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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

well i fucked up again

Wow, fifleman, that was pretty powerful.

I completely agree that once you've lost control over drugs, you are unlikely to ever be able to use in a controlled manner. Once people have lost control, usually when they believe they can chip (or use in a controlled manner), its just their addiction deluding them into using.

OP, I can imagine how hard this feels now. I understand how desperately you want to change aspects of your life that you don't feel ready to let go. Just try to think about what you really want in this life, what truly matters to YOU and think about if you can accomplish those things while you're still using like you are.

Light experimentation can help people figure out who they are, but heavy use at a young age prevents you from being able to discover who you truly are and what you are passionate about. Just taking a little break to get some things straightened out will probably be very beneficial... you have your whole life to use if eventually you want to go back to that, you only have this time to figure out who you are and how you fit into this world. If you miss that chance because of your use, you'll be stuck being someone you are truly unhappy with down the road.

If you don't have other options, I REALLY encourage you to try that rehab place out. Don't think about how long you'll be stuck there, just think about giving it a month or so to see how you feel. You can always find a way out if its not working for you, just give it a chance.
 
DXM kid...you have a good head on your shoulders. I can tell by the way you WANT to have self control and disciprine. Build on that. Having self control is a very important life skill. Just up and quitting something in a way keeps the substance controlling you. Its okay to partake once in a while in moderation if you can control it.

When I was your age all I wanted to do was get fucked up all day everyday...but you will soon get bored of that. Trust me it gets old quick.

And you say that you parents might tolerate weed? That gives you a lot of room to work with...so to speak. Try having a mature convo with your parents..bring up the fact that you are young..curious and like experimenting. Also outline the fact that you are concerned for your health and want to work with your parents to learn about how drugs REALLY affect you. Try to work WITH them, not against them.

I was in group homes and stuff when i was a teen (14-17) and all I can say about those experiences is it fucked me up more. I was stuck in a house with a bunch of criminals/drug addicts who worked together honing their criminal skills to get at the medicine lockers undetected. We were picking locks and shit. It was easier to get high at these places than at home.

Good luck...and if you wanna talk PM me.
 
wow, fifleman, thats some good advice and i really appreciate it. ^^^drsience, i am past the point of having a mature conversation with my parents. both of my parents have had thier fair share of drug use, both my parents did meth. you would never know by looking at them now, but they used to be pretty crazy. my dad almost died after railing an 8ball of meth, so he understantds addiction and he knows what im going through. he has even said that hes cool if i do like shrooms or acid once a year, on a special occasion. hes pretty cool. but thats not enough for me. i have honestly tried to stop drugs with an open mind, and i never succed. im not trying to get your guys sympthy so please dont think that. but lets put it this way, i used to be addicted to oxys hardcore wen i was 15. the withdraws were terrible. i would much rater go through those withdraws 100 times over then stop DXM for even a week, so i totally understand what fifleman is saying about addiction bieng mental. although i do have some strange symptoms comeing off DXM. the thought of rehab scares the shit out of me, for 2 reasons. like i said bfor i would leave my gf for a long ass time, and its not like i could expect her to wait for a drug addict till he gets out of rehab, and second, when i dont have DXM in my system, i dont jjust contimplait death, i really contimplait it. i have gone so far as to put a gun to my head bfor. DXM is my main drug problem. i can somewhat handle myself with other drugs but DXM has me by the throught. when i dont have DXM i just cry. you guys can call me a pussy or whatever you want, idgaf. when i do DXM i just feel like i have found heaven and nothing else matters. i have been doing DXM almost everyday for the past year now, its so bad that when i roll i still do DXM.
 
go to nevada kid. fife is speaking to you man, you better listen to words like that. I am hoping you did, prove some maturity ya know. I mean that in the nicest way possible. Be safe!
 
Is your parents problem that you do the drugs or that you are irresponsible and don't take care of your responsibilities while on it? Because i know how you feel on the only being happy high. But the way i see it if, is that if you live your life and do the things you should, get your work done, do well in school all that shit, then it shouldn't matter if you do it on dxm. as long as you dont just sit around being high all the time ignoring everything, but if your doing it everyday it really is going to become a serious health problem, and if you think leaving your girl for rehab would be bad, just imagine how she would feel if you were gone for good
 
