Well it finally happened.

[Jert]

^^^^ dude I read that twice and still have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Might want to rewrite your post for clarity. Not to sound like a jerk but I don't think anyone could make any sense out of what you just wrote there.

 

[Georgie25]

^^^^ dude I read that twice and still have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Might want to rewrite your post for clarity. Not to sound like a jerk but I don't think anyone could make any sense out of what you just wrote there.

Lmao!

 

[molly139]

Man, you've hit it right on the head... You've described my life for the past 2 years... The only difference, I have my own company which allows for a lot more flexibility, however, bills come due quickly, debt builds quickly....

Quit the junk, it's not worth it... If I can do it, as well as, many others on this site, you should be able to do it as well. You have proven yourself time and time again, why not do it once more? Sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders... Otherwise, you will continue with the opiate ride from hell...

Who am I... I was ready to off myself close to one week ago... I can say today I feel 10,000 times better than I did one week ago.. what a difference... I look forward to continue to build my business, I think,....

Any case, re-read what you have written in the beginning... There is quite a bit in there... Sound to me as it is time to quit and move on to better pastures...

 

[lozgod]

man it pisses me off to know end when people call addiction "a disease". its not a disease you cant catch it or contract it, its something you do to yourself. its not inheritable or passable to your kids. stop labeling it all pretty please. and yes i have been addicted before so i know what its like. you dont say that smokers addicted to nicotine have a disease do you? just please stop mislabeling it.

Is cancer something you catch or contract? Does addiction not have symptoms? Obsessivness and compulsiveness (mental symptoms), withdrawal (physical symptoms).

Disease definition - •an impairment of health or a condition of abnormal functioning

Is stealing when you do not typically steal solely to feed your habit not an abnormal function? Or sticking needles in your arm when you wouldn't under non addictive circumstances. It is a disease. Even by definition not just theory.

 

[lozgod]

^^^^ dude I read that twice and still have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. Might want to rewrite your post for clarity. Not to sound like a jerk but I don't think anyone could make any sense out of what you just wrote there.

Ok, I thought I was retarded or something for having no idea what the hell that meant. Glad to see I wasn't the only one.

 

[Georgie25]

Is cancer something you catch or contract? Does addiction not have symptoms? Obsessivness and compulsiveness (mental symptoms), withdrawal (physical symptoms).

Disease definition - •an impairment of health or a condition of abnormal functioning

Is stealing when you do not typically steal solely to feed your habit not an abnormal function? Or sticking needles in your arm when you wouldn't under non addictive circumstances. It is a disease. Even by definition not just theory.

Yeah it's definitly a disease...one thats worse than others if you think about cuz it's mental and physical pain. Once youre addicted it's like you lose control of being able to cop or not.

 

[BongoBongo]

Having read this thread with a sense of curiosity and respect, I can say that I doubt that I shall ever contemplate the use of opiates in any form.

The stories presented here are more that enough to warn me of the potential risks involved.

Thanks to you all...especially Lozgod....

 

[Bojangles69]

Hell, every single one of us lived life without drugs at some point and I don't think it was anywhere near as bad as we have it now.

Thats the single most important thing imo to never lose focus of. I think the idea is to basically eat shit for for a few years w/out drugs and try your hardest to build a life you could be happy with. And then just hope that life becomes a life that keeps you away from drugs.
Well thats my plan really.

 

[rickolasnice]

I wouldn't blame yourself for ruining peoples lives while you were dealing.. if anyones lives were ruined by the drug (or ahem.. themselves) they only have themselves to blame..

 

[death&decay]

We are what we manifest. Just remember, no matter how bad you might think you have it life goes on. Some people get by on 400 a week with a family... Some people get by with a family and have NO money. Money isn't all that important, it is the impression it leaves which makes us believe so.

 

[SececaRD]

I am just tired of this life.

Well Change your life then.. its as easy as this "Dont Use" Dont make it more complicated than it is.

 

[lozgod]

Having read this thread with a sense of curiosity and respect, I can say that I doubt that I shall ever contemplate the use of opiates in any form.

The stories presented here are more that enough to warn me of the potential risks involved.

Thanks to you all...especially Lozgod....

Please don't. I wouldn't wish this life on my worst enemy.

 

[lozgod]

Well Change your life then.. its as easy as this "Don't Use" Don't make it more complicated than it is.

I wish it was that easy. Without the drug there is a void that goes way beyond the physical withdrawal. It is like you have no love for life anymore. I think chemically once addicted to opiates your brain becomes wired that way due to over stimulation of endorphin receptors. You can ask anyone that's been through withdrawal. One of the mental symptoms is suicide ideology. I have a 32 revolver and I can not tell you how many times I put it in my mouth and tried talking myself in to pulling the trigger while withdrawing.

Then I imagine the pain it would put people that love me and put the gun away.

I think only a junkie can understand this, while tired of the consequences, I LOVE DOPE! It turns on every feel good receptor in your body. It's like an orgasm times 10.

Looking at what I am saying I think this may be too big of a problem to deal with on my own. Might be time to seek professional help. I'm actually high right now. Shot 7 bags of some blazing ass dope and ate 3 30mg roxis. It's the best feeling in the world when you actually get high. For the most part it just makes me not sick but this was some good ass dope. I know it's going to wear off eventually. I am going to be sick. I don't have anymore money to cop more. When the good goes away the complete opposite feeling follows.

