• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Self medication (life better when using)

N

Ne0

Bluelighter
Joined
May 24, 2008
Messages
1,071
I really see that my drug use has had more positive outcomes than negative. While I used drugs I got friends (not dopefriends), had lots of sex, got girlfriend, had all around lots of social life, I had more successful life, went throught school got job and had lots of interests. Now when I stopped using I'm in same situation like I was before drug use, so social life is ZERO (got bad social anxiety and phobia), can't achieve a lot because got bad attention span and motivation (might have ADHD not yet diagnosed but I visit professional ATM who is pretty sure of it and I'm starting to take tests for it). So basically, I had more full life when I was using than now I don't do nothing.

Wasn't really addicted to anything, I used that what took of the anxiety or/and gave me energy and attention.

Any other same kind of stories? I don't think thats that rare, even tho it seems like that in this forum.
 
It is very difficult to successfully self-medicate. Why did you stop if everything was so peachy? Eventually the doses become too large, the brain gets more and more depleted of the chemical that the drug boosts the production of and the mood swings become ridiculous. Maybe look into some legal mood boosters, some SSRI that your doc can prescribe?
And regarding the ADHD,motivation,anxiety,phobias. It all comes down to your mental state. Work on that, meditate and I guarantee you that you will soon see the results and wont need any drugs and all these problems will eventually go away by themselves. It is really sad that the most important thing in life, controling your mind and thoughts and not blindly following you ego, is not taught anywhere unless you are interested in buddhism for example. If it was taught,there would be no wars,no hate...
 
Last edited:
Yeah, I can totally relate, OP...

I'm playing w/ fire myself these days with Xanax. I'm leaving for Asia in a month or so, and chances are I will never see my father again, at least as a functional person (him, that is. I, myself, am borderline functional, at the best of times. :\)

My dad was a difficult person to get along with before he started developing dementia. I started taking them a couple months ago, so I could even stand to be around him.

I'm walking a fine line between taking enough for them to reduce anxiety, and not taking too much so I can remember these last days with him....

Like I said, playing with fire. But at least I'm acknowledging it and trying to be careful.

Addiction necessitates deception. It does not, however, necessitate self-deception. Be very careful, and be completely honest w/ yourself in self-evaluating your use.
 
Ne0 said:
I really see that my drug use has had more positive outcomes than negative. While I used drugs I got friends (not dopefriends), had lots of sex, got girlfriend, had all around lots of social life, I had more successful life, went throught school got job and had lots of interests. Now when I stopped using I'm in same situation like I was before drug use, so social life is ZERO (got bad social anxiety and phobia), can't achieve a lot because got bad attention span and motivation (might have ADHD not yet diagnosed but I visit professional ATM who is pretty sure of it and I'm starting to take tests for it). So basically, I had more full life when I was using than now I don't do nothing.

Wasn't really addicted to anything, I used that what took of the anxiety or/and gave me energy and attention.

Any other same kind of stories? I don't think thats that rare, even tho it seems like that in this forum.
Click to expand...

Hubby is 32 and had adhd when he was a child, abused drugs for a long time ... he's now prescribed ritalin and valium ... fairly happy camper. Go seek shrink. Worth every penny.
 
junctionalfunkie said:
Yeah, I can totally relate, OP...

I'm playing w/ fire myself these days with Xanax. I'm leaving for Asia in a month or so, and chances are I will never see my father again, at least as a functional person (him, that is. I, myself, am borderline functional, at the best of times. :\)

My dad was a difficult person to get along with before he started developing dementia. I started taking them a couple months ago, so I could even stand to be around him.

I'm walking a fine line between taking enough for them to reduce anxiety, and not taking too much so I can remember these last days with him....

Like I said, playing with fire. But at least I'm acknowledging it and trying to be careful.

Addiction necessitates deception. It does not, however, necessitate self-deception. Be very careful, and be completely honest w/ yourself in self-evaluating your use.
Click to expand...

Just so you know, there is NO CURE for xanax addiction. NONE whatsoever. Don't get addicted.
 
Um, yeah, there is..... just like there is a "cure" for every other addiction.

You stop using. :)

As for the warning not to "get addicted," I know your heart's in the right place, but if there's a drug out there with addictive potential, I've been hooked on it. Sometimes for years.

The fact that I'm alive to type this is in defiance of astronomical odds.
 
Somebody mentioned opiates help with depression. I've really found that it
is true for me. When I was prescribed suboxone, I didn't even need to use
amitriptyline (except when I couldn't sleep) There was a big thread about it
on pharmer a while ago. It helped me with depression a lot.
 
Ne0 said:
I really see that my drug use has had more positive outcomes than negative. While I used drugs I got friends (not dopefriends), had lots of sex, got girlfriend, had all around lots of social life, I had more successful life, went throught school got job and had lots of interests. Now when I stopped using I'm in same situation like I was before drug use, so social life is ZERO (got bad social anxiety and phobia), can't achieve a lot because got bad attention span and motivation (might have ADHD not yet diagnosed but I visit professional ATM who is pretty sure of it and I'm starting to take tests for it). So basically, I had more full life when I was using than now I don't do nothing.

