do this than maybe i shouldnt risk it... but honestly people... i feel like a lot of people are saying what NEEDS to be said, but not really addressing the other side of the issue... like every post is one side or the other (except like 1 or 2, but they are short and not very explanitory) i need cost / benefit evaluation. and with out you guys knowing like "who i am" like my character i know it is hard to tell me exactly what you need to when you dont know my whole story...
heres a lil bit about me..
-Started using about 10 months ago,
-started with insufflation, due to lack of funds went to the needle.
-f***** a lot of stuff up for myself in my home town... so it was good that we planned on moving for the past year in AUgust 2010.
-I still stayed in Michigan until AUG 17th and i stayed clean.
-I have someone who i completely trust who i have told this whole story who totally understands and has been through this so i need an objective view on.
IF These Things Matter
- Ive had a pretty hard life...
- my man is amazing and keeps me in check.
-I have wrked my a** off for everything i have and I am working on getting my degree in Psychology, I want to advance to a Doctorate.
-Im a 22 yr old woman.

Please take these things into consideration when thinking what i can do...
not just based on your experience (though that is very important) but also based on me..
let me know if you think im full of BS too like PChild did...lol I get what your saying buddy. thanks for your imput i value it.
 
Honestly, though i just want to know some stats or some facts, there has to be someone who can do this... and if there is i want to know how... its just so hard to know that i know that feeling and i can never achieve that again... makes me feel annoyed...

Hey now listen,

I believe that you think we are making this stuff up or just giving our best guess as to how it will go. As far as stats. or facts, well, we are the ones that would fill the population of the study. I'll bet you, if you ask any other poster, whether he/she took a small "taste" after quiting, and then relapsed, I'll say everyone has.

I mean all we can offer is our own experience. I am telling you, by what you said in your posts, I would bet a bunch of money that you will relapse, if you take a hit.

I am so sorry, I know this is not good news for ya. But I think it is accurate and the truth.

Best
 
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What Pchild is on the money and though nobody speaks for anyone else I’m sure many would agree with that post.

You say you want stats or some facts? I think you’re looking for someone here to tell you it’s ok to use just one more time, “I’ve done it and you can do it too.” Fact is that’s just not possible and I’m sure most people here know that.

I don’t like cliché and don’t usually use them but here’s one that fits:

“One is too many and a thousand never enough”

Please think about that and again, I wish you luck!
 
thats what i needed to hear. thanks guys... i appreciate everything... I was just hoping someone would be like, I did it you can too... but its good, you all know what I'm going through!
thanks so much and I will update you when i get back on Monday or I can post on here when i am at my home twn and maybe you guys can help me stay good???
I could use some support bc my man cant come w me, he is in school and its grad level so he cant miss... so yah.


thank you so much guys i really appreciate all your help, i do... i just hate this lame ass shiz i put myself through. ya know?

thanks PChild
and Sam... I love your quote, who cares if its cliche....
cliche is usually what works... b/c its cliche... hahah
ill update you guys and maybe you can help me stay strong even though you have no obligation it would be so awesome of you.
 
if you're clean, got things together, doing good, feeling good. why would you do your old DOC for a day or two? you're just gonna crave it after that because you were reminded of what it fel like.

also, you should probably ditch the b/f if you plan on staying clean. chancses are he's using when you're not around him,but I could be wrong.
 
also, you should probably ditch the b/f if you plan on staying clean. chancses are he's using when you're not around him,but I could be wrong.

Tokin said exactly what I was thinking. I know junkies, I know ME, too well. I'll say he is using still, or putting the thoughts in your head, or both. Maybe you should break away clean from him. Lose the old baggage that ties you to this other life. You are so young, with a wonderful life in front of you. And you are doing great now. Don't let anything or anyone help drag you back down.

Best to ya!
 
and I know getting rid of old friends and/or significant others is hard. but its something you gotta do if you really plan on getting clean. start hitting up meetings and get a sponsor, they'll be better friends to you than your old drugs friends could've ever been to you.
 
Well I lost my current supplier and am hungry for a new one, just saying...not asking anything
 
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