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Suicide and Drug Abuse

L

Loserkid

Bluelighter
Joined
May 24, 2010
Messages
55
Location
out there
Do a lot of you start using Hard Drugs like Heroin,Cocaine,Ecstasy,ext.. because You just don't care about being alive anymore? Or is it a subconscious thing? or what? I myself just didn't care. Once I started with the rigs I just lost all hope. Now that I am addicted It's too late. Even If I did start to give a shit I'm still fucked.. I started using to cope with all the bullshit. Now it just seams to fuel the self-hatred and blah blah blah..

Does anyone else feel this way?

Has drug abuse ever saved anyone's life when it comes to suicide?

How many 'Hard Drug' abusers feel suicidal?
did you feel suicidal before you started using?
or did it start after you developed your habit?

and how many of you feel that suicide is a normal feeling to have every once and awhile?
 
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I started using heroin to help with my depression and anxiety problems and it made me "better" while i was high on it. Getting high was my only way to feel happy. I was to the point where i felt i'd either kill myself or start using heroin so i got addicted to dope. Now that i am clean for 6 months all that depression and anxiety is back and worse before. So if you plan on using drugs to cope with your problems you better make sure you have a long time plan to stay on them because most liekly you will run out/hit rock bottom and be right back to where you started plus a bunch of other problems that come along with drug addiction as well...
 
^I made that choice a long long time ago...
Now almost every time I do a shot of Heroin or Dilaudid ( if I overdosed off anything other than opiates or some type or sedative. I'd imagine it being a lot less painless.) I pray for an overdose. I have only overdosed once and it was very peaceful. Woke up in ICU the next day. I wouldn't really say it was 100% intentional but I just really didn't give a shit..
 
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Yea i was like that too for awhile then i thought what my dad would go through if he found me OD'd in my room by myself since i always used alone mostly in my room. So i didn't want him to go thru that thinkin about all the things he's done for me.

I still IV coke from time to time and have been on suboxone for 6 months which allowed me to get clean in the first place. I have had some bad experiences with IVing too much coke and i dont think it would be too nice of a time OD'in of a shot of coke...
 
I don't known if I consider myself a 'hard drug user'. I definitely am an addict and feel depressed a HUGE portion of the time. In short "yes" I feel horrible and often cry or scream (silent screams of course) because I wish all of this could end. I hate what I'm doing to myself and those around me and feel like a fucking pansy for not pulling myself together. I just know I'm 'not ready yet'. <--a very common idea.

Yesterday for example I kept using, crying, using, crying just feeling ridiculous - until I took enough clonazepam to knock myself out and sleep through the night. I feel good today, though (could be because I got my adderall script - it had been a week w/o). (ps....I'm a 24 year old female so I CAN cry...haha)
 
as an addict that has OD'd many times only to hit the floor and eventually come back , it's my opinion that self loathing, and suicidal ideation is part an parcel of the reason that i went on the gear in the first place .
seems that i have never met a soul that was raised in a loving home went on the junk.
 
Georgie25 said:
Yea i was like that too for awhile then i thought what my dad would go through if he found me OD'd in my room by myself since i always used alone mostly in my room. So i didn't want him to go thru that thinkin about all the things he's done for me.
Click to expand...

yea. Suicide is definitely one of the most selfish acts a person can commit. I know I love my family too much to put them through something like that. That's really the only reason I can find that keeps me from giving in.
 
I've been suicidal since my early teens... I've lost count of how many times I've deliberately overdosed. I guess hard drugs like meth and opiates were originally a way for me to feel better about life, and to escape the horrible depression I was having. But once I became an addict I learned that these drugs were only a temporary solution, and eventually all the shit in my life would return with a vengeance. :(
 
Heroin/opiates are the only thing that allow me to make it through every day, they give me something to look forward to. A reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Before I got on opiates I frequently thought about suicide, but now I am not depressed.
 
^ I'm sure you will feel depressed again when the opiates stop working like they used to.
 
