sweet P - give me a text next time ur feeling down hun!
of course there r obvious factors in ur life, im aware (and im not going to share them) that cud b causing u to b depressed....but those r for u to choose to try and sort out wen/if u want to
obviously u hav a better emergency department down in waikato than the one here cos they wont take us here if were having suicidal ideations! or did u actually harm urself?????
not to put u off - ur crisis team cud b 100X better than our local one but the psych at our one diagnosed me with BPD (borderline personality disorder) after one hour-long visit....wen i was about 20!
(as some might b aware psychs rnt allowed to diagnose anyone with BPD until theyve met with them many times and covered all kinds of other possibilities, plus they cant diagnose u with BPD unless ur at least 25)
also it was blatantly obvious that i was strung out on P wen i was seen by both the crisis team and the psych that worked for them - i was skinny as fuck, my pupils wud hav bn dilated, i was shivery and twitchy and cudnt sit still, i had thin hair, probly stank of chemicals (i didnt bother showering much wen i was using) and i was picking constantly at my skin and sniffing loudly, plus i had rather obvious tracks running up my arms
my mother actually was there wen i was 'diagnosed' and she said 'i think she behaves like that because shes on P' in a kind-of 'fuck ur stupid' voice but they ignored her
we later paid for a private psych and told him wat the st lukes crisis team had said and he roared with laughter and said over half the ppl he knew whod gone there had bn diagnosed with BPD yet its a fairly rare disorder
he said until i was at least 6 months off drugs he cudnt tell us wat was wrong with me - he thought possibly OCD or even aspergers syndrome but i had to go 6 months without drugs before hed diagnose me and their (competent) team wud treat me
so i went to detox (id bn planning to anyway) for meth and opiates
6 months later i was a whole diffrent person
my psych dug deep and saw me over several sessions but from the first (drug-free) one hed already ruled out aspergers/OCD and was pretty certain i had ADHD after doing a screen test for it as well was severe GAD
a few sessions later he picked up on the PTSD and panic disorder as well
after that i did some intense CBT work with a psychologist there, starting on working with the panic attacks which i no longer hav.....plus i hav learnt much better to deal with my anxiety in general
and i was medicated for ADHD which not only helped with the frustration, inability to b at peace with myself etc, but also helped with the cravings for methamphetamine as thats basically why i use P.....to self-medicate
i guess wat im basically saying is that while u shud check out the crisis team by all means - and go into respite by all means, if u feel u need to and thats wat theyre offering (in NZ u wont likely get into a psych ward for suicidal ideations, or even attempts - last time i tried i just ended up in a police cell being handcuffed while the dumbfuck st lukes crisis team said 'there there')
keep an open mind
but if u feel that somethings not right, ur better off seeing a private psych
also, keep in mind, its really hard for a psych to work with u if ur using P as ur mood will b shifting dramatically even if u dont hav a mental illness
a competent psych will let u know this (and b honest with them about drug use - they need to know, and its nothing to b ashamed of, most sufferers of mental illness self-medicate)
FWIW im fucking glad u didnt manage to kill urself!
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
Hope your comedown isn't too rough, although from personnel experiences its pretty much always a nasty comedown for me. 
)- The more you suggest something to yourself, the more you make it your reality. Ya know? 
