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Well, hello, im what you call an "etard"

LonE1

LonE1

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 6, 2010
Messages
674
First off, id like to say hello to everyone as this is my first post on this site. I have been using PR for years now, and id like to say im very pleased for such a caring site like this.

Anyway, ive seen alot of people talk about how they have rolled around a whopping 11 times , and how they dont see anything bad about mdma use, and this and that. Let me tell you a story about myself.

I think anyone can agree that there first time doing mdma was amazing. It was for me. I felt like it was the most incredible feeling ive ever had. Every emotional thought was brought out, every good thing was brought up in my mind...everything about everyone I was with just felt so right.

Well, with that, i joined the rave scene, and we all know where that leads you. The only thing was, I started rolling ALOT. Once a week pretty much. And not only that, sometimes I would take upwards of 8 pills a night; id roll, then pop more pills at the after party and sometimes roll harder after the party, all in good fun, and all because I didnt know any better, but all i knew is it was amazing.

Well, fast forward a year of rolling. At this point id say im maybe at around 50-60 rolls. All the sudden I noticed I was changing. I noticed I would get ansy about things, start thinking weird thoughts randomly, and would just be plain paranoid at time. I also noticed that I wasnt as sharp as I used 2 me....I used 2 be able to talk to girls like it was my skill in life, suddenly I started freezing up talking 2 girls. What the fuck?? Another thing i noticed, is when id be smoking weed, it wasnt like it used 2 be. When I used to smoke weed, I would go on my day just as sharp as I was before, thinking great thoughts and bein all "giddy" if you will. Nowadays, when i smoke weed, I sometimes get voices in my head thinking all kinds of weird shit. Its kind of hard 2 describe, but ill tell you, i absolutly hate it. So anyway I go through 2009. With this year, im happy to say i slowed down. I still rolled, but it was at the most once a month (sometimes twice), and it would be around 4 pills. I still raved, but not as much.

The worst part, is my anxiety fucking started going nuts. I dont know what it is, but im paranoid as shit now sometimes. Smoking weed amplifys it so much as well. Ive lost alot of friends because they just feel like they dont know me anymore. I feel like I dont know myself anymore. I still roll, but im way beyond losing the magic. When I roll now, I get kind of a weird stupid feeling with a strange body high (yes even on pokeballs). Its defiantly not the same feeling I fell in love with.

Alot of people seem to have this feeling that mdma is not bad for you. My oh my, can I tell you how unbelievably wrong you fucking are. I feel so alone, depressed sometimes now, as I am not the same person I used to be. I feel like a freak now sometimes (hah). The point of this is to show you that I myself, am a victom of too much mdma. I am someone who thought mdma wasnt that bad, and it proved 2 me that it was.

My only hope is for people to somehow relate, somehow give me hope; all I know is I want myself back, and these demons to leave. They really, really are a pain in the ass.

The moral is, dont dance with the devil, because it aint fun in the long run.

-payce
 
There's anti depressants,

and there's healthy foods, exersize, and healthy living etc.

You've abused, and therefore MDMA is now a "bad drug".

If you didn't abuse, you wouldn't have made it to this point.

It wasn't MDMA that made you like this, it was your overuse,

You can overuse Weed, Alcohol, Shit, even loritabs or caffeiene to an extreme where ittl fuck up your anxiety and happiness.

If you didn't roll so much you'd be fine.

If I didn't abuse heroine so much, I'd be much better than I am today too.
 
VincentOnE said:
There's anti depressants,

and there's healthy foods, exersize, and healthy living etc.

You've abused, and therefore MDMA is now a "bad drug".

If you didn't abuse, you wouldn't have made it to this point.

It wasn't MDMA that made you like this, it was your overuse,

You can overuse Weed, Alcohol, Shit, even loritabs or caffeiene to an extreme where ittl fuck up your anxiety and happiness.

If you didn't roll so much you'd be fine.

