the golden path
where do i start? lol.
Weed - was my first love and the gateway for other substances. I started smoking around the age of 16-17 and pretty soon after i was smoking bongs everyday. It's hard to tell why exactly i turned into a bong-head but i really did enjoy the effects and uncanny moments i got from weed. Music sounded great and my imagination would run wild, but that all changed when i stopped for a few months at the age of 23. I switched to joints and never looked back, but cannabis had a different effect on me, and to this day if i smoke too much i'll have crazy anxiety and full on panic attacks. I still enjoy it in small amounts, and i still like to have a smoke and listen to music or watch a movie.
Heroin - my second love and my eternal struggle to suppress my desire for it. I started at 21 and I always had some sort of control over it, but still affected my lifestyle in a big way. I'd use on thursdays and fridays and then spend sat and sunday WD'ing and sometimes i'd wake up on monday thinking "oh no" and going to work while feeling that way is the worst feeling ever. But i also had a lot of good times too. It was like my club drug, I felt invincible on it, and it gave me the balls to pick up the best looking bird in the club and for a time it was good. but like anything it doesn't take much to abuse it, and it started to show through, which depleted my confidence.
Psychedelics - at the age of 23 i started tripping with my mates for fun, but i soon realised that acid was so much more than just to have fun socially. I learnt a lot about myself from psychedelic experiences and i got to the point of finding every trip spiritual and meaningful. Music sounded greater than ever. Epic trips on acid will never be forgotten. DMT took the spiritual factor to another level, and it has to be one of the most personal substances in this world. I can meditate with most entheogens i've tried, they truly are wonderful if in the right state of mind.
MDMA - around the same time as psychedelics i started to use mdma as well. I used it for a year and it got to the point where i couldn't go out to a bar/club without it. It had a similar effect on my confidence as heroin, but unlike heroin, it gave me a huge sense of empathy where as i'd feel quite a bit of apathy with H. for a year i had a source with pure mdma and took it orally and even IV'd it occasionally, the rush was intense as it was fleeting and thats the worst part... every time i felt it come on i had a sense of sadness because i knew it would soon be gone, and if i didn't have a good night... didn't pick up or whatever, I'd have a really mentally emotional come down almost to the point of suicidal thoughts. As much fun as i had with enjoying music woman and friends on it i really don't miss it, and I haven't taken nor had the desire to do it for a couple of years now... but i'll never say never.
Opiates and Opioids - only recently have i started to realise that i needed to have more respect for myself and for the drugs i am using. Psychedelics helped me realise the reason why i was so disrespectful of myself, but being aware of my enthusiasm towards opiates is a reality for me. I tried to convince myself that the opiate feel was overrated, but having tried all sorts of other opiates other than Heroin has made me realise how much i actually enjoy them. I always thought that a big part of my addiction was my affection to the needle, the feel of steel. It's more than that and i love the feeling of endorphins coming on, i love taking an oral dose and waiting for that subtle fuzziness to fill my head. I'm starting to understand my affection more and more, and feeling empathy and at peace with myself... I can see a life without drugs, but ATM i have unfinished business.
Benzodiazepines - Was never a big fan of them up until i started having bad anxiety with weed. Ironically i get them prescribed to come off weed, but if anything i feel more comfortable smoking with some benzo's chilling out GABA for me. Obviously they are good for potentiating opiates, but i don't really enjoy them that much by themselves... I get a nice feeling in my stomach, but more recently I've noticed that food tastes differently and it suppresses my appetite. I find that they are very useful and come in handy when using psychedelics... sometimes i just need to end a 12 hour acid trip abruptly, and the only time i've had a bad trip is at the tail end of one.
Meth, speed - had only a few experiences with this shit and i personally don't like it. I had a fair bit of anxiety snorting good speed once, and another time I supposedly was smoking some high quality ice but felt absolutely nothing. the 2 times i did get to really experience it was when i Iv'd them. Iv'ing speed was a nice feeling, but it was similar to MDMA as in i wasn't satisfied and wanted more soon after dosing. Iv'ing ice was like having the best cup of coffee ever. I felt a slight sense of euphoria and a huge sense of clarity.... I can see why people enjoy (meth)amphetamines, but it's not my cup of coffee... I could say that H is my amphetamine.
well that pretty much covers my drukQs and the reasons for it over almost a decade, apart from AD's which i aint going to bore you with as i've already wrote a little essay. Anyway, time for an avatar.
Some I never bothered with more than once, others developed into a regular part of my lifestyle, and 4 years later here I am.
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