Wasn't really addicted to anything, I used that what took of the anxiety or/and gave me energy and attention.

Any other same kind of stories? I don't think thats that rare, even tho it seems like that in this forum.
Click to expand...

Yeah this is something i've struggled with to varying degrees for the last 10 years or so. People use drugs because they WORK, i wish governments would understand that. The conundrum of "well i got off drugs but i still feel like shit" is a complicated one and one that is different for every person, but i've come to a few conclusions about it over time.

My DOC is opiates, and when you take opiates (and aren't even addicted, and they don't cause any problems in your life) life goes from blahhhh to ahhhhhh the second the drug hits your bloodstream. You CAN achieve happiness and fulfillment in life without drugs, but once you've found that in a pill you've stacked the deck against yourself.

In life you can find happiness and work yourself to a place where you love yourself and are confident and not too afraid or concerned with what others think, but MAN it takes time. YEARS i'm talking. Seconds with Vicodin, YEARS without. It's discouraging. However, anyone with half a brain can see that it's a slippery slope to not work on one's self without drugs, and to keep pushing 'em through the blood brain barrier and getting that instant gratification.

I'm definitely still a work in progress but i've come a long way since i was 18 with a lot of soul searching and pain and reflection after the fact. Bettering yourself will almost happen so slowly that you can't detect it, keep trying though. Recognize those things that make you feel like ass and try your hardest to de-construct the feeling, where it's coming from, and then de-program yourself from feeling that.

It's not that it is impossible to do, it's just that doing it without drugs if you've got some real issues is akin to climbing Mount Everest while piling drugs into you is like stepping over a pebble on the street. That's not to say that it's all bad. In the 10 years that i've been dwelling on self-improvement i've still had some kickass times and had plenty of times where i felt on top of the world without drugs. Love is a drug for sure, if you have the love of a good woman you don't need anything. Good luck questing.
 
It sounds like to me that you have had your whole world revolving around drugs. So when you take the drugs out of the mix, everything goes to shit; dont know how to talk to people, dont know how to relate to people, dont know how to have fun, dont know how to study or focus, dont know how to get the girl, etc..

Maybe you should try to have a social life that is not centered around drugs or alcohol? Its fuckin tough, but you can do it if you want man!

I think that you rsocial phobia may be the root to this problem as well. I mean, living with anxiety just fucking sucks. I would talk to a doc and see if you could get some anxiety meds to function on a normal, everyday level like the rest of us mindless robots. I can relate with the opiates too because life is sooooo worry free and good on em =/ sigh.

<snip>
 
Last edited by a moderator:
I have self medicated with Dexies and opiates,
The opiates did me well over a few months although I took them far too long.
Dexies I think are just a rare occasional tool for me.

I have no respect for psychiatry given they use relatively new drugs with major side effects and use barbaric electro shock induced seizures as a "treatment", previously they also allowed thousands to be lobotomised, killing hundreds disabling the rest, and these are the things they call last results without even considering opiate therapy or many other options, also World Health Organization studies have noted that individuals diagnosed with schizophrenia have much better long-term outcomes in developing countries (India, Colombia and Nigeria) than in developed countries (United States, United Kingdom, Ireland, Denmark, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Japan, and Russia),[174] despite antipsychotic drugs not being widely available.
 
I can understand what you are saying...drug use seems to make a lot of things easier. Meeting people, socializing, having something to look forward to, etc.

I think one issue is that most drug experiences are not really incorporated into a person, so we are dependent on it to achieve that feeling. Which requires higher and higher doses which are no longer sustainable. I don't know what your level of drug use was, but I would say that a full dependence takes away more than it provides.

I think that the psychedelics have a lot of potential to provide experiences that we can actually use to change our outlook even when they wear off, but most recreational drug/abuse does not really do this.
 
highonlife40 said:
I have no respect for psychiatry given they use relatively new drugs with major side effects and use barbaric electro shock induced seizures as a "treatment", previously they also allowed thousands to be lobotomised, killing hundreds disabling the rest, and these are the things they call last results without even considering opiate therapy or many other options, also World Health Organization studies have noted that individuals diagnosed with schizophrenia have much better long-term outcomes in developing countries (India, Colombia and Nigeria) than in developed countries (United States, United Kingdom, Ireland, Denmark, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Japan, and Russia),[174] despite antipsychotic drugs not being widely available.
Click to expand...

Please send me the link that says that people with schizophrenia do better in developing countries then in third world ones. I think thats just bullshit. There are probably alot less people diagnosed there for obvious reasons but if you get treated for schizophrenia early your chances of a better long term outlook increase. Schizophrenia get's worse without treatment and anti-psychotics do help alot.

