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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Dealing with a totally square wife

eon_blue said:
Pretty fucked up how many people here just succumb to a relationship of lies with their SO. Don't get me wrong, I used to do the same thing when I was addicted to H, but in the end I was left all alone because of it...and the pain I went through as a result I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

If drug culture and using are really that important to you, why not find someone else who is accepting of that part of your life? Or at the very least, be open with your SO and make it clear that this is a part of who you are and what you like to do.

If it's something not worth sacrificing then you should either be honest about it or find someone who won't be hurt by it.
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^this
seems so sad that ppl feel the need to hide who they are from their SO, just doesn't make sense why in the first place. OP, have your wife's attitudes changed from years ago... or???
-izzy
 
I could never enjoy my life sneaking around my own home... that I pay for, and hide shit from the person I married.
 
Maybe the reason that she hates drugs is because you lie to her and have lied to her about them. I have been in HER shoes before and hated my ex's drug of choice. I wouldn't have cared if he was honest, but he lied every single time so I hated it. He would try to hide it so much that I think his sneakiness is what got him arrested. If he hadn't lied to me then he wouldn't have been having to leave the house or go places to enjoy his high. Don't worry, there is a happy ending to this story. He got to go to prison for 4 years and I met the man who is now my husband. So, a happy ending for me. My husband doesn't do any type of drug, but I'm honest with him and he loves me and doesn't make me feel bad for the ones that I partake in. I know with my ex I always felt like I was competing with his drugs.
Guess where he is tonight? Alone. But at least he has his drugs to cuddle up with.
 
When someone is addicted, they fail to see just how much and in how many ways their addiction affects the people who love them.

It is therefore not justifiable to knowingly hurt someone, because destructive behaviour is most hurtful when observed than when inflicted on oneself.

He wouldn't just throw away his marriage based on a disagreement. Obviously they need to agree to disagree, and my guess is the OPs wife knows more than she lets on that she does, and while there may not be any verbal exchanges on the matter, her not meddling any further in his affairs is basically her salient way of 'agreeing'.
 
You can continue to use drugs and hide it from your wife. Of course it would be ideal if she would just agree with you and let you do it, but that's probably not going to happen.

So many people in this thread have had this holier than thou attitude, but they are really exaggerating the situation. You can keep using, she can keep thinking you are clean and everyone will be happy. As long as you don't get addicted she will probably never find out.

Even if she did, you have been married to her for a long time. If your relationship is so weak that it could fall apart over your occasional drug use, then like another poster already said, its not one worth maintaining in the first place.
 
Magic_Hobo said:
You can continue to use drugs and hide it from your wife. Of course it would be ideal if she would just agree with you and let you do it, but that's probably not going to happen.

So many people in this thread have had this holier than thou attitude, but they are really exaggerating the situation. You can keep using, she can keep thinking you are clean and everyone will be happy. As long as you don't get addicted she will probably never find out.
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That is great advice! This strategy has clearly worked perfectly so far and she has *never* noticed... 8)
 
I'm younger than you by ten years and have never been married so take my advice with a grain of salt.

All my past relationships were with women who used the same drugs I used so it was never a problem. I have learned that sneaking around and being dishonest to your partner never leads to good things. I'd be honest with her, try and explain why you use. Also be honest with yourself, if it's a problem than it would be better for you to not use at all possibly? or maybe just stick to pot.

I personally have found that a good relationship is a valuable thing and have recently met a woman who I would give up drugs for, or at least give it a shot because I think I'd have a much more positive day to day life experience if this relationship ever worked. The women I'm speaking of is fairly anti drug but still drinks nightly. If in the long run I found our conflict in values to be a deal breaker so to speak, and our relationship ended I'd at least know that I tried.

I think I'd feel horrible if I lost the love of my life just because I refused to stop getting high. Although, if two people are truly compatible and it's going to work I'd think they'd be able to come to some sort of agreement. I think people have the right to get high whenever they want but if it's interfering with their life too much it's probably time to take a step back.
 
Also this is why if you plan to use drugs as a lifer you meet someone who doesent mind the odd binge here and there as long as it doesent get out of control. With you it seems it has more then abit. Can you blame her to be abit pissed for sneaking around and lying? Hell i even went out with someone who used right along with me and she would get pissed when id come up with some dumb ass excuse as to why i needed my shot early, why i needed a extra shot, etc.

So you see if you fuck up chicks get pissed. Plain and simple. It didnt really bother me much since i figured she had to put up with enough bullshit from me as is.
 
I"m just getting around to reading all the responses now. Thanks for all the thoughtful input and advice, it is much appreciated. Part of the situation is that I used to be involved with coke on a large scale and started using my own product... first on holiday weekends.... then every weekend... u know the story.
Eventually I was snorting 1/2 oz. a week of raw coke. This was before I knew my wife. So in a sense, being married to a square is keeping me in line, if I were still single I would be back in the game and obviously spin out of control again as I did the first time so I expect there would be no avoiding it.

Things came to a head and she threw out like 10K of my stuff. I was complaining about the money, she said she didn't care.

I also am a body builder and use steroids. She was against that too. So I had a talk with her and told her that it seemed like our lives were going in different directions and that we should probably split up for this reason. Then she caved in, she's not down with the H, I keep that a secret but am not a daily user. She actually has learned to LOVE my steroid use (I didn't use for our first 4 yrs of marriage) as when u put huge ammt's of testosterone in your body u turn into the energizer bunny in the sex dept, constantly craving it and constantly doing it. So now she loves me using steroids more than I like using them myself (and I love using them for the way it significantly enhances my muscle development).

The downside to the H is since I''m a homebody husband I have to pay for my stuff, I can't buy in bulk and flip it because of my homebody routine.
 
I think your choice between drugs and how much you love them

How important is this to youthan the drugs
 
If you love her that much, make her happy and do as she asks. If it was that important to you I imagine you'd hope that she would do the same in return.

She's scared of the drugs, she doesn't understand and doesn't want to. But she is your wife, respect her.
 
Look, all I've read is your first post, so forgive me if I'm not caught up. But I once let the things like this come between me and the only only person I've ever loved, and I regret it to this fuckin day. Dude, put it behind you. Love outweighs almost anything. Fuck it if she's "square." Seriously. You didn't expect to make sacrafices?

Fuck lying. What a bunch of bullshit. You agreed to share a life with somebody. Why would you surrender that honesty to some chemical form of instant gratification? All of us on this board know that no drug is NECESSARY AT ALL, compared to being able to live a life of true honesty and love. I'm not trying to be corny, but this is bullshit. Give up getting high and make someone happy, and hold onto it.
 
The more I think about it, the more I feel that your wife should come ahead of any desire to do drugs. Especially as you're over 40, plus have been with her many years, it's not going to be so easy to find such love again...don't throw away a good thing!! She obviously has values and cares about you. She has your best interests at heart. Grow up. ;) Hope it all works out for you both...
 
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