DXMkid420 said:
wow, fifleman, thats some good advice and i really appreciate it. ^^^drsience, i am past the point of having a mature conversation with my parents. both of my parents have had thier fair share of drug use, both my parents did meth. you would never know by looking at them now, but they used to be pretty crazy. my dad almost died after railing an 8ball of meth, so he understantds addiction and he knows what im going through. he has even said that hes cool if i do like shrooms or acid once a year, on a special occasion. hes pretty cool. but thats not enough for me. i have honestly tried to stop drugs with an open mind, and i never succed. im not trying to get your guys sympthy so please dont think that. but lets put it this way, i used to be addicted to oxys hardcore wen i was 15. the withdraws were terrible. i would much rater go through those withdraws 100 times over then stop DXM for even a week, so i totally understand what fifleman is saying about addiction bieng mental. although i do have some strange symptoms comeing off DXM. the thought of rehab scares the shit out of me, for 2 reasons. like i said bfor i would leave my gf for a long ass time, and its not like i could expect her to wait for a drug addict till he gets out of rehab, and second, when i dont have DXM in my system, i dont jjust contimplait death, i really contimplait it. i have gone so far as to put a gun to my head bfor. DXM is my main drug problem. i can somewhat handle myself with other drugs but DXM has me by the throught. when i dont have DXM i just cry. you guys can call me a pussy or whatever you want, idgaf. when i do DXM i just feel like i have found heaven and nothing else matters. i have been doing DXM almost everyday for the past year now, its so bad that when i roll i still do DXM.
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Hey bro.

You don't succeed because you don't want to. You want to use drugs and obviously stopping them is going to interfere with that. It's ok man, we just need to open up your eyes to life. It is possible. And don't think you're fucked up because you think you can't do it, we've all been there. In my days I told myself everyday after a pint of crown and half an ounce of coke that this is how I am, I'm an addict, and I can't change. I truly believed that. Now, shit, I couldn't have been any further from the truth.

And when I said addiction is all mental, it's true. Our mind drives us to more drugs.

However, what you mentioned about physical symptoms after stopping the drug is showing that your body/brain became physically dependent on the drug. In other words you need more of the drug to ward off the detoxing of the drug from your body or you go through the detoxing which is painful and can be deadly.

I know little about DXM but I do know it's extremely taxing on the brain. Bro, you've got to cut that shit out. Without a brain, you're mush. You're a shell. You don't want that man.
 
You got to realise the choices you make during this time of your life will have a major impact on how your living when your older. You have the chance to get out now, instead of ending up in jail, broke, maybe on methadone for the next ten plus years. That Dmx will fry your brain, and screw up your liver. Is that shit so much fun that you'd be wiling to keep using knowing there's a chance you may end up needing dialysis once a week or having to wear a castrophe bag. I haven't met to many addicts that don't regret not having stopped after the fun times in highschool/college. You started young with the oxy at 15, it gets a lot harder to quit and wd when your older. Not only harder on the body but on the mind as well. I've known a few dudes that ended up killing themselves in their thirties because the drugs left them in the darkest depresion. This isn't ment to be a scare you straight speach, just telling you the way it turns out when you keep on using. At 40 years old having used in one way or another since your age, life isn't nearly what it could be or should be for me. You'd be wise to get your shyt sorted out now rather than later. enough of my preaching I'll just wish you luck.
 
sid3 said:
You got to realise the choices you make during this time of your life will have a major impact on how your living when your older. You have the chance to get out now, instead of ending up in jail, broke, maybe on methadone for the next ten plus years. That Dmx will fry your brain, and screw up your liver. Is that shit so much fun that you'd be wiling to keep using knowing there's a chance you may end up needing dialysis once a week or having to wear a castrophe bag. I haven't met to many addicts that don't regret not having stopped after the fun times in highschool/college. You started young with the oxy at 15, it gets a lot harder to quit and wd when your older. Not only harder on the body but on the mind as well. I've known a few dudes that ended up killing themselves in their thirties because the drugs left them in the darkest depresion. This isn't ment to be a scare you straight speach, just telling you the way it turns out when you keep on using. At 40 years old having used in one way or another since your age, life isn't nearly what it could be or should be for me. You'd be wise to get your shyt sorted out now rather than later. enough of my preaching I'll just wish you luck.
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Listen to that shit. Nobody is the exception.
 
