I have no friends, no boyfriend and no prospect of finding either...

[An Iz]

Just wishing you the best, Mia. If you make it through this all you'll be a strong woman!

Also, I think the money saving idea sounds good. Money will *always* be your friend, and it can help you through tough times you may see in the future if you move on to a different profession.

 

[OpiodSlave]

Welcome too my life.

I'm so insanley lonley...I can't even go into my situation; besides this post is too try and get some helping advice.

My helping advice, if you have problems meeting people is too go too somewhere social like clubs (obviously not the one you work at), and maybe try too retie some of those old bonds. I have 3 real friends, and I'm pretty content with that because there the only ones who truly care for me. But go somewhere social, hell even a bar and try approaching someone in a moderate conversation at first; people love humor too. Try and work in something funny, and causla, if you get a good response take it from there. Thatll hopefully solve your boyfriend problem. Speaking of which, what's with this "man" at work? Is he someone youd consider romanitcally or just a friend? Because he does seem too care for you.

 

[badandwicked]

When I'm faced with a difficult or seemingly unsurmountable task I tend to just look at it. And think about it. For days. And days. And then it slowly dawns on me that what ever it is, it's not going to do itself. I have to do it. I have to get off my lazy ass and do it.
I think thats the approach your situation needs. You say you have no prospect of finding friends or a boyfriend, but thats where the effort comes in, you have to create the prospects. You sound like you have a lot going for you and you should capitalise on this. There have been some good suggestions of how to do this in this thread. Now if you were deaf, dumb, blind and buried in a 10 ft hole, I'd agree - you have no prospects.

 

[Thick_as_a_Planck]

There seem to be two separate - though obviously connected - problems here. One is your social life, the other is your mood, which you described as 'disconnected'

I get a sense here that when you say disconnected it is more than just a description of your social situation, but rather a deeper sense of how you are feeling generally. Obviously, if you are actually disconnected then you will feel that way, but it seems stronger than that in your post.

What I'm getting at is that your sleeping hours might be screwing your head up a little. I've also worked a night job (sadly I'm not good looking enough for it to have been stripping, but hey) and I remember the sense of disconnection and disembodiment it brought with it. It's not only the lack of friends, although obviously this is the biggest problem. It's the lack of everything normal: daytime TV, mealtimes, open shops, sunlight.

At the end of the day you're a human with millions of years of healthy diurnal evolution behind you. You can tell your body not to sleep at night, but remember that your body (and brain) won't be happy about it.

On the other hand, you're making so much money that you could surely quit and live work free for a few months. Should be enough time to find a day-job.

 

[bpayne]

shit, I'll be your friend, what part of the country you from? hit me up sometime

http://www.myspace.com/eatadic

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/payneistheillest?ref=profile

 

[crazyhairman]

well hay im lonley and shy but im also broke as a joke and not a atractive female lol well im a dude but if i were a chick im pretty shure id not be very hot o and im not very smart,AND im soo lazy im trying to be funny hahahaha come to texas -austin ppl are so cool and nice

 

[crazyhairman]

all yall are relly nice ppl on here everone helping her feel better its reel nice , id like to meet all yall seem like chill helping ppl to bad were all spead out, my hometown i full of mean crazy selfish ppl im totally out of place here thats y i said go to austin place is chill as bill - wuttt

 

[Clinthumpdz]

hang in there girl there is hope for anyone who wants it bad enough and this is coming from a now recovering, clean 10 year heroin/opiate addict...the life you can have on the other side of addiction is beautiful...my addiction caused me to push away everyone who cared for me, lie and steal ..well everything that comes with heroin and a needle. Anyways, it is possible, u just have to want it bad enough. Start completly over w/ ur lifestyle. New friends, new job, hell a new state if you have to..... Show me your friends and I'll show you your future..just some food for thought.. I hope this didn't seem to preachy. but people are quick to judge instead of help and I know where you r right now cuz I have been there.. I hope the best for you so hang in there and remember just take it day by day.. Rome wasn't built over night..GOOD LUCK!!!

 

[Clinthumpdz]

Texas is me casa!

all yall are relly nice ppl on here everone helping her feel better its reel nice , id like to meet all yall seem like chill helping ppl to bad were all spead out, my hometown i full of mean crazy selfish ppl im totally out of place here thats y i said go to austin place is chill as bill - wuttt

Austin is the shit!

 

[j-bird]

Definitely second the travelling idea. Change of scenery, change of lifestyle, perhaps even change of season, even for a few weeks. You meet people who are really enjoying themselves, and you can be as involved as little or as much as you want.