If I didn't abuse heroine so much, I'd be much better than I am today too.
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In addition, drugs are drugs man, there's no drug that's "good for you" they CAN be good for you, as in, you take more of the experience and possible positive after effect than the negative physical and mental effect, and the drug would have a positive impact.

But you use too much, and fall into the rave party life, or addiction, the drug could have a bad effect.

Check my drugs are good video :o
http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=101720856
 
to the OP

i was in prety much exact same boat as you , it all hit me maybe 4-5 years after i started takin pills and speed and such , wich is how it started , prety much same story as u , i still smoke weed tho i dont kno why , i dont particularly like being stoned but i stil crave it in a way

only thing that helps me now is benzos , valium the most
 
I used to abuse MDMA quite hard, the 1st time I rolled it was 4 MDMA high pills, and taking 4-6+ a night was the norm. I did this for a little while, and even went ona raving holiday and dropped an average of 6 pills a night for a week straight, then 15 beans a week after I came back. Needless to say it had some pretty majoy effects on me.

Stop rolling all together, stop other drugs, eat healthily, take supplements if you like, hit the gym and surround yourself with friends. Weed on a comedown is one of the worst expeirences I have had, even though some people say it helps.

It takes time but you will recover. A lot of people will have been int he same boat as you.

Take a LONG break (until all of the problems cease), and then decide if you think dabbling with MDMA again is a good idea...

:)
 
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This is where maturity and responsibility comes into play. Its a very very easy drug to overuse. Its a drug that shouldn't be taken more than once a month. Even once every two months may be too much.

I started doing MDMA 8 months ago, and have only done it 7 times (sometimes I've waited 8 weeks, other times I've waited 2). I still think I may be doing it too much
 
Although, I had my first panic attack at 12 years old and have always suffered from anxiety. I'm not sure if MDMA made it worse for me, but it probably didn't help (well...it helped when I was rolling my nuts off...thats for sure, but the come down was a whole other story...lol). I didn't start rolling until I was in my late 20's, so I KNOW it certainly isn't the cause of my anxiety. I was rolling at least once a week for several months at one point.

Like other people said, over using any drug will have SOME effect on the brain. You might have a serotonin imbalance, but probably not from the ex. Consider an SSRI or SNRI if you are having day to day anxiety that is interfering with your life.

I, myself, have had to take one (SSRI/SNRI) for 15 years. I'm not condoning going right to an anti-depressant right away. Do what some of the other folks mentioned and start exercising, take supplements and maybe go into therapy. But when all else fails, consider medication.

Best of luck!
 
I don't really know what the big attraction is to X. I have only taken it once and I know what I took was MDMA and it was alright but I don't see why it would be so full of love, I feel like acid is is a much better alternative but I don't know. Someone expand why its so much of a miracle drug.
 
Yeah no one said MDMA is safe and causes no brain damage if you do it Once a week .

MDMA Is considered more safe when taken once a month .

Taking it once a week depletes serotonin massiveley and doesn't give enough time for the brain to recover fully , therefore causing damage .... Which is what u are now feeling .

You learnt ur Lesson



From now I would say take a LONG ass break from MDMA and then if you want to use it again after the break , only do it once a month maximum .
 
When I took X, I felt in TOTAL control and had NO anxiety. When I took acid, I didn't like the hallucinations (which were scary to me) and the anxiety that came along with it.

Don't get me wrong, at one time I LOVED acid. But after a while, for one reason or another, I started having bad trips and decided to stop.
 
bben said:
People that think you cant get burned from taking MDMA a few times are wrong. Ive only done it twice in large doses (300 mg +) and my brain is fried pyschologically. Its not so much the amount of times as it is the DOSE.

To the OP, unfortuneately it really doesnt get that much better for most. Im 2 1/2 years down the road and its the same.

Unless you have been fucked by MDMA you have no idea how bad it can be.


But hey at least your not the only one.

