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TDS Eating Disorders Megathread

purple_cloud said:
I don't have a textbook style ED like most of you do, but I have a problem that I really just wanna talk about somewhere. I have what I like to call "anxiety-induced anorexia."

In terms of body image, I've always been a little chunky, the "fat kid" if you will, but it's not really the case anymore. I'm 5'2 and 125lbs, when I was "the fat kid" I was maybe 170. I felt good enough to wear a bikini this summer...yes I wasn't fit and muscular like a lot of the other girls but I was still comfortable walking around.

However, two and a half years ago my mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer (she died 3 months later) and during that time I didn't really eat, at all. I dropped from 150 lbs to 115 lbs in about 3 months. Ever since then, I've had a really hard time eating normally.

I got myself back to around 125 recently, but because of stress I'm falling back to 120. I love food, I want to eat, I realize I'm a beautiful woman and enjoy my body. But I can't eat. Mentally cannot. I may do something like only eat a piece of broccoli at a dinner not because I don't want to eat everything in sight and love it, but because I can't...the food almost sits in my throat, and I get nauseous, and I can't do it.

I've found pot to be a big help with this, but even now I often go several days eating very, very little food sometimes. And since I only eat maybe once a day or so I don't worry about how "healthy" it is, which I know isn't good for me either.

I don't really have a question or anything with this post, I just wanted to talk about my problem --- it didn't seem off topic for the thread to me, since all I really want is to eat and enjoy food normally like I have my whole life until a few years ago, I just don't remember how to, or who knows how well I even knew how to in the first place.
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I understand that feeling all to well. I found it very hard to want to eat. I know i have to to live but can't get it down without gaging unless i'm stoned, but even then the tolerence soon put an end to the munchies. So here we are.... and empty stomach with hunger pains but no prospect of eating to fix them, just let my body eat itself. I don't know pounds, but i'm 5"5 @ 46kg today. Oh do you drink coffe or use stimulants? Cause thats the main thing to avoid. Please feel free to talk, that's what the thread is for, and the people here really care and wan't to help. I feel sooooo much better since the help of a few on this thread. <3
 
20+ years with ED

Hi to All,
This is my first post. Not sure how I found this site, but I know it was meant for me to find it.
Without telling my age, I will tell you I have lived with ED over half my life.
At 5'10" my lowest weight was 93lbs. I am still thin, but by no means underweight---and that sucks. I know I shouldn't feel that way but I do.
Have starved myself, binged/purged, done over 90laxitives a day, and tried drinking to stop myself from eating at all. Don't do that! It leads to a whole new set of issues(I did that about 17years ago).

Right now I have been on paxil for 4 years. It helps lessen my need to purge everything I eat, and with my severe depression.
And yet, part of me HATES taking it because I feel that loss of control over my body.
But I continue to take it because my depression gets so severe I want to die if I don't.
So, there you go.
Oh, and yes, I have been through treatment several times for ED.
Hated it. Came out worse after each time, and learned how better to hide my disease and also found friends to binge/purge with. Not good for me, but might work for some others.

Thanks for this forum whoever started it. And thanks to all you that have shared your lives for others to learn from.

Peace & love~<3
 
welcome :)

im sorry you havent found a way out fully yet, its good to hear the paxil helps, and that the benefits trump the negative aspects at the end of the day.

it gives you some peace of mind?

how long did it take for the paxil to really settle in for you?


i have odd reactions to medications(odd being the understatement of my life) but i did tolerate paxil for 2 years maybe...? i stopped because it wasnt working for me, so far lithium has been my silver bullet; in combo w/ klonopin.

again, make yourself at home. treat it like a mental cache... you know ;) just please no casual drug/self harm comments/pics please...we are all past the honeymoons or are concerned for a loved one, or ourselves, we keep it bright that way :)

Life Love & Laughter!
 
Hi Justcharming, welcome to The Dark Side <3
I'm glad you found us :)

I can relate to a lot of what you've said. When I was on anti-depressants I actually missed the ED because, like you said, I missed that control I had over my body. And I felt BAD because I no longer cared about my weight, and it felt so strange to be relaxed about my appearance, after stressing about it for so many years. But as PIP very importantly said, the benefits of the anti-depressants outweigh the negatives.

Oh, and also the part about picking up a drinking habit in the meantime!! Not good at all.

If it's any consolation: I haven't been on any anti-depressants for over 18 months now and for the most part my EDs are under control. So there is hope <3

I look forward to seeing more from you around here :)
 
mdpv kind of cured my eating disorder.

this sounds strange and I'm not recommending it but for me it worked out.

I was anorectic from the age of 12 to 16. the last four years I sufferedmainly bulemia.
Since november 09 I'm using mdpv. At first I did it in a very irresponsible way, means 2- 3 days binges with no food. obviusly I lost a lot of weight. In Januay I had a complete break down. The pranoia was getting so strong that I couldn't go into public anymore, I didn't trust my best frieds, in fact I thought even my family hates me/wants to get rid of me.
One night I completly overdosed (happens when you're out of your mind anyway).
I heard a voice shouting at me (at this point I had this idea of beeing watched and people communicating with me trough thoughts blablabla) that I'm obviously wasting my whole life, that I'm not intrested in anything but my look and beeing high and that I obviously don't mind worrying my friends and my family for this superficial reasons. The best thing I could do would be to leave them all alone and die, buzzin on mdpv or whatsoever. Probably my brain would be so fucked by now anyway that even if I would stop I would become a nursing case and ruin the life of my parents ... and so on....

at that point I was crying, talking to myself... stuff like that. a friend finally managed to make me swallow a valium (I refused because the voices in my head told me he tries to kill me -.-) and I came back to normal.

