worried sister
Greenlighter
How much can I safely give him? it's a nightmare. He says the blisters from Pakistan are a lot weaker and therefore he can take more
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My brother's benzo problem - help please
- Thread starter worried sister
- Start date
How much can I safely give him? it's a nightmare. He says the blisters from Pakistan are a lot weaker and therefore he can take more
the bold one
Bluelighter
i dont know your brother but it sounds like he is swapping the alcoholism for a pill habit,a very common thing to do.does he have any contact with aa/na?i know they have helped lots of people in similar predicaments.you sound like a strong loving person for all the support your giving him and i wish you all the best in the future...stay strong love... e
the bold one
Bluelighter
ps as to how much you can give him,,,,if he has a tolerance it probably wont be dangerous for him to eat 10 more i say this from personal experience.there is a possibility the tablets from the internet are fakes and could well be weaker.he has to get a plan in place,im reading this and know how much strain this is putting you under and will be praying for you. stay strong......love e.. i have been through a similar thing to your brother and am fairly knowledgeable about benzos and withdrawal if i can help in any way please ask.as brokedownpalace posted, benzos are NO joke for me they were infinitly worse to detox from than a long term heroin habit.............love e
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AfterGlow
Bluelighter
You will NOT be helping your brother by supplying him with more benzos. Don't expect that anything is going to help with the insomnia. Your brother is just going to have to endure sleepless nights for as long as it takes. He's got to follow a strict taper plan if he expects to get off them. It's not going to be easy or comfortable. It's going to be a nightmare, just like you said. But the sooner he gets off them then the sooner the nightmare will be in the past. Taking more benzos and not following the taper plan is only going to make it last longer.
I know that sounds rough, but it's the honest truth.
I know that sounds rough, but it's the honest truth.
worried sister
Greenlighter
brother on benzos
Thank you so much for your kind words. In the end my husband and I gave him another 20 pills as they seem to be weaker than the prescribed ones and he is sleeping at last. I can't believe how easy it was for him to buy 100 blisters off the street but he is very determined. I took away his stash on Saturday but he just went out and got more. I even called the talk to Frank line but they said they couldn't give any advice as benzos are not illegal. They did kindly put me in touch with Cita though. He is So obssessed with these damn pills - he's like column and he turned very nasty earlier when I would only give him 100mg. I thought they were supposed to make you placid.
Thank you so much for your kind words. In the end my husband and I gave him another 20 pills as they seem to be weaker than the prescribed ones and he is sleeping at last. I can't believe how easy it was for him to buy 100 blisters off the street but he is very determined. I took away his stash on Saturday but he just went out and got more. I even called the talk to Frank line but they said they couldn't give any advice as benzos are not illegal. They did kindly put me in touch with Cita though. He is So obssessed with these damn pills - he's like column and he turned very nasty earlier when I would only give him 100mg. I thought they were supposed to make you placid.
the bold one
Bluelighter
when your on these tablets they make you far from placid,i know they turned me into a monster,a ghost of the person i was before.your right i dont think there is any point in hiding his tablets,im assuming you are not involved with drugs and dont know how easy they are to get(look at a few pharmacy websites for an idea)your brother will not change until he himself makes that choice irrespective of what you and your husband do for him until that time dont let him damage YOUR life any more than he has already take care...............erik
artaxerxes
Bluelighter
I want to send you love and support right now. You are living a nightmare and it sounds as if you've been doing so for some time. I'm in awe of the support and compassion you and your husband are giving your brother.
But I have to be blunt…I really think you should consider getting him into a strict in-patient program. This is too much for you and your husband to bear. Your brother is in the grips of a deadly addiction. I feel for him too. He is in hell now. And not just because he's tapering off benzos and thinks he needs more. If it were as simple as following a wise, proven taper, the Ashton Manual could provide you with practically everything you need to ensure a safe and gradual result.
