This is a weird topic because I started school with the intention of paying back my loans, but my mother secretely started paying them off on her own w/out even telling me about it.
I got out of prison when I was 22, only having 1 prior completed year of college, and was working a shitty fulltime job at petsmart while doing school fulltime. Most of my money went straight to fines, and I had no real money to save or pay loans back.
At this point I still haven't graduated, but I will on Jan 14th. I'm not working because I've been coming off an opiate addition for the last 3 months, and I think my parents sum up my not working as a result of the bad economy, when its really just my drug addiction.
So in that respect, I fell like a piece of shit. But in another way, I almost feel like I have a disability too. At one point I withdrew from school completely due to my panic disorder, but now for the most part I'm a stable person.
To keep it simple, for as long as I've been unstable, and on drugs (while maintaining Bs or better) my mom has been paying back my loans. At this point in my life from the mere guilt, I now have A LOT on my plate.
I'm getting clean again, I have to find a career and not just some shitty job so I can take over my moms place in paying back loans, all while saving for a place so I can move out (live with my brother now not my parents).
I look at other kids who attend my uni, and most of them are very much entitled. My school is very expensive, and most who attend are of Jewish decent. Its just the area where the uni is located. I remember one girl last semester who's parents bought her a fucking beamer for her b-day, along with paying ALL her expenses. Clothes, food, car, etc. I pay for my clothes, food, insurance, but simply don't have the money for loans.
So I think each case is individual, and its not always about just being entitled or not being entitled. Cause where would I fit? I always planned on paying my loans back, I'm VERY VERY grateful my mom started on her own. But as long as I don't have the money what choices am I left with?
I plan on working again asap this semester cause I'll be clean. And I plan on staying off the opiates for good, so I'm hoping this will be the point that I accept some responsibility in my life and finally "grow up" at 28 years old which can be pretty sad at times to be in this predicament.
Yeh I get things paid for, but it makes me feel like a lesser man... almost like a baby. So its not always as good as it may seem to other people. I look at people who have been on their own since 18, paying their way through college, and its almost like they have some supernatural ability. It really comes down to how well a person can cope with stress. And I'm starting to learn now where I stand. I was going to school fulltime and working fulltime for 3 years doing what I was suppose to, but I hated my life. I hated the "american dream". I hated working for nothing while going to college, and I tried to kill myself with barbituates and xanax at which point I lost my job and was withdrawn from school. Thats how "well" I cope with a hectic schedule I guess. Life shouldn't be spent working to enjoy something that you never have the time to enjoy. But whats the other choice? Be homeless? This world can really suck at times.. or maybe I AM just spoiled who knows.
I'd honestly rather be dead sometimes than completely on my own, as I'd be homeless right now if I was.
I'm essentially struggling just to be a man. Getting myself clean without a single soul knowing, than transitioning into a productive and independent life... which sure as hell aint easy.