Am I just better off staying on my benzos for life?

[MagickalKat777]

Okay so I've been prescribed benzos since 2004. Started off for occasional management of panic attacks and then after a hospitalization with a collapsed lung and getting panic reactions from painkillers, I was suddenly on .5mg up to 5 times a day for a few weeks... once I stopped taking the painkillers, I went down to about 1.5-2mg... Anyway it quickly escalated and at one point between XR and IR, I was taking 8mg/day.

I went to my doctor and suggested a switch to Klonopin. Xanax wasn't helping anymore and I was constantly in a state of panic... We agreed to move me over to 3mg Klonopin. I went through absolute hell the first 5 days waiting for my plasma levels to settle as I had to stop the Xanax cold turkey and then move to Klonopin.

I've been on Klonopin since 2007 or so now. I cut down from 3mg to 2mg in December with no issues. Now I am trying to go down from 2 and I just can't. I cut my dose down to 1.75mg and I was fine until the second night, when I had to take an entire extra pill to get my anxiety back under control.

After reading so much about benzo withdrawal... I am really left to wonder what I should do... I could keep taking my benzos indefinitely and still be a partially-functioning citizen of society or I can go off of them and become a vegetable for 6-24 months. It seems like even with a proper taper, people still can't work or do much else.

I have kicked EVERYTHING (including massive amounts of alcohol, the opioids I was on after my surgery, pills, a strong DXM addiction, a 5-MeO-AMT addiction, an AMT addiction, and lots more I'm sure) except nicotine and benzos no problem. I can't seem to even reduce my benzos... so my doc started me up on Wellbutrin because SSRIs have failed and I won't touch tricyclics, Effexor, or Cymbalta with a 5000 foot pole. My anxiety has definitely improved when its working... and I really think it will help a lot once I have gotten up to the 300mg dose (currently 75mg twice a day and I'm increasing to 3 times a day on Tuesday) and can move to either Aplenzin or Wellbutrin XL... but I'm still stuck on the issue of benzos.

Does anyone have any POSITIVE benzo stories? Am I really freaking out about nothing? Any suggestions? I'm looking at doing a liquid titration (which looks to be a pain in the ass but I have about 200 1mg Klonopin tablets and they're Mylan generics which generics almost never have equal dose distribution in them plus its recommended to make .125mg cuts - I tried with a pill cutter and came close but no cigar) if I do decide to do this but really - am I better just staying on them? I'm on short term disability right now as it is because I had a panic flare up so my doc put me on Wellbutrin, upped my Klonopin to 4mg a day (which I have yet to take at that level once), and gave me 1mg of Xanax a day (also haven't taken any) but if I start tapering, I doubt I will be able to go back to work... I'm so annoyed with all of this that I was suicidal until I started the Wellbutrin - now I'm more pissed off about my benzo dependence than depressed.

 

[PureLife]

I was prescribed various benzos for six years. Around the same doses as you. I'm not going to sugar coat it, it was horrible. BUT i learned I felt WORSE on benzo's. My anxiety is so much more functional without them. It took a long time to get used to, but was worth it in the end. I used to not even be able to leave the house without having a panic attack ( that was with my 3mg of xanax 1x daily and 4mg of klonopin 4x daily) now I'm on 40mg of prozac and 16000mg of Neurontin and I have little to no anxiety. Maybe its from my current meds or maybe the benzos really did just make the anxiety and panic worse.

 

[MagickalKat777]

I was prescribed various benzos for six years. Around the same doses as you. I'm not going to sugar coat it, it was horrible. BUT i learned I felt WORSE on benzo's. My anxiety is so much more functional without them. It took a long time to get used to, but was worth it in the end. I used to not even be able to leave the house without having a panic attack ( that was with my 3mg of xanax 1x daily and 4mg of klonopin 4x daily) now I'm on 40mg of prozac and 16000mg of Neurontin and I have little to no anxiety. Maybe its from my current meds or maybe the benzos really did just make the anxiety and panic worse.

16g of Neuro? Or did you mean 1.6g?

I know they're most likely making things worse... but the sheer thought of going off of my Klonopin scares me like no other. I'm so tightly bound to Klonopin now that I can't leave the house without having some pills with me (including some Xanax just in case I have an emergency) and I've heard that the withdrawals from Klonopin are worse than the withdrawals from any other benzo - most people can't switch to Valium for their taper for example. I don't know what to do. I feel like shit ON the benzos... but if I go off of them, I'll literally lose everything... My job, my home...

Some days I really do think I would have been better off dying in my god knows how many overdoses of various drugs because I think this benzo withdrawal crap is going to be worse than death...

I have thought about getting a script for Lyrica... I know my doc will give it to me... but I almost feel like tapering over to Lyrica would be counterproductive and just result in a new addiction that could be even harder to kick than the benzos... plus I don't have a clue what the dose would even be...