I've been using them for years. I don't get high anymore but they still make my life worth living.
 
Loserkid said:
Do a lot of you start using Hard Drugs like Heroin,Cocaine,Ecstasy,ext.. because You just don't care about being alive anymore? Or is it a subconscious thing? or what? I myself just didn't care. Once I started with the rigs I just lost all hope. Now that I am addicted It's too late. Even If I did start to give a shit I'm still fucked.. I started using to cope with all the bullshit. Now it just seams to fuel the self-hatred and blah blah blah..

Does anyone else feel this way?

Has drug abuse ever saved anyone's life when it comes to suicide?

How many 'Hard Drug' abusers feel suicidal?
did you feel suicidal before you started using?
or did it start after you developed your habit?

and how many of you feel that suicide is a normal feeling to have every once and awhile?
Click to expand...

I've never gotten into hard drugs, but I've had my fair share of attempts and been committed a few times. For me, suicide is something that always lingers in the back of my brain. It's normal for ME to think about suicide. Even when I can see the bright future that I'm capable of having, this debilitating mental illness steals my feeling of hope. People far greater than me have taken their own lives. Even at my happiest, I always have a feeling that my life is going to end by my own hands. I'm not trying to glorify suicide in any way, its just sometimes the pain far exceeds my coping abilities. Is life worth living when you have to spend it walking on eggshells wondering when that black cloud is coming and always having to use black and white coping skills when we live in a gray world?
 
honestly i feel like when i started doin dope i just didnt give a shit bout what happened to me. But thru out my addiction i really feel like i learnt to appreciate life alot more now when im sober. If i really stay clean this time i cannot say i wish i never started with this bullshit because i really learnt alot about life thru out my 5 year addiction. I really learnt to appreciate what i hav and now dwell on petty bullshit. Thats just my 2 cents.
 
hobhead said:
as an addict that has OD'd many times only to hit the floor and eventually come back , it's my opinion that self loathing, and suicidal ideation is part an parcel of the reason that i went on the gear in the first place .
seems that i have never met a soul that was raised in a loving home went on the junk.
Click to expand...

I was raised in a loving home and I'm a "junky" which i hate that word btw, prefer addict or whatever. I had both parents who were borderline over supportive/loving, always came to my basketball/baseball games, spoiled by material things which doesn't mean they necessarily loved me but they were "good" parents. I got on heroin because I had to have screws and a plate put in my right bicep and the Dr. left me on oxycodone way too long and refilled my script before he should have and well you know where that leads you, to a huge tolerance and running out after a day or two. So yeah eventually I needed something that was a lot stronger so IV'ing black tar heroin was the only thing left. So I imagine there are a lot of people that come from loving homes that end up like a lot of us here. As far as suicidal thoughts go do you think it's because when you're off heroin and your brain isn't producing endorphins anymore that you're more likely to be in a depressed state of mind that would lead you to feel that way? Never felt suicidal just pretty depressed when I had to go without heroin for a few hours.
 
"seems that i have never met a soul that was raised in a loving home went on the junk"

wow this is the biggest load of BULLSHIT i have read in awhile...many addicts come from loving homes as im one of them....there are just so many reasons a person turns to drugs..there is no one root cause of why a person turns to drugs..
 
belfort said:
"seems that i have never met a soul that was raised in a loving home went on the junk"

wow this is the biggest load of BULLSHIT i have read in awhile...many addicts come from loving homes as im one of them....there are just so many reasons a person turns to drugs..there is no one root cause of why a person turns to drugs..
Click to expand...

I never meant to postulate a theory . It's not a load of bullshit, it's just what i have observed . Obviously there are reasons other than broken homes behind addicted people .
 
this
"Heroin/opiates are the only thing that allow me to make it through every day, they give me something to look forward to. A reason to get out of bed in the morning.

Before I got on opiates I frequently thought about suicide, but now I am not depressed."

Ive tried to find happiness living a quote/unquote normal life, relationships, activities, family, etc but it never quite does it and I go back..
 
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