After this experience I stopped taking mdpv for two months. And I gained weight. But. I don't care anymore. The paranoia was too intense, too frightening and there was too much truth in it.
I don't want to worrie anybody anymore .

I guess it was so "easy" because I never had a real reason for acting like a damaged person. It probably won't work for people with eating disorders and different backround but for me it did. I just realized that I'm all about myself most of the time.
And now I just can't count calories or through up without feeling like a prick.

By now I do mdpv one or two times a month. but I make me sleep and eat as well cause I'm doing it for the right reasons... means having fun on a saturday night .... things like that.
 
^Methylenedioxypyrovalerone. It is a RC which is similar in effects to ritalin, just way more potent.

I have been continuing with my eating disorder. I do not think I will ever stop. I just want to keep losing weight. It makes me feel good. Ideally, I would like to be 115lbs. I am ~120 now (6'1"), so my weight has not changed in recent months. I just will not let it get out of control to the point of severe physical problems. I never use stimulants either.
 
I agree that our EDs are something which will probably always be there...
But it's about controlling them, which we all have the power to do.

Whether or not our circumstances at any given time allow us to be in control of it is a different question...
 
Down to 45kg today, no pot in 4 days and dropped 7kg in that time. But i'm sure it'll even out in the wash. 7 days till rich for a day broke for a week. I wish we had access to medical canabis, so i could spend more on food that i can stomache. Plus supliments and vitamins etc. But i'll be fine. Just have to plan things out and write up a food diary/logbook. Must check 5 meals a day before i get high. Then i'll munch out for dinner.
 
My girlfriend has, what I assume to be, began developing anorexia - she's living on a maximum of one meal a day. It's heartbreaking to see her these days, she's so tiny, so skinny, her ribs are becoming increasingly visible, her collarbones seem almost arched. Please someone tell me something I can do to help her, please? <3
 
^^ Oh man, I'm so sorry to hear this :(
As a sufferer of an eating disorder it is hard enough, but to be a loved one looking on and watching the deterioration of the beautiful person in front of you would be horrible.
Have you confronted her about it yet?? Does she ever talk about why she's feeling like she can't/won't eat?
About her:
How old is she? Is she taking any recreational substances which might reduce her weight even further? Is she in a position where she can talk to her parents about this to get their support as well?

Sorry, that's a lot of questions, but it might help to get a bit of insight in to the situation.

In the meantime, all you can do is just be there for her, support her. If you can, try and get her to eat food with you, but make sure it's healthy. That way she'll be more likely to eat it. Although if she's in a really bad head-space that might be next to impossible :(

Please keep us updated <3


nath, I'm so worried about your weight man. I'm not sure if I've asked this before, but are there any particular types of foods which deter you less? Is it literally the idea of food in your stomach that you can't handle, or is it the physical nausea which is preventing you from wanting to eat?
 
Thank you for your support, it means a lot - the scary thing is, we're both young, she's only 13 which worries me immensely. No, she's perfectly clean but she won't talk to her parents about it, they think she's eating but she blatantly lies to them about it. I've confronted her, I've asked her, I've begged her, I've done all I can without literally forcing food down her. All I've been able to do is be there for her, she's had it rough the last few years; multiple suicide attempts and a possible cancer diagnosis. All I want to do is help her :'(
 
Yeah that is a very concerning time to be suffering from anorexia. At only 13 years of age she will be doing herself a lot of damage to her developing body/bones/organs :(

Would you feel comfortable talking to her parents about it?? How do you think they would react? This is something that you need to tread really carefully with so as to not upset your girlfriend. But at the end of the day it's in her best interests for you to get her help, and if that means getting her parents involved then that might be what you need to do.

That's a lot of stuff for you to weigh up mate...feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it okay?? I've been through both anorexia and bulimia, and had multiple friends in high school who went to hospital for anorexia. So hopefully I can be of some assistance to you and your situation <3
 
I've had periods of anorexia and bulimia. I still have dsordered eating, though I wouldnt say I have an ED (according to DSM standards) I've been in therapy for a good 10 years, and it's the one thing I've never worked on. I dunno.. I am pretty much recovered, like I said, I just have a slightly warped view on eating. I don't own a scale atm - a good thing, because I could see myself getting totally obsessed if I did.

Anyways, nice to meet you all :)

Chelle xx <3
 
She isn't one of the main people, but they show her. I wouldn't feel right pointing her out like that though, you know?


Also, the documentary has a book that accompanies it by the same name. It's photographs and then stories of like 50 different girls probably. Really, really good. You should check it out!
 
xxkcxx said:
She isn't one of the main people, but they show her. I wouldn't feel right pointing her out like that though, you know?
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Yes I understand was just wondering if she was one of the ones interviewed. :)

I was curious though how you thought the treatment was at that center? Did you or your friend get any better or good help there?
 
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