If nothing else is accomplished by writing this bullshit I'm just glad BongoBongo said what he said. Makes me feel like I actually did something good for someone else while fucking my life up. Please stick to that coimmittment BB. You may never realize how good of an idea it was to never fool with opiates but I can assure that it is a great decision. I wish someone could of scared me from experimenting with them. If there is indeed a hell I can guarantee it isn't much different than opiate withdrawal. I can't imagine anything else being a worse torture.

It starts with panic. I'm out and got no more money. Its an impending doom feeling. Then your nose starts running and your eyes get watery and you feel real emotional. Then your stomach feels like someone is ringing out a wet towel. It gets all twisted and your heart rate and blood pressure skyrocket. Not from the anxiety but from the surge of adreniline that's part of the process. It's a panic you can't talk yourself through because the chemicals in your brain are all out of wack. Then minor pains become extreme pain. Then you can't sleep for days. You just stay awake and suffer. You have no energy, but can't sleep and have panic attacks every other minute and that other non panic attack minute is thoughts of suicide.

But the kicker of it all is not all that suffering. It is knowing that for a few dollars it can all go away. And when you do finally have the money to cop again you are not doing it to get high. You are going it for temporary relief. Because once it wears off it all comes back again. Bills, food, whatever, nothing else matters but that temporary escape from that hell on Earth.

That's where it leads you. That's where popping a couple of 5mg percocets to chill out leads. It ain't worth it. Some people can do it now and again and be fine but I advixe anyone reading this assume you ain't the one that can get away with popping a few here and there. If you are right and are lucky enough to be a "chipper" there's only one way to find out and that's to use. But if you are wrong, you have no idea what lies ahead down the road. Might take months or years to get there but once you're there, you're there and it is hell to get away from it. There are many recovering addicts that have done it. I hope to be one of them one day.

As a matter of fact after I hit Submit Reply I'm googling and seeing what options are available to me. Fuck this. I'm looking at what I'm saying and it's the words on an insane person. I need help. I got a serious problem.

 

[BongoBongo]

Actually I find your words totally sane.
You have a knack of explaining your situation with clarity and poise.....your've certainly explained it in a way that I understand.

Perhaps you should put pen to paper and share your message with others.....and point people away from that particular route..

Thanks lozgod.....!!

 

[stoneddave]

Actually I find your words totally sane.
You have a knack of explaining your situation with clarity and poise.....your've certainly explained it in a way that I understand.

Perhaps you should put pen to paper and share your message with others.....and point people away from that particular route..

Thanks lozgod.....!!

I have never used an opiate to get high before, nor do I ever plan to cause I know how addictive my personality is, I've had enough trouble dealing with the drugs that people don't really get addicted to, I've just been the type of person to take something to get fucked up to get me out of this reality....I've never picked one particular poison...it's more just being addicted to the feeling of being fucked up on something (no one drug in particular)

But seriously, I can feel your pain; I can tell how intelligent you are by how you write and how you break down every single part of what makes an addiction an addiction. So many of us smart people know every bit about the psychology of addiction because we are able to completely and logically examine ourselves and our problem and know every single aspect of the whole situation, and yet we still fall victim to it...no matter how many apsects of our life we fuck up, we still keep going back for more...it's pathetic, and we know it is, yet we still keep going back...I don't know what the answer is...

I think that's why so many people think of suicide, because despite all the things that our addiction is fucking up for us, we still keep coming back for more, it seems like the only thing that will stop it is suicide, because clearly common sense and therapy is not swaying us, we know what it's doing and we still don't stop...

Addiction sucks, and I haven't even faced the worst of it, I've never had a crank addiction or a heroin addiction, I guess if I had to pick a poision it would be alcohol, I haven't gone through even half the stuff that so many people on this site have and I feel the way I do; I can't imagine the kind of things other people are going through, those ones with more serious addictions than myself. I don't even really know what I'm saying here,

I guess I don't really have much to add, I think I was more just posing because I admire the stuff that Lozgod has said, and it saddens me because it really makes me think of how many people that have so much potential to go so far in life, yet fall victim to themselves and their inability to control themselves in respect to drugs.

it's a sad slippery slope, but it can be overcome...You need to have hope, and believe in yourself that you can overcome whatever addiction you may have...There is always away out, even if you feel totally blinded by your addiction, there is always a way out...

You need to truly want to quit, and not just because you're mad at yourself because of what you have done, you have to realize what you are doing to yourself and what these drugs are doing to your life, and learn from the mistakes you've made, and have to want a better life for yourself, and want to give yourself the treatment you deserve, cause as you said, none of us would wish addiction upon our worst enemy, so why do we allow it to happen to ourselves?, it doesn't make sense...Why don't we treat ourselves with the love and respect that we would expect others to treat us with, it's stupid, and yet so hard to leave...

Well I'm sorry for rambling, I don't know if I even wrote anything of any importance, I'm drunk and felt pretty drawn into this thread, but these are honestly the thoughts in my head right now. Maybe I'll re-read this in the morning when I'm sober and it will help give me some kind of kick in the butt to go clean...

I wish all of you the best, anybody suffering with any kind of addiction, it sucks but we can make it through this together...Take care ya'll