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Heroin/Opioid Thread - Serious Discussion Only

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"Graduating" to IV use spells out nothing short of disaster for any variety of addict.

Once you experience the rush of 100% bioavailability, that memory will haunt you forever on your best and worst of days, telling you deserve to feel it again as a means of either rewarding yourself, escaping yourself, or just fucking because. And it's not that you'll never forget what the rush feels like itself, because that memory fades quickly...if it lasted, then maybe it would be easier to quit.

The problem is that you forget exactly what it felt like, but you're cursed to remember exactly how quickly and efficiently it helped you to escape, so you're essentially just doomed to chase after it every time you use after the first time.

Picking up the needle is the equivalent to permanently signing over your soul (or at the very least, your peace of mind) to Satan himself. If you're thinking about doing it, don't. But you probably will anyway :\
 
Well, I've been feeling pretty good lately, for the most part. I still feel like I've dropped one or two levels of reality after quitting tramadol, but I'm sure it'll get easier with time.

The irony, though, is that I have some kind of serious back issue now, and I might need to be put on medication! Good lord. I've been taking Soma here and there, and it seems to help, but it makes me too sleepy. It metabolizes partly into freakin' meprobamate, that old school fifties type sleep aid. That's exactly what I want to be on when I'm taking a Bio test. Yep.

But more or less, I feel a lot better.

I've realized what I hate about tramadol the most. It's not the withdrawals that I would get every morning--that was remedied by the simultaneous thought of knowing you've just taken your morning dose and you'll be perfect in a half hour. It wasn't the mild tremors in my hands, nor the near-chronic low-level nausea. It was the fact that my sense of right and wrong was made so nebulous. I mean, how could what I was doing be wrong if I felt so good? My ethical center was out of wack the whole time, and I never even noticed it until, in retrospect, I really sat down and thought about it. I'm sure it's similar with most opiates, to varying degrees. I mean, I wasn't a maniac--it was just subtle things that I wouldn't have done had I not been high.
 
I thought I could use just for one time this weekend and be fine. So I diidnt take my subs for 24 hours and my friend offered to get me 2 bags if I drove him to the spot and got 2 for him as well. So I did and got pretty high and told myself I'll go back on subs tomorrow. Well that didnt turn out to well and the next day ran into the next day etc and I kept going back to cop some more until I blew all my money I had saved up recently..like $100 that was suppose to go towards school stuff and gas. So now Im back to square one after my 5 day or so binge back on subs...It just seems whenever I can get ahold of some money I run to the dope man. Sigh.

Jigsaw and eon- I feel the same way. I figured IV would cost me less in the long run since it took less to get high compared to just snorting, boy was I wrong. Quickly after I began shooting thats all I thought about and all I wanted to do. I had a bank full of money at my disposal. 5 months down the line all that money is gone and it's sad to look back at my ATM history and see everyday withdrawals ranging from $40-140 which I know went all to dope...A part of me is disgusted at myself for letting it bring me down so much but there's still a side to me that wishes I could turn back time and either change the fact I ever used or turn back time just to have all the money again so I can use "one more time"...

It's ruined my life is sooo many ways.
 
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^^^

I did the same thing but with oxy... i stopped my subs planned to take oxy for 1 day and it turned to 10 days in a row lol...... talk about no control...

today is 2nd day back on sub and i feel pretty good the switch back over wasnt too bad...

Im surprised i was able to take sub even after still having extra oxy!!
 
I keep saying tonight will be the last night - lol, that shit only happens when I run out - having trouble staying clean now that I touched it again :/. And I got more money, for one purpose. Ahhh, I love them so much tho, i dont know what id rather spend the money on :( - only thing i kno is i got a new girl who isnt down w/it at all, maybe she will influence me to not binge like this. Who knows honestly.
 
The saddest part about opiate addiction is that I actually enjoy the side effects after using on and off for so long. I know it sounds weird but when I wake up in the morning for work, I am not looking forward to the first "high" so much as getting relief from stomach cramps/diarrhea and I look forward to getting the dry nose and eyes. The addiction attacks you on such a deep level that not only the high gets you, but you become accustomed to the way opiates control your body on a daily basis so that even when I'm off of opiates, I still take kratom/loperamide almost everyday because they can mimic all the so called worst parts of the pills. Fucking sick.
 