I hear Sydney's lovely this time of year..

New Zealand is awesome and the isolation means that it's pretty hard to score anything if you're looking to take a break from that too. They still have the internet though..

If you're ever bored, hit up any one of the many Aussies on BL here, because your "weird" hours are usually pretty normal hours for us!

 

[QuasiStoned]

No offense, but at a time when you're struggling with drugs and seems self-confidence issues at least with your occupation, do you think you'd be ready for a relationship? I don't mean that in a negative way, just that the ups and downs of a relationship can be a lot to handle. In retrospect, I don't think I was ready for a relationship a good portion of the one I'm just getting out of, and I think me not being sober was a big part of that.




If I was dating someone, I wouldn't want another guy seeing my girl in a thong and I certainly don't want them to see her topless. I very much don't want them to see her pussy or to rub/lick/suck her tits or have her grind on him or do anything else that might happen at a strip club.

Therefore, I feel as if only certain personality types would be the type to date someone who is currently stripping.

I don't know what Mia is like in person and I don't know what type of men she likes, so this all based on assumptions and generalities.

I agree with Carl on pretty much all of these points. Sounds like you might have some issues to work out before you would want to be in a relationship. I have been struggling with addiction to poppy tea for over a year now and am also single and lonely. I recognize the fact that it wouldn't be fair to date someone while I have this drug problem because I wouldn't be able to put 100% into it. I just feel that I can't invest into a deep relationship when I have the instability of addiction in my life.

I also would be pretty jealous of any prospective girlfriends stripping in front of people. I mean yeah it's a job but like Carl said probably only certain people and/or personality types could be able to date someone who is stripping.

 

[An Iz]

Thinking about it, when you say "I have no prospect of finding either", You're making up a pessimistic fantasy. You could always find one in the grocery store or when you're going to buy a home furnishing knickknack.

I'm the last person to tell others to "stay positive" or "be optomistic" BUT you can at least try to be neutral or accurate, especially if you're leaning to the negative side of things

 

[rangrz]

You only make things impossible. If you believe you can do it, there is a chance you can and will. But if admit defeat before even trying, then you won't. You seem like a bright and personable woman, I see no reason you can't find what you desire. Just believe in yourself, and make an attempt of some sort everyday, no matter how small, and you will succeed faster then you think.

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

No offense, but at a time when you're struggling with drugs and seems self-confidence issues at least with your occupation, do you think you'd be ready for a relationship? I don't mean that in a negative way, just that the ups and downs of a relationship can be a lot to handle. In retrospect, I don't think I was ready for a relationship a good portion of the one I'm just getting out of, and I think me not being sober was a big part of that.




If I was dating someone, I wouldn't want another guy seeing my girl in a thong and I certainly don't want them to see her topless. I very much don't want them to see her pussy or to rub/lick/suck her tits or have her grind on him or do anything else that might happen at a strip club.

Therefore, I feel as if only certain personality types would be the type to date someone who is currently stripping.

I don't know what Mia is like in person and I don't know what type of men she likes, so this all based on assumptions and generalities.

Honestly, my job is just so unsexual and unemmotional to me its hard for me to understand why a boyfriend would have a problem with my job… I mean, when I give lap dances I’m thinking about what I need to pick up at CVS or making a list of the phone calls I need to make, when I’m onstage I’m just looking around to see who’s watching me so I can hustle them afterwards. So unless my boyfriend had a legitimate reason for me not stripping that was more than “I don’t want other guys to see you naked it makes me jealous’ or they want to hand me $12,000 a month to sit around and not strip, I wouldn’t quit my job for anyone. If that makes me undesirable, so be it.

I think I have gone through enough shit to be able to handle a relationship at this point in my life, honestly. I think I will always have emotional life problems for as long as I live, my life is stable enough that I think I could handle a relationship.

Mia-

I'm sorry your in a rough spot in your life. I've been in your EXACT situation before...I too was a stripper for many years and although the money was good it did alienate me from not only my friends and family but eventually my boyfriend at the time.

My ex boyfriend and I were friends long before we ever dated and he knew that I was a stripper. In fact, when we first started sleeping together it didn't bother him...he actually was turned on by it. I would give him dances and stuff before we would get it on. He used to come see me at work all the time, and it was really fun to dance for my man...looking at me from the side of the stage like I was the most beautiful goddess he's ever seen in his life.

