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Everything just got real Dull.

MasterSplinter

MasterSplinter

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 29, 2009
Messages
1,243
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"Ill take a good bean if its Green n mean."
Anyone else feel dumber from MDMA?

Seem like after ive been eatin some good beans even a month or so later things just seem to complicated to understand.

Like I cant imagine being in college anymore, I just wooden be able to figure out all the math or read a good book for even.

Sometimes my friends are talking to me, and Im so far drifted into my own world and paranoid that I cant even focus on others around me. Its like Im completely ignorging them because I cant relate. I just want to be alone.

And the only thing I can focus on is digital data. iPhone world, Laptop, TV...thats all that barely excites me anymore. Because now that im not as smart as i was before its the most exciting thing.

mdma stole regular excitement. C'inse Ive lost my job at the docks, I aint got money to function in society.

Its been 2 months from my last roll...I still feel way out of it. The world is just scary right now. Times are fucked up and I feel like society is about to crumble...like an old stone wall thats been standing for ages.

If feels like the best part of my life has aready gone by.

its frigtening. :|

Know I now this is mostly most likely due to my serious binging in once I had probebly consumed more pills than a then marilyn monroe and most regular bluelites averaged together. Im definately payin the price.

I drink and smoke on a regular basis. Id do some pills if I had them rite now.
I really dont like this reality.

What do I do now cause I aint really tryin to not go get some beans rite now just to do something fun for once.

What can I do (drug wise or other) to feel better again and get on track? I just wwant to be anormal person makin money again. :(
 
Hows your diet man? Do you exercise? Are you working at all (I know you mentioned you got fired, but have you gotten a job since?)... Whats your friends/family life like? Do you live with people you can just get out with, go home dinner and bs, get your mind off all the negativity?
 
Sounds just like what I went through after quitting E...."Emotional deadness"...took about a year for it to pass.
 
well i live at my homie evans plaace now cause I got kicked out for eatin beans at my folks place.

I can stand bein round evan cause hes is the only person I know that I know of for sure has binged harder than me...and hes still eatin 3+ beans every 2-3 nights for the last 2 months. We aint gettin along cause of financial reasons and me hooking up with his ex girlfriend.

I want to roll again cause then Ill get a long with him.. I aint got no way to go see my good friends right now cause my car got reposessed.
 
MasterSplinter said:
well i live at my homie evans plaace now cause I got kicked out for eatin beans at my folks place.

I can stand bein round evan cause hes is the only person I know that I know of for sure has binged harder than me...and hes still eatin 3+ beans every 2-3 nights for the last 2 months. We aint gettin along cause of financial reasons and me hooking up with his ex girlfriend.

I want to roll again cause then Ill get a long with him.. I aint got no way to go see my good friends right now cause my car got reposessed.
Click to expand...

You definitely need a change of scenery bro. Do what you can to get back to your folks house. Tell them your serious about not rolling. Try to get back on your feet man, exercise, eat healthy and get yourself a job. You mentioned you have a degree, thats great and will help you nab a job.

Living in a roll infested environment will NOT lead to you cleaning up.
 
The damage you've done in the past probably isn't helping, but I wouldn't say it's entirely to blame for your depression. Depression is... depressing, and it can happen even without throwing drugs into the mix. It sounds like your life in general is more than a little messy so I'm sure that's not helping your mood. I can't say if the MDMA is entirely to blame for this dullness you're feeling. I felt the exact same way when I was depressed and I hadn't even tried MDMA yet... kicker was I didn't realize how depressed I was till I shook up my life, moved, and started something new.

I also suggest a change in scenery. Wallowing in your same depression hole only makes it that much harder to get out. Find a job, move somewhere else, start something new... whatever you need to do to make a major positive life change.
 
There a more factors in your problems that your past MDMA/ use

You have lost your job, your not living in a comfortable place, your drinking often and you don’t have the money to enjoy yourself. All of these alone can have a serious impact on the way you feel and think.

How to feel better - skip taking any more drugs and cut down the drink. Try and find somewhere better to live that doesn’t cause you problems or grief and take up some form of exercise and look after yourself. Once you’re feeling a bit better with yourself then I’m sure that your concentration and ability to have 'sober' fun will increase. Obviously finding work would be a great help but that’s not always as easy as it sounds.

