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Looking for "the answer" - MERGED

Jake what is wrong with your mom and if you have already posted about it could you lead me to it. I don't wanna sound nosy. And I don't want you to have to post it over again.
jake99 said:
OH and my other biggest fear is that I will never have a sucsesfull career, be healthy, have a good girl etc..............and that my mother will never get better............
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My mom went to prison , got out about 2 yrs ago , lost her house and her money , now lives with my grandmom (her mom) and doesnt leave the house, sits there depressed all day every day
 
Oh man, well things will be o.k. make your mom and grandmother proud..Jake does she know about what you are doing? Whatever the answer don't add to her depression and don't you worry to hard. Life hands us a whole lot of grief at times. Just know you are never alone even though it gets pretty fuckin lonely at times,just know that we are full of emotions for as long as we exists and they are constantly changing. It is how you handle them as they pass thou your day is what your mental health depends upon. I myself have times when I don't know how to deal with certain feelings and I have to tell my self" The Serenity Prayer." it is about the best recovery tool I have...life is full of changes. Make the best of every thing that comes your way...keep movin with the positive..it is all around us sometimes we just don't see it..I know that is how it for me anyway..:\
jake99 said:
My mom went to prison , got out about 2 yrs ago , lost her house and her money , now lives with my grandmom (her mom) and doesnt leave the house, sits there depressed all day every day
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yea i feel alone too. i push the people who love me away and isolate myself, then i wonder why i do it. i think because i hate myself and don't think i deserve to be alive and loved

i think it's good you still worry and care about the future. it shows that you are concerned by talking about it and looking for answers. that's a good place to be.. it's when you stop caring that you should really start to worry

i'm 26 and don't have much going on. i go from job to job. i have little stints of success then crawl back into my cave away from the world.. it's a constant cycle of madness. i've never had close relationship with anyone. i just push people away cause i can't stand rejection or trusting anyone..

i don't know the answer. i think pushing yourself and having a daily routine is the place to start.. do things that will help you even if you hate doing them.. sometimes just being busy and dissociating is the healthiest thing you can do, cause it keeps you from dwelling on your problems (i know it sounds fucked up but that's how a lot of people get through their miserable life).. then, by some chance, things may get better.. maybe not tomorrow or the next day, but one day
 
I think being lost is the human condition. Maybe life is really just a means to find yourself?

I've not known where I am, who I am or why I am for fucking years now.
 
Do you hate every single thing about it? Does it occupy headspace all the time, even when you haven't worked that day?

Sometimes it's helped me to just start looking for another job, even if you feel it's worthless with the economy/your background or whatever. You may get lucky and find something you DO like, while still working for the job you hate.

If there are any parts of the job you enjoy (I don't know what you do so I can't give you an example), focus on that. Do you work with anyone who you enjoy talking to? Can you mix work and play, get some music going, something that makes it feel less like work?

Some people define themselves largely by what they do for work, and others don't enjoy their work, but are able to have hobbies that they do enjoy. I know working at a 'menial' type job sucks - believe me, I know - but it's what you do, not who you are. You can prepare for the future, if you're the type that needs to feel like what they're doing is important and essential to who they are as a human being (I am this way), so that some day fairly soon, you can jump to that and leave the job you hate behind.

You always have choices, remember that. If you don't like where you work, do your damnedest to change your situation. Not doing anything is also make a choice. I hope some of this makes sense. Good luck, jake.
 
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willow11 said:
I think being lost is the human condition. Maybe life is really just a means to find yourself?
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This may be, but I see life as more as a way to create yourself, rather than find yourself. You can, to some degree at least, create who you want to be. If you find that you do not like 'who you are', you can change who you are. Yes it is very hard, and I've not had much success. I'm sure not who I used to be though, I'm kind of in limbo because I can tell you what I DON'T want, but not what I DO want. And defining things in a 'negative' way is not as helpful as a positive way. It's way more powerful to be for peace than to be against war, IMHO. Starting something is harder than stopping something, for sure, but harder is usually worth it.

