Calling all experienced Xanax users

[Cohesion]

Update.

I am staying at a DV (domestic violence) shelter to keep DCF outta my life. Her father is using street pills and the landlord knows so I have been warned to stay away. And I am. But the risk is still there that because I have associated with him that I could be drug tested. So that is a major stress in my life but I'm not looking necessarily to start discussion on that. Just update.

My doctor prescribed me .5 mg Klonopin 1x day . I can fill it in a day or 2. BUT in the interim I have been taking 1 mg k-pin 2x a day (from a friend). Not the best idea but I'm NOT abusing them or getting high. SO I have hope that I will wean down over the next 6 weeks and stay away from the doctors.

Oh and my boobs are flat because I'm low on milk. Weaning is going great still. I won't go cold turkey and I respect all your advice but I'm weaning gently but firmly (if that makes sense).

Got to go. I have homework to catch up on! I hope you are all enjoying this sunny day.. at least the sun's shining on me today...

 

[Mariposa]

Update.

I am staying at a DV (domestic violence) shelter to keep DCF outta my life. Her father is using street pills and the landlord knows so I have been warned to stay away. And I am. But the risk is still there that because I have associated with him that I could be drug tested. So that is a major stress in my life but I'm not looking necessarily to start discussion on that. Just update.

My doctor prescribed me .5 mg Klonopin 1x day . I can fill it in a day or 2. BUT in the interim I have been taking 1 mg k-pin 2x a day (from a friend). Not the best idea but I'm NOT abusing them or getting high. SO I have hope that I will wean down over the next 6 weeks and stay away from the doctors.

Oh and my boobs are flat because I'm low on milk. Weaning is going great still. I won't go cold turkey and I respect all your advice but I'm weaning gently but firmly (if that makes sense).

Got to go. I have homework to catch up on! I hope you are all enjoying this sunny day.. at least the sun's shining on me today...

OK, we've got to start somewhere. The following is not to be construed as meanness or nastiness; I know what I'm talking about and I'm at the point where I can no longer mince words on this matter.

1. Are you in a domestic violence situation, or do you simply dislike your babydaddy?
2. Why the disclaimer that you're not 'abusing' your Klonopin when you can't get a refill for 2 days and you admit to getting benzos from a dealer?
3. You admit to doctor-shopping at your child's pediatric checkup, which is straight-out fucked up;
4. I think you are as addicted to breastfeeding as you are to benzodiazepines, marijuana, and the laundry list of other substances of which you've admitted using;
5. It is not acceptable to breastfeed as an addiction. Your child deserves better than a codependent, addict mother. She will grow up to be what she observes. It has nothing to do with heredity, it has everything to do with the fact that her mother cannot get off drugs and live independently; and
6. Nobody cares what your boobs look like.

I'm sorry, Mami, but you need to hear this from somewhere and I could not sit back passively and witness this any further. You seem to have a penchant for hearing what you want to hear [selective hearing, common among addicts] and outright ignoring advice that is given in good faith by good people. Blogs is a great place to vent. In TDS, we ask for and receive advice, even if it's not the advice we want.

If you want to get Freudian here, 'wean' yourself off your ego trip and start doing right by yourself and others. You have the gift of a beautiful child, an education, and apparently a safe place to live. You have everything a person could want. Why are you fucking it all up with your addictions? You are not as disempowered as you are presenting yourself to be. I'm calling BS.

I truly wish you the best in all aspects of your life.

 

[User Name Here]

What a wonderful post, Mariposa. Tactful and to-the-point.

I just had an acquaintance send this:

"NAS is becoming more obvious and as sad and horrible as it is to have to care for a baby suffering from it, I cannot focus all my energy on that because the anger towards the parents who allow themselves to do this to their own children makes me too mad to focus on much else.

There's a brand new, underweight, premature baby who does not feed well, suffers from tremors and is at a very high risk of having a seizure, laying next to me right now, crying excessively because he was born with pot in his system and addicted to various benzos.

I swear to fucken god, he is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen and this makes me so mad and sad and angered. These people/"parents" should be sterilized, ffs. It's one thing to fuck yourself up, but to allow another life to suffer as a result? Such bullshit."