Look , iv gone through the same shit you have ,its a vicous cycle . look your parents dont hate you , we all seem to grow up and experience depression and gettin fucked up (some like you and me a little harder than more than most) and then we forget how to remember how it felt . like your parents arent shouting and shit to make you worse ,thier angry at the idea of you fucking up your life. your thier most precious thing (ye i kno corny as fuck) but its true. And look from your opinion on death. how do you kno its any better dead.Iv had family members close to me kill themselves. IT dont help!! all your doing is passing the hurt onto somebody else and making it ireversible. I have watched my aunt become something she was never before. she will never have her son ever again .So why inflict that on your mam and dad.Look you seem to be chrashin pretty hard slow down with the pill popping.get checked for adhd as well believe me it would explain a lot. and lastly dont give in your always going to get ppl who would love to see you in the dirt, fuck them give em the finger and show that you can lead a successful life .

much love Cian
 
So, DXMkid420...did your parents end up forcing you to go to treatment in Nevada like you mentioned in your original post? Or did they kinda chill out over the whole thing after a couple of days...? just wondering
 
I'm an adult now, and my mother's been aware of my drug use for some time.
Weed is fine, it's almost legal (the next decade or so), and you need to explain to your parents the spiritual journey one experiences on a hallucinogen such as mushrooms. I haven't tried acid yet but I will. And dxm is a lot more spiritual than people give it credit for. People can't get past the stigma of "It's cough medicine, so it can't be good."
But if you know anything about chi you know the energy you feel, spraying from your hands. Your body can't hold your soul in. It's amazing. I know. I love it.
Now I reserve it for special occasions, like a rave (I can no longer take ecstasy; on SSRI).
How old are you? I imagine in high school.
Right now bro just settle down on hard drugs. Don't get involved with anything other than hallucinogens because there's no way of justifying those to your parents. Give them this shpeel on spirituality and tell them you won't do anything except for weed again so long as you're under their roof.
Focus on school.
Get to college (if you're not already gettin) and live the college life then, not now. You work your ass off doing homework, but you can smoke weed while you do it (what i do, got a club card), and when there's no more work to do for a couple days.
Take some acid or something.
But make sure you have people with you.
A bunch of friends on dxm is like ecstasy. You all love each other to start so... There ya go.

I feel for you man 'cause I did a lot of dex, but played it off real well, for like 3 years.
That chi exists and I love playing with it.

But it seems you're doing what I was doing. Self-medicating with dxm. Every day.
I have a shrink now. It's what you need, trust me. Get antidepressants, smoke weed, and get ~normal before going back to the dex. You want it to be fun, not necessary.

The antidepressants are the major focus here. Get some of those. Your cycle of addiction is caused by a chemical imbalance. Chemicals fix chemical imbalances, so you find whatever chemicals you can. I get it all man. It's like I'm talking to myself. But I had to try to kill myself and get 51-50ed before I even wanted help.
Once you're on antidepressants you can see how everyone else is supposed to feel. Not too high, not low, normalish.
Then when you do drugs it's for the fun and the laughs and the friends. Not to feed the monkey.

Fuck that monkey...
 
dxm doesn't make your liver fail, it's a myth.
olney's lesions are a myth.
dxm destroys an amount of brain cells comparative to a weekend of binge drinking.

I did dxm for 3 years. straight. when i was done i had a doctor do my blood work. said my liver's fine. normal.
Also it apparently chose which brain cells to destroy quite selectively, because I'm still intact, still go to school and can articulate myself well (way better than my asian math teacher... and i'll bet she never once chugged a bottle of cough syrup)
so
all things in moderation buddies
i'm not saying 3 years of dex didn't do anything to me. i'm sure i'm damaged beyond repair. but no one else needs to do that.
save the hallucinogens (and dissociative) for special occasions. and special people. and you'll live long and prosper.
 
Pothedd said:
Weed is fine, it's almost legal (the next decade or so)
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Weed is fine although the federal law looks down on it with a vengeance and there is no legislation of foreseeable movement to federally legalize it.

Weed it shit as is ever other drug.
 
Get off the drugs, doing DXM everyday is not good. When I was your age I used it frequently for a few months and it really messed me up for some time. Of course I thought it was cool at the time, but looking back its foolish. I do feel like it has impacted some of my analytical abilities with abstract concepts (math) but I was never very good with them to begin with.

Using Psychedelics is not harmless. They gave me anxiety, which of course led me towards the harder stuff, which then led to daily drinking after I quit those. I'm now looking back at this an realizing that this literally lasted over a damn decade. I'm lucky to still be here.

To be honest, sometimes I am straight ashamed of the way I was when I was younger. I cannot change the past and have learned to not dwell. However, if I had a time machine I would go back in time and kick my teenage ass. :D

Its not the end of the world, you have plenty of time to recover and pull yourself together. I will tell you that it took quite some time for me to recover from constantly barraging my brian with psychedelics then the harder stuff but I am glad I did. If I were you I would go to nevada. The time of will help. Then you will be 18 and can make some adult decisions. I bet you will not want to continue living every day fucked up. Furthermore, if the Rehab is worth anything it will have counselors that can help you address the depression/suicidal ideation. Self medication never works, especially with psychedelics.

You will get through this, just hang on tight. If you cannot hang on then hold on.
 
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