Be that as it may, I feel the same way re:

willow11 said:
I've not known where I am, who I am or why I am for fucking years now.
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Sorry for the double post, your post was waiting for me after I hit submit. ;)
 
jake99 said:
how can i be happy working a job i hate
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first look at how much this job affects your everyday existence you call your life

if it makes you miserable, then look (or continue to look) for something else

i flourished as a studio musician & violin instructor at a few universities, then those things came and went due to the economy.. now all the sudden i'm doing back-breaking construction work for next to nothing... i'm grateful for what i have, but i'm not satisfied enough to just continue in this miserable position... i've had enough and it's time for something new again

a lot of it comes down to being assertive with your goals/desires. that is something i struggle with, as i think many people do. once i push myself out of my comfort zone some more & become more independent/innovative, things start to fall back into place again

i'm not saying it's always like this or that it always works. i think a lot of people go in cycles or they simply settle for whatever comes their way..for better or worse

don't despair. even if you can't get out of your shitty job atm, continue to better your life in other ways & look for other work you could do instead that might make you happier
 
Quest with questions

n order 2 go on a quest, 1 must ask lots
of questions. W/o questions there can be
no quest, in which case u wonder w/o
direction like a random nomad. The
quest begins as the 1st ?, th3n more
keep multiplyn 4 w/o ? We stagn8 an
d k...<3:?:?
 
jake99 said:
i hear you , i just worry she never will be ok again ........
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Never give up on hope,even if you feel hopeless, nothing is impossible. Depression is horrible and for me I can not handle anti depressant chems, I become suicidal and trust me I don't want to die. But if anyone reading this has sever depression looming above their head go see a Dr. anti depressants are successful with many. I just happen to be one that can not take them, but I am sure ya all know there are many mood stabilizer's and maybe it is key for you. I know for me I stayed fucked up for many years until I had enough and let the professionals guide me, my method was not working. So if you are so far in that ya can't get out of your own head, reach out to someone, throw in the towel.Allot of times we can't work things out on our own. Get out of your own way.Things get better. I am here to testify..I struggled for 35 years and did not even realize it was me I was fighting with the whole time. Jake how old are you, if I may? I feel for you I really do. We can all say we know how ya feel. But as far as feeling the depth of someone eles pain it is impossible. Just know that there really are people who care about how other people are feeling. Even if we are strangers. Just remember YOU can change it all. PEACE
 
i am 28 . im workin on getting some benzos for anxiety. coming from far away but hope they make it here
 
Hey first off let me apologize for my loundness in my last post to everyone on this thread (I am loud but never that loud lol).I scared myself when I seen how big them freakin letters were...Jesus Christ be careful I have a true fear of benzo's I have never taken very many on a steady. Funny to me, seeing I was dope hound. Not to mention my 300.00 a day habit was gettin hard on my inner circle. I did not need another dirty little secret to conceal. Hey they say your as sick as your secrets and nothing has ever rang more true for me anyway. Ya know I consider myself let's say....semi sober, because I am on adderall. I have a great fear of getting out of control with it. I would be a fool to say (again)"it won't get me." I said that with first line of Heroin. :( but I have allot of self awareness today. I must tell you that MY self awareness is created by YOUR posts so I have to say Thank You, be safe, Peace
 
hey i dont plan on being on Benzos long time , maybe just to help taper off subs...........................
 
Quest with questions

jake99 said:
if i could only go back to when i didnt have a habit..............
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u say that now but ther was a reason u
started n the 1st place-& kept goin long
enuf 2 GET a habit. Wen i was clean &
workn Steps i wishd i had the tools WAY
BACK WHEN & wonderd who i mite b
or how + nstead of fearful/angry 2day-
except wen i bang meth & pop pilz
& n brace my writn & music w childlyke
enthusiasm-hapiest place on earth 4
me. My STAIRway 2 Heaven
 
Watch out with the benzos, they sneak up on you. They work wonders for anxiety but it's easy to lose track and take too many. If you genuinely need them try and get a legitimate script from a doctor and take them as prescribed, that can be hard for those of us with addictive personalities. I'd suggest a long acting benzo, but I can't stress enough how important it is to be under the supervision of a doctor or a psychiatrist. benzo's have been a life saver for me but have been a huge burden at times. For a while I'd drop off my script at my parents house and only pick up one weeks worth at a time, I know as a fellow anxiety sufferer the relief that they bring, but if you run out early it's like you're suffering ten times as much as you were before you were on them. I feel your pain, I really do, and I know how expensive doctors are but if you try hard enough you can find a way. Try and think positive, I know it's tough, but it will get better you just have to keep going.
 
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