But when things started getting serious between us, started "dating", and he fell in love with me was when EVERYTHING changed. He began to resent my job as a dancer...became insanely jealous to the point that when he would come to pick me up, he would come into the club and LITERALLY GLARE AT ME if I was in the middle of giving a lap dance. If I had a really good night and made good money he would question "how I made it", insinuating that I MUST have done "extras" to make that much money. I guess it didn't help that the place I worked at was a real dive and was known to be a "jack shack" and almost all the girls there did extras except for me and a few other girls. It really started effecting my money and my additude at work. After almost a year together, he gave me an ultimatum...him or stripping. I chose him...and I resented him for it for the rest of our relationship.

As far as trying to make friends with strippers, I wouldn't recommend this no matter how lonley you are. This is because 90% of them are liars, cheats, theives, whores, fucked up in so many ways that I could go on and on about. Strippers are a bunch of women that are put in an establishment to backstab and shit all over each other so that THEY can make the most money. That's just a fact. I'm not saying this is bad but its the truth. Dancers are there for one reason and one reason only...to make money. And at the end of the day, they don't care who they fuck over to get it. They WILL talk shit behind your back no matter how nice they are to your face but, you MUST take it all in stride...because they too will effect how much money you will make. Once a girl or a few of them "have it out" for you, they will run you out of the club. I've seen this happen so many times to other girls. I learned to show up, keep my mouth shut, don't get involved in the other girls drama, never talk shit about any girls even if you don't like them, and don't share any personal information with any of them because they will turn around and use it against you.

I will say that I learned so much in the years I was a stripper. Those were some of the best and worst years of my life. I don't regret it, because it definately made me a stronger woman. It also made me understand men and women a lot better.

Anyways...sorry for babbling. Just the topic of stripping brought back many memories for me. lol

One mistake that I did make when I was dancing is NOT SAVING MY MONEY!!! BANK ALL YOUR MONEY GIRL!!! Don't blow it on dumb shit like alcohol and drugs like I did. It's ok to have fun, but try to put away as most money as possible. Invest your money.

You can use your job as a way to meet people and network for things you want to do in the future after your stripping days are over!

I hope things start getting better for you girl! I really like you Mia! If I lived where you were I would TOTALLY be friends with you and would kick it!

That’s bizarre that your boyfriend would come watch you work… I would so not be down with that. Besides being weird that shit would fuck with your money… I mean who is going to want to buy lap dances from a stripper who’s boyfriend is sitting there glaring at him? (I take that back its probably some guys fantasy…)

I was friends with girls when I first started but not as much anymore. I have “friends” at work but not people I would consider myself close to or actually trust. Right now I’m either disliked at work (literally all I got was glares and girls suddenly going silent all last night) or the person everyone is trying to become best friends with if my customer comes in. Most strippers just suck and are manipulative bitches, and don’t like me.

And yes… saving money is important. And really hard to do.

Mrs Mia Wallace, it can be extremely hard working the "means to an end" style of job. I've been there most of my life, attempting to work in jobs that i really didn't like to try and save some money to provide a better life, travel and freedom for myself. But i think the biggest problem i had was i had no goal in mind - no specific plan on what i was going to do, or how much i had to save to do it etc. It was always very vague. This meant i always ended up giving up and my jobs usually ended in a cavalcade of binges and unpleasantness...If i may ask, what are you studying?

If you are truly excited by the prospect of getting into the industry that relates to what you are studying, maybe try and work out some kind of timeline plan that dictates exactly what you want to do. This seriously helps with the emptiness (maybe not in the social sense, but in the "direction in life" sense) - it'll fill up a bit of time and buy a whiteboard or something and write your plan on it. I hated organisation (still do) and was fucking hopeless (still am, but a lot less so) with planning my everyday life until i started writing everything down and it's amazing how much of a difference such a simple action can make.

If you're making $3000 a week you are obviously good at your job - don't listen to useless fuckwits like "ProdigyCan" because their judgemental bullshit will only bring you down. It's idiots like that that create so many of the problems in the world we live in. Being paid to dance for a stranger is no different than being paid to provide any kind of service to a stranger i.e. retail, corporate..Whatever you do there's always going to be incidences when you have to pretend you like someone that you don't, you're always going to put forth somewhat of a fake persona, because it's work and you're working for someone else to try and make money. Therefore you have to (to a degree) pander to them - that's just the way it is and don't let ANYONE tell you they have the moral upper-hand over you because you dance for a living and they work in a drab office. People that would judge you for this are, frankly, people you probably don't want as a permanent fixture in your life.

