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Alcoholism Thread V. ti martwonies

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yorkjamie said:
Am i an alcoholic?
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Firstly, welcome to Bluelight and TDS, Jamie <3

Secondly, sorry to hear about the rough year you've had. I hope the next 12 months are much better <3

Lastly, about the drinking. Do you feel like your drinking habits are a problem for you? Do you feel that alcohol is causing other areas of your life to suffer, e.g. money, relationships, work, study etc.? Have you tried to cut down or quit, and what was the result of that?

As phactor said, the term "alcoholic" is very subjective, and if you feel that it's a problem for you, if you feel that you are an alcoholic, then you probably are.

It's always better to drink less, so if you can cut down or quit entirely that is always the best goal to aim for. Most problem/heavy drinkers are using alcohol to avoid or mask their problems, which of course just delays the inevitability of having to deal with those problems. Have a think about why you drink, maybe think about seeing a therapist/counsellor to talk through these issues, and get some more effective ways to cope.

Good luck, let us know how you're doing <3
 
Thats some very good avice. I'm in the process of destroying everything in my life. Since his death i'm sleeping around, hurting people, messing up my job.. Maybe i am trying to make myself suffer as much as he did. I watched him die, it was terrible.
 
That is so awful jamie, so sorry you had to go through that.
But like RedLeader said, if anything you should be sobering up for your Dad. Do it for him mate, he wouldn't want you to be damaging yourself like this <3
 
Thing is though, hes dead so there isn't anything i can do for him.

The drinking is definitely starting to feel like a problem - i genuinely dont feel like i can go a night without getting drunk. Saying that, i don't want to stop. I feel i have reached a point of no return now. An overwhelming part of me wants to just keep goingwhatever of the consequence
 
RedLeader said:
Ya, it's what I like to call the "evolution of the hangover." It occurs, as Spurs said, as you becoming physically dependent. You go from just the standard waking up feeling like shit, with the thought of alcohol grossing you out, to waking up still feeling like shit, but the primary concerns being that you feel anxiety/terror and actually want a drink to calm it down. As time progresses, the physical side of a hangover almost begins to feel normal (and isn't often that bad, as the alcohol is less and less a shock to your system), but the anxiety and cravings get worse. And it's truly terrible, makes you wish that you could just wake up, puke, pop a few Tylenol and be on with your day. But no....

I think most alcoholics remember when this transition occurred, and almost gain an intuition about what their hangovers will be like and such. This is when you know it's a problem. You're both killing your body and your mind slowly.

I am glad that you are slowing down and not letting this full-on hit you. I hope you can continue in your progress!
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Holy shit you described it perfectly how it happens 8o . I always used to tell people you arent a alcoholic if you drink to get fucked up your a alcoholic when you drink to feel normal and this is more or less the same thing. That feeling of terror you get when you havent had a drink instead of that sick feeling like you never wanna see alcohol again you get with a normal hangover.

I thought it was a good thing when i stopped getting sick from hangovers. Boy was i ever wrong on that one :( .
 
yorkjamie said:
Thing is though, hes dead so there isn't anything i can do for him.

The drinking is definitely starting to feel like a problem - i genuinely dont feel like i can go a night without getting drunk. Saying that, i don't want to stop. I feel i have reached a point of no return now. An overwhelming part of me wants to just keep goingwhatever of the consequence
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I know what you mean man, but there actually isn't a "point of no return". You can ALWAYS return to sobriety and good health. Doesn't matter how far you've gone down the spiral, you can always get back. I know it feels like you can't but you can.

Having said that though, as you are obviously aware, you have to WANT to change, before anything can happen. I hope for your health and wellbeing, you come to that stage sometime soon <3
 
Maybe "point of no return" was a bit dramatic - i think im at the point the post above yours refers to - not waking up and feeling like never drinking again, instead thinking about when i can start drinking again.
 
RedLeader said:
Ya, it's what I like to call the "evolution of the hangover." It occurs, as Spurs said, as you becoming physically dependent. You go from just the standard waking up feeling like shit, with the thought of alcohol grossing you out, to waking up still feeling like shit, but the primary concerns being that you feel anxiety/terror and actually want a drink to calm it down. As time progresses, the physical side of a hangover almost begins to feel normal (and isn't often that bad, as the alcohol is less and less a shock to your system), but the anxiety and cravings get worse. And it's truly terrible, makes you wish that you could just wake up, puke, pop a few Tylenol and be on with your day. But no....

I think most alcoholics remember when this transition occurred, and almost gain an intuition about what their hangovers will be like and such. This is when you know it's a problem. You're both killing your body and your mind slowly.