 

[Cohesion]

1. 
   [*]Are you in a domestic violence situation, or do you simply dislike your babydaddy?
   - It is an emotional and verbally abusive situation. There was a small amount of physical violence when he was really high.
   [*]Why the disclaimer that you're not 'abusing' your Klonopin when you can't get a refill for 2 days and you admit to getting benzos from a dealer?Well, I don't abuse them in the sense of getting "high". I have been having a lot of panic and bad news coming at all directions - lots of stuff happening with a landlord, an old car, illegal towing, and so on - So I'm saving the k-pins for the moments of panic/crying.
   [*]You admit to doctor-shopping at your child's pediatric checkup, which is straight-out fucked up;
   I know.
   [*]I think you are as addicted to breastfeeding as you are to benzodiazepines, marijuana, and the laundry list of other substances of which you've admitted using;
   I have been nursing for less than 5 minutes a day. So I am not addicted to it, it is as I mentioned how I prefer to mother. It is a method of mothering. Go to La Leche League forums if you want to learn more about that. Because of all your real-talk advice I pushed myself to wean really, really fast.. faster than I wanted because it's in HER interest. So you all did do some good work with your words on the harm I was doing there.
   [*]It is not acceptable to breastfeed as an addiction. Your child deserves better than a codependent, addict mother. She will grow up to be what she observes. It has nothing to do with heredity, it has everything to do with the fact that her mother cannot get off drugs and live independently; and
   I am getting off drugs. I'm transferring to a DV shelter in the new town where I've been accepted for University, and they are going to hand out my .5 mg 1x a day. I do want to do this. The right way. And I am.
   [*]Nobody cares what your boobs look like
   I was simply illustrating that my milk is disappearing. No demand, No supply..

And don't be sorry for your advice. In my OP I asked you not to be nice to me. And you weren't. You were honest. So I feel you on that. And I thank you sincerely.

P.s. I don't typically (ever) say the word baby daddy but I did in this thread just because I don't know what to call that person.

I need to study now, but I did not want to read your response without responding back. So busy. Thx

 

[Violenza666]

1. 
   [*]Are you in a domestic violence situation, or do you simply dislike your babydaddy?
   - It is an emotional and verbally abusive situation. There was a small amount of physical violence when he was really high.
   [*]Why the disclaimer that you're not 'abusing' your Klonopin when you can't get a refill for 2 days and you admit to getting benzos from a dealer?Well, I don't abuse them in the sense of getting "high". I have been having a lot of panic and bad news coming at all directions - lots of stuff happening with a landlord, an old car, illegal towing, and so on - So I'm saving the k-pins for the moments of panic/crying.
   [*]You admit to doctor-shopping at your child's pediatric checkup, which is straight-out fucked up;
   I know.
   [*]I think you are as addicted to breastfeeding as you are to benzodiazepines, marijuana, and the laundry list of other substances of which you've admitted using;
   I have been nursing for less than 5 minutes a day. So I am not addicted to it, it is as I mentioned how I prefer to mother. It is a method of mothering. Go to La Leche League forums if you want to learn more about that. Because of all your real-talk advice I pushed myself to wean really, really fast.. faster than I wanted because it's in HER interest. So you all did do some good work with your words on the harm I was doing there.
   [*]It is not acceptable to breastfeed as an addiction. Your child deserves better than a codependent, addict mother. She will grow up to be what she observes. It has nothing to do with heredity, it has everything to do with the fact that her mother cannot get off drugs and live independently; and
   I am getting off drugs. I'm transferring to a DV shelter in the new town where I've been accepted for University, and they are going to hand out my .5 mg 1x a day. I do want to do this. The right way. And I am.
   [*]Nobody cares what your boobs look like
   I was simply illustrating that my milk is disappearing. No demand, No supply..

And don't be sorry for your advice. In my OP I asked you not to be nice to me. And you weren't. You were honest. So I feel you on that. And I thank you sincerely.

P.s. I don't typically (ever) say the word baby daddy but I did in this thread just because I don't know what to call that person.

I need to study now, but I did not want to read your response without responding back. So busy. Thx

Extended breastfeeding is an aspect of a form of "mothering" it's not a complete "lifestyle".. unless you're one of those creeps on youtube that intends to breastfeed your kid until she's 8. If you're at 5 minutes a day just stop. There's no need. Also fuck the La Leche League and their breast feeding nazi bullshit, I laughed my ass off when that cunt got kicked off the airplane for not covering up with a blanket..

Anyways.. klonopin is not all that great for "panic" or "panic attacks".. it is better for generalized anxiety. Have you considered an anti depressant like celexa. I am on that as well... it "blocks" attacks.. it also seems you might have some depression along with your panic/anxiety so it will take the edge off of that. Good luck. As for the breastfeeding.. just stop all together. Trust me, it won't hurt. Your daughter won't love you any less... she will always need you. Breastfeeding is not the only symbol of that.