Good Luck
 
Didn't you say you rolled at a certain large event here in Los Angeles at the end of last month?

If so it hasn't even been a month since your last roll man, give it some more time.
 
Yeah but if you aren't taking into consideration those "just one bean" experiences as contributing to your problem then you're in for rough ride man.

100mg of MDMA may not seem like much subjectively but its still having an effect on your brain and shouldn't be looked at as harmless. Taking a break means not consuming any pills at all whatsoever for a specific length of time, not allowing yourself "just one bean" every now and then. You aren't going to see any improvements that way I guarantee you.
 
This is natural - enjoy the reaction even if it good or bad as it is an experience either way and one you should embrace to enhance your knowledge base
 
MasterSplinter said:
Yeah...I guess I fucked up. i guess I Just aint got much goin for me these days....the economy is sucky and I just want to take drugs these days...
Click to expand...



you did not and never will fuck up mate - give yourself a break man- people have done worse things in life
 
you know, i had the opposite effect with E.

before the first time I rolled, all I really cared about was going out, drinking, smoking, etc. really didn't have my shit together.

after a few experiences, I was really able to focus my life on things that mattered to me, accomplishing career goals, working towards fulfilling a lot of the empty 'pockets' in my life.

seems to keep me motivated to an extent.
 
I think you have to accept that this crappy time WILL PASS. But you have to go through it- you can't take a detour, or try something else. If you're the type of person to abuse a drug if you love it, you'll just abuse something else- I say this, as the child of an addict, as well as someone who has worked as a counselor at rehabs and homeless shelters. I'm not saying you're necessarily an "addict", but possibly just feeling like you don't have full control of E- it's controlling you to some extent. It would probably help to talk to a LOT of people who are abstaining from a drug, E or other stuff, because it's comforting to know others are going through the torment you are, and it WILL GET BETTER.
 
It's not going to be more exciting, regardless of where you do it.. What you need is a break, you have abused so much! Like a few people said, you will get better. But you will only get better if you are really determined to make things better, and the first step is stopping your MDMA use. There's not much people can say here to you because even though you are tired of how things are going, you are the only person who can make a change when you are ready... and it doesn't seem like you are ready to let go of the drug yet. The sooner, the better; hopefully you will realize things soon. I know it's hard, but you should try to force yourself in the beginning to stay away from it, and with time it will get easier.
Good luck.
 
MasterSplinter said:
Anyone else feel dumber from MDMA?

Seem like after ive been eatin some good beans even a month or so later things just seem to complicated to understand.

Like I cant imagine being in college anymore, I just wooden be able to figure out all the math or read a good book for even.

Sometimes my friends are talking to me, and Im so far drifted into my own world and paranoid that I cant even focus on others around me. Its like Im completely ignorging them because I cant relate. I just want to be alone.

And the only thing I can focus on is digital data. iPhone world, Laptop, TV...thats all that barely excites me anymore. Because now that im not as smart as i was before its the most exciting thing.

mdma stole regular excitement. C'inse Ive lost my job at the docks, I aint got money to function in society.

Its been 2 months from my last roll...I still feel way out of it. The world is just scary right now. Times are fucked up and I feel like society is about to crumble...like an old stone wall thats been standing for ages.

If feels like the best part of my life has aready gone by.

its frigtening. :|

Know I now this is mostly most likely due to my serious binging in once I had probebly consumed more pills than a then marilyn monroe and most regular bluelites averaged together. Im definately payin the price.

I drink and smoke on a regular basis. Id do some pills if I had them rite now.
I really dont like this reality.

What do I do now cause I aint really tryin to not go get some beans rite now just to do something fun for once.

What can I do (drug wise or other) to feel better again and get on track? I just wwant to be anormal person makin money again. :(
Click to expand...

This will last for a little while longer, but it DOES go away, splinter =) You have nothing to worry about. I know I go on about it a LOT, but piracetam will save you. In about a week, you'll be completely back to normal. Even after a long while, I never felt quite back to normal.

Then I tried piracetam.

After a week, I found my memory and all my cognitive functioning problems eliminated. At this point, I feel more with it than I did when I started heavily abusing MDMA all those years ago. I'd almost bet money that it would work for you as well, mastersplinter. I know how you feel, and I've been there (even worse than you).

Give it a shot.

It will work =D
 
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