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Suicide and pills

taylor_105

taylor_105

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 15, 2007
Messages
153
Location
Clearwater, Fl.
I didn't know which forum to put this in but since I am going to talk about a few meds I am on I thought I may as well put it here. It can be moved if it's in the wrong forum.

I am at a place right now where I don't see any reason to go on living. I am scripted a BUNCH of meds. Yesterday I took 20 10 mg. Ambien on an empty stomach and didn't even so much as yawn!! Today I took 20 2 mg. Xanax bars...I'm tired and that's about it. It seems like unless I take the 15 Fent patches and eat the gel from all of them on Thursday there is no other way to kill myself with meds. I know the Fent will do it. But it was just so surprising to me that the two previous overdoses did nothing. Do I have a high tolerance? Is that why it didn't phase me? I am one sick fucked in the head guy right now and I don't know how to go on.

Taylor
 
you need to go to an addiction specialist. or turn urself in to the psychward at the hospital

i suggest the first.
 
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Taylor, I remember we've talked some about your chronic pain in various other threads and if you recall, I also have chronic pain. Please feel free to PM, IM or email me anytime, I'd love to talk.

I think this is better suited for The Dark Side so I am going to kick it over there but I'll be keeping an eye on this as well.

I used to find comfort when I filled my scripts because I knew I had enough to painlessly end it if I so chose. I used to think about suicide all the time and I couldn't fathom living the rest of my life in pain.

I can not be more thankful that I didn't. I have my pain more under control, I have a path in my life that I'm excited about and I'm hopeful for the first time in a long time. There is *always* hope and if you ever need a hand in trying to locate that for yourself, hit me up.

--> TDS
 
This shoud be in The Dark Side, but anyway, the only thig I can say other than the ld "Please don't do it" is a suggestion that maybe the sides from your meds could be causing depression i.e benzo tolerance/withdrawal etc.
 
Listen, please talk to someone, or call your local er and tell them how you feel. I'm sorry but you need monitoring if you want to kill yourself so easyly. Please I beg you!
 
What DJ25 said !

the side effects of these strong Z drugs alone drive so many into the pits of suicidal ideation Taylor .

Here is a web site that gave me pause when the side effects of prescribed meds had me in the pits of depression . All i had was endless days and nights sitting with a revolver . A brilliant Psych Doc (the third one) had it figured out within the first 10 or 15 minutes - it was the fucking meds.

http://www.suicidemethods.net/pix/listpix.htm
 
187coopa said:
you need to go to an addiction specialist. or turn urself in to the psychward at the hospital

i suggest the first.

check out the darwin awards should give you some ideas.
Click to expand...
Im totally against psychwards after my experience but if those 80mg of xanax didnt kill you or the ambien and you're Still trying just fucking stop. smoke some pot. sit down. and get your shit together and check in.
 
I went to a dual detox/psychward and my opinion is that the psyward function of it was VERY affective at stablizing my mood. However they didn't give me shit for pain. But I CAN tell you leaving the psychward I was at one of the strongest points of my life even though I went in there suicidal.
Its such a peaceful relaxing environment to be in. You have not a single responsibility but to focus on your illness, and the multiple drs I saw daily really did a lot to switch up my meds and get me stabilized and happy.
I was also on high doses of opium and benzos, and I defintely agree just being on benzos can catapult you into a depression. They weaned me off all the harder drugs and stablizied me on much safer more affective drugs like seroquel and lexapro. My meds did a 180 and so did my mood.
So I can't talk bad about a psyward for that reason, but I will still shit on them for treating my detox with fucking darvocets. Overall I think a clinic can be of a lot of help. Thats just my opinion however.
 
Suicide - Please Read This

http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/

Don't fucking do it. I've tried to hang myself before after being given Paxil. Rope broke and I woke up on the floor.

It was the bastard meds, and at other times, withdrawal from drugs and booze brought me to the point where I was fed up living. I almost hacked my arm off on another attempt, and have chronic nerve damage and pain that is permananent. I regret all the harm I caused myself, and the pain I put my family through.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The jumpers from the golden gate bridge who survived their attempts, all reported that as soon as they stepped off, they immediately realised their problems were not worth killing themselves over, and all wanted desperately to live on their way down to the water.

I'm very glad today my attempts did not succeed, as I see now that all problems are solveable - its through not talking that you one by one close all the possible solutions in your own head, and decide there is only one answer.
Suicide doesn't just affect one person. You are simply destroying the lives forever of your family and those who love you, who will be standing around your grave, and you simply take the skeletons and pain out of your cupboard, multiply the pain by 1000 and give that to your family.

Suicide is the ultimate in selfishness, as well as destroying the survivors family's lives - Nobody gets over a suicide in the family ! Nobody. Ever! Do you really want to inflict lifelong pain on them?

Go to an ER and tell them what you are thinking, or call one of the suicide prevention lines. PLEASE! Give it a try. You can always take your own life after you have exhausted all options to stay alive. There is NO RUSH. Do it for your family, if not for you.
 