O BTW mdma depression is much worse than most as it actually kills the serotonin transporters. Only Meth does this also, and its alot less.
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Meth acts primarily on dopamine, not serotonin.
 
To the OP - thank you for sharing your experience.

I am just thankful that I didn't try this drug until I had researched and spoken to many people.

I had a great first experience, but I don't intend on doing this drug more than one time a year and I can thank people like you for helping me avoid the worst case scenario.
 
You would have to be completely and utterly clueless to consume 8 pills of MDMA on a weekly basis for a year straight. You're fucked up because you abused the drug carelessly. I don't know what you were thinking but you got what you deserve. Normal people will not have the same issues you describe because normal people use MDMA with caution. I use MDMA once every 2-3 months, I only take 1 strong pill a roll, and I have not experienced any of your ill-effects. I also find it difficult to believe that you didn't lose the magic completely after rolling every week for a year. In my opinion, massive down regulation should have occurred if you were truly abusing MDMA at that level.

Meth it toxic to both serotonin transporters as well as dopamine. It is more toxic to dopamine, but still very damaging to SERT transporters at the higher doses that addicts use.
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The difference is that SERT regenerates - rather quickly at that. Dopamine neurons do not. Former meth users will have normalized serotonin function after they stop using meth, but their dopaminergic function remains permanently damaged. MDMA does not damage dopamine producing neurons. Do not compare meth abuse to MDMA abuse. Meth is in a league of its own as far as neurotoxicity goes.
 
bben said:
People that think you cant get burned from taking MDMA a few times are wrong. Ive only done it twice in large doses (300 mg +) and my brain is fried pyschologically. Its not so much the amount of times as it is the DOSE.

To the OP, unfortuneately it really doesnt get that much better for most. Im 2 1/2 years down the road and its the same.

Unless you have been fucked by MDMA you have no idea how bad it can be.


But hey at least your not the only one.

O BTW mdma depression is much worse than most as it actually kills the serotonin transporters. Only Meth does this also, and its alot less.
Click to expand...

I've been watching your posts for the past several weeks, and there are some things you need to consider if you want to become a respected and trustworthy source of information on the ED forum.

1. I do not know you personally, so I will not contest that two doses of 300mg+ have not caused you psychological problems because statistically aspirin can kill a person. However, given the tone and message of your posts you may want to consider if there are other factors in your life that are contributors to being "psychologically fried".

2. Your opinion about the dose being of greater significance than the frequency is arguable. Conventional harm reduction emphasizes both moderate dosage and low frequency, but the vast majority of users report problems related with frequency, not dosage. A weekly or bi-weekly user is going to develop significant problems relatively quickly whereas an infrequent high dose user may have a harder initial comedown but may also sustain that usage for years without any noticeable or significant problems.

3. Contrary to what you post, it does get better for most. The common factor for getting better for all of us who had problems with MDMA was complete abstinence from the drug permanently or for a relatively long period of time. Other factors aiding in recovery are abstaining from other drugs, good nutrition, exercise and consulting with a mental health professional. With dedication and commitment, most people report a rapid recovery for the first 2 to 3 months and then a slower but sustained recovery for the next 6 months, year or longer.

4. "But hey at least your not the only one" is not an appropriate message on a harm reduction forum. It does, sadly, reflect the overall tone of your posts that once you touch MDMA you are damaged for life - a claim that cannot be supported scientifically or anecdotally from the majority of users.

5. MDMA depression does not kill serotonin transporters. It works the other way around. Oxidative stress from using MDMA can damage axons which along with receptor downregulation can be a factor in causing depression.

It seems to me that living in a space where you believe that you are permanently damaged because you used MDMA twice must be a difficult place to be. As long as you believe that, it is likely to remain a self-fulfilling prophecy as you continue to look for and find signs that are proof of your disability. There is health, hope and happiness and a good life out there for you. If you aren't already making steps toward better mental, psychological and emotional health, I urge you to consider starting on that journey as soon as possible.
 
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