I've done acid 6 times last semester (from oct - dec), all being small doses each time (1-3 tabs). I've also done mushrooms 3 times in that same period, (about 1/4oz together). I was doing these I guess you could say every other weekend, just about.
Ever since I'd say the night i did 3 tabs, i dont think ive fully come down. Things looked really 'high-def' outside for 1-2 months. That's sort of died down now, but still when im outside its really not the same. Sure it looks a little better (everything seems wider, a little disproportioned distance between objects, filled w/ color..), but it's different and I miss how things are supposed to look. Everytime i walk outside i think im on acid or something...i know life isnt supposed to look like this. and i think about it everytime i walk outside...and inside. my room looks different and its not the same. i just want to return to how things should be
when i stare at something for a few seconds, things start moving slightly. I'm not sure if you would call these flashbacks, because I can basically make it happen EVERYTIME i stare at something, whatever it is (i do it more indoors). even if im not trying it will happen sometimes. I'll find myself staring at shit watching it move, wondering when this will go away. It is worse in the dark (and ive also seemed to have really lost my night vision..).
Also I seem to see white noise (like when looking at the white wall across my room, i dont see a solid white, i see 'white noise'). This bothers me too.
so it seems to be 'stuff moving' indoors, and 'whoa things are still in HD like im on acid' outdoors, which constantly makes me think about acid. is this just a form of psychosis?
These things give me anxiety and I really wish I never took acid in the first place. I feel like I'm not longer the same person....instead im a complelty different person, or just a 'nothing' now that ive taken this drug (im pretty sure its the acid that has done this, not mushrooms btw)
During winter break I had an episode of depression, and i believe it was because of this. I slept 12 hours a day, and all i could think about is how shit was still in hd, things are moving and how ive ruined my life.
I guess my symptoms relate to hppd, but im unsure. I figure I wouldn't get it cuz im not doing high doses. It SEEMS to have slowly died down after 5 months (its definitely still there), but maybe im just becoming more adjusted to it. Is that normal to still have affects that long after (by normal, i mean NOT attributed to hppd). its pretty easy to 'reproduce a flashback'. all i need to do is stare at letters on my screen and then suddenly theyll sort of be swaying around slightly.
I guess this isn't really anything to cry about compared to ppl who ACTUALLY have hppd bad, which i dont think id be able to ever handle, so props to them. I just maybe need some support. even though i was more depressed/anxious in my high school years (16-17) before i did drugs than i am now (18 ), i think id go back in time and never even start, just so i wouldnt have these anxieties about it (ive thought about acid every single day since i stopped using....i cant get it out of my head cuz its everywhere (in my vision))
ive felt pretty alone about this. i live w/ my family and ive never told them about my drug uses, im not sure how they will take it. everytime i got in the car w/ my mom i wanted to tell her that ive done acid (she has told me that shes done it) but i think she would just be disappointed and things might be awkward. (and of course she'll tell my dad). i really for some reason feel like i need to 'get it off my chest' and tell my family that ive done acid 6 times and shrooms 3 times, but they willl probably never look at me the same (i dont look at myself the same)....just so i dont feel like im hiding anything (hiding these anxieties). or maybe im just a sissy who has to tell mommy everything