As far as making new friends at the moment goes - I know how it feels to be lonely, i'm a bipolar former meth addict that had to hide my addiction from most of my friends for a long, long time. And when my switch flips, i simply can't bear to be around people. Unfortunately, shortly afterwards, when it flips the other way i lament not being more social and spend a lot of nights sitting home by myself- BUT i am lucky to have a really good friendship group around me that i have met mainly through my passion in life (which is music)...so, all i can suggest is to maybe try and mix with some people that are into whatever it is that you love. There has to be something. Although meeting randoms by going out to a club sometimes results in good friends it usually just results in you getting really fucked up with some randoms and realising you have nothing in common with them by the time sobriety hits.

But, the alternative - maybe (until school starts) now is the time for you to be alone and try to figure out what you really want out of life? Solitude can be a pretty valuable thing. I was a very social creature up until i had a breakdown recently and have found my alone time to be really, really valuable in figuring out what i want out of life. Don't look upon being antisocial as a negative thing - it's just the way you are, and when you start something like school again the social connections will naturally happen. I would highly recommend thinking at length about study cos you seem like a sharp, intelligent person with plenty to give. You have to keep that brain stimulated.

If you can think of anyone to talk to that won't judge you for your work you should maybe talk to them. Even if you don't have that much in common it would be healthy to converse with someone honestly about your work, so you don't feel quite so pent up inside. I say again, fuck anyone that dares to judge you. Noone has the right to say what they do is any more morally upright than you. Don't feel bad about hiding it though, we all have our demons (not that your work should be viewed as a "demon")....

I hope you feel better and my rambling wasn't too long.

Thanks for this, it made me feel a lot better.

I agree with you, I think the lack of direction in my life is partly what’s making me so unhappy. I’ve always been pretty productive and going towards some kind of goal in my life… or too high on drugs to really feel anything…

I’m hoping that when I go back to school that will be solved somewhat… and I will have more of an opportunity to meet people again and be social, if now is just the time for me to be alone. I just wish it wasn’t during the holidays, they are going to fucking suck.

Welcome too my life.

I'm so insanley lonley...I can't even go into my situation; besides this post is too try and get some helping advice.

My helping advice, if you have problems meeting people is too go too somewhere social like clubs (obviously not the one you work at), and maybe try too retie some of those old bonds. I have 3 real friends, and I'm pretty content with that because there the only ones who truly care for me. But go somewhere social, hell even a bar and try approaching someone in a moderate conversation at first; people love humor too. Try and work in something funny, and causla, if you get a good response take it from there. Thatll hopefully solve your boyfriend problem. Speaking of which, what's with this "man" at work? Is he someone youd consider romanitcally or just a friend? Because he does seem too care for you.

I’m sorry you’re unhappy too.

I don’t know, I deal with so many drunk men at work the idea of going to bar and having to deal with them for free doesn’t appeal to me… haha.

This man is waaaay older than me… like more than thirty years older than me. He’s really sweet and kind, really intelligent and not sleazy or gross or anything, And he honestly makes me feel really good about myself—he appreciates all the things about me I’ve always felt were my strong points that no guy has ever seen. I basically see him once a week for around two hours at the club and we talk and I’ll dance for him part of the time. He’s gotten to know me really well, knows I’m not speaking to my family, knows about my problems with drugs, my problems with my eating disorder, everything. He’s the only person I really trust and believe cares about me and the only person who supports me… and he gives me insane amounts of money and will literally pay $20 a minute just to sit there and listen to me complain or be upset. I mean obviously it’s a strip club so I’m doing some shit for him, but he really just seems to love being around me and talking to me… he has really changed my opinion of myself.

He’s been coming to my club for a long time and everyone knows how much he spends, so I’m not very popular because of it because if I’m there he won’t dance with anybody else, and before I guess he was dancing with 3 or 4 girls everytime but now its just me. But I really don’t give a shit

I really care about him as a person and not even as a customer—I would still spend time with him even if he paid me nothing—but he’s in a happy open marriage and with the age difference between us I know that I could never have anything serious with him. I’m honestly just really happy to have him in my life and so thankful that I’ve met him.

 

[bpayne]

It's natural for us to have these feelings at one time or another in our lives, be glad you have your mental capacity, your beauty, and your health, Things could always get a lot worse

 

[Sentience]

I don’t know, I deal with so many drunk men at work the idea of going to bar and having to deal with them for free doesn’t appeal to me… haha.

