Mental Health Issues

[girlygrrl]

I think I've mostly recovered from "digging too deep" for "answers", but I had way too much of too many different exotic substances in too short of a time and my brain works differently now.

I'm keeping up the positude but I may have given myself bipolar or something in the process, trying to re-integrate.

I feel like I went so deep down the rabbit hole that there's really nothing left so I'm just trying to focus on creating a record label and perhaps writing a screenplay of my life.

Just it seems like "reality" as we know it is some big cosmic joke and either you force yourself to "be happy" or you keep time-looping in "hell".

Does life and death really exist? Or are we immortal children gods (not children OF gods) trying to figure out what the point of it all is?

Somehow I became a "spiritual atheist", does that make any sense?

I just hope someone else out there knows wtf I'm talking about, I feel all alone in the world and want to at least have some conversations about the thoughts flowing through my head.

Here's about 1/100th of the stuff I've been thinking about:

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=521764

The "rabbit hole" goes very very deep, I was unable to speak vocally for awhile and I felt like the last six weeks lasted about six years instead, too much time dilation and not enough sleep.

I'm going to sedate myself with Rx sedatives and try to sleep it off, I have had a productive day but was still very stressed out, I don't like the fluphenazine crap that the docs gave me because it makes me all zombieish but it also seems to be helping with the re-integration.

I just would like to talk to someone who has half a clue about what I'm talking about, am I really the only one who went the full loop around a few times and didn't die from it?

 

[malakaix]

I'm pretty certain theirs many of us that have been in your position in the past or even present.

If's there's one piece of advice i can give you from my own experience's with 'searching for truth' through psychedelics, meditation, lucid dreaming.. is that at the end of it all, ultimately.. you decide whats real and whats not, what has meaning and what doesn't.. the answer is, there is no answer.. only choice.

I'm going to quote 'love_sex_desire' here from a thread in PD, as i feel it resonates well with what im conveying;

"From one perspective we are nothing, from the other we are everything.

We can create create infinite meaning, or subscribe to the perspective that our existence means nothing. Regardless of what you choose, you will be correct."

 

[Legerity]

Do take care of yourself grrly. I think you have a lot of wisdom to share with those who are open and willing to listen

 

[book of revelation]

I want to hear all about it GG, tell me more..

 

[paranoid android]

Okay after actually reading your thread in PD i can sort of understand whats going on here or might be going on here. That many psychedelics taken by anyone can cause problems. If you have underlying mental issues drugs of any sort usually only makes matters much worse. Taking loads of psychs is going to make everything much fucking worse. If your mental disorder is serious enough to warrant being on fluphenazine then you should not be taking any drugs that are not prescribed to you. Plus fluphenazine will block the effects of just about any psychedelic out there or atleast make you feel so zombified that you won't enjoy them.

All i can say is take the meds the doctors are giving you, lay off any drugs not prescribed to you and if you start to feel worse in any way go see a doctor or mental health worker asap.

 

[girlygrrl]

Do take care of yourself grrly. I think you have a lot of wisdom to share with those who are open and willing to listen

Thanks, you're one of the "good people" here on BL that makes it worth my time

"From one perspective we are nothing, from the other we are everything.

We can create create infinite meaning, or subscribe to the perspective that our existence means nothing. Regardless of what you choose, you will be correct."

That is a great quote

I wrote something down similar to that but it was worded very crudely.

I want to hear all about it GG, tell me more..

Ask and you shall receive, just if you can be more specific that would help :D

All i can say is take the meds the doctors are giving you, lay off any drugs not prescribed to you and if you start to feel worse in any way go see a doctor or mental health worker asap.

When I was on fluphenazine I had to drink coffee and energy drinks and swigs of DXM polystyrex to be able to function well enough to not just lay in bed and sleep all day.

But the script ran out yesterday so I had a good full night's rest and today I feel awesome and I'm completely sober, didn't even drink any caffeine today

So I'm feeling much better, I just hope I don't have bipolar or something because I can get very moody. I consider myself an empath because the "vibes" of those around me affect me a great deal more than most people...generally anyone seeing things half empty instead of half full starts causing depression and it magnifies really fast.