I just don't know anymore. I'm at such a dark point... I haven't done any "hard" drugs since probably 2006 other than MDMA, which my last usage was October 2008... Yet I feel worse than I did when I was doing drugs... go figure.

 

[duneplanet]

get off em man. im getting off now and yea it's shit but you will be so much stronger off them. It's gonna be rough but it's like body building for your mind, when the withdrawal is over everything will feel much easier. Trust me Ive been addicted before and gotten over it. Just dont be like me and get addicted again once you've healed

 

[duneplanet]

and my doc says lyrica is much easier to kick than benzos and that it wont last as long. im on 275 mg of lyrica and 2 mg of valium, going down to 1 mg of valium this week and upping to 325 lyrica. Just dont abuse lyrica, it will ruin everything and your tolerance will be all fucked up and it wont help you anymore.

 

[MagickalKat777]

Yeah I've been keeping up on your thread dune... Sorry man that's some fucked up shit to be dealing with.

I know I need to get off of them I just don't see how its even possible at this point... I haven't spoken to a single person who was able to function enough to work during benzo w/d, even while tapering very slowly... And on top of that I'm on probation with two different counties right now and I have 8 more weeks of classes before I can even start a taper - but my short term can't go more than 12 weeks IIRC and I have already used up almost a month - going to my doctor to extend it to 2 months tomorrow...

EDIT: On the Lyrica... I've taken it before... but my doctor was stupid and didn't bother to tell me that I needed to keep taking my Xanax... so like my third day on it I had one of the worst panic attacks of my life... But I felt absolutely phenomenal when I first started it... I don't even know what dose to start with though and I doubt my doctor does either.

 

[PureLife]

Yeah I meant 1.6g of neuro. I have epilepsy too so it helps. I'm thinking about switching to Lyrica myself because I'm taking like 9 neuro's a day.

 

[duneplanet]

it's ok magick kat. ive been to hell before, sometimes literally, so pain isnt new to me. just remind yourself that it will end. No matter how bad it gets. SOme motivation may be thinking about what if there is a time that you can get your medicine? what if your insurance runs out? what if the economy collapses?

 

[MagickalKat777]

Yeah I meant 1.6g of neuro. I have epilepsy too so it helps. I'm thinking about switching to Lyrica myself because I'm taking like 9 neuro's a day.

Lyrica is supposedly much more effective than Neuro but I am pretty sure they're cross tolerant. Sorry to hear that you have epilepsy. Have you tried oxcarbazepine (Trileptal I believe)? It is supposed to be really effective on epilepsy and doesn't have the side effects of say Dope-a-max (Topamax)...

it's ok magick kat. ive been to hell before, sometimes literally, so pain isnt new to me. just remind yourself that it will end. No matter how bad it gets. SOme motivation may be thinking about what if there is a time that you can get your medicine? what if your insurance runs out? what if the economy collapses?

I've already thought about that... which is why I always filled my script for 3 a day when I was only taking two and now I am filling my script for 4 when I'm still trying to take 2. I have over 200 1mg pills right now with another 120 script being filled on the 6th and I take 60 a month...

But you're right in that I know it will end... It just scares the living daylights out of me... and all of the benzo support forums say not to take any other drugs that they just make it all worse yet I come here and read about people using other drugs and having a much smoother taper... I just don't know.

 

[duneplanet]

I couldnt have done the benzo withdrawal last time without other drugs. I needed geodon and trazadone to sleep, and despite my borderline psychosis i slept almost every night

 

[PureLife]

Lyrica is supposedly much more effective than Neuro but I am pretty sure they're cross tolerant. Sorry to hear that you have epilepsy. Have you tried oxcarbazepine (Trileptal I believe)? It is supposed to be really effective on epilepsy and doesn't have the side effects of say Dope-a-max (Topamax)...

Quote:

I was on trileptal, topomax, tegretal, all that stuff. Didnt stop me from seizing. Topomax was the worst. Just a shitty drug in general.

 

[MagickalKat777]

Damn. I'm sorry to hear that. Honestly I wouldn't recommend messing with Lyrica if Neuro is working for you. You seem to be pretty sensitive.

So after reading in advanced drug discussion, I may ask my doc about memantine and something to control seizures, like oxcarbazepine (they recommended Topa but forget that)... Should make withdrawal pretty bearable with memantine blocking glutamate transfer and oxcarbazepine has been shown to not only prevent the seizures but also for some reason in studies has shown to keep people off benzos even though the withdrawal symptoms seem to be about the same.

Thank god I have insurance though... Memantine is NOT cheap.

If I could get on that regimen, I could probably taper at a 25% per week rate... especially since I'm on Klonopin.