Musichead1489
Greenlighter
is anyone out there trying to be sober at this moment?
-
The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines Bereavement Mindfulness Suicide Support Anger Management -
TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android
Alcoholism Thread V. ti martwonies
- Thread starter panic in paradise
- Start date
- Status
RedLeader
Bluelight Crew
^ At this current moment? Yes, actually.
Believe it not, I went to a bar tonight for 3 hours and drank COFFEE! Granted I was with company who wanted coffee, and me drinking would have made it *awkward,* but 3 hours in a bar without drinking any alcohol felt terribly frustrating, but also quite good. I surely did not anticipate such a challenge, as I wasn't aware that a bar would be the chosen location, but I passed the test!
The only problem is that it's 3:00am right now and I am still flying from the coffee. I should have gotten something without caffeine, as it would have made it a heck of a lot easier coming home and going to bed sober. Now it's just one of those "awkward late night hours."
Believe it not, I went to a bar tonight for 3 hours and drank COFFEE! Granted I was with company who wanted coffee, and me drinking would have made it *awkward,* but 3 hours in a bar without drinking any alcohol felt terribly frustrating, but also quite good. I surely did not anticipate such a challenge, as I wasn't aware that a bar would be the chosen location, but I passed the test!
The only problem is that it's 3:00am right now and I am still flying from the coffee. I should have gotten something without caffeine, as it would have made it a heck of a lot easier coming home and going to bed sober. Now it's just one of those "awkward late night hours."
Musichead1489
Greenlighter
same situation, haha. lots of coffee, zero alcohol, zero sleep. I bet I'll feel good tomorrow though
First week has been trying, I've now been in 2 situations where I had a drink offered and I did take one the first time then just excused my self, Friday was work christmas drinks and I had 4 drinks, I could feel the itch in me after that but fortunately no one was sticking around and I had a big dinner that left me just feeling like bed. So in some ways this has been better but I still know it's going to be a struggle, the urge to continue drinking after the first couple is always over powering.
Bad night last night.
We had a few people over at a friend's place. We usually drink pretty heavy, but last night ended up getting out of control. We polish off a bottle of Jagr and a pack of Red Bull doing shots, as well as split a 5th of vodka. By the end of the night, we're both wasted, but my friend is out of control. He decides we should head to McDonald's for food. I'm drunk and complied (I know, retarded) and we head out. I don't realize how completely wasted he is until we're flying down the street, in the middle of the city, running stop signs with the tunes blared at 4am. At that point it clicks that we're at huge risk of either hitting something or getting a DUI.
I convince my friend to head back towards home, but he insists on hitting McD's. We somehow make it to the Drive Thru. Of course we both want hamburgers, but they're serving breakfast at that point. My friend is too incoherent to order, so the girl basically makes up an order and we agree. We get our food, head out and he turns down a side road. At that point, he says, "watch this" spins the wheel and crashes over the curb into someone's lawn. Luckily there's nobody around, so we pull back out and discover the front tire is blown. We hit some back roads, turn the car off and sober up a little. My friend decides the best thing to do is drive home on the flat or we're stranded. So we endure an excruciating ride (about 2 miles) back to his place, and manage to avoid cops the entire way.
He gets back home and immediately mixes another drink. I head home. I haven't heard from him all day and I'm a little worried.
So that's my story and I felt I had to share it. Spent Saturday sober.
We had a few people over at a friend's place. We usually drink pretty heavy, but last night ended up getting out of control. We polish off a bottle of Jagr and a pack of Red Bull doing shots, as well as split a 5th of vodka. By the end of the night, we're both wasted, but my friend is out of control. He decides we should head to McDonald's for food. I'm drunk and complied (I know, retarded) and we head out. I don't realize how completely wasted he is until we're flying down the street, in the middle of the city, running stop signs with the tunes blared at 4am. At that point it clicks that we're at huge risk of either hitting something or getting a DUI.
I convince my friend to head back towards home, but he insists on hitting McD's. We somehow make it to the Drive Thru. Of course we both want hamburgers, but they're serving breakfast at that point. My friend is too incoherent to order, so the girl basically makes up an order and we agree. We get our food, head out and he turns down a side road. At that point, he says, "watch this" spins the wheel and crashes over the curb into someone's lawn. Luckily there's nobody around, so we pull back out and discover the front tire is blown. We hit some back roads, turn the car off and sober up a little. My friend decides the best thing to do is drive home on the flat or we're stranded. So we endure an excruciating ride (about 2 miles) back to his place, and manage to avoid cops the entire way.
He gets back home and immediately mixes another drink. I head home. I haven't heard from him all day and I'm a little worried.
So that's my story and I felt I had to share it. Spent Saturday sober.
Spurs_1882
Bluelighter
^ Wow that's heavy, must have been nasty waking up from that.
