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Will i feel normal again.

S

Skywave18

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
310
Location
Chicago, Il
So i been clean a month now after my last relapse and this is the longest bein sober again. I abused crack pretty bad for 2 years and even after bein sober i have this incredible sadness and feel so empty at times. I also get horrible dreams about crack that i cant stand. If i make it a couple months more clean will this fade away? i feel like i wont be able to enjoy anything again. I have my good and bad days and keep busy but nothings the same.
 
Hey Skywayve,

I remember your posts from like 6 months ago when you were stuggling. First off good job on a month clean! Don't think about the relapse, as that can happen in an instant. But a month is something which shows dedication and progression, even if you still feel lousy.

It can (and please don't be intimidated) sometimes take months or even years to feel "normal" or to really not get daily cravings. I know how good the crack euphoria is and even though I've only done it once 3 years ago, I still remember that feeling. I can only imagine how hard it is to push that out of your mind and let other things feel good too, so again I am proud that you've been resisting for far.

Are you taking any prescription medicines right now? Just curious - antidepressants or such? Anything going on with therapy - either with a therapist or through something like NA? Friends/family on your side? It's often a slow thing, recovery that is. And you have to put faith/trust/confidence/etc in the fact that time CAN heal terrible pains. It's very hard dealing with the mental recovery lagging behind the physical one, I know how that is from other addictions.

What do you do on your good days? Like, what makes them good? What types of things keep you busy, which you enjoy? I can suggest to amplify that a bit, obviously not to a level of feeling overwhelmed or stressed by it, though.

You WILL feel normal again if you give yourself the chance. It takes time, and it very well could involve medical/therapeutic assistence. But crack is but a 5-10 minute euphoria here and there, whereas learning to really get off on life can be a continuous thing. People years past addictions like yours are thankful for a reason. Trust that you CAN be like that and that one day you will be able to look back and say "I guess I was able to feel normal again."

Best of forture to you. Stay strong.
 
Hi Skywave, firstly, congrats on being clean man, that is really something to be proud of. Keep it up okay? <3

The good news is that you WILL feel normal again, but it may take some time for your brain and body to recover from the damage the crack use/abuse did to it. It varies from person to person how long that period is, but you can help it along by making sure you're eating a lot of fresh fruit and vegies every day, eating a good source of protein, drinking plenty of water (at least 2L every day), getting plenty of sleep (8 hours every night) and doing regular (daily) exercise.

Are you getting any therapy (e.g. counselling, meds) to help you through this? The more support you have during these first few months, the better chance you have of recovering faster.

Good luck man, and hang in there! <3
 
I am not on any meds at all or goin to any kind of therapy. I had to quit my job and move away to get clean again and i just came back home to my parents and i just feel lost. Ill be turning 21 this year and i got hooked on rock at 18 and i feel like i destroyed my youth. The memories i had of goin into crack houses that young still haunt me but now im too scared to pick up crack again b/c i know what it will do. I been attending Na/Ca meetings alot and they help but i think my heavy use have caused me major depression along with painful memories and old friends. Crack seriously scares me so bad now i shake thinking about it and i dont think i can face it again. I remember those horrible nights wanting to die and crying so hard for the nightmare to end. I hope this time i can make it and im trying so hard. thx again for your replys =)
 
You could benefit from looking into medication and/or therapy, espeically if have health insurance. If not, a lot of therapy options outside of NA/CA/AA are available...perhaps some TDSers closer to you might know of stuff in your area. Crack destroys pretty much everyone who takes it for years, but a lot of Rx medication taken under the guidence of a doctor can help a person and will not turn against you. And you can get it from a pharmacy, not a crackhouse. If it's not for you then it's not for you (I'm not gunna preach here, as I consider myself depressed and yet not wanting to be on an antidepressant), but it's not a horribly dangerous thing to try. Same with talk-therapy.

Coming back to the parents house can make a person depressed. A lot of my friends have expressed this to me, and I had it hit me when I moved back for a few months in my twenties. That feeling of getting out of home when you're young only to find yourself back, with bad memories inbetween at that, can feel devistating. But dude, you're not even 21 yet...you've got PLENTY more youth ahead of you. I'm 5 years older than you and don't feel much older than I did at 20. It might seem intimidating aging, but your 20s take A WHILE to get through and there's plenty of time for fun, change and growth.

