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How to help a user.

MazDan

MazDan

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Feb 26, 2003
Messages
16,745
Location
Sydney Australia
I have a good mate who has a problem with heroin primarily however he also uses other stuff such as speed/Ice from time to time.

First a little background.

He is currently 29.
He had a problem with heroin for 3-4 years back about 7-8 years ago and with the use of bupe he kicked the habit and was going straight for about two years.
Then he was offerred H one night at a party and he believed he had complete control and it turned out he didnt and that one use spiralled him out of control again.
This time worse than before and with no way to support the habit he turned to crime in the form of break and enters and ended up in prison for a two year stretch.
While inside he was put onto Methadone and admits that while he could easily have wheened off it, it was a good way to get through the days inside so he just stayed on it.
He came out in Feb this year and continued using the Methadone which he does till this day.
He was out on parole and has to do drug tests but just takes in someone elses urine each time.
Even though he is on the Methadone he still uses heroin.
He recently got a job but this has made things worse because he suddenly has money and its all gone on drugs within a 24 hour period.
He is back to break and enters as well as working a proper job.

I tried suggesting things such as a rehab centre but he doesnt want to go as he feels its a waste of time.
I suggested Bupe but he says he tried it before going away and it didnt stop him using at all.

He knows he has to make a change but he and I are at a loss as to how this is going to happen.



Im looking for input from anyone who has been through this and can help with ideas of what I can do to get through or to help him.

Thanks for your time.
 
Sounds like he hasnt hit his bottom or is just not willing to change/quit...sadly nothing you can do until he's ready...
 
I agree that it sounds like he's not willing to quit yet - " rehab's a waste of time, I tried bupe before". Finding excuses?
IME when the thing you want most in the world is to stop, you'll try just about everything.

If that's true and he hasn't decided that what he wants most is to quit heroin (he'll never feel fully ready or fully wanting to until he's already there, I'm sure you know that.).. then you'll both just run into brick wall after brick wall. Those walls hurt eventually and it's going to take a serious toll on your own emotional health and your friendship with him.

I'm not saying don't try. I'm just saying go into it knowing that it's a looooooong road, and it looks like he's still not committed to it.
It's a damn tough place for you Maz - do you try to help him knowing he likely won't stop yet AND knowing how hard that will be on you both, or just let him run his course for longer and hope it doesn't end in disaster before he becomes ready and able to stop??

Sorry if I judged him harshly and he is actually ready to really quit.
As for what specific action to take I'm not sure. I haven't been down that road yet with myself or friends. As an addict tho, I can say one of the best things you can do is make sure he knows your friendship is unconditional, but at the same time you won't sit around to watch him kill his life with a drug. You're always there to support him, but you will NOT be involved in any action that allows his drug habit to continue.
That's such a tough balance for you to strike tho - you run the risk of totally isolating him and him cutting you out of the loop, so that you just have no idea what's really happening for him.

It's tough Maz, good luck and I'm sure others here have more specific advice for ya..
 
Yeah, everyone else already said it...but hopefully you realize that it's not gonna happen until he wants to quit more than he wants to use. From what you posted it sounds like bupe was the best option for him as it has less abuse potential than methadone imo and gave him a two year break from routine, which is what he needs. Maybe follow up with a counselor.
 
I agree it seems like he is not ready to quit yet although he is capable of discussing the fact he needs to.

I was hoping some of you might be able to give tips on things we can talk about that might help speed it up or really make him think deeper or something.

He looks so old and is fading away to a skeleton.

There must be something.
 
While we are in active addiction we don't think rationally like a normal person. When i was addicted to heroin I knew I wanted to quit for a long time but after awhile it just turns into a hopeless situation until that day where something just snaps you back into reality and realize what you're doing to yourself..how long and if that will happen though is entirely speculative and varies greatly unfortunately.
 
Yeah you cant do nothing its up to him to quit. He's going to have to want to quit. I hope he doesnt OD or anything like that before he wants to change his life
 
MazDan said:
...he is capable of discussing the fact he needs to.
Click to expand...
needing to quit and wanting to quit are very different things. i don't believe anyone quits permanently w/out an intense desire that must come from within. nothing anyone else does will help over the long term.
i'm sorry. i know that's not what you want to hear but ime that's what i've observed.
best of luck to both of you.
-izzy
 
Thanks for taking the time to comment everyone.

Its not so much that I didnt want to hear what you guys are saying but moreso that i want to try and ensure I have covered every single possibility.

He is my mate and I owe that to him.

Can you think of anything that might trigger the want to change?

Is it a generally accepted truth that nothing can be done until the person themselves are ready?

Surely there must be something.

I feel like I am partly responsible if I dont chase every single possible option. If I dont continue to raise the problem with him and get him discussing it.

Its a bit of a roller coaster ride because I dont want to push to hard for fear he will shut me out so i am careful and watch for signs he is getting impatient but mostly he seems quite open to talking.
 
I guess you could try an intervention. Get his (sober) friends and family together and have a talk with him about his use.
 
I think at a certain point you have to distance yourself from the situation once you've done all you can, otherwise he'll just drag you down. Be there to help him if he wants to help himself. I don't think there is much you can do until he wants to stop.
 
unsettled said:
I think at a certain point you have to distance yourself from the situation once you've done all you can, otherwise he'll just drag you down. Be there to help him if he wants to help himself. I don't think there is much you can do until he wants to stop.
Click to expand...

Funny you mention this because I am wondering if this is happenning already.

Thanks for the thoughts everyone.
 
Maybe try getting him into hobbies that are healthy physically. That may make him feel a little better without using chemicals. I've been hiking 2-5 miles 5 days a week now and it has helped me so much. Even things like basketball, soccer, (insert your favorite sport) could possibly help. Some good multi-vitamins couldn't hurt along with a overall healthy diet. Cut out any stimulants like caffeine that could induce anxiety. Help keep him busy to keep his mind off of not using for a while. Honestly for me after the first few days when I was really irritable, I actually felt much better being relatively sober and exercising. Of course these are all things that he would probably only do when he's really serious about turning his life around. If I can think of anything else I'll let you know as i'm sure there's lots of little pointers i'm forgetting about.
 
Detrevni, thanks for that. He was actually a very talented football player some ten years or so ago and i tried to get him interested but no luck.

I do think however that maybe I should try pushing the concept again. maybe just some squash or tennis or other 1 v 1 game to get him sytarted. You have given me some ideas...cheers.
 
we do indeed get methadone/benzos in prison here in Australia, its actually quite a problem here.. people go in to prison with minor habits and leave full blown methadone addicts
 
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