I thought the up was great but the down ruined me
Hello
I didnt know how to make a new thread or forum or whatever they are called so i just found one and decided to write on it and see what you guys thought, this is quite epic so bare with me lol.
Right, it all started when a friend of mine brought over 1 gram of mephedrone, We were all set to go out clubbing after doing a few lines, I phoned up my work as i was supposed to be in at 6am the next morning saying i felt like shit and i wouldnt be in till 9am(Just to give me an extra few hours sleep), They bought it and i opened up my black dvd case of schindler's list, We poured the whole thing on and split some of it into lines, we carried on drinking, coming up quickly, chatting away and to be honest, ive tried alot of drugs but the up was incredible, i felt so bonded to talk about anything and be honest about stuff that was private lol. So we did 1, 2, 3, 4 lines all within half an hour feeling amazing, so i walked from the table to the sofa sat down after my 4th, then wam, all the colours went so strong, so strong everything turned yellow i sat up in a mad panic as i felt my heart racing, i started shouting my mates name, asking if this is how im supposed to be feeling, i heard the dim voice of another friend say "i think ben is having a panic attack", but i was so focused on how crazy i was feeling i wasnt really paying attention, all i could hear in my head was me telling myself, you have got to calm down.
I did this for about 2 minutes when it slowly went away, the rush of my life as it felt, Suddenly i felt amazing again, such a relieve i was alive, i culdnt describe it, i hugged everyone in the room telling them i had actually felt like i was close to death, amazed i was alive i felt like captain scarlett. The night was amazing i got in after going out at 4am, had 4 hours sleep and went off to do a 10 hour shift.
The same day i got home from work at 7.15pm, absoluntly shatterd, still wondering what had happend to me the night before, i ran straight upstairs to my laptop and researched to see if anything else had happend to anyone else on mephedrone.....Nothing, i couldnt find anything on the net about people having the same experience. So my girlfriend came home from work 10 minutes later and it was hallowean, shit i forgot we were supposed to be going out tonight, I just wanted to sleep as i felt like utter shit, but my gf went out the room, came back in her sexyest lingerie and said if we have sex right now will you come out tonight, so stupidly i did, and went out. I was so tired i drank and drank and drank, craving meph to wake me up and make me feel better, later that night my gf had spent all night chatting to some ther bloke, it was 2.30am i was tired all i wanted was to go home, but my girlfriend said i could go but she wanted to stay, i assumed it was to see this other bloke, so i shouted at her and stormed off home.
It was 3.15 am by the time i got to bed, tossing and turning as i was so angry with her, I heard her come in at 4 and get into bed, She put her arm around me but i moved away as i was still mad. The alarm then went off at 5am, for me to go and do another 6am till 4pm shift. I got up and got dressed storming around as i was pissed off i had had 2 hours sleep and it was all her fault so i thought, she bribed me to come out, I rolled a cigerette only to not be able to find a lighter, i emptyed my girlfriends bag all over the floor trying to find one as i had to leave in the next 5 minutes or i would miss the ferry to work, I thought fuck it il have one later, my girlfriend said i love you as i stormed down the stairs only ignoring her, getting on my push bike and cycling to the ferry as fast as i could. I got to the ferry in 5 minutes flat, only just catching it. I got on the ferry out of breathe and went and sat down. I thought to myself why am i so fucking angry, i joked and said to myself maybe im addicted to meph haha, then suddenly the same feeling i had before hit me, everything went abit yellow and a mass amount of panic hit me, i thought i was going to die constantly for about 30 mins, after i got off the ferry i didnt even cycle hardly to work, i was too afraid my heart might stop. I finally got to work 10 minutes late. I spent all day being afraid of having another yellow attack as i called them, and i did lots almost once an hour i would get a rush of panic i was going to die, they only went away if i calmed down or a customer came on.
I finally managed to get through the day and come home, only to wake up the next day with a racing heart but no yellow visions only panic. Slowly they have gone away, over the course of 10 weeks i still feel abit anxietyish, i sometimes get abit panicy for no reason and feel i am going to die, i have thought i have a brain tumor, cancer or im ging to have a heart attack alot over the last 10 weeks, Far less every week. For a week straight afterwards i didnt feel normal, i took some speed the following week, which actually made me feel better, the anxiety went away for weeks untill i woke up having another Rush of fear and panic(That was so scary).
But i have never had panic attacks before in my entire life, i was so outgoing i frowned upon them, this is my first time taking meph, Nor do i do drugs alot i smoke weed here and there, but that is the 1st time i have done anything harder in over a year. I used to do coke, speed, mdma, pills and cannabis atleast once or twice aweek for a year. I took a year out of all drugs and did meph and look what it did to me. Now i am scared of ever doing meph again or any other drug like mdma, methylone or anything. Im so annoyed as i love going out and having a couple of lines but now im too scared to incase something simular happens. I havent been to the doctors as i know i have worked myself up in my head to be scared I know its all in my head as when i am distracted i dont notice it, only when im sat still my heart hurts, my head feels funny ormy breathing feels empty. Everytime my friends offer me a bomb of meph i always pretend to have it. Im so scared to do it again, but realy miss doing any drugs as all my friends are doing them weekly.
Has anyone else had this problem or anything simular
Sorry this is so long, but going into detail has made me feel better already,
If you read all this and respond thankyou in advance and i will thankyou again later
Much love from ben aka Bean
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")