And ya, I know about the memories of crackhouses and how they can be disturbing. I've only been in two (one the night I binged on it and another just, well, I won't go into that...). I saw things that I still think about. I nearly got seriously fucked-up and carjacked when exiting the first one...and just the sadness and loss of potential that I felt in such places. I'm guessing you might have a bit of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) from the whole crack experience, which is completely understandable. It's probably a very uncomfortable thing to talk with people about in real life, but a therapist probably could help you develop ways to help deal with those memories and move forward from them; not drown in them.

That fear could be a blessing-in-disguise :) And you will make it dude.
 
Skywave18 said:
So i been clean a month now after my last relapse and this is the longest bein sober again. I abused crack pretty bad for 2 years and even after bein sober i have this incredible sadness and feel so empty at times. I also get horrible dreams about crack that i cant stand. If i make it a couple months more clean will this fade away? i feel like i wont be able to enjoy anything again. I have my good and bad days and keep busy but nothings the same.
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Im sorry-

Stimulants are really psychologically brutal, it can take months for your brain chemistry to fix itself.

I dont know if this is something you could do - but a SMART drug named (Provigil in the USA) Modafinil is approved for the symptoms one feels from cessation of cocaine.

Its not addicting, its not scheduled, there is no generic, and if you find it to be easy on your body, I think it could prove to be very useful
 
Colmes said:
I dont know if this is something you could do - but a SMART drug named (Provigil in the USA) Modafinil is approved for the symptoms one feels from cessation of cocaine.

Its not addicting, its not scheduled, there is no generic, and if you find it to be easy on your body, I think it could prove to be very useful
Click to expand...

Modafinil is Schedule IV in the US.

Adrafinil, a prodrug which metabolizes into modafinil, is unscheduled. However, I don't know if this is readily available OTC or not.
 
RedLeader said:
Modafinil is Schedule IV in the US.

Adrafinil, a prodrug which metabolizes into modafinil, is unscheduled. However, I don't know if this is readily available OTC or not.
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adrafinil isnt the same thing as provigil
ah i didn't even recall that.

But hey, sched 4 is nothing, doctor can call that in, and give you as many refills as he deems necessary.

"Adrafinil is a prodrug; it is primarily metabolized in vivo to modafinil (Provigil), r... Unlike modafinil, however, it takes time for the metabolite to accumulate to active levels in the bloodstream. Effects usually are apparent within 45–60 minutes when taken orally on an empty stomach." I believe the onset of action is important since its treating addiction, I could be wrong.

It is also not FDA approved to treat anything - Provigil is a newer faster acting drug, it was approved for the cocaine discontinuation, and the rapid metabolism plays a role in that too. Of course they're similar, its like taking 400mg of Pregabalin, or 3000mg of Neurotonin (i know, there are some slight differences...but really its just an improved drug, requiring less, so less side effects.
 
RedLeader said:
Modafinil is Schedule IV in the US.

Adrafinil, a prodrug which metabolizes into modafinil, is unscheduled. However, I don't know if this is readily available OTC or not.
Click to expand...

I was on modafinil for awhile to get off of ADD meds easier - he didnt mention anything about it, but more importantly, my CVS always mentions generics or drugs that are essentially the same that could save us money, to us.

Modafinil was $40.00 WITH full insurance, $250.00 or so without insurance.
 
RedLeader said:
Ah I didn't know you meant for the OP to get it through a doctor. My bad. Then ya, scheduling is a non-issue.

Ya, a lot of the stuff you quoted is why Andrafinil is not yet scheduled!
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no prob, yeah; I think with most people coming asking for the C II drugs right away, it would be rather refreshing to have someone request Modafinil. I wasnt given a problem.
 
hyroller said:
and this is the fine print we never think about when signing ourselves up to a meth habit :|
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So true. All other drugs at least have punishment that there is no forgetting.

I swear a month after finally feelin better from amps its like, gosh time to feel fantastic again. annnnnnd nowww I remember why I stopped.
 
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