I'm going to a wedding tomorrow, and I'm not going to drink. I really don't want to go as I am unwell and also I hate seeing people drink and have a great time when I'm not. Also I never know what to say when someone offers me a drink. I don't really feel like saying I'm an alchy, as it's too personal and besides that's not even how I would describe myself, but even more than that I hate people thinking I'm some boring teetotaller, stupid I know but it's a big hang up I've got. What do other people say in those situations?
I'm going to a wedding tomorrow, and I'm not going to drink. I really don't want to go as I am unwell and also I hate seeing people drink and have a great time when I'm not. Also I never know what to say when someone offers me a drink. I don't really feel like saying I'm an alchy, as it's too personal and besides that's not even how I would describe myself, but even more than that I hate people thinking I'm some boring teetotaller, stupid I know but it's a big hang up I've got. What do other people say in those situations?
Totally. Last night I only had two and decided to stay in because I wanted to lift today (which I did). Tonight I decided I'm not going to have any.
Will probably have a good amount of kava paste tonight though. I cannot recommend it enough.
blahman8000
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
- Messages
- 691
I've quit drinkin a few times this past year. First time was after a heavy, heavy beer and whiskey binge that lasted about six months. One day I just decided I couldn't handle drinking, was destroying my body and making an asshole out of myself every day (particularly the night before this decision was made - vomitted on my friend's couch - cleaned it myself that day). So I decided to quit and went to work, anxious as hell, to pick up my check. When I got there, my boss pulled me aside and asked me about these rumors he was hearing about my breathe smelling of alcohol all the time. I said, "... no," all shakey and nervous. He said, "OK," clearly not buying it for a second. I stopped drinking at work. Tried to stop altogether. Worst withdrawals I've ever had. No meds to help me through, just straight, cold turkey whiskey withdrawals. Couldn't sleep for three days, constant panic attacks, laying there waiting for DT's and seizures and death. Awful. But I made it through and eventually started drinking again.
I eventually lost my job for failing to show up, after a night of heavy drinking.
Quit and started again a few more times. Hit the whiskey hard once in a while. But lately I've stuck to beer. I've cut down a lot. I still drink nightly; about 6 beers a night, instead of an 18 rack a day (or a liter of Evan Williams). The gut's goin down a bit.
But, hell, I just like to drink. I don't like a lot of things lately, and I need all the things I like that I can get. I know, what a stupid fuckin thing to say.
I eventually lost my job for failing to show up, after a night of heavy drinking.
Quit and started again a few more times. Hit the whiskey hard once in a while. But lately I've stuck to beer. I've cut down a lot. I still drink nightly; about 6 beers a night, instead of an 18 rack a day (or a liter of Evan Williams). The gut's goin down a bit.
But, hell, I just like to drink. I don't like a lot of things lately, and I need all the things I like that I can get. I know, what a stupid fuckin thing to say.
batmanplaybaseball
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2009
- Messages
- 1,306
It seems like a lot of elder members on here have drinking problems. This being a substance use oriented website, it only makes seems to make sense to me now. Where i am going with this is that I got to thinking that alcohol is something like the opposite of a gateway drug. It is a funnel drug that you stick onto the end of years of addiction. It could also be a hospice where drug use goes to finally die.
I say all this as a long time substance user who has kicked a recent opiate addiction but who continues to struggle with the alcohol problem i picked up in the aftermath.
I say all this as a long time substance user who has kicked a recent opiate addiction but who continues to struggle with the alcohol problem i picked up in the aftermath.
Last edited:
^^^
I have been all around the block but booze is the only one that really grabs ahold of me. I simply cannot handle the stims that much anymore. But Booze and downers on the other hand... Downers I am able to keep under control, use them once in awhile (took me a long time to get to that point, trust) Beer I have been able to lately, but I'm still drinking more then I should. Its counterproductive to what I want to do, yet I still do it.
anyways its a constant struggle. I was thinking about it at work today. Even though I am currently doing better substance and health wise then I ever have been, I will most likely struggle for the rest of my life. Is it easier? Yes. Frankly I am still occasionally shocked that I am able to go without some sort of substance in my body now. But I cannot let my guard down and will never be able to. Both sides of my family are full of addicts of some sort (most are high functioning), it kinda seems like destiny sadly.
I have been all around the block but booze is the only one that really grabs ahold of me. I simply cannot handle the stims that much anymore. But Booze and downers on the other hand... Downers I am able to keep under control, use them once in awhile (took me a long time to get to that point, trust) Beer I have been able to lately, but I'm still drinking more then I should. Its counterproductive to what I want to do, yet I still do it.
anyways its a constant struggle. I was thinking about it at work today. Even though I am currently doing better substance and health wise then I ever have been, I will most likely struggle for the rest of my life. Is it easier? Yes. Frankly I am still occasionally shocked that I am able to go without some sort of substance in my body now. But I cannot let my guard down and will never be able to. Both sides of my family are full of addicts of some sort (most are high functioning), it kinda seems like destiny sadly.
Last edited:
Euphoratopia
Greenlighter
Made it through another weekend.
haha, i'd like an answer to this as well. i went to a wedding in september and i just told people i was driving. people don't seem to like this excuse though. i actually accepted a beer and then poured it out in the bathroom because that was easier for me.