Im no fan of psychiatry alot of the time but it has it's good and bad points. Sure in the past they dosed people up on really high doses of haldol or chlorpromazine on a regular basis and they gave people lobotomies until that practice was largely stopped in the western world (around the time chlorpromazine aka largactil aka good old thorazine hit the market) and even today ECT goes on although to a much lesser degree then it has in the past. I am personally totally against ECT but that is only my opinion and not to be taken as truth. But i have to say psychiatry has helped me over the years with my anxiety and bipolar disorder. So it's not all bad :\

I have personally self medicated by taking more opiates then im prescribed as well as taking just about anything else i can get my hands on. Opiates and other downers have always been a fav but ive also used coke/crack and dextroamphetamine for the purpose of making myself feel better. Though no drug ive taken makes me not care about my problems some of them make my problems seem not so bad i guess :\

Sorry that i took this so off topic by the way.
 
dragonslayer428 said:
I feel more positive when I use opiates. I wish they would prescribe it as an anti-depressant. =)
Click to expand...

I agree. When I take vics I feel a lot better.. as I've stated in other threads, it makes everything I have to deal with easier. That's the main, if not only, reason I pop pills.
 
I've self medicated with drugs for years and it's always been hit or miss, that's the problem with drugs for me, if you're self medicating and it's working and your supply or money runs out your fucked.

I need to find a better psychiatrist before I give up on them all together, I'm sure there are great ones out there but I've always gone back to self medicating because the drugs I'm prescribed don't work as good as the ones I can get myself, with the exception of benzos.

I think Suboxone was the best anti depressant I've ever had, but I don't have a rx for it, I'm thinking I may just spend the money and get a legitimate script because I'm tired of self medicating but I'm also tired of Dr.'s bullshit and the laws that say you can take this but you can't take that. I mean it's my fucking body, who are they to tell me what I can and can't take?

I self medicate because all my attempts to go the legitimate route through a psychiatrist have fallen short and they always just want to prescribe the newest anti depressant with more side effects than actual value. Tonight I self medicated with black tar heroin, so obviously I'm not depressed tonight, but I know heroin is no answer, maybe if it was legal it would be a good medication but it's not and it's so demonized by people who've never even tried it.

anyway, enough rambling, time to self medicate again.
 
paranoid android said:
Please send me the link that says that people with schizophrenia do better in developing countries then in third world ones.
Click to expand...
I think you actually meant to write developed countries instead of third world countries yes?

http://www.who.int/mental_health/media/en/55.pdf

This link.... I am yet always amazed in peoples faith in psychiatry given its treatments border on dark ages and the stupendously high prices charged by the companies for "medicines" that seem to work badly at best which is acknowledged by the high accepted normal side effects


..... also for many IMO bipolar disorder is probably better diagnosed as being prone to states of Mania as per the more historically tested Chinese medicine system try reading about it sometime.
 
Last edited:
dragonslayer428 said:
I feel more positive when I use opiates. I wish they would prescribe it as an anti-depressant. =)
Click to expand...

Same here. In a perfect world, the dumbasses in charge would realize this. But such is not the case and as a result I am forced to either A) Hate my life and be depressed or B) Do illegal things, while hiding them from the loved ones, but be mentally functional & happy enough with life to actually do something constructive with it.

I achieved so much good while I was addicted to oxys. Held two jobs and supported my husbands family whilst attending school. Now I am sober and too depressed to even clean my fucking kitchen, much less give a fuck about a stepchild or continuing my education. I am sure this is just justifying my habit, but in some sick way it doesn't even seem like thats a bad thing. It is what it is ya know.
 
cryan said:
Same here. In a perfect world, the dumbasses in charge would realize this. But such is not the case and as a result I am forced to either A) Hate my life and be depressed or B) Do illegal things, while hiding them from the loved ones, but be mentally functional & happy enough with life to actually do something constructive with it.
Click to expand...

Are you sure these are the only two options? I would think that option C) is to figure out what is making you hate your life so much and make some changes. Don't sell yourself short, you're not broken and incapable of finding enjoyment in life.
 
Yeah
Psychedelics and Weed help me feel better about life, im really depressed and shit and Psychedelic drugs seem to always put my mind at ease and help me come to terms with all the problems in my life and always make me feel like everything is going to be ok in the end. I know people say take psychs only if in a good state of mind but they really do work wonders as a theraputic tool when one is having a very very hard time in their life, at least they work like that for me. Dissociatives in paticular let me analyze my life and mind without the emotional attachment that things like LSD and Shrooms come with. Everytime im feeling really low, really really down, ill smoke a couple bowls and do some thinking, if that dont work, ill bust out the DXM and take a trip through my mind and always come out feeling better. i noticed that doing DXM when everything is ok in my life and im happy and not stressed, usually offers me reallly shitty trips, those trips u just want to be over. but when im feeling down and really stressed and depressed, the trips are always amazing and make me feel like i want them to last forever. They make me feel okay about everything that is happening and let me know everything will be alright. And my god, i just realized as i type this that Psycedelics have taken a role as a parent to me...well...now i feel sad again...damn it
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top