But your brother's manipulating you by threatening to buy crack. You've had to sleep next to him so that he won't drink mouthwash or inset-repellent. You're suffering from insomnia now because you're waking up at night to make sure he's not harming himself with more substances. He's ordering more meds off the internet. You have no idea what he has and what he's taken…
This is more than 2 people can bear and it may not be in the best interests of your brother to continue to support him in this fashion. This is way more than managing his taper. And continuing this dynamic may eventually damage your relationship with your husband and with your brother.
I have so much respect for the support you've given him and the research you've done into his affliction. You are a straight-up wonderful, caring person. Many people would be immeasurably grateful to have family like you. But I think he may be better off in an environment where he can't manipulate the people who are responsible for managing his rehab.
You said he's been through a number of "luxury rehabs." It sounds like he may need to be in a place where the rules are strict and lots of physical work is part of the rehab. I have a friend who was as desperately addicted, albeit to heroin and crack, and he spent 2 years in a facility (Walden House) to learn to live clean and to work a normal job and get along in society.
I was surprised to do a search on Walden House and read some negative press and a hint that it might be a cult(?!). R. thought it saved his life. And he was a tough Italian Brooklyn boy (man) who, if any topic arose relating to spirituality, he'd let loose with all the Sopranos language that he grew up with. Yeah, that kind of family. R. was fucking intense. Your brother sounds very intense too. It's just that his intensity is channeled in a destructive direction right now.
I haven't offended by my comments. I've already said so, but I have so much respect for your compassion and dedication. I just hope that one day, if he can get the right treatment, you can enjoy a healthy relationship with your brother. I really wish you the best.
Positive vibes and love,
e.
But I have to be blunt…I really think you should consider getting him into a strict in-patient program. This is too much for you and your husband to bear. Your brother is in the grips of a deadly addiction. I feel for him too. He is in hell now. And not just because he's tapering off benzos and thinks he needs more. If it were as simple as following a wise, proven taper, the Ashton Manual could provide you with practically everything you need to ensure a safe and gradual result.
But your brother's manipulating you by threatening to buy crack. You've had to sleep next to him so that he won't drink mouthwash or inset-repellent. You're suffering from insomnia now because you're waking up at night to make sure he's not harming himself with more substances. He's ordering more meds off the internet. You have no idea what he has and what he's taken…
This is more than 2 people can bear and it may not be in the best interests of your brother to continue to support him in this fashion. This is way more than managing his taper. And continuing this dynamic may eventually damage your relationship with your husband and with your brother.
I have so much respect for the support you've given him and the research you've done into his affliction. You are a straight-up wonderful, caring person. Many people would be immeasurably grateful to have family like you. But I think he may be better off in an environment where he can't manipulate the people who are responsible for managing his rehab.
You said he's been through a number of "luxury rehabs." It sounds like he may need to be in a place where the rules are strict and lots of physical work is part of the rehab. I have a friend who was as desperately addicted, albeit to heroin and crack, and he spent 2 years in a facility (Walden House) to learn to live clean and to work a normal job and get along in society.
I was surprised to do a search on Walden House and read some negative press and a hint that it might be a cult(?!). R. thought it saved his life. And he was a tough Italian Brooklyn boy (man) who, if any topic arose relating to spirituality, he'd let loose with all the Sopranos language that he grew up with. Yeah, that kind of family. R. was fucking intense. Your brother sounds very intense too. It's just that his intensity is channeled in a destructive direction right now.
I haven't offended by my comments. I've already said so, but I have so much respect for your compassion and dedication. I just hope that one day, if he can get the right treatment, you can enjoy a healthy relationship with your brother. I really wish you the best.