Spurs_1882
Bluelighter
That's right, no excuse is really acceptable, because as long as you're well enough to be there, you can drink if you really want to. Got a cold? Have a whisky. Driving? Get a cab home. Working early tomorrow? Miss it or go hungover. etc. It depresses me that a few years ago it would be me trying to get other people to drink with this kind of logic (none of them were alchies/people with a drinking problem though, so it's not like I was causing them significant harm, but still).
The thing is that I would always take every step to make sure I could drink. That's who I am/what I like to do, so it just doesn't feel right to make some lame excuse which would portray me as someone who doesn't really like drinking, which is very far from the truth. What I am trying to say is that alcohol is such an integral part of my identity that I cannot stand to be around it unless I am imbibing myself. I see no way around this problem.
In the end, there was no alcohol at the wedding anyway because it was a Hindu wedding! I had no idea that Hindus don't drink. Some of my friends had some drinks beforehand but I wasn't with them so no problem, and in the end I had a really good time.
Dr. Funkenstien
Bluelighter
today is another day that i get to stop drinking...again.
Spurs_1882
Bluelighter
Yeah it was a laugh, nice curries and attractive Indian females in their saris! The ceremony was a bit long though. Last time I went to a Christian wedding I got wasted, ended up blacking out by 9pm...it's a mixed memory really.
I have a huge exam in 2 days and I can't even concentrate because the cravings are so fucking intense. I can't take too much valium or I won't be able to study.
I can only wait for the waves to pass, and try to study between them.
I can only wait for the waves to pass, and try to study between them.
Dr. Funkenstien
Bluelighter
blahman8000
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2009
- Messages
- 691
Yeah, the waves are a real fuckin thing. I can relate to that. Waking up in the middle of the night with these ... WAVES of anxiety and/or cravings washing over me. Then again, currently I'm not clean, so who am I to bitch?
Good luck.
Good luck.
batmanplaybaseball
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Dec 13, 2009
- Messages
- 1,306
No drug takes as much from you as alcohol, when abused. Other drugs may have more cumulative negatives which hit you all at once and so they might seem more intense, but nothing compares with the daily grind of a hard drinker is hard to top. I feel like even when I was using heroin I would find some way to be productive at least from time to time. Alcohol just makes me flat out incapable of living. It is a soul suck that makes you into a vulgar shell of your senses, and that is exactly why people want it, to shut down all the pesky inhibitions that if just managed properly make us who we are.
But then again, most of this could just be symptoms of addiction which could easily happen with any drug. It is sometimes hard to set out where the drug ends and simply addicted begins.
It is hard to define myself as an alcoholic. I feel like admitting that would be to give too much status to a drug that I have always kept restrained by constantly discrediting it. My alcohol use has been following a certain pattern for some time. I drink until it almost kills me (which by this point I have decided is either impossible or has happened many times already in a scenario where death is merely a waking up into a similar reality in which you did not die) and then I wake up feeling like someone has been swatting me around a golf course for the past twelve hours. This usually leads to a full denouncement of booze for one to two evenings. After that my body has recovered and it starts thinking that a drink sounds real nice, you know, just one of course. I have been getting better. Sometimes I really can cut it off at one or two drinks, but the risk involved is frightening. There is always a good chance that that one or two drinks will slip down the self-catalyzing slope, and the cost, the many costs of that are just about unbearable.
As far as full blown alcoholism though, i never have understood it. I just don't see how someone can keep drinking morning and night, day after day. The physical strain would be olympic. It's more respect than anything I feel for these people, not because I glorify drinking, far from it, but just because I have never been able to get behind the mndset of somene willing to really let go like that.
And those are my disjointed morning musings on the real straight dope.
But then again, most of this could just be symptoms of addiction which could easily happen with any drug. It is sometimes hard to set out where the drug ends and simply addicted begins.
It is hard to define myself as an alcoholic. I feel like admitting that would be to give too much status to a drug that I have always kept restrained by constantly discrediting it. My alcohol use has been following a certain pattern for some time. I drink until it almost kills me (which by this point I have decided is either impossible or has happened many times already in a scenario where death is merely a waking up into a similar reality in which you did not die) and then I wake up feeling like someone has been swatting me around a golf course for the past twelve hours. This usually leads to a full denouncement of booze for one to two evenings. After that my body has recovered and it starts thinking that a drink sounds real nice, you know, just one of course. I have been getting better. Sometimes I really can cut it off at one or two drinks, but the risk involved is frightening. There is always a good chance that that one or two drinks will slip down the self-catalyzing slope, and the cost, the many costs of that are just about unbearable.
As far as full blown alcoholism though, i never have understood it. I just don't see how someone can keep drinking morning and night, day after day. The physical strain would be olympic. It's more respect than anything I feel for these people, not because I glorify drinking, far from it, but just because I have never been able to get behind the mndset of somene willing to really let go like that.
And those are my disjointed morning musings on the real straight dope.
- Status