About a month ago, I shot up and started shooting IV regualry. When my friends found out they were dvistated and they told me that knowing this was like "someone stabbed them in the heart." I thought they were over dramatising and contiuned IV use for another 2 weeks untill one of my veins hurted so bad I just stopped IV use and went back too smoking which I still do today. Today...one of my godo friends confessed he's shooting 6-7 times a day and I saw his arm and one vein had ATLEAST 9 needle marks and he only started shooting two days ago. At that moment it felt like someone stabbed ME in my heart, then I knew my friends words were geniune.

Anyone have any suggestions how too help him? I'm lost....
 
I've managed to keep major physical withdrawal at bay by tapering, but fuck, the depression after a two week H run is soul destroying. The sleep paralysis is no picnic either but it's that depression that leaves me wilted and broken.

I tell myself it'll only last a week or so, be cool and ride it out but man does it suck. I don't take my Wellbutrin after a run as the stimulant effects heightens my anxiety.

When I'm on dope all is good...I can watch youtube videos for hours and be happy and content. But when it comes time to take a break I go through hell.

I have an appointment at a detox place next week and we'll see how it goes.

/rant
 
Dopamine_Cowboy said:
The sleep paralysis is no picnic either
Click to expand...

You get that shit too??

I used to get sleep paralysis nearly every single night towards the end of my using days. As soon as I quit the opiates, I never experienced sleep paralysis again.

That shit is terrifying, too. Glad I don't have to experience it anymore. Good luck with the detox :)
 
When I'm on dope all is good...I can watch youtube videos for hours and be happy and content. But when it comes time to take a break I go through hell.
Click to expand...

Yep, thats me with poppy tea. I just like to eat, read, nod, and smoke cigs when high and I too feel happy and content. Its when the party over and the WD's come in that we pay the price.

I honestly can't imagine what it is like for you guys suffering with IV addictions. PPT withdrawals are already so bad and that is orally with crappy bioavailability, couldn't imagine intense dope withdrawals from an IV habit.
 
couldn't keep myself outta the city, fcked up and picked up more - here goes another week, shits so pathetic - but I'm so excited, which is worse ?
 
Looks like I wont make it to 30 days I already have me relapse planned out :\

I'm just going to do it once though , even though Ive said that a hundred times before
 
yeah I kinda made some plans with somebody that I dont want to bail on. Ive been thinking about it alot these past few days and I just wanna get it out of my system. I'm gonna keep it down to one dose and leave it at that. I wish I was better at keeping secrets cuz I know Im gonna blab about it to my girlfriend. But I really wouldnt wanna lie about it , that just makes me look even worse
 
Does this new girl know about your drug use? Or drug history? I know you've described her as someone far from that world. If you do relapse, will you face a battle over hiding it from her?

If it's just one time, then ok. You know your body/mind the best of anybody. Just keep it in the forefront of you mind that love is better than any drug. Really. Drugs cause euphoria, but love makes happiness. Euphoria is nice and welcomed at times, but happiness is something we all chase after to keep.
 
Yeah she knows about my history of drug use , when she met me I was shooting heroin everyday. She didn't like it but she still wanted to be with me. The more time I spent with her the more I gravitated away from it until I stopped doing it all together. I really love being with her alot but I also love getting high. It would be a very hard thing for me to walk away from forever and I think she understands that. Well at least I hope she does. I'll never be perfect and honestly I really dont wanna be , what fun is that :D
 
^ I think if you can get your heroin use down to "recreational," that would be great (and it seems like that's what you want). Why? Because then it can be viewed as a supplement to live, and not a necessity. If she was open enough to take you in under such circumstances, I'm guessing that she would be able to adapt to dating a recreational user. Especially if you are sensitive to the joys she gets that you might not understand. Be it going to a shopping mall for hours, watching chick flicks, or something completely different. I don't believe opposites attract per se, but people with drastically different resources for feeling exited should, in the end, be able to pull together and relish over such. I hope the best for you two :)
 
Isn't it more likely someone who has been addicted in the past can't just become a recreational user? I know I have been /tried to be a recreational user but it always fails. I know thats the case with a lot of addicts who are clean for awhile and think they can just go back to recreational use and everything will be alright, but they usually go downhill from there yet again...
 
^ Mostly, ya. Especially if you're using the needle with H or some of the advanced pharms. Everyone wants to believe that they can convert to a recreational user. And I am not saying that nobody could. Just to assume that you are in that minority, well, that's a BIG assumption.

Edit: @ Georgie25
 
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