Positive vibes and love,
e.
the bold one
Bluelighter
a great post.....
worried sister
Greenlighter
What practical and positve advice thankyou. As it happens, my brother and I are of Italian extraction so your comments about your friend really hit home. I admit it, I have spoiled him and even took him spaghetti and meatballs when he was in hospital. My brother used to make glib comments about going to some rehab place in Thailand where they beat you with sticks (always has an answer) but I shall definitely look into Walden House. The last GP he saw started him on a taper of 5mg which was ridiculous and I have to be honest I don't blame him for supplementing but I know it's going to be a long road. London rehabs offered him reflexology and other such luxuries but he learned many tricks so I am looking into state-funded no-frills options. Thank you so much for taking the time to send me this advice.
cegli
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2008
- Messages
- 331
I would definitely agree with artaxerxes. If you have no idea how much he is taking, and he is getting new benzo's from everywhere, there's no chance to have him taper on his own. Especially when it can take 3 months to a year to taper. It's probably a good idea to look into a no-frills rehab facility like you said.
edgewise1
Bluelighter
I know you love your brother, why else would you put yourself through a living hell as you are doing. I commend you for sticking by him.
But, always a but, you need to make sure you are taking care of YOU! Please don't let this situation cause stress to you marriage. It is so easy for that to creep up while you are so busy trying to fix your brother.
His demands will probably not diminish, and could even increase. Please do not take what I am going to say as me being insensitive, or not caring, just take it in the spirit of love I offer it. And that advice is to immediately place your brother into a rehab program and wash your hands of him for a while. Let him know you love him, as if he didn't already know it, but it is going to take TOUGH love to get him through this. Addicits will use their family like a roll of toliet paper, I've seen it happen. My ex brother in law got himself into legal trouble several times over meth, auto theft, larceny, and a couple others. Everytime he would call some family member, usually his dad, and play the "poor me" bit and get bailed out, only to start back up. He finally got to the place where he could no longer do the poor me bit and get bailed out, because the bail had gotten so high. He ended up with a 5 1/2 year prison sentence and is currently serving his time 400 miles away from anyone he knows.
I tell this because it finally took something drastic to wake him up to the life he was living, to realize the utter hopelessness of it all.
It is time for your brother's wake up call. It is time for him to face the mistakes he has made and suffer the consquences. That may be the ONLY thing that will make him better.
Again, please take what I say in love, and know that you, your husband, and your brother are in my thoughts and prayers.
But, always a but, you need to make sure you are taking care of YOU! Please don't let this situation cause stress to you marriage. It is so easy for that to creep up while you are so busy trying to fix your brother.
His demands will probably not diminish, and could even increase. Please do not take what I am going to say as me being insensitive, or not caring, just take it in the spirit of love I offer it. And that advice is to immediately place your brother into a rehab program and wash your hands of him for a while. Let him know you love him, as if he didn't already know it, but it is going to take TOUGH love to get him through this. Addicits will use their family like a roll of toliet paper, I've seen it happen. My ex brother in law got himself into legal trouble several times over meth, auto theft, larceny, and a couple others. Everytime he would call some family member, usually his dad, and play the "poor me" bit and get bailed out, only to start back up. He finally got to the place where he could no longer do the poor me bit and get bailed out, because the bail had gotten so high. He ended up with a 5 1/2 year prison sentence and is currently serving his time 400 miles away from anyone he knows.
I tell this because it finally took something drastic to wake him up to the life he was living, to realize the utter hopelessness of it all.
It is time for your brother's wake up call. It is time for him to face the mistakes he has made and suffer the consquences. That may be the ONLY thing that will make him better.
Again, please take what I say in love, and know that you, your husband, and your brother are in my thoughts and prayers.
tobala
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 3, 2006
- Messages
- 9,385
Understand that you have absolutely NO control over this situation and are being manipulated by an individual with no control over his situation.
The going to the doctors, the "tapers," etc are all sham while he is able to go out on the street of Internet and literally get any amount of this most dangerous drug of choice.
The ONLY choice--as mentioned above--is for him to get a leave of absence from work and get himself into an inpatient rehab where they won't take any shit (maybe literally beat him with bamboo sticks when he fucks up
).