Fuck i deal with a chronic pain condition everday called trigeminal neuralgia (it's the only disease ive known actually fucking nicknamed the suicide disease kinda scary) along with bipolar disorder. Ive come so close to killing myself both intentionally and unintentionally that it's a wonder im still alive at all much less doing better. I think anyway. I have been just so fed the fuck up with everything that ive passed out on the floor in a drug induced stupor that should have killed anyone only to awake much to my surprise still alive hours later. Thankfully ive never had more then passive attempts at suicide granted they could hardly be passed off as passive to most people.

But despite all the shit i have to deal with im and have been for awile glad that im still alive. Nothing stays the same everything changes. This includes the lowest of lows and the highest of highs. Ive gone from having nothing to live for and being a suicidal wreck to having everything to live for and being on top of the world within less then a week.

Please man if you are really suicidal you need help. Go to the hospital or even get a fucking good friend who you can just talk to. Sometimes even that just helps alot. A few people on BL have gotten me through some rough nights and mornings to say the least.
 
If you truly wanted to die you would be dead. The amount of drugs you took are miniscule. I don't mean to sound cruel but what you are doing is putting out a cry for attention. There is nothing wrong with that, many of us have done it including myself, but you are not ready to kill yourself. I took 90mg of Xanax in a suicide attempt but in the back of my mind I really didn't think that was enough to do the job. At worst I could have caused permanent brain damage to myself and spent the rest of my life as a vegetable unable to kill myself if I wanted to. That is something you need to think about. Half-ass suicide attempts are extremely dangerous because you could put yourself in a position where you are alive but unable to function.

You definently need to speak to a professional. It may seem like the obvious answer but you need to find your purpose in life. Some people in here will tell you to go to the hospital and tell them you are suicidal and go from there, but I can tell from your post you are not to that point yet. You don't need to be locked in a rubber room for weeks until some psychiatrist decides you are able to function in society.

I don't personally have pain management issues, so I can't pretend to know what it's like to go through that every day, but there are so many drugs out there thhhat can help you maintain the pain and live a normal life. It's just a matter of finding a doctor that YOU trust and one that UNDERSTANDS you.
 
Just talk about your situation with someone, even if it's just a simple talk with friends/family, that form of "therapy" helped me more than any.

Suicide by pharma-overdose may not result in an "easy" or "pain-free" death either, as many pharma over-doses cause liver-failure, which has been described as beyond the worst form of torture, as the pain is untreatable, and your death will be pro-longed, but inevitable. Can you imagine NOT regretting the decision at that point in time, knowing that death is lurking around an extremely painful corner? That is when one really wants, or hell, needs to off-themselves...sorry for the tangent, I don't mean to flippant, just relaying what a close friend went through/what a few nurses have told me regarding pharma OD.

In any case, I hope you can find something/someone/anything really...worth living for. In today's day and age, that can be tough, I know, I was thinking similar thoughts after college. No jobs, too many people competing for the dollar, what's the point, nobody likes me, etc....but I always had my hobbies to fall back upon, even if some of them were pretty lame(playing computer sports simulation/management games, you think heroin is bad? Ha, pales in comparison to the weekends I've spend holed up when I should have been out with the girl-friend)...but hell, I love playing those stupid games, and the people in my life understand that...and that is all I can ask. Those games, and my friends/girl gave/give me something to look forward to, and I think that is the key to a fulfilling life...we all need SOMETHING/ANYTHING to look forward to...it doesn't matter what that thing is, we just have to follow that same pattern for the rest of our days, imo... Best of luck mate...
 
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the amount of hypnotics that one would have to take would be phenomenal .
slumber is the usual result says my paramedic neighbor and is backed up by a little internet research by me.

it had to be said by someone - right ?

this is coming from an old man that has struggled with depression and mania for decades . it does get better and the overwhelming majority of us moon bats do climb out of the morass that is emotional hell .

beware of crazymeds ! if one goes that route then an advocate is needed as these strong psychoactive meds carry side effects that the patient does often not perceive . my experience indicates that there are more inept P-docs than competent ones . it is a bitch of a profession !
 
Yes. This is a cry for help. You wanted help, you got it. Call 911, or go to an ER.
People who want to kill themselves suceed. They don't come on internet message boards chit chatting about failed attempts.
I hope you get the help you need, you obviously don't want to die, although you do have the right...
If you don't care about yourself, nobody else will. That's the bottom line. Take some advice from the people who took the time to respond to your cry.
 
Well, I won't post anymore about this but last Thursday night I ate the gel out of two 75 mic. patches and the next after noon my mother found me gray and not breathing but not cold. She called an ambulance and they used Narco or whatever it's called and got me back. If she had not checked on me like she wasn't going to I would be dead right now. After I was finally stabilized at the hospital they transferred me to a psych hospital. I was there for five days and I have gotten to the root of what was making me feel that way. Had my mother not checked on me I would be gone. So someone wants me here for some reason. I will not come back to read ths thread because some of the thnigs said were hurtful and I'm just out of the hospital and don't need to read anything mean spirited right now. I'm just updating I no longer feel suicidal and I am doing better. Thanks to those of you who were kind to me. Cane to the left...as always...I love your posts. Thanks for the help. Taylor
 
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