I am glad that you are slowing down and not letting this full-on hit you. I hope you can continue in your progress!
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Quoted for truth Redleader. The sad thing is, it is very easy for the hangover to evolve in this way, but it takes a very long stretch of sobriety for hangovers to get any better, that is if they ever do. It's almost a one-way path. So yeah, if anyone's starting to get anxious when hungover then that's the time to seriously start cutting down otherwise it's almost guaranteed that it will lead to big problems.
 
phactor said:
The HAMS-recommended taper is a bit hard to understand IMO. I read it more intended for those who drink all day, basically cutting it down to a beer an hour, then a half. It kinda makes it sound like it should be no more then 48 hours.
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I interpreted it the same way initially. The mindset that reading their philosophies placed me into enabled me to develop my own taper. I wasn't drinking a beer an hour even at my worst. I would be tanked beyond recognition if I ever did that. I stopped drinking spirits with 1 relapse, processed the relapse OK, the relapse was with vodka so I got some PAWS-type symptoms, mostly mood-related, but my body feels like lead. The nausea is gone, though, and my moods are very calm and normal now. If I feel good when I wake up tomorrow, I'll consider it an initial victory. :)

I am hopeful that abstinence will be its own "trip" - life is not perfect, but for now is going better than I expected. I'm concentrating very hard on self-improvement and self-examination, which requires me to abstain from alcohol in order to get the best observations.
 
I'm feeling really good today, only had 2 light beers last night. Will have one tonight (gotta figure that out, most likely will have to be one of those "airplane" bottles of some type of liquor.. yuck). Sorta wish that I didn't have to work tomorrow so I could just get it started but whatever. I've been taking supplements for two weeks in preparation for this. I will have the house to myself on Friday (well except for the dogs) and all day Saturday. Not expecting anything major. I'm going to have to make sure I go out and rent some comedies or something light to watch.
 
Damn I gotta say I have slept better during this taper then I have in awhile. Granted I am taking 1 Dipenhydramine pill and some L-Trytophan, but the problem with Alcohol is that it knocks you out but doesn't contribute to restful sleep.

Now the taper is over, I am ready to do this!
 
when you tapered did you get horrible craving trying to drink so little ?

I have a very hard time just having one or two , it makes me really depressed

Ive always drank to get drunk
 
Optimus Crime said:
when you tapered did you get horrible craving trying to drink so little ?

I have a very hard time just having one or two , it makes me really depressed

Ive always drank to get drunk
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Nothing too terrible, however I was talking long walks immediately after work which is when I would start to drink. However, for the past few years I have been more of a maintenance drinker then a get drunk drinker.

Also,I am really fucking committed to this and I've tapered before so I knew what to expect. Plus I have tons of supplements. Another way I looked at it is, "Well you are quitting friday no matter what, so why not make it easy on yourself".

If I can do it you can too!
 
its the whole quitting forever thing that scares the crap out of me , even though I know its in my best interests physically and psychologically. I really need to be on some type of downer everyday to be at peace I have a crippling anxiety disorder and alcohol helps me so much. Just like benzos used to years ago , but I got so out of control with xanax i needed off it. I think If I was put on a nice dose of valium everyday I wouldnt even need to drink anymore :)
 
^ Ya, I think it would be ideal for you if you could get some type of medication so you can transition off of alcohol. It seems like you used alcohol for this purpose when going off H, but ya, without anything else left, it puts you in a hard place. I can tell you, I was in it as deep as you are with the alcohol, with the anxiety that is truly terrifying. Not to mention your body always feeling sick, and rejecting anything you want to put into it. All it takes is a week, man. If you can go one week without alcohol, you will feel like a different person. A week is all it takes for young guys like us to get through the physical withdrawal, for the (physical) anxiety to calm way down, for sleep to return to normal, and to not feel like you need to go buy more. If you can hold out a week, you're home free. It's just ya, a week is like a year to a sober mind.

Stay strong...you were strong enough to kick H...you can do this!
 
Im getting so bad with drinking now , I cant stop

I just rode my bike yet again to fill my backpack with 40's

Saw my friend when I was on my way there and he shook his head

he's knows whats up , Im a fucking drunkard , he didnt even stop :\
 
Optimus Crime, my real problem drinking started when I kicked daily opiate use. I'm not going to lie, the drinking is not as bad as the opiates and it seemed like a good tradeoff. However now I haven't had a decent opiate habit in over a half a decade, so its just time for me to slow down.

You are self medicating, I am/was self medicating. We both realize it.

Anyways I have no plans on quitting forever, however I have things that are literally going to impact me for the rest of my life coming up now. Alcohol doesn't fit in the equation right now. After I am over that beer then I really need to quit everything else. I need to be as sharp as possible in the next 2 months.

Anyways I am doing okay right now, but the real challenge most likely won't pop up until the evening. I just took a decent amount of kava and will smoke some bud if needed. If I am able to steal a full nights sleep tonight I will be happy.
 
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