In any event, there is no question he is going to have to accept much suffering, pain, and insomnia while in rehab--that's just the way benzo detox works. There IS no easy way. In the meantime, you HAVE been enabling him--and I say this in a most loving and nonjudgmental way--the point being is that there is no way to cure him without being locked up under the supervision of Nurse Ratchets who will beat him with sticks if he tries any manipulative behavior.
Finally, you and your husband have risen way above the call of duty. But that's the way love works.
Just the same, a few more months of this and there's a good chance your marriage will be on the rocks. It's time to get out of this and put it in the hands of professionals. 
The going to the doctors, the "tapers," etc are all sham while he is able to go out on the street of Internet and literally get any amount of this most dangerous drug of choice.
The ONLY choice--as mentioned above--is for him to get a leave of absence from work and get himself into an inpatient rehab where they won't take any shit (maybe literally beat him with bamboo sticks when he fucks up
).In any event, there is no question he is going to have to accept much suffering, pain, and insomnia while in rehab--that's just the way benzo detox works. There IS no easy way. In the meantime, you HAVE been enabling him--and I say this in a most loving and nonjudgmental way--the point being is that there is no way to cure him without being locked up under the supervision of Nurse Ratchets who will beat him with sticks if he tries any manipulative behavior.
Finally, you and your husband have risen way above the call of duty. But that's the way love works.
Just the same, a few more months of this and there's a good chance your marriage will be on the rocks. It's time to get out of this and put it in the hands of professionals. IMO benzo detox in rehab is kinda pointless, last time I was in rehab the real part of the benzo w/d's didnt start till I was a couple months clean and than lasted almost a year, SUCKED. It doesnt sound like he wants to quit, from what I have read and rehab will just be a waste of $. If he is around 100mg of valium he has a month or 2 taper before he can even start to detox.
Completely disagree with that statement...
peace.
seedless
Completely disagree with that statement...
peace.
seedless
worried sister
Greenlighter
Latest on my Brother's benzo addiction. I arrived at his flat today to find him out of it. HE'd taken 500mg of (internet procured diazepam) smoked some 'brown' (Ilearned this from going through his mobile) and for the first time in 5 months drank alcohol (nearly 4 cans of kronenburg). I called the paramedics and they have kept in hospital over night. It's 3am here and I am still trying to rid his flat of the various smells and residue. I just don't get it - I have been a depressive for half my life but he isn't like me. I just want him to be happy. The NHS here is great but they can only do so much. I delete all the numbers of dealers from his mobile but he's resourceful and will get more. WHen I arrived at his flat he had been on blulight looking up 'ways to smoke crack cocaine' why is my little brother doing this? He's got so much to live for.
lightitup
Bluelighter
An addict is an addict, all you are doing is enabling him. If he wants to smoke crack, he will smoke crack. If he wants to smoke brown, he will smoke brown. You are acting like his mom, and I'm guessing he isn't liking it much. I'm sorry, but this is in no way helping him. Snooping over his back, catching him and punishing him, deleting numbers, searching through texts. If this were me, it would only cause me to freak out and dive deeper. You can't control whether or not he will do drugs, it doesn't work like that. Really, he has to hit a rock bottom, and that probably means kicking him out...If he doesn't want to stop using drugs at all, you stealing them or preventing him from things aren't going to stop. He has to want to stop. If he wants to continue abusing drugs, I'm sure he will find some way to do it.
He needs to taper off the benzo's though seriously, so either help him set a regiment or give them back. He WILL need them, and could die without them. I had a close call recently with w/d's, and it was incredibly anxiety ridden and scary. Hell, he could be turning to drugs because of the inconsistent taper, and having bad anxiety. I know in my taper I get incredibly anxious, scared, and look for a way to get fucked up. Luckily I hold myself back at the moment, but I could easily see it.
Sorry if my post came across as mean in any way, I realize you REALLY are worried for your brother and that's amazing. I just don't think that the way you are going about it is ever going to get him clean :/ and you are doing yourself a great deal of damage.