I hate to say this for fear of making you feel worse, but this is a sure sign that you are becoming jaded. Its one thing to not like the bar scene, but my impression is that you are accumulating baggage that you are carrying with you outside of work....and I have nothing against your work and dont think this automatically happens to everyone, but when you start projecting your work onto other men or start feeling like you should take advantage of other men outside of work or feel like you are getting ripped off if you give a guy who honestly likes you your time without material compensation, then you need to take a serious step back and reflect on where that is coming from. Its not a healthy perspective and it can get worse over time if you allow it to. You should be able to appreciate those around you for who they are and be able to experience love in the present moment without the emotional baggage.

Im not saying you are doing all of the above, but that is potentially what can happen over time to some people but not everyone.

I mean this as respectfully as I possibly can. I believe you are strong enough to work through this but you need to become aware of these patterns before they stick.

 

[Sweet P]

New Zealand is awesome and the isolation means that it's pretty hard to score anything if you're looking to take a break from that too. They still have the internet though..

What? New Zealand is rampant with drugs! It could take me just 10 minutes to score a gram of pure crystal meth.

 

[tathra]

mia - i find it impossible to make friends in person, because i never really connect with any of the people that i meet. my shyness and social anxiety certainly dont help either.


i know what i'd like to say to you that might help, but i'm having trouble putting it as eloquently as i'd like, so i'll have to give it a shot later.

but the gist of it is that bluelight is a wonderful resource for making friends and meeting people. i'll do my best to expand on this once i can think clearly.

 

[Colmes]

I don't know if this is SLR or DS but I think more DS...

For anyone who hasn't read my posts I started stripping about five and a half months ago after I was laid off from my job and kicked out of my parents house (after they caught me using for the millionth time).

I really like my job and I am making insanely good money at the moment (averaging about $3,000 a week). I don't envision myself doing it forever obviously but until I finish school and decide what I want to do, or find a coaching position at the same level I was at before I'm happy doing what I'm doing.

I have no moral qualms with what I do but I don't want to subject myself to being judged by the rest of the world and being labeled a whore or a prostitute or assumed to be some manipulative hopeless junkie, or to have to deal with guys assuming "well she's a stripper, she'll sleep with anybody." So I feel like I am constantly hiding who I am from the world during the day, which if I was working some boring job that didn't affect me very much I would't really care about....but this job is such a huge part of my life and so emmotionally tolling (good and bad) by lying and telling someone I'm a waitress or a hotel clerk I feel like I'm leaving out a huge part of my life and who I am.

The fact that I have such bizare hours (I work from 8pm-4am on the weekends and until 2 am on the weekdays, I sleep from 5 or 7 am to 3 pm) and on all the nights people go out has made me completely dissconnected from my old friends (and the fact that I know some of them won't approve of me stripping) and the ones I had have basically forgotten about me and I feel like they're in another world. My family won't speak to me and I honestly have no desire to work on building a relationship with any of them. And with my mother on a rampage to make sure everyone thinks I'm a completely hopeless whoring drug addict it's pretty impossible anyway....

I haven't made any new friends because the only people I meet are dancers (and every one I've become close to has either been way too fucked up on drugs for me to handle, a total mess, or insanely manipulative and backstabbing) customers (who always seem to have somethig wrong with them, are assholes or just expect sex) and other staff members (who are just as bad if not worse than the customers).

I am honestly the loneliest I have ever been in my life. I have one customer-- who is basically the only person I would consider a friend and someone I get support from, I love this man-- who comes in once a week and I make between 2,000 and 2,500 from... I could easily live off just his visits but I go in to work five nights a week because I have nothing else to do and would rather be at the club than sitting alone in my apartment thinking about how miserable I am. I don't want to give up my job but my life feels so EMPTY all the time I feel like I'm really at the end of my rope. I can't go back to school until next semester and so I feel like I'm not stimulated in any way or that my life has direction at this moment, and I have no meaningfull relationships in my life besides the one with this customer (who is married and totally unavailable). I'm good friends with everyone that I work with but it seems like they all live the same way that I do and it just doesn't bother them.

This is a fucking long post but I really don't know what to do, this week has been the worst and I am getting more and more depressed and lonely every week, I can't take this shit anymore.

Keep ya head up.

 

[Colmes]

mia - i find it impossible to make friends in person, because i never really connect with any of the people that i meet. my shyness and social anxiety certainly dont help either.


i know what i'd like to say to you that might help, but i'm having trouble putting it as eloquently as i'd like, so i'll have to give it a shot later.

but the gist of it is that bluelight is a wonderful resource for making friends and meeting people. i'll do my best to expand on this once i can think clearly.

On the Record.

I hate social anxiety.