He needs to taper off the benzo's though seriously, so either help him set a regiment or give them back. He WILL need them, and could die without them. I had a close call recently with w/d's, and it was incredibly anxiety ridden and scary. Hell, he could be turning to drugs because of the inconsistent taper, and having bad anxiety. I know in my taper I get incredibly anxious, scared, and look for a way to get fucked up. Luckily I hold myself back at the moment, but I could easily see it.
Sorry if my post came across as mean in any way, I realize you REALLY are worried for your brother and that's amazing. I just don't think that the way you are going about it is ever going to get him clean :/ and you are doing yourself a great deal of damage.
User Name Here
Bluelight Crew
I would consult a doctor about tapering him off. If done incorrectly it can be very dangerous.
Good luck to you and your brother though! It sounds like he has a great sister =) The fact that you're there for him will make this process so much easier (although it's not easy at all, but you get what I mean).
Good luck to you and your brother though! It sounds like he has a great sister =) The fact that you're there for him will make this process so much easier (although it's not easy at all, but you get what I mean).
thugpassion
Bluelighter
And to cut this guy down from "100mgs a day(Diazipam)" to just 10mgs would suck ass! and he would not be functional at all. To go from 100mgs > 10mgs were talking weeks needed to taper, months if ya want to be nice about it... .. . And, I hear that diazipam/valuim is a good benzo to taper with..also Kpins last a while too...(halfife), but when that shit finley wares ALL the way off ..you know, shit can be bad.
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worried sister
Greenlighter
I would never dream of reducing him from 100mg to 10mg. He can actually function on 100 even 200 but he keeps saying he wants ones with a longer half life. The recent problem started when his usual site ran out of xanax. I thought alcholism was a cruel illness - they way his body told him that he needed more to make him feel better but these benzos are dreadful. 24 hours after taking 500mg he can barely walk and his cognition is poor. The doctors are primed to give him more before the dts in. I have witnessed the seizures. If only he had asked me to get him some valium when he ran out rather than calling the local drug dealers and smoking all that crap. I even hid an emergency supply in his own flat. I know I'm enabling but rock bottom could result in death - we lost our parents young and I'm not going to lose him!
WOuld it be wrong of me to reveal his username? Could it be helpful
WOuld it be wrong of me to reveal his username? Could it be helpful
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the bold one
Bluelighter
dear worried sister,your brother has addiction issues,not just to 1 drug. the more i read your posts the more worried i am about YOU.your concern for your brother is touching and i bet there are thouands of people who wish they had a sister like you.in my humble opinion it is a waste of your time cleaning/getting rid of drugs.he will NOT change his behaviour until he himself decides too.is there any chance of your brother getting into an inpatient detox/rehab? please try and take care of YOURSELF/FAMILY. love..............erik.
It would be wrong without his consent in my opinion atleast.
As for your brothers benzo habit he first of al has to want to quit. You can't make him quit he has to want to do it. Second of all you need to find out how much is he taking if you are going to do a at home detox. That way he can properly be tapered off. If not he needs to go to a detox and a good one where they won't taper you off so fast you will go crazy. Remember everyone reacts different to benzodiazepine withdrawal and alot of people are much more sensitive then others. I can skip a dose of clonazepam or go with 1/3rd of my usual dose for days before i get any symptoms. One time i went 3 days without any and i had bad anxiety, termors and weird pain but nothing too serious. there are people i know who have tonic clinic seizures just reducing their dose abit of going without it a day and a half.
So it all has to be individualized to his needs so he doesent go through any undo harm but he first has to be stabilized on the dose that works for him. This does not mean the dose that gets him buzzed either just the dose that keeps him out of withdrawals and from going nuts.
Ive been on clonazepam for about 5 years i guess at doses as high as 6mg's a day. 2 years ago i tapered down to 4mg's by myself so now i take 4-6mg's a day. Ive never had a problem with them and they work just as good on my anxiety as they ever did but i have gotten lucky with them since the anti-anxiety properties don't go away and im not trying to get high from them. The only benzo ive had a problem